-Of course you aren't-

---

As Ammy thought, Liu-Dag doesn't last long.

I'm not exactly nice to him, but I'm not mean either. I set him up with his own room and assign him a few cleaning duties around the house. It's not like I haven't forced Pyronica to clean up the living room a few times. Really, despite the fact that I now OWN him, I'm being incredibly lenient. He has a place to live, I feed him, cloth him and all I ask in return is he sweep the floor, bring us snacks and wash the dishes.

Sure I put him in a maid outfit but it's not like it was an indecent one.

But he complains CONSTANTLY. Raging about the indignity of it all. Whining about how a great lord like himself is reduced to a mere slave. Muttering about how he'll find a way to escape and take revenge upon Hubart. He can't even be bothered to do his job correctly. I twitch in irritation as he just sweeps the same spot over and over, making NO progress at all.

"Ok that's IT!" I fume as I slam my scissors into the table. Liu-Dag jumps and stares at me with wide eyes as I float menacingly towards him. I can hear Pyronica going "Ooh~you're in for it now~" in the background. She didn't really like Liu-Dag, probably because he keeps referring to her as 'woman' and the only thing that kept him from being fried and eaten was the fact that he was MY toy and I'm in charge of his punishments.

"I have been NOTHING but patient with you! And how do you repay my kindness? By being a complete DICK about EVERYTHING! I OWN YOU. Do you even know what that MEANS?!"

He can't even answer, he's just cowering on the ground. "It means I can do WHATEVER I want to you. I could rip you open and play with your entrails. I could shave you naked and sell you to a brothel in Dimension S3X! I could rearrange the functions of every hole in your body so you eat through your asshole and spew shit from your EYES!"

"Finally! Augh, I was getting sick of having this guy around. He is not a good toy." Pyronica remarks as she settles on a couch to watch the show. Ammy hands her a bowl of chips from the kitchen through his blocks and the two munch on the snacks while I terrorize my minion.

"Really though! What did you THINK would happen if you sent someone else to make your Deal FOR you? Did you think he would happily be sacrificed for your sake? He made me a Deal and offered YOU as payment. I'm starting to think HE got the better end of the bargain here because you are just...AWFUL!"

I flick my fingers and Liu-Dag cries in surprise as he's suddenly seated in a chair. "Talk to me kid. How do you think I'm supposed to deal with you? What do you think I should DO with you? Clearly you don't enjoy being allowed to have your own room, being allowed to eat the food that I painstakingly cook for everyone, being allowed to walk around and use the many nice amenities in this household, don't think I haven't noticed you playing with the Jacuzzi. So what do you WANT? Do you want me to lock you in a dungeon and have my wicked way with you? Is that what you want, you UNGRATEFUL waste of space?!"

"I..."

"Well? Speak up kid."

"I am a lord of the Triads! Not some servant! It is beneath me to perform such labor!"

"Well I love to break it to you kid. I don't give one flipping fuck who you are. But if you're really so unhappy here, the door is that way." I gesture to the giant arching front door leading out into the void of space.

"I don't want to leave, I want my body back! That buffoon is in my body and he is going to ruin EVERYTHING I have been working for! My empire will be destroyed under his rule!" Liu-Dag protests. "I want you to switch us back!"

"No can do unless Hubart decides to call off our Deal." I say with a careless shrug. "Also, he's doing quite the fine job in your place. He's actually signed multiple treaties with the other leaders, taken your fiancée out on a few dates, treated her well, even confessed the truth of who he really is...she's fine with it, likes HIM a whole lot better than she ever liked YOU. Also, half the reason he's doing so well is because he's been listening to her advice, which YOU never bothered to."

Liu-Dag's eyes are growing wide "You lie!"

