webnovel

Inside the life of a billionaire teen

作者: ZoeTinnah
青春言情
已完結 · 72K 流覽
  • 42 章
    內容
  • 4.5
    18 評分
  • NO.200+
    鼎力相助
摘要

Give this book a try, don't judge it by the first chapter or the second one, it keeps on getting interesting chapter to chapter . Her existence was like a bone stuck in the neck . Nothing was good about her life, only bad memories filled with regret and anger . No one knew her pain apart from herself. Her life seemed good to viewers but only herself knew how messy it was. Heaven's only happiness was spending money like water , changing boyfriends like clothes, fighting and causing troubles.

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You Can’t Buy My Love

Mariela "Ella" Alvamiza, an eighteen-year-old first-year college student. She was saddened when she found her things scattered in the hallway of their building. She couldn't pay her friend the share of the rent since she sent the money to her mother. Archer Lopez came from wealthy family. He has no choice but to leave his penthouse when his dad banned him from entering unless he will come home to their mansion. He needed a roommate to share the cost of his newfound place since his beloved parents had frozen all his accounts. Mariela needed a place to stay, and she felt so happy when she found a pamphlet made from scratch paper that someone needed a roommate, and to her dismay, he was a guy, and no other than the renowned handsome and hot playboy of Nagazville University. Excerpt: "Here is the deal. I will allow you to pay 1/4 of the rent, but you have to do the laundry, the cleaning; and cook our meal; if not, you need to pay half of the rent, and one more thing, you can't fall in love with me." Archer said with confidence. "Excuse me, who said I am sharing a room with you and become your maid? How much more to fall in love with someone conceited and self-centered like you? Do you think everyone will like you because of your pretty face? I am sorry to disappoint you, but not everyone at the University is stupid." Mariela snapped at him, and he was shocked because it was the first time a girl showed disinterest in him. Mariela was broke, and she ended up living with Archer, and she found herself entangled with the most popular guy in her university. And when Ella found out that Archer was more than just a pretty face, and she gets to know the real him, she couldn’t stop herself from falling in love with him. One day Archer was compelled to ask Mariela to come home with him to their estate to pretend as his girlfriend as a protest to his parents for manipulating his life. Archer's parents asked him to dump Ella right away after he introduced her to them because they are against their relationship since she doesn’t belong to their world, and that is the time he realized his feelings for her started to get real. He couldn't stop himself from loving his beautiful roommate even if he knew she was way out of his league. Does Archer’s love for Mariela strong enough to stand up against his parents even if it means losing everything he has, including his inheritance? Can Mariela choose love over money the moment she realizes her younger sister's life is at stake and she is the only one who can save her? Warning: Have mature content in the later part of the story.

sirenbeauty · 青春言情
5.0
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Dear Zoe, Mika_Me asked me for a favor so here I am, giving you a honest review. I hope it helps :) My impression after the first chapter: The plot seems common for reincarnation/transmigration novels. If this is the case is still unknown. For now the MC only has amnesia. Your writing has some room for improvement. The grammar isn't perfect and the used tense is inconsistent. (I tried to point it out with two comments.) Maybe it would help to do some research on the times jused for writing (I am no expert as well). Then choose one and stick to it consistently for the whole story. Make this a point to check when proofreading your book as it can be hard to be consistent with it at the beginning when being immersed in writing. You tend to repeat the same words. Try to use synonyms instead. For example look at the first few sentences of chapter one: female figure/male figure. Better would be just male/female or man/woman, alternative you could say female figure and just male/man, just don't repeat figure. You have this problem with several words like yelled (alternatives: screamed, shouted etc). If you notice something like this but don't know other words, just Google for synonyms of that word. The internet is a great helper ;) Of course it's not always possible to avoid using the same word twice in a short time (like tea and tea bag or she/he etc - here try using alternative like the girl/woman/man/patient etc) but you should still try to reduce same words in the same frame. Besides this, the reading flow isn't great. It's caused because you use the symbols for direct speach (") very inconsistent and you haven't found a way to clearly show when something is an inner thought. Often it's unclear whether the people said something out loud or not and the reader therefore has to pause to figure it out. I think you should do some research and look on other web novels and how it's done there. In paperbacks inner thoughts usually are in italic letters, in webnovels I think the distinction is done with spacing. Your writing could be more detailed and give some more information about the MC besides that she's yelling and has amnesia. You already used the I-perspective so you could include more inner thoughts. This would improve the depth of the character as well and help the reader to emphasize and understand her more. The writing would seem less superficial because for now it's mostly a short description of the facts. (On a personal note, I am no fan of the I-perspective.) Maybe look the perspectives of writing up as well and consider your options. On top of that you should give a bit more detail to the surroundings. For example [She looked arround and found herself in a spacious hospital ward. Next to the door stood a man and a woman, observing her. In shock she blurted out loud: "Who are you?". The woman had a green-blue bob-cut that framed her face and wore a business outfit. The man, in business clothes as well, had short black hair and wore a pair of silver framed glasses. (I made their looks up as an example.) After taking a short glance at her confused face they resumed their previous chat and completely ignored her.] Chapter 2-5: You changed the perspective to bird view (Don't know what it's called in English. Sorry, like I said I'm no expert.) The story now is about Mirror Stephanie till chapter 5. There even seems to be a time skip to her marriage before chapter 5 begins.... I am confused. Wasn't the story about Heaven? Chapter 6: Your grammar has improved. You seem to get ei and ie mixed up often like in their or weird or hire/heir. You also like to leave the "I" out from "I am". Many of your sentences only start with "Am". In the later chapters her amnesia seems to be forgotten although it was such an important thing for the start of the story. I feel like you could have used the amnesia more. I stopped reading after chapter 18. Teen isn't really my genre. As for my thoughts on your book: I think you have and interesting plot in mind that just lacks details and more experience in writing. I could see your writing improve chapter by chapter which I really like. This shows that you should definitely stick to writing and collect experience. Your English was also getting better and better. Just read more and continue writing. I didn't check how old your writing is, so maybe you already worked on some of those issues. As for now I recommend you to download a English template for your smartphone keyboard or to use a writing program that offers a spell and grammar check for the English language (depending on how you write). This will help to improve your understanding of the English language and prevent a lot of mistakes from the beginning. I guess writing is just a hobby of yours so hiring an editor would be a bit overkill. Please don't take my criticism to heart. No, that's wrong, please take it to heart, just don't take it the wrong way. I tried my best to give you constructive criticism (positive feedback) that is helpful for you to improve further. It may seem like I wrote a lot (I did) but they are just a few points in total that I excessively talked about. Some of them are an easy fix, others need time to improve (writing experience and English grammar) but all of them are fixable if you're willing to. Also I am no writer, just a reader. It's easier to pick out flaws if you've never done the work. I am not good at writing, being creative and creating my own story just from imagination. I am just able to point out the things I notice and work on top of the basics/the words written by you. Without you doing the groundwork I wouldn't be able to suggest options for you. So please don't take me as a know-it-all. It's all based on your hard work for which I would like to thank you. Looking at your comments and reviews you have some loyal readers that enjoy your work, so please continue doing what you do. I hope I was of some help and I wish you all the best for the future dear Author-san 💜

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