-Made enough mistakes-

—

It felt strange going home after my concert. I haven't seen everyone for an entire lifetime. I felt like a stranger. I was nervous. Twitchy. I think they could tell something was wrong.

Of course, the fact that I burst into tears and tackled Xanthar in a hug the instant I saw him might have been a good indicator that something was wrong. Through my hysterical sobs I think I managed to tell everyone about my summoning and the attempted binding ritual. I'm not sure my explanation made much sense but they got the gist of what had happened.

Pyronica picked me up to cradle in her arms as I continued babbling. "You just can't get a break can you?" She sighs sadly. I wail. "I missed you all so much!"

"Alright, don't go to a summoning without checking first." Hectorgon gave me a worried look. "In fact, I believe you should take one of us with you just in case something like this happens again."

Was he suggesting...

"Y-you think I need a chaperone?!" I sniffle. He sighs and nods solemnly. "You need an adult."

"I am an adult..." I protest.

My friends give each other a Look™ before Pyronica gently takes my hand. "Bill. We don't care how old you are. We don't care how mature or immature you are. That doesn't matter." I absently realize I was sitting in her lap. "What I'm trying to say is...you're not entirely an adult. Emotionally at least." Pyronica says clearly. I'm confused. "I...don't understand?"

"Bill. Let us help you. You've always taken care of us so it's our turn now. Ok?"

I still don't entirely get what she means but I knew they just wanted to help me. I nod slowly. "Alright...you just want me to bring you along for my Deals?"

"And make sure you check before answering a summon." Ammy says sternly. Is EVERYONE going to lecture me today? I was a little indignant. "...fine..." I spent the rest of the day snuggling with Xanthar. I tried my best to have everything go back to normal.

It almost worked until I accidentally closed the oven door on my fingers while cooking and started laughing hysterically. Everyone was quite alarmed when I began repeatedly slamming the door on my arm while cackling. Pyronica was forced to physically pull me away and let Hectorgon take over in the kitchen until I came down from my high.

I could tell how distressed everyone was. I tried my best to act cheerful so they wouldn't worry so much. I just wanted things to go back to how they used to be. I took the whole group out to amusement parks and restaurants. I found some more bowling alleys. We went to the Bounce House dimension (which kinda got set on fire....again). I hosted more concerts. I carefully answered my summonings (with Pyronica, Hectorgon or Kryptos supervising, it was rather irritating to feel like they couldn't trust me to do this on my own). I observed Xin's worshipers in their day to day life, nibbling on their feelings of gratitude like one would snack on a Ferrero Rocher (layers of worship! Happiness, gratefulness and a thick devotion filling!)

I spent a few weeks with Jessie as I worked on another book. I tried to keep myself constantly occupied so that I wouldn't have to think about how fucked up I was (so I wouldn't feel that hunger come back, that craving for wondrous stimulation). She noticed of course. She got the full story out of me and was horrified to say the least.

"The worse part is that...I wish he hadn't killed himself because I wanted to kill him myself." I confessed. "Does that make me a bad person?"

Jessie was brushing my hair as we sat together late at night. I leaned into her touch. If there was one upside to all this, it was that I enjoyed embracing people again (so long as they were someone I trusted). Jessie sighs. "I think it makes you a scared and angry person. He shouldn't have done that to you."

"You sound like Ax." I whispered as I nuzzled into her side.

I debate if I should bring up the other thing that had been bothering me. Being inside his body...possessing the body of a living creature that wasn't just one of my constructs...it felt very nice. Inhabiting a real body. I could almost sleep. I wanted to try that again. I wanted to be inside someone again. It felt wonderful, even under those awful circumstances. Fuck, it felt better than pain. Oh~what would pain inside a REAL body feel like?! I shivered just imagining it.

I didn't know how to explain this feeling in words so I decided not to talk about it. I'll tell her some other time. That's when my necklace began buzzing. A summoning. Oh. I should go get one of my friends. I sadly give Jessie my goodbyes and Blinked back to the Death Star.

They were in their night cycle as well. I checked on everyone but they were all asleep. Should I wake someone? But I don't want to bother them. I Looked at who my summoner was and what they wanted. Safe. No binding rituals anywhere and no malicious intent. Just a simple, straightforward Deal. I give my friends one last glance before Blinking away. I'm not a baby, I don't need them constantly hovering over me.

---

An alien that I can only describe as the stay puff marshmallow man in a suit grinned at me. "Hello Bill Cipher."

"Hello to you too mister FloofyDoof."

