chapter 22: answered love

Two weeks since Aiden and Mabel have started dating and gradually, I have started to accept him as not mine. I still do get heart-wrenching in pain whenever he tells me about Mabel, but I started to not really mind if I heard people talking about their relationship. I have stopped crying over him, that's a huge achievement. Thankfully, Aiden also has started to stop talking to me about Mabel. Good isn't it? But now that I realize it, we have started to distance ourselves. Lately he has stopped striking up a conversation with me unless he's about to talk about Mabel, painful isn't it? He only wants to talk to me if it is about Mabel, it's never about me.

At school they also have stopped spending the break time in my class. Aiden sometimes just sits at his table without going out. I used to think that they were fighting because it had been days since the last time Mabel spent the break in my class so I decided to ask him. However he told me that they were just doing fine, it was just Mabel had been busy lately. The annoying thing is that whenever I asked him about Mabel, out of kindness, he always burst the compliments of Mabel nonstop. Mentioning how they spent the last night together, how her parents approved of him, and how they wished to have five children, was just too painful for me so I decided from that day to stop caring about their relationship.

"You seem much better now Han." Saff said.

"Really? Thank you!"

"I guess you have moved on then."

"I'm sure I still have not...yet… I'm still deeply in love with him." It was so deep that even after weeks of swimming, trying to get to the surface, I was still far below. It might take years… Hopefully not.

My decision to tell Saff about my feelings toward Aiden is probably the best thing to do to move on from him. After the day I told him, he always asked me how I was doing, which comforted me. Despite already dating Sarah, he still has time to care about me and I value that.

"How is Sarah?"

"Oh don't get me started. Last night we tried a sleep video call and let me tell you, waking up and the first thing I saw was her, it was amazing. Even if it's just through the small screen, it just makes me excited if we live together." He said excitedly. I laughed at how excited he sounded. The way Saff tells me about Sarah always makes me feel relieved, maybe it's because I'm proud of my help. The only thing I wish is that, if only I felt this kind of happiness when I listened to Aiden talking about Mabel. But all I felt was jealousy.

"Han... Can I say something?" Saff asked. I nodded my head in response.

"Don't you think it's weird the way Aiden is suddenly dating Mabel? Like don't you think it was just so sudden and random?" I'm not going to lie but when they first confessed, I have a feeling that he's only faking it. Although Mabel is a really great, ideal, and seductive girl in this school, I have never seen Aiden encounter Mabel in the hallway. Mabel's class is two blocks away from mine, Aiden is not really a guy who wants to visit the other blocks so it really questioned me on how they fell in love. Was it just from rumors only?

"I do think it was random and weird at first, however, the way Aiden told me about Mabel, the way he compliments her, the way he describes every gesture she made, makes me so sure that they are dating. I am now very certain that they are dating."

*

I put the history notes into my bag as the school was already finished. I turned my head to the sound of a conversation between a guy and a girl to my left. The view of them laughing and smiling together. Suddenly the guy came closer to me.

"I'm going with Mabel so tell dad to not wait for me."

"Where?"

"XUF mall."

"Isn't that kind of far? How will you walk back home?" I asked

"I'll order myself an Uber."

"Alright... Call me if anything happens."

He smiles at me before rushing back to his girlfriend who is already waiting for him at the outside of the door. They both exchange smiles and hold hands while walking.

"I started to find Aiden annoying." I turned my head back to my right.

"Why Fadly?" I asked.

"I don't know, maybe it's the way he used to treat you like his love of life and now that he's already with Mabel he's like just treat you as if you are nothing? It just pissed me off the way he called your parents 'mom and dad' but treated you like this."

I just smile at Fadly without saying anything because I also find it annoying and frustrating. I hate the way he treats me right now, I wish he would treat me like how he used to. I wanna pretend to be his lover, I want to fantasize about our cute little interactions, I wish to be his, but his heart is already sealed for Mabel and all I can do for now is to just patiently wait until this feeling to be gone

*

"We're going out for dinner Han, you sure you don't want to join?" My mom asked

"I'm more craving for instant noodles." I lied. My parents said that they were going to the XUF mall and the chances of me seeing Mabel and Aiden together dating killed me. I might cry on the spot so I would rather let my parents be the ones who saw them than me.

I spent the night just playing with my phone. My jealousy and frustration killed the mood to study. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was already past 10pm. Aiden must have a real fun date. I chose to just go to sleep instead of being sad at the thought of him.

Just when my ass touched the bed sheet, suddenly my phone rang. I looked at the contact name and it made my heart skip a beat; however, I still picked it up.

"Aiden?"

"Han... cAn yoU pICk mE uP? I rAN oUt oF mOnEy tO oRDer an uBeR" Is he drunk? I wanted to ask that but decided to delay it.

"Where are you right now?" I asked

"At the FUX shop. Hahahaha." That's it, this guy is drunk.

"Alright... Don't go anywhere just stay there... I will pick you up."

Right after the call ended, I quickly ordered an Uber. I grabbed my jacket and changed my pants before leaving the home. While in the car, I started to get curious about how Aiden ended up at the FUX shop which is very far from XUF Mall. Did he walk all the way there?

After a few minutes of driving, I finally arrived at the place. I managed to recognize Aiden from afar right after I got out of the car. His tall and fine posture, even the view of his back already made me flutter, how I wish I could hug him from behind.

"Aiden!" I ran towards him. He then turned to his back and saw me. His cheeks are red, his eyes look tired, and his hair is messy. I hold his shoulder and shake him but he is just like a thin young tree that is shakeable but doesn't collapse.

"yoU'rE heRe"

"Aiden, did you drink? You're not legal yet!"

Suddenly he pushed me away and groaned.

