Conversation with Lily

The talk I had with Master Irene had been already a few days since then, and I've been thinking recently if I wanted to confront Lily about it because of the few recent days—She still kept apologizing to me. For quite some time, I'm mulling over if accepting her apology would be a superb choice or not because even though Master Irene explained to me. It's still stupid. But, it started feeling bad. She doesn't stop apologizing to me every day. I'm feeling bad about it.

Therefore, I'm contemplating if I want to talk things out with her and hear her out. Perhaps I misunderstood her intentions. Nonetheless, it'll depend on her answer if what she reason for me sounds logical to me because I knew for a fact that her common sense differs from a normal person.

"Haah..."

Reminiscing the man getting impaled by ice is still fresh in my mind. If I wasn't careful, I would probably have been like that. The last was the closest one, as one shard pierced through my abdomen. At that moment, my quintessence had run out at the exact 30-second mark as to why it got through. I need to be more versatile and think thoroughly in any given scenario, even though I'm calm that doesn't mean I'm thinking properly.

What's more, I need to think about my academic life too. Atlas Academy, a prestigious school in the country, where all academic or great achievers exist. I'm certain I'll be discriminated on that academy.

Even if I went to the research department, I will still attend classes normally, but my time will be different as I'll be focusing all my time on researching. Plus, I can't be in the same class as the other heroines or the protagonist and will be automatically sent into D Class due to the nature of the academic system, and partially because I'm manaless.

Regardless of my efforts, if I'm identified as such; I'll be forever like that. Besides, it's better to keep a distance from the protagonist and her harem, so that my life wouldn't be in danger. If the storyline of the game would progress like that in this world. But seeing Lily, I doubt that would happen.

Furthermore, the wet dreams I'm having suddenly disappeared. Also, it's always a dream about Clara or Master Irene, not once I've dreamed of Lily or Diana ever. As if my brain is fixated on the two. It was after I fully recovered from my wound.

Now, I'm searching for Lily inside the mansion. However, there are no traces of her anywhere. Then I started searching outside of the mansion, where an immense forest awaits me. There's a chance that Lily is training in the woods because I've checked all the training rooms.

Why I'm desperate on searching for her? Simple, there's an inexplicable feeling inside my chest that's been bothering me for a while too. It's for confirmation and giving her one last chance. If she can't give me a logical answer then that's it.

While transversing the forest I stumble upon an aquamarine-blue streamwater. Springing over the rock in its way, babbling and burbling. Soft light speared down from above, reflecting on all sides of the enormous pillar of ice. It was glinting with sparkles, like thousand diamonds shining. It was Princess Lily with her long golden hair swaying from the cold breeze, standing on a big boulder.

Halting on my tracks, watching Lily practicing her flawless spirit ice ability. Although at that point I wondered, why is she practicing in the middle of nowhere? If she wanted a peaceful and quiet place, the training room should be sufficient enough as we're only a few people living together in a large mansion.

Lily then stopped and laid her eyes upon me, looking confused. Rubbing my neck awkwardly, I yelled.

"Let's talk, princess Lily!"

Lily then leaped through the air, landing in front of me.

"Um, okay. Let's go sit in the corner." Lily pointed at a huge log lying around the side of the river, and we sat there together. Of course, there's quite a distance between us.

"Master Irene talked to me, so I decided to listen to whatever excuse you got for me."

"I wanted to apologize for the last time. I didn't mean to harm you in any way. And, I'm really sorry about that. T-That time, I'm truly jealous of you because—" said Lily, being antsy, lowering her gaze.

I cut her off. "Because of Master Irene, right? She already told me what happened. But if that's your only reason, I won't accept your apology—A mere reason like that is so idiocratic. I almost got killed twice because of you if I weren't lucky the first time—I'm probably dead by now. Even though I won that time, I won't turn around and say 'All right, let's treat this it never happened.'. Sorry, but I'm not that type of person, even if you're from royalty. I don't care."

Lily's eyes weeping in tears. "I'm really sorry..."

"Even if you cried, it won't affect me. Your impulsiveness almost killed an innocent person."

"Sorry..."