He puffed up in embarrassment. "Just Floof is fine." Quickly regaining his composure, the marshmallow man straightened his suit. "So I've called you here because I need-"

"-to see why your business rival mister Nuttymeg has been doing so much better than you." I finished. He blinks. "How did you-?"

"I know lots of things." I leaned back on my cane, easily slipping back into a confidant and suave (in my opinion at least) persona. I'm not weak. I'm not scared. I'm the one in control.

Floof wrings his hands. "Ah...well...that saves me the trouble of explaining. So yes. I want to know why that slop of a man is doing so well. He's an awful businessman. He makes terrible decisions! Always had. You know he once thought that the way to get out of having to pay his workers was to fire them all before the end of the week?"

I wince. "Well he sounds like an absolute tool."

"I know right?! So how is he suddenly doing so well?! There's no way! He must be doing something nefarious!"

"Ah huh?" A quick Look revealed no triangles for a quick and easy answer. I'll have to do this manually. It's been a while since I've had to do that. "So, I find out how he's cheating? That's what you want?"

Floof nods. "What will I owe you?" He asks. I "Hm~" as I ponder it. "Oh. Actually, I've got something real simple for ya." I grin as I stare down at him. "You run that gelatin factory right? Have you ever considered adding sugar to it?"

Floof looks confused. "Add...sugar? What?"

I leaned in and grinned at him. "I'm about to make you a separate deal. A partnership actually. You see, I have a recipe for a little something that will probably make you rich~"

He gives me a considering look. "Tell me more..."

I cackle. "Well first you need to make sugar, I can teach you that easily enough. But you see there's this funny thing that happens when you mix gelatin with sugar and water..."

---

One Deal and one business Deal later (I get info on Nuttymeg, he puts my symbol on his product packaging, I give him the recipe for sugar and marshmallows, he gives me free unlimited access to them), I was infiltrating mister Nuttymeg's factory. So far everything looked on board. The safety regulations were being upheld. The workers seemed happy enough. I admit I spent a few minutes watching the machines work. How it's made, eat your heart out~

With great effort I tore my eye away from the conveyor belt and went to go find the boss of this here buttered nuts factory. Mister Nuttymeg was easy to spot. He looked like a giant peanut wearing fancy robes and a furred boa. Was that Indigo Minx fur? That shit's expensive.

I snuck closer and peered into his mind. Tell me your secrets~

I couldn't get anything relevant off his surface thoughts. I'll have to go deeper. I brushed against his mind and flicked through the images. His contracts. His new business ventures. His secret weapon for making decisions. Secret weapon huh?

Some sort of...what was I looking at here? A large green creature...?

I'm gonna have to break into Nuttymeg's house to find this thing. Easily done. I kind of wanted to have fun with this Deal so I Blinked outside his house dressed as a ninja.

Truly I am the master of stealth.

Humming the mission impossible theme to myself, I peered up at the windows and materialize some tools to mess with the locks. "Dun dun dada Dun dun dada Dun~" I fiddled with the lock. There was a click.

I look at the broken lockpick.

Ok. So I don't know how to pick locks. That's Keyhole's thing. I grumble and toss the lockpick aside, it unraveled before it hit the ground as I dematerialized it. I COULD just teleport in there but I don't wanna~

I want to see if I could pull this off without ALL my powers.

I do realize it's hypocritical of me to go on a heist on my own after telling off Teeth for doing it but I'm a hypocrite so fuck that noise. I pull at the window but it doesn't budge. I frown and create a small, super hot flame at the end of my finger. I burn a triangle shape through the glass and shrink down to slip through it.

"Dun dun Dan~ dun dun Dan~"

Maybe I shouldn't be singing out loud to myself but I couldn't help it. I jumped off the windowsill and climbed up along the walls. The people on this planet built their houses upside down for some stupid reason. I materialized a grappling hook and pointed it at a chair.

I let out a "Weee!!!" as I swung around. Shrinking down made this whole thing feel like a real adventure. I needed some light hearted fun. Something simple. It made me feel a little better. I could easily just use my powers and finish this Deal but I was stalling. I needed some time alone to work through my feelings.

I'm...glad my friends want to help. I'm glad they cared enough that they wanted to come with me. But having them treat me like some fragile little baby was...annoying. I know Pyronica found some of my Deals distasteful. She didn't like the greedy people demanding stuff from me, even though she knew they get what was coming to them as my curses ran rampant.