"You wanna see?" I ask, creating a screen displaying the images seen through one of my many 'eyes' scattered throughout the universe. On it, Hubart (now in Liu-Dag's slender reptilian body) was sitting beside a female of the species, her scales a beautiful shimmering opal color. They were bent over some paperwork and she was helping him read through them as they discussed various financial decisions. Hubart looked very happy and I coo as Frei-Sha (the fiancée) twirled her tail around his affectionately.

A Deal with a happy ending always made me feel all fuzzy inside. I'm not sure if it's because I'm happy or suffering indigestion. However, the outraged despair coming off Liu-Dag was delicious and I eagerly absorbed it. Mm~I can almost taste his tears~

"You have no place to return to. Everyone likes Hubart better. So you can either suck it up and be my minion properly, or you can leave and try to make a new life for yourself. I'll grant you at LEAST the chance to choose." I'm too merciful, I know that, but at the same time, Liu-Dag hasn't really gone out of his way to piss me off, he's just a lazy asshole.

He left.

I burned my mark onto him as a reminder, because the Deal was still on. He still belonged to me. I've simply left him to his own devices.

"So he wasn't Friend material?" Ammy asks in that straightforward way he does. "Naw, I couldn't stand him and neither could Ronica. What? Did you like him?"

"No, I can't say that I do. He was incredibly dull."

"Then there's no problem with him leaving." I turn to float towards the bedroom areas so I could trash his room but Pyronica waves to get my attention. "What's up Ronica?"

"Why didn't you destroy him? I've seen you do much worse to others just for looking at you wrong."

I contemplate her question. "Because he belonged to me. I don't want to lose my toys, even if I don't play with them." I respond at last. Because what other reason could there be? I think I'm developing a possessive streak. I already realized that when Xanthar first moved in. He was mine. Mine, and mine alone.

This was probably an unhealthy mentality.

Part of me was sad that Liu-Dag didn't want to be my friend. Are Bill's henchmaniacs the only creatures capable of being my friends? Were the powers of Canon that strong? I resolved to not give up hope. There had to be more people out in the multiverse who would be willing to be my friend.

I hoped I could find them.

---

I decided to introduce everyone to Jheselbraum. It...seemed like a good idea at the time. Besides, Xanthar missed his auntie Jessie.

"So...is she your girlfriend?" Pyronica asks as she stares at the elegant woman wrapped in flowing robes. Said woman actually gives us a disgusted look. "Most certainly not." Jheselbraum says.

"Ew, no, Jessie's like...my cousin or sister…or niece?"

"I find this description of our unfortunate acquaintance just as abhorrent as the previous one."

"Oh sure, tell me how you REALLY feel huh Jessie?" I roll my eye. Pyronica just looks confused.

"Cousin?"

"She's the high priestess of someone who's kinda like family to me..."

Jheselbraum twitches. "Please stop claiming familial relations with the Great One."

"Oh PLEASE~Ax practically raised me. What am I supposed to think of him as?"

"High priestess? Ax? Wait...are you talking about the AXOLOTL?!" Pyronica gasps at me wide eyed.

"Yeah. Big finny guy? Sleeps constantly?"

"Such disrespect-!" Jheselbraum stands up angrily.

"Hey! I have nothing BUT respect for Ax! I owe him more than I can ever repay! And for your information, he LIKES it when I call him by nicknames!"

"I will never understand the concept of respect..." Ammy sighs.

"Wait! Wait! The AXOLOTL himself raised you?!" Pyronica's eye was wide as she pales.

"Well, yeah? He took me in after my homeworld was destroyed."

"Because YOU destroyed it." Jheselbraum says with the barest hint of contempt in her calm voice.

"That was an accident and you know it." I hissed at her as my bricks flickered red for a second.

"Intent does not excuse action." She says.

I'm trembling. What the hell? What the actual hell?! She knows how much this upsets me! Why does she have to bring it up?! Right here and now?! In front of my friends?!

"Destroyed?" Pyronica asks as she stares at me disbelievingly. I can feel my panic rising. No, no I don't want Pyronica to know about that!