"Our first meeting, you already knew that I have no mana, but you still went full head-on against me. What if I'm using some sort of magic stone to boost my physical abilities that you haven't heard of? Have you ever think of that?"

"No..."

"From my perspective, you're not testing me at that time, it's more like threatening me. That's why I find it hard to believe every word you said to me. Anyone would say they would feel threatened when your attitude to me was like a prideful spoiled princess. Don't blame me if I took it the wrong way. If you're really sincere then I'll give you one time to explain all things to me." I glanced at the weeping Lily.

Then I continued. "So, what changed your mind for you to start acting like this?"

"I-It was Master Irene... After I accidentally wounded you, Master Irene talked to me about why I did that. Of course, I told her it was an accident. She didn't believe it. And explained to me, 'Your eyes show personal hatred and a grudge against my disciple. If you can't deal with that thing inside of you—I'll send you back.'."

"So, it's for your own personal gain? Who would have kno—"

"It's not! I really didn't mean to, but I guess it came into me unconsciously—That my personal grudge affected my way of thinking, and I unknowingly harmed you even though it's not my intention. Honestly, I was excited about fighting you again.

"That's why I'm really grateful to Master Irene for accepting my request of fighting you again. But, I made a blunder during the fight which resulted in almost killing you because of that; it filled me with guilt. The words of Master Irene got stuck in my mind and became my wake-up call. And, of course, about almost killing you... Forgive me, I have no intention... Master Irene already told me no matter how many times I apologize, what's done is already done and I regret it. Sorry..." Lily bowed to me.

"Oh..." I'm perplexed by her words. I'd never imagined Lily would become this sincere on apologizing. Also, she bowed to me. What is it because of Master Irene's warning that got her? But I could feel she's genuinely regretting her actions.

"I already asked all about you from my father. And, I learned a lot about you. You found a way to achieve one, despite being born without mana. You forcibly broke the shell you're in and found a way to be reborn and keep on moving forward. While I, on the other hand, I'm stuck in my past."

I didn't expect it to be that deep, that she would start talking about herself. It intrigued me, of course.

"What past?"

Lily stayed silent for a while.

"If you can't talk about it, it's okay. Plus, I don't think I'm the right person to know—"

"No, I learned about your past. I should return the favor—When I turned 10, father threw a banquet for my celebration..."

'Wait a minute. Is this?'

"Because of that, many people gathered from different places and races. It's my first banquet made for me. Of course, I'm happy. However, something happened which traumatized me—A human male wonder—"

"Okay, stop. I don't want to hear it anymore. You're having a hard time, please don't force yourself."

"But..."

"Please, just tell me why you admire Master Irene."

I can't bring myself to listen to that story of her because I feel like a jerk at this moment. Recalling all the thoughts I have back then makes me angry that I want to punch myself in the face. Even though it happened way before, I still have the audacity to use the event that scarred her life for my own selfish gains.

I'm a piece of shit. They're a living person, for heaven's sake. And yet, I treated them as tools I can use for my own self-satisfaction. They have feelings and emotions like me, who live in the same world. I'm pathetic. For that reason, a strange tightness engulfs my chest.

"When that human male appeared, the one who saved me from that person was Master Irene. She's the one who saved me."

After saying that, my eyes widen in bafflement. "Master Irene did?"

"Yes, she's the one whom I look up to, as to why I'm pursuing to become like her. However, every time I recall what happened to me that time—It still scares me. I think that's the reason, why I envy you so much. You're abandoned and manaless, but you overcame all of it. Then you went into a process where it can even lead to killing yourself, but you still did it—I envy everything about you." Lily made a small smile.

"I'm weak. Even though I made a promise to be a stronger person for my people. I know that I'm prideful and act arrogant. I can't deny that. Father and Master Irene are the people who made me realized that part of me. A person who acts all mighty and entitled. I'm sorry for belittling you."

Not really. If I knew it, I won't have the guts to accept it. Obviously, it made me angry at first, and held a grudge against Master Irene because of that, but I learned how to accept it. It's already done, so I can't do anything about it other than accept it. Getting angry over something that's already done—It's futile. No matter what I do, I can never bring back the past.

"Wrong, I have done nothing."

"Huh—?" Lily looked at me, dumbfounded.