She tried to convince me to stop making Deals altogether. Tried to tell me I didn't have to answer summons. She doesn't understand. None of them do. My existence was meaningless. I'm just expected to cause disorder, chaos and death. I'm supposed to dish out the knowledge people need in order to destroy each other. So if there was even just the SLIGHTEST chance I could do SOME good, I had to take it. Despite my best intentions however, my powers preferred to mess with people instead.

It's why Deals that cause harm to my client or the people around them make me feel so good. Teaching people the chemical formulas for poisons or giving them the knowledge needed to construct doomsday devices? That shit feels AMAZING.

I am one very fucked up creature.

How did CanonBill deal with this? This feeling of accomplishment whenever I cause something awful to happen? I know my timeline is not Canon. Too much has changed. But I cannot deny the similarities. I looked around me as I grappled around the room. Deep introspection made for a good distraction but I still had a job to do.

I could feel it now. There was someone in the house. I know it's not mister Nuttymeg. He was still at work and wouldn't be back till evening. Was this other person the so called Secret Weapon? So much of this building was covered in metal. It made everything hard to See. I grapple-swung around to the other rooms with a hoot of laughter.

The presence I feel is coming from the basement so I head up there. It was incredibly dark and I'm ashamed to say that I still get creeped out by dark basements and things like it. I know that I'm scarier than any demon or ghost I might meet but this shit's creepy. I look around for a light switch to make myself feel better.

The lights flickered on and then continued to blink on and off. Fuck. That made everything worse. I held onto the railings and slowly climbed up the stairs. Yes I was trembling. Yes this was irrational but basements and attics are just creepy.

My singing turned into little mumbles as I climbed the railing. The flickering lights made everything so threatening. I heard the sounds of chains and a low guttural growl. I definitely did NOT "Eep!" turn into a snail, stick to the side of the wall and hide in my shell. After a few seconds of nothing happening I slowly peeked out and began making my way up the wall.

Ok, no. This was gonna take forever. I turned back into myself, shrunken into a tiny 3 inch long triangle and floated alongside the railing. I could duck behind it if something scary showed up.

The growling sound came again. Now that I was aware of it, I found myself curious instead. Was there an animal up there? Was Nuttymeg keeping some poor creature chained up? I peeked over the edge of the door and looked around the basement.

There were two glowing eyes. The lights flickered again. I blinked at the thing in front of me. It looked familiar somehow...

The lights went out and I heard the creature whimper. I float away from the door and hover in front of it. For stealth reasons I turned my glow off so the only light were the odd infinity loop shaped glowing spots of this thing's eyes.

The lights turned back on stayed on, giving us both a proper look at each other.

He screams and I scream.

(We all scream for ice cream?!)

We both screamed at each other for a bit before I smack myself across the face. "Ok. No. Stop. We're not doing this anymore." He was still screaming so I slap him too. "Enough!"

He quiets and blinks slowly, examining me. I tilt as I stare at him. "....8...ball?" It was hard to tell with him hanging upside down like this. I flip myself to float upside down. Oh. Much better. "8-Ball!" I cried happily. I found him! Does that mean I've found all Bill's friends? Do I get a prize?

He blinks. "Who're you?" He asks. I grin. "Hello there. Name's Bill Cipher. What brings you here big guy?" Chained upside down in the basement of a nut butter tycoon. He certainly looked like a prisoner. He shrugs. "Just hangin' and stuff."

I snort with laughter. "That cannot be comfortable." He shrugs again. "It's not." He seemed pretty chill with it despite his situation. I looked around. "So how'd you end up in here?"

"Master bought me on the void market." He says simply. I got the distinct feeling this guy wasn't very good at keeping his mouth shut…nor was he very bright. If I had been a Federation officer I could have used his confession to launch an investigation on Nuttymeg's criminal activities. Slavery is illegal. Officially anyway. It still happens under different terms and titles.

If money exchanges hands through legitimate channels pretty much anything is legal. The void market was...a bit of a gray area. There were plenty of legitimate business happening there along with the illegal stuff. I DID manage to sell porn there. I was disguised of course because it was way too embarrassing to do so otherwise.

Either way, I can't just free 8-Ball. I can steal him away from Nuttymeg but then he'd be able to sue me. I really didn't want to deal with that. I pondered what to do. "Do you...like being here?" I asked the large green ogre.

He shrugs. "Not really. I can't move and master doesn't feed me enough." I frown. "Why does your master keep you here?"

"Because of my eyes." 8-Ball says sadly. "He asks me a question and then he smacks my head and my eyes tell him what to do."