"What do you know! You don't even care about me!" His drunk self did scare my heart but all I could do was just pretend like he didn't really mean or realize what he was saying.

"Where is Mabel? Is she home already?" Suddenly the nonsense sound he made stopped and lifted his head to me.

"Mabel? Oh! My precious girlfriend! The most important person is my life. You need to know Han the way she compliments me. Oh also we kissed today!"

Regret, that's the word. Now that I love you so badly Aiden, it kills me every time whenever her name comes out from your mouth. Just when I heard you mumbling her name, it already left a big scar on my heart, and now you want to mention about the way your lips touched hers?

"The kiss was so good! She kissed me like she was hungry! The way her soft lips touched mine, felt like heaven! Did I tell you that she actually invited me to her home tonight for sex? Her parents are not home but then suddenly her parents call her and-" He was stopped by the fist thrown at his shoulder causing him to back up. He groaned in pain before looking at me with a surprised expression.

"Fuck you Aiden! Just fuck you!" I said, with my right hand still clenching like a fist.

I can't take it anymore. I just had enough. If God only allows me to lose this love feeling towards him by getting rejected, then let's do it.

"You know what? Since you are drunk, let's just let it out, you're not gonna remember this anyway." I took a deep breath before letting something that I had been holding so deep in my heart out.

"How could you talk about her as if she's the best thing that has ever happened in your life to me?! How could you describe every single gesture she made and how could you tell me how much you love her? As if I am no one! As if you didn't play with my feelings with your purposefully flirting! Fuck you Aiden! You don't know! You don't know how much I dream about you every night, how much I fantasize about your words of comfort and acts of kindness! The way you made my heart skip a beat whenever you called my name, whenever you came closer to me, how slow the time felt when you smiled or hugged me, and how captivated I am by your eyes whenever you talk to me! You don't fucking know Aiden!"

"W-what are you saying Han?" His face is so lost. How could you still not get it Aiden?

"Fuck you! I like you stupid!" After all that rage, all that release of annoyance, a drop of water on my right cheek from my right eye. My vision started to become blurry and my nose felt so stuffy. I can feel that it's really coming and decided to run away.

I ran as fast as I could, the sound of him calling my name and his nerve-wracking footsteps. I tried to speed up even more as I could hear his voice become clearer. When I was about to enter an alley, my wrist was harshly grabbed and pulled. It was painful, I could scream but it was nothing when compared to the pain of hearing the name Mabel from him.

"Stop! Han... Wait, stop running!" He said between his short breaths from the running. Suddenly he stood up still and pulled my wrist into a hug. I guess he has grown taller, my head is now at the level of his chest. The feeling of comfort, it has been so long since the last time I was wrapped by this guy. I really miss it...

"Han, I'm not drunk." My face, which was buried in his chest, quickly looked up to see his face that was already looking at me. With his warm smile and slightly watery eyes.

"I have loved you for the last two years. At first, I found you annoying, but one day, I saw you helped the janitors and juniors, and it made me realize that I hate you for absolutely no reason. When I said you were cute the other time, I meant it. When I tease you, I'm probably flirting... but I'm just too dense to realize that I've been flirting with you this entire time." He stopped because ran out of breath.

"For years I have tried to get closer to you, to get your attention but only this year I managed to do so. Whenever we exchanged letters, it was the best moment at school, the only reason why I wanted to go to school even if I fell sick. People used to ship you with other boys when they saw you slowly get close to them, so I tried my everything so that people would ship us together, and it did, although it only lasted for a month, I'm still grateful for it." He continued. No, there's no way he likes me. He is a playboy. Taking advantage of people who are in love with them, I shouldn't fall for this old trick.

"Shut up you fucking liar! You are already dating Mabel! Why are you being such a bastard!" I tried to push him away to escape from his embrace but it was too tight, it was inescapable.

"Han, stop pushing, I'm serious! Han, trust me. I am not playing with your feelings. I'm being serious. Why do you think I kept getting all jealous when you were getting close to our classmates? I get jealous of them because I'm insecure. I'm jealous that they have your attention. I'm jealous that they have a piece of your heart and I don't. But now, I want some of it. I want a piece of your heart too, Han." His soft-spoken self always got me. I slowly stopped pushing him.

"Mabel and I aren't dating, we're only fake dates. I told you already, that I got so offended when you called me a liar, I don't want you to see me as a liar so I fake-dated Mabel. She agreed to help me only if I paid her. For two weeks, I spent money and worked with her to make you feel jealous of us and make you regret that you didn't like me back. However, it seems like you don't even care about me anymore and I started to regret the whole fake date." He explained.

My face is still looking at Aiden who is looking, with his head below, at me. His arms really wrapped around my whole body.

"I like you so much, Han. I dreamed of you every night. Every day I tried everything so that we could have a single sweet interaction together. I have always been jealous when I saw you received and read letters from the juniors. I was insanely mad when I heard people shipping you with Saff that I came up with a plan to throw away every letter dedicated to you. I'm so jealous of the pencil and pen that you used to bite because of your old habits. I'm so jealous of the paper that you touched with your hands. I'm so jealous of the straw you used to drink that touched your precious lips, Han. That's how crazily in love I am with you Han! Please! Please date me! I beg you, please! Let's date Han, I want to date you! I want to walk around with our hands interlocked, let all eyes see that you belong to me!"

My eyes sparkled by his words. I felt a surge of happiness in me. I nodded my head, suggesting that I agree to date. The smile of happiness, after a very long time disappearing, finally spawned on my face. The sad tears earlier changed into tears of insane joy.

"Fuck you..." With a smile on my face and the sound of a laugh, hopefully, this is not a cliche way to say 'yes'