"Master Irene told me that my journey had just begun after that, that's why I can't say I did anything special or achieved anything. If you consider overcoming my past is an outstanding achievement—It's not. It's called understanding and accepting what happened in your life, learn to live with it. I mean, we're still kids and a lot of things will happen to us from now on. You just need to accept reality for what it is. I'm not a great person, as you may think I am. I have a lot of room that I need to improve upon."

"..."

"Learn from your past and improve or forget about it. Don't dwell too much on the past, as it'll affect you on your journey ahead of life. It was Master Irene who said that to me. It goes without saying, I'm going to engrave that phrase into my mind."

I chuckled and continued. "She may be a shitty guardian for me since she's mostly absent all the time nor a great teacher where I learned nothing the past year and relied on Clara's unorthodox way of teaching, but she did help me on how to properly hold a sword or by showing how it's done. So I copied it. Now that I realize, it's probably her way of telling me..."

The advice that I'm giving to Lily turned into a story-telling/rant.

"I don't even know what hell Master Irene has been doing in her office all day. I seldom see her during those days. She'll just go out of her office once or twice a week, not even eating dinner or breakfast; I'm always eating with Clara. Regardless of her past actions, right now, I found new profound respect for Master Irene when she started instructing me these past few days. I'm perplexed whenever she would point out my train of thoughts when fighting. It's ridiculous."

"Even just a few days of teaching, all my bad habits are getting pointed out by her and she would give me insights on how to properly correct them. She's better than I thought. Now that I think about it... How the fuck can she do that... Can she read minds? Is she a psychic?" I'm holding my chin, pondering on my thoughts.

Lily was listening to me obediently.

"Anyway forgive me for digressing, at some point in my stay here, I did hold grudge against Master Irene because she can't teach and her shenanigans really piss me off, but I learned to just deal with it—She must have a reason for it. I'm still grateful to her despite it was myself—Well, Clara is the one who's taking care of me, but you get the point"

"I'm not going to be choosy since Master Irene can provide everything for me and can protect me. I'm from the Belmont Family which means, they can still monitor my movements. I'm just being careful about it. I don't know what kind of plan they have on me, but as long Master Irene is my backer—I'll be safe. That's why learn to accept. Simple as that. I don't mean that you can instantly do it. That's why I'm only looking forward more than looking back at what already happened."

"I see...

"You see, I just wanted to live. I'm scared. I mean, everyone does. I value my own life more than anything and I value the people who are kind to me too. At first, Master Irene suggested that I can still live in my house or here. But I chose to stay here. In the end, it's still my decision. Haha, looks like I talked a bit too much." I smiled.

A while later, we stayed in silence for a while, mulling over things.

"Haha, thank you. I can't believe myself for being a jerk to you. Forgive me." Lily bowed her head.

"Hm? What are you thanking me for?"

"The things you said to me are an eye-opener. I'll try my best on overcoming it. And, please forgive me, last time. It wasn't really my intention." Lily bloomed a smile with tears falling from her eyes.

I can't stay mad because I'm filled with guilt inside my chest. Guilt took over my anger.

I chuckled. "Haha, let's have a rematch then. If you beat me next time, I'll accept your apology. How does that sound?"

"Deal!"

I then lift my fist toward her.

"What's that?"

"This is called 'fist pump', it's a way of saying we're cool and all. We bump our fists together."

"Oh!" Lily then lift her fist and bumped it into my fist.

"So we're good now?" Lily added.

"Yeah, but if you did it again. There's no next time. You got 2 strikes, lady, one more strike and you're out."

"What's does that mean?"

"It's a metaphor that means you only got one last chance."

"Oh."

After a silence, we laughed together.

I still have a lot of things I need to improve on, like my attitude and behavior. 'This world is not a game.' I need to carve that into my brain.

Soon after, Lily and I started heading back to the mansion, the sky started getting dim. However, while at it, Lily mentions something that'll blow my mind.

"Claude."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you and sorry."

"I mean, at least now, you can change."

"Yeah, thank you... Although, I'm still perplexed that Master Irene took a male human and even let you live here."

"Why's that?"

"Of course, because she's a succubus. She didn't tell you?"

"Huh—?"