"Magic 8 balls huh? Well that would explain Nuttymeg's new business practices...so your eyes really work for this kind of stuff?" I squint at his eyes, searching for any truth to his words.

"I wouldn't know. I can't see my own eyes." 8-Ball shakes his head and his eyes made little whirling sounds. I peered at them when they stopped spinning.

Signs point to yes

Oh. That's actually pretty cool. "Do you mind if I ask your eyes a few things?" I reach out a hand near 8-Ball's face. He shrugs. "Sure. Just don't hit me too hard. Master does that sometimes."

I make a mental note to plague mister Nuttymeg with nightmares for the next month or so. I pat 8-Ball softly. "No worries big guy. I'll be gentle." I was curious just how these eyes functioned.

"Does Keyhole have a crush on Pyronica?" I ask before gently shaking his head. The eyes roll.

Yes. Definitely.

"Does he have any chance with her?"

Cannot predict now

Yeah that's fair. "Does 8-Ball want to leave this place?"

Signs point to yes

I look at 8-Ball who seemed confused. "You DO want to leave here right?"

He looks sad for a second. "I don't like it here very much. But there's nowhere else I can go...I'm not all that smart and I'm not good at doing anything." He sighs. "At least here I'm useful to master."

"I'm sure you have more worth than that. If you want to leave I can help. If you don't have anywhere to go you can stay with me? At the very least I can feed you as much as you want?"

He seemed quite happy at the prospect. Reminded me of an excited puppy. I wondered what I could do. If I just take him that would be stealing. But if he escaped on his own...

"Hey kid. I've got an idea."

---

Nuttymeg returned home to find snapped chains and broken furniture. He cursed angrily at the fact that his advice slave had escaped. His natural ability to make bad decisions meant he called the police to report that his slave had escaped.

He was arrested ten minutes later.

I informed Floof of the successful day on my end. He asked "But did you find out how he was suddenly doing so well?" I just grinned and told him "He was taking advice from fortune telling." Floof looked incredulous "Really?!"

I shrug nonchalantly. "Don't know if that stuff really works but he certainly believed it. Ah well~" I tipped my hat to him and Blinked back home.

I need to help 8-Ball set up his room and explain what it meant to be my friend. He was quite eager to make the Deal, though I feel like he wasn't exactly the brightest bulb of the bunch. I might have rushed it a bit, what with befriending him right after meeting him but I was just so happy to find the last of CanonBill's named friends.

I even had a couple Eye bats that sometimes spawned from PaciFire's 2nd mouth (apparently it sometimes became a portal between him and a cave where he had been born. The Eye bats would fly out of the cave only to end up with us instead). He couldn't control them like what I remember from the show so they normally just flew around and did their own thing. They were kinda like pets. Paci and Hectorgon were attempting to train them. Kryptos tried to house train them. After I snarled at them for pooping on the floor the bats were quickly house trained, or maybe they're just too scared to poop anymore?

Back to 8-Ball though, I know it was incredibly irresponsible of me to Friend him without getting to know him or letting my other friends in on this decision but I was impatient. Hopefully this'll work out alright.

---

Pyronica glared at me. "Bill. Who is that guy eating everything in our pantry?" Her tone was accusatory. I look away sheepishly. "Um...he followed me home. Can we keep him?"

She didn't look amused. I whimpered. "Ok I found another friend and he was chained upside-down in some jerk's basement! What was I supposed to do? Leave him there?!"

She sighed. "I'm not mad you brought him home. I'm mad you didn't bring one of us with you. Bill, we told you to bring us with you."

"I checked beforehand! No binding circles, no malicious intent, it was fine! I don't need a babysitter!" I snapped, annoyed that they seemed to think I can't do anything on my own. I've been on my own longer than any of them have existed! It's been so...DEMEANING these past few months with everyone treating me like some kind of invalid! I was PERFECTLY FINE!

"Well you shouldn't have gone behind our backs to a summoning anyway!" Pyronica snaps back, irritated that I had purposely chosen to go without one of them. "At least tell us where you're going or leave a note so we don't worry."

"I don't make you guys inform me whenever YOU go out! I'm not some prisoner on parole!" I growl "I can take care of myself! I've been doing this by myself since before you were born!"

Our argument was starting to get heated. Literally. Blue and white fire blazed around us as we snapped at each other. Everyone else was cowering in the hallway outside the living room.

"So WHAT?! You're the one who comes home crying about it!" She screeches.