"Is this that thing where someone doesn't respect you even though you're nice to them?" Ammy speaks up.

I blink and look at Ammy who's glancing at me and Jessie. There's a cold feeling inside me.

"Jheselbraum. Is that true?" This wasn't even about respect, it was about what Jessie really thought about me. This can't be true right? I know she doesn't like me but Jessie KNOWS me. She knows who, what I am. She knows how important I am. She knows how much I hurt inside.

"I hold no respect nor affection for you. Why should I give you any regard when you clearly cannot do the same?"

"I have always respected you. I've always cared about you." I say quietly.

"You are incapable of such things. You can't even understand the concept."

"Are you still mad about the maid outfit?! It was a joke!"

"That is always how it is with you. A joke. A mockery."

"I thought we were friends. That's just how I am! You KNOW this!"

"I know that you are a child who wastes his time playing around, incapable of any serious thought to the consequences of his actions."

"I'm OLDER than you!" I fume. Quick bursts of flame leaking out from my seams as the burning rage within me threatens to escape.

"And yet. You are the one throwing this tantrum over simply stated facts."

"You KNOW I have problems controlling my emotions and powers! You KNOW why I am the way I am!"

"You use that as an excuse each time and yet you do nothing to improve yourself."

"You don't even understand HALF the shit I have to go through! You don't even know how hard I'm trying!" I'm breathing harshly as I try so hard not to blow up. I'm burning inside. It hurts. It hurts so much. Like having hot coals shoved inside your stomach. "I expect this shit from Time Baby! Not you! I thought you were smarter than that." I growl. "But apparently you're just as stupid as HE is!"

I can't stay here. I was so angry. Despite how much she's hurt me, I still loved Jessie and I won't allow myself to lose it here. Not here. I turned angrily and snarled. "We're leaving. Come on Xanthar."

Xanthar sadly climbs out of the fountain and walks over to the rest of us. I'm gathering my power to teleport home. I couldn't leave without knowing why though. "Why? Why are you going out of your way to hurt me? To drive me away?" I ask.

"I am the Oracle. The high priestess of the Great One. I cannot continue associating myself with the likes of you."

I laugh at her. Loud, cackling and hysterical. She takes a step back. "What is so amusing?"

"Ahahaha! D-do you even know WHY you're Ax's high priestess?" I gasp, clutching my bricks tightly.

"I was chosen by him. Out of all the shrine maidens brought before the altar. He chose me."

"Bzzzt! Wrong!"

She blinks at me in offended confusion.

"I remember that day. I was there. Sitting together with Ax in that space between spaces and watching the ceremony. When you were all brought before the altar and they all prayed for a sign from him to chose one of you...hahaha...do you know what Ax said?"

"What?" Jheselbraum was beginning to look uneasy.

"He said -It doesn't matter, just pick someone for me- and then he went back to sleep!" I laughed uproariously. This was hilarious. Fucking hilarious.

Jheselbraum had gone pale. "No. Lies. You're lying!"

"Oh Jessie. You KNOW me. You know I don't lie about things like this. Why would I lie to you? When the TRUTH causes you so much more pain~" I sneer. I remember the look on her face when the clouds parted and the light shone down on her. That joy she felt for being personally chosen by the Great One himself. It was so cute.

She collapses to her knees, eyes wide in horror. I laugh viciously. "Don't worry so much Jessie. No one knows except us. And who am I going to tell? It's not like anyone would believe me. The universe is full of idiots who think I need to LIE to get what I want."

I float up and squint my eye into a wide grin. "You of all people should know me well enough to know that the TRUTH causes more chaos and destruction than any lie I could make up..."

With that last parting comment, I teleport me and my friends back to the base. Pyronica is watching me cautiously. Quietly contemplative in a way I don't normally see. "Are you alright Bill?"

My rage has died down. The pain I've caused Jessie by revealing the truth I've hidden for so long did wonders for feeding and satisfying my desires. I felt great. But also...