"Well if I knew you were just gonna treat me like a damn BABY than I wouldn't have fuckin' told you about it!" I raged back. I was a deep red by this point but Pyronica wasn't backing down. I didn't like the way she towered over me so I grew larger until I could look down on her.

She scoffs. "And then what? You'll go cry in secret as if that's any better?" She pitches her voice up in a mocking tone "Oh waaaah! Someone was mean to me so now EVERYTHING is awful forever and no one loves me because I'm a big dum dum!"

"Shut UP! That's not how it is and you know it!" I fumed.

"Oh look at me~I'm Bill Cipher~I'm an all powerful demon but I can't even handle people hurting my feelings~" Pyronica whined.

"Shut up! I sound NOTHING like that!" I screeched. The living room was starting to burn. Kryptos was whispering to Ammy "Has this ever happened before?" The Amorphous Shape shook his head, shivering as he watched the two matriarchs of this household scream at each other. "I've never seen them get into a serious argument before..."

"You're just babying me to make yourself feel superior 'cause you still can't get yourself a man!" A low blow and I knew it, but I was just so...MAD. Pyronica freezes for an instant before her expression turns truly murderous.

"At least I'm not some billion year old virgin!" She snarls. "I bet you can't even get it up and that's why you've never done it!" With her feelings hurt, she responded back in kind.

"My piece works just fine! At least I'm not all loose from riding cock every other week like some SLUT!"

That was the last straw. Pyronica shrieks and lunges at me. We fall over screeching and clawing at each other. I can hear the others panicking. My attacks didn't leave any true damage as I mainly scratched at her skin and shoved her. Even angry as I was, I didn't really want to hurt her.

Pyronica didn't have the same problem. She's never held back during a fight before (never had a reason to) and I could feel her claws raking at my bricks (I try to ignore how nice it feels). I shoved her off me but she wouldn't let up, just screaming at me like an actual Greek Fury as she threw herself at me again.

And then she raked out my eye.

I let out an ear splitting shriek of pain, kicking her away from me and clutching at my eye. Black blood seeped from between my fingers as I clutched at my socket. It felt good but it also felt bad and oh god it hurts so much. I let out a strange giggle/sob hybrid.

I heard the others gasp and even Pyronica stopped attacking.

"Oh shit! Bill! I'm so sorry! I didn't...I didn't mean to-!"

I didn't respond, letting out a whine of pain before Blinking away. I needed some distance, somewhere I can go to cool down. I was upset, angry, giddy, worried, irritated and whole bunch of other feelings I couldn't really understand right now. I've never fought Pyronica before. I've never seriously fought ANY of my friends before.

I have no context for how to handle this. I've NEVER had a serious fight with any of my friends. Not as Bill and not as Zyun-Jan. I've always been the one to break up fights. Always been the one to hold the group together and get both sides to forgive each other. I don't know what to do. She must hate me now.

I start sobbing, huddled on the upside-down mountain in the Nightmare Realm. The water of my tears mixed with the black oily blood that continued to ooze from my torn up eye. It was healing slowly, throbs of pain shooting through me every second. How long does it take to regenerate this?

I think crying just makes it worse but at least my tears have no salt to rub in the wound. I cried until my eye healed enough that I could see again. How did our fight end up so badly? I know I was annoyed at being treated like a child but was that really all it took? I just got so mad and I wanted to hurt her back.

I wiped my blood and tears away. I probably can't go back to the Death Star for a while. 'Or ever.' My pessimistic side whispered to me. I tried to ignore it. I'm not gonna keep moping here. I was upset. I was angry at both Pyronica AND myself. Mostly myself.

I didn't want to be Bill Cipher right now. I considered being Miz for a while but Pyronica might go looking for me at Jessie's place so that option was out. I wasn't in the mood to deal with Xin's worshipers while I was this wound up.

You know what? I shifted into Jan's form. I needed some stress relief. There were plenty of angry, edgy songs I need to work through. I Blinked away to ask my manager to set up another concert.

A lot of Linkin Park and Evanescence happened. With Last Resort thrown in for extra edge.

I would cringe over my shameful behavior later.

---

You know what's embarrassing?

That moment when I forget which form I'm in and end up tossing a slice of cake into my face because I forgot that Jan's eyes are NOT his mouth. I sputtered, giggled and wiped the frosting from my eyes. Oww~that was genuinely hilarious though?

My manager was staring at me in shock. The lady interviewing me was looking quite confused. "Um...Jan? Are you...alright?"

"I'm fine, just...got lost in thought and wasn't paying attention..." I assured her as I cleaned my face. Aw man...wasted a perfectly good cake...

I brushed my hair back and gave her a charming grin. She swoons a little before clearing her throat and looking back at the questions for our interview. I don't like doing them but I kind of got talked into this one. This lady snuck into my dressing room after the concert and begged me for an interview. I couldn't resist her pupper snup face.

"So mister Jan, as I'm sure you know, you're a rising star in the entertainment industry."

"Yeah, it's kinda of intimidating actually. I never thought I'd get this popular." I answer honestly as I comb my fingers through my hair trying to pick out the berries. I'm gonna need to take a shower after this.

"And you've said before that you sing Cover songs? That's why your styles have such a wide range. But no one has ever heard any of your songs before. Why is that?" She frowns a little.

I shrug, having cleaned my face the best I can for now. "Well it's probably because my songs come from an alternate dimension that doesn't exist anymore."

She tilts her feelers in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well sometimes dimensions just...aren't there anymore. The place where I was born and grew up...gone. It wasn't destroyed or anything!" I assured her quickly. "It just became completely inaccessible from the rest of the multiverse. And...I was trapped HERE. On this side. Unable to ever go home."

She gives me a sympathetic look with her bulbous dual-pupiled eyes. "That's awful. And...no one has ever heard of your dimension?"

"We were a small and isolated place to begin with too so it's not like we were well known."

She placed a hand on mine, likely to try and comfort me but I flinched. She hurriedly took her hand away. "I'm sorry. Was that too forward?" I shook my head and gave her a sheepish look. "No, I'm just...not so good with being touched without permission." She accepts my answer and looks back at her notes. "So what made you decide to become a singer?"

"Well the music from my world was one of the few things I had left to remind me of home. I always loved listening to the bands I liked and I learned all the words to their songs. Frankly I was only singing to myself when I was 'discovered'. The rest just kinda happened. I didn't know I would end up here."

"Mmhm..." She writes down some notes. "I noticed that your performance today was more...angry?"

I sighed. "I had a really bad fight with my best friend. We said some really mean things to each other...I kinda took my feelings out on stage. Is that...wrong?"

"Lots of musicians pour their feelings into their music. Even if you're just singing covers it's the same. There's nothing wrong with that and I hope you and your friend make up." She gives me a sympathetic smile. "Would it be too forward to ask what the fight was about?"

I sighed.

"Everyone's been...treating me like a child recently. I'm the oldest of all my friends but they act like I can't go anywhere by myself. I know they're just worried about me but I can't help but feel really annoyed...and then I get mad at myself for being mad at them when they're just trying to help..."

"Maybe you can tell them that? Like you told me? Have you tried that?"

I pouted. She swooned again. "I stormed out of the house and I don't know how to go back and talk it out. I've never had a fight with my friend before."

"Well you could start with an apology? That's generally how things work."

I groaned. "I know. I WANT to apologize but what if she hates me now? I said something really terrible to her."

The reporter perked up. "She?"

"She's like a sister. I care about her a lot but we're not romantically involved." I clarify with a roll of my eyes. The reporter looked almost disappointed. "It's just...I shared with her a really traumatic experience I went through and she was being really supportive but now it feels like she thinks I can't do anything on my own."

"Traumatic experience?" The woman asked gleefully. I give her a hard stare. "I can just walk out of this interview at ANY time." She backs down. "Right, sorry. Well, while we're on the subject...are you seeing anyone currently?"

"Nah. I'm single and not particularly interested in looking. I've got more important things to focus on right now."

"Like what? What do you do when you're not performing? You're so private that no one knows anything about you. Nor does anyone have any records of you before you got your Federation ID."

"I like keeping my personal life, personal. I mainly stay home and work on my music."

"Yes, you post videos of yourself practicing with various instruments. But what do you do when you're not on camera? What are your hobbies?"

"I like cooking. I like watching nature documentaries." And terrorizing people for kicks but that's probably not something I should admit to. Or my voyeurism.

I could tell that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted something juicy. That's how all reporters were. "That sounds...kinda boring..."

"It's relaxing." I look down at my plate and lament the lack of cake. We had gone out to a nearby cafe for the interview. I had to disguise myself with a large hat and jacket to get here without being mobbed by fans. It was a strange experience. Even now my manager was sitting at the end of the booth to block me from view. Part of me wondered if I really would get mobbed if I went out there.

All those strangers grabbing at me with their grabby hands. Ugh. No thank you.

"Another question that's been plaguing our minds...how old are you?"