"I'm not alright." I say honestly. "But I will be. Just...I just need to be alone for a while..." I blink away back to the Nightmare Realm where I'm free to rage and destroy to my heart's content. Here, I can't hurt anyone. Here I can easily fix anything I break.

Here I can forget that anything I break out there isn't so easily fixed. I won't be allowed back in Jessie's temple from now on. I know her. I know her better than anyone, even Ax. Because Ax doesn't care, he cannot ALLOW himself to care. He cannot involve himself in the world outside, keeps himself sealed in the space between spaces and doesn't bother.

I look around the Nightmare Realm. A space between spaces. Made just for me. A place where I could just stay and ignore the outside world. I angrily blast a hole through the upside-down mountain. Fuck that. I'm not Ax. I'm ME. And I'm not going to just hide myself away because I don't want to deal with the world.

I don't blame Ax for doing so. The world is stupid and unfair and painful. But I've see the good that exists out there as well. Few and far between but it's there. Pyronica's laughter. Xanthar's soft fur. Ammy's endless questions about the most inane things. Ax's quiet patience.

I'm not giving up on the world yet.

---

"So...the AXOLOTL raised you?" Pyronica asks quietly when she finds me later that night sitting at the edge of the front entrance. Is this just the place to go for late night heart to hearts?

"Pretty much. I still visit him often. I'm the only visitor he gets. Not many people are capable of reaching the space between spaces."

"What's he like? In person? Even on my planet we've heard stories about him. The Great One. A being of infinite mercy and wisdom. The most powerful creature in all of existence." She sits down next to me as I kick my legs back and forth.

"Well I'm not sure if his reputation hasn't been exaggerated but...Ax is very nice. He's patient with me. He's always there when I need to talk to him, mostly I just complain about my day." I kinda feel bad about that.

"He never judges me for the many horrible things I do, the many mistakes I make. Just accepts me for who I am. He gives good advice when I ask for it. I know he cares for me, in his own way." If I'm a Chaotic Neutral then Time Baby is Lawful Neutral and Ax is a True Neutral. That's a good way to explain it.

"But...I have never once heard of the great AXOLOTL actively helping anyone. He's known as He Who Sleeps Eternally. They say that a sign of his mercy is that he won't interfere with the lives of mortals. So why would he take you in? Even if you..." Pyronica is frowning as she tries to puzzle out what made me so special that I could sit at the side of the Great One himself and speak so casually about him.

"Bill, just who ARE you?" She asks at last.

I don't respond for a long time. I just look out at the many galaxies swirling around us, billions of light years away, I remember when that star system formed. I remember pointing at it in delight and nudging Ax to make him look at it too. He humors me, indulges me. Mentor, big brother, father, there were so many words I could use. None of them were truly accurate to describe our relationship.

The AXOLOTL was someone precious to me. A lone light within the darkness. The spot of hope I know will always be there. Unchanging and unmoving. As much as I needed his reassuring presence to ground me, he needed me to be his equal and opposite. The Time Giants had been the only things in this world as old as him. They died and left him alone with just Time Baby who is always busy. How lonely must Ax have been? I was born for HIS sake. So that he would have a partner. Someone to exist by his side so he would no longer be alone.

Someone who would exist forever just like he would. I'm barely 31 billion years old by this point and I'm already so...tired. How must he have felt? The knowledge from his alternatives informing him that I would be born someday. How long had he waited to meet me? Even with the knowledge of the other Bill Ciphers, their insanity, their violence, he still sought me out. Swimming through space to find me at the center of an explosion strong enough to create the universe.

"I'm just Bill Cipher." I say at last. Because that's the truth. I may not have been the intended Bill Cipher, but I AM Bill Cipher. The counterpart of the AXOLOTL.

First the first time, I was happy to be Bill. I was happy that I exist. Here and now. I am Bill Cipher and I exist so that Ax will not be alone anymore.

---