I blinked. Unsure how to answer that. "Um...like what do you mean? Standard galactic years? Actual time? In reference to my own species?" I stalled. If we're going by this body...I think Jan looks to be in the equivalent thereof to his early twenties in human terms. "I guess...like...24?"

I frowned, an expression that was apparently still quite attractive since she swooned again (I quickly checked to make sure this body wasn't accidentally putting out pheromones or whatever) "Or the equivalent of? Time is confusing."

"Y-you're quite young for such a successful entertainer." She quickly regained her composure. "It's impressive considering you don't really advertise yourself." Hm, I notice her eyes drifting down to my hands a lot. Well her species had four arms too so...oh, I think the constantly swirling/shifting patterns on my skin were hypnotizing her or something. I wonder if that was part of the reason for my impressive fan base? I was causing some unintentional subliminal message with my arms? Will need to test this theory out further.

I shrugged. "I like to let the music speak for me."

My manager, Ivanlock, makes an annoyed sound. He was always trying to get me to do more advertising. He wanted me on talk shows and fan meet and greets. I refused because it seemed annoying. I know some of my fans are disappointed that I don't appear much in public but them's the breaks. Ivanlock keeps talking about raising my profits but I always had my tickets priced fairly. I know it drove him nuts.

I was getting bored. The lady hadn't really asked me anything fun and my cake was ruined so I asked her if we were done. "I'm not gonna be answering anymore questions anyway."

She gets up in a hurry and waves at me when I stand up. "Wait! Just one last question!"

"Fine." I crossed my many arms.

"What's your type?" She leans in eagerly.

"W-what?!" I sputtered, blushing faintly.

"What's your type? Female? Male? Femasculine? Aesthetics? Personality? Species?" She clicked her pen as she fired off the questions.

"U-um...is this really th-that important?" I could tell she saw my hesitation and latched onto it like a shark. I could see her eyes glowing in her eagerness. "Yes. Your fans are dying to know." Were those SPARKLES dancing around her eyes?!

"I'd prefer if my fans weren't spontaneously losing their lives over me thank you very much."

"You're avoiding the question." She said shrewdly. "Please? Just answer this and I won't bother you anymore about it?"

I laughed weakly. "So...my type? Um...well..." I mumbled something quietly. She leans in. "What was that?"

"...Cute nerds..." I mumbled. "I like intelligent people. Not book smart or anything but that does help. Just...someone who'd be willing to talk to me and have interesting conversations about all sorts of topics...people who can get really passionate about something they care about..." I blushed harder. "I don't particularly mind if they're male, female or whatever. As for looks? That's not all that important to me. If I like them for their mind then the packaging ain't all that important in the long run..."

I kept quiet that I also liked schemers. People who knew how to manipulate others into doing things for them. The chess masters. Though, I only really liked that type of person in fictional characters, not as actual partners…

Oh Toffee you glorious sexy lizard man you~

Did he exist yet? Was he born yet? I'm not sure how to feel about it if he was. Then again, he's limited to his side of the multiverse. The Federation didn't have much sway over the 'magical' parts of the multiverse.

While I was musing through this, the lady was scribbling madly into her notes. "Like their mind...packaging...not important..." She grins. "This is so pure and sweet. Thank you very much for this interview."

"Um...you're welcome?"

She thanks me again before bouncing off happily, probably excited for writing this all down and publishing it. I set to work putting my disguise back on. Ivanlock was observing me with a considering look. I frown, not liking the way he stares. "What?"

"You're older than I thought." He says simply. I growl "What's THAT supposed to mean?" He holds up his tentacles placatingly. "I didn't mean anything rude by that. It's just that you act like such a child sometimes."

"I am NOT a kid!" I fume. Did he not hear ANYTHING I said during that interview?! He just scoffs. "You obviously don't realize how important it is to earn money. Just like a spoiled child who hasn't learned how hard the world is."

Before I can respond with a witty comeback he glares at me, squinting his many eyes sternly. "You won't always be so popular. They'll get bored of you eventually. And once that happens, all this fame and fortune's going poof." I'm sure he meant to scare me into taking things more seriously but I just scoff. "When that happens, it'll happen. I didn't start doing this for the fame or money."

I make my way away from him with a huff. I can hear him calling me but I was done here. I Blinked away to the Nightmare Realm and collapsed onto a designated face plant couch. Well I wasted a bunch of time...but I was still too scared to go home. Well not SCARED, scared...

I shivered at the memory of my eye being clawed open. I deserved that though. I shouldn't have said such awful things. She was just trying to help and here I was being a stupid ungrateful bitch about it.

I hope 8-Ball was doing ok. I hope they were treating him right. I hope he was getting enough to eat...

I straightened out into a kneeling position, two of my arms were folded in my lap and the other two went to form a triangle over one eye. I was still wearing Jan's form, haven't bothered to change my 'clothes' yet. What does it mean for me to wear bodies like other people wear clothing?

I peeked in on the Death Star, worried for how everyone's doing. Half my friends weren't there. They'd gone out looking for me apparently. Hectorgon and Xanthar stayed home to look after 8-Ball. The others all said their hellos to the newest addition to the household but weren't sure how to feel about him yet. Hectorgon stopped 8-Ball from raiding the pantry and started cooking him an actual meal. 8-Ball seemed happy. He was a creature of simple needs.

"So I heard you were found by Bill chained up in someone's basement?" Hectorgon starts conversation to try and get to know him better. 8-Ball nods. "Master didn't want me to escape. But I still did. It was fun."

"How did you escape?"

"Boss made me stronger so I could break the chains." 8-Ball played with the silverware as Hectorgon grilled some ground boof into a hamburger patty. "Boss?" The Anglesphere asked.

"When I called him new master he got really upset." 8-Ball shrugs.

Hectorgon sighs fondly. "Bill would. He thinks it's funny when other people call him Master but if we did it, he gets incredibly upset. He worries that he's taking away our free will and autonomy. He tries not to but..." Hectorgon flips the patty and just watches it sizzle for a while. "...despite his best efforts, he DOES technically own us. Not in a bad way. And he's very kind to us but Bill is incredibly possessive." He grins. "Which is fine. We want to keep him just as much. He's our friend."

"So boss is nice? That's good. I know he said I can have food here but I'm glad he will also be nice." 8-Ball bounces happily when Hectorgon put the plate of food in front of him.

"But where is boss?" 8-Ball asks as he chews on the hamburger. Hectorgon sighs. "He and Pyronica had a fight. They really tore into each other, literally. I've never seen either of them so angry."

Hectorgon hops onto a chair and wrings his hands anxiously. "Things escalated and Bill left. He can teleport so we have no idea how to find him. I'm so worried. We all are." He glances away to look in the direction of the gardens. "Poor Xanthar's been beside himself. He just keeps pacing."

I felt a throb of pain and moved my sight to the gardens where, true to Hec's words, Xanthar was pacing the garden while looking to the skies for any flicker of gold. I could feel his distress from here. Before I even knew what I was doing, I had turned back into Bill and was Materializing in front of him. Xanthar body slams me in a hug.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I sobbed as I hugged him back. He snuffled his face into me in relief that I was home. "I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm sorry I ran away. I'm sorry I got mad at Pyronica..." I babbled on as I clung to my oldest friend. We both held each other for a while before I pulled away. "I...think I need my space for a while...just...to get my head on straight."

Xanthar didn't look happy at that. I pat him comfortingly. "It won't be forever. I'll still drop by to make food an' stuff but I think it'll be better if I moved out for a while..." Xanthar definitely didn't like that idea. He pulled me back into a hug. When he let go he raised a hand in front of him. He made a flicking motion from his chin and then brought his hand up into a cupping motion before pointing at himself.

Don't. Leave. Me.

I teared up. "I'm not leaving. I'm just...I don't know if I can face the others yet. I HURT Roni...I can't let that happen again...you understand right?" He nods sadly but still snuggled his face onto me. He made a grasping motion, pointed towards himself again and grasped at me.

Take me with you

"Are you sure?" I blink up at him and the large purple creature nods. "The place I'm going isn't the most pleasant."

He shakes his head. He didn't care. He was coming with me. I smile at him fondly. "Alright then." It was dangerous in the Nightmare Realm. I didn't want any of my friends there if I could help it.

If it was just Xanthar though...

I shrink him down to a more manageable size. My cabin-house was way too small for him. I picked up the miniaturized bread monster and snuggled him.

"It'll just be for a little while. It'll be the two of us. Just like old times." I whisper as I held him in my arms. He wiggled against my bricks and places a now tiny hand on my face.

I held him close as I blinked away, leaving behind a note apologizing and explaining how I was going to be...getting some space for a bit. I know it was cowardly of me to run without facing Pyronica directly but I was too afraid to talk to her right now. I was too afraid of starting another fight. A part of me was still mad. My eye may have healed but the wound still hurt.

Forgiveness cannot be given without an apology but I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet.

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