107 Time Alone

I pull my phone out and call Lance, "Hey man... I need you right now."

Lance asks, "Where are you? What happened?"

"Hospital, Sarina.." I let out a ragged breath, "She's in the OR. I... She..." I try to calm myself.

"I'm on my way." I hear him say before hanging up. I watch as a nurse brings a few items into the OR and see a few people come out. None of which say anything to me.

I don't know what's going on and if she's going to be alright. They all went wide eyed at the picture of the sonogram and rushed her into surgery, so I know that it was serious.

I'm back to pacing by the time Lance comes around a corner, hauling a diaper bag with Lirael clutching baby Richard to her chest.

The sight of it makes me crumple again onto a chair. Lance rushes to me, Lirael not far behind.

"Brian? What's the matter? What happened? Where you in an accident?" Lirael asks, looking me over noticing the blood on my shirt.

Just then a nurse comes out and calls out, "Mr. McNeal?" She calls out looking in my direction.

"It's Huller, Sarina is my fiancé." I get out, as I stand up wiping my face.

"Okay, well they're sewing her back up right now and she has to sit in recovery for a little bit before we take her to a room. I wanted to let you know, so far everything seems to be looking alright. We'll let you know if anything happens. The doctor will explain what happened once she's awake in her room."

"Thank you." I let out the breath I had been holding, taking in a deep one of relief that she's okay at the moment.

Lirael takes a seat with Richard as Lance puts an arm over my shoulder. "What happened?" He asks quietly, steering me to take a seat.

I take a seat and explain what happened and when I get to the reason why, they both gasp and avoid my gaze for a moment as they look at their own child. Then Lirael takes their son and walks away, giving Lance a moment with me.

"Brian... I know this is a lot to take in right now. Sarina is going to need you when she wakes up though. You know that everything you're feeling she's probably going to be feeling that too. I know this has been a shock, but you two will get through it." Lance gives me a hug and I hug him back, grateful for my friend being here when I needed him.

"Thank you man. I can handle it now that I know she's going to be alright. I just .. If I had lost her... If I hadn't thought to bring her to the hospital... " I shudder at just the thought of losing her.

"Don't think about it." Lance reminds me, "She's in recovery. Soon she'll be in a room and we.." He looks at Lirael who's holding Richard, "can be your support until then. Me and Lirael can go in one at a time to say hello."

"I don't know if she'd appreciate the fact you both know what happened. I'm still trying to process the fact she was... fuck." I cover my face with a hand. She was pregnant with our child and she did not even know. She had complained about adding some weight on in Switzerland... Oh man... She was at least a month then.... right?

"Hello? I'm looking for Mr. McNeal." A female voice asks. "Oh Lirael! Hey! Oh my gosh little Richie has gotten so big! I can't believe he's already three months old!"

I look up to see a nurse talking to Lirael who has a clipboard.

"I believe you're looking for my friend, Doctor Huller. Not Mr. McNeal. He's Sarina's fiancé." Lirael informs the nurse.

The nurse turns to me, apologizing, "I'm sorry, Doctor Huller, if you'll follow me I can show you to Ms. McNeal's room she'll be in soon. Also, if I could get some more information from you, we would greatly appreciate it."

I answer all the questions I'm able to and pull her wallet out to get her insurance cards out for her to scan once in the room. When she asks how far along she was and last menstruation, all I can do is shrug and inform her she had an implant that needed to be replaced, but I don't know when it was supposed to be other than she had rescheduled it twice.

The nurse nods and checks the notes on the computer and adds the information that is known. A few minutes later, Sarina is brought in on a bed and they move her over to the bed in the room. The nurse does her checks and leaves us to sit with her. She's still under the effects of the anesthesia so she merely hums and keeps falling in and out of sleep.

I step outside the door and tell Lance and Lirael they can go home if they want.

"Brian, you want us to stop at your place and get some clothes for you?" Lirael asks, pointing towards my shirt.

"That would be great, here are the keys. Thank you both." I say handing the keys over to them.

I don't know how long I sit there, holding Sarina's hand, because I doze off and am awoken by Lance grabbing my knee. I jump up and he holds out a hand, keys and clothes in hand. I thank him and go change in the bathroom in the corner of the room and sit back down. Lance checks and makes sure I don't need anything else, but I shake my head. He sets a bag down with some water and a few snacks, blaming Lirael for the bag before he leaves.

Sitting back down in the chair next to Sarina, I doze on and off, holding her hand, until I feel her stirring awake. I hear her starting to whimper and sit up quickly.

"Sarina, baby, don't try to move." I start to tell her.

"Brian? What?" Her brows are pinched in pain and confusion on her pale face. I press the nurse call button and run a hand over the side of her face.

"You had surgery baby. Do you remember anything from last night?" I ask her hesitantly.

"Surgery? What? I ..." She starts to cry, "hurt..." She whimpers. Just then, the nurse comes in and looks to me.

"She's in pain." I tell her and she nods and heads back out. She's back in just a few minutes but with how Sarina is now crying, you would have thought she was gone for hours.

The nurse puts something into her IV, explaining what she's giving her. Sarina's cries start to die down slowly, her tears still falling but she starts to take larger breaths.

"She doesn't seem to remember last night." I inform the nurse.

"That can happen after anesthesia. It's only been a few hours so she could still be feeling the effects on the brain." She turns to Sarina, "Ms. McNeal are you feeling sick or dizzy?"

Sarina nods, closing her eyes. "What happened?" She asks, cracking open an eye at the nurse.

The nurse thins her lips before saying, "You had an emergency surgery done to remove part of your left fallopian tube. You had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured and you were hemorrhaging."

Sarina's eyes pop open wide, "I was pregnant?!" Sarina's eyes close as she processes this information. Something seems to click, because her eyes pop back open and her confusion is disappearing, "I remember now..." She covers her face with her hands and starts crying and the nurse motions for me to call her if we need anything, giving us some private time.

I sit back down next to Sarina, placing my hand on her leg, rubbing it gently with my thumb as I feel absolutely lost. Even with my degrees and knowledge, it doesn't prepare me for the actual range of emotions that you go through, watching the person you love in pain.

I grab the box of tissues for her when I notice she's having trouble taking a breath. I hand her some tissues and she wipes her face. "I need some time alone please." She whispers.

I'm taken aback, but I stand up and kiss her forehead, "I'll go get something to eat. I'll be back in an hour or so. I love you Sarina."

I walk out of the room, feeling defeated, lost. I make my way down to the cafeteria and a few doctors and nurses who know me say hello in the hall, but when they recognize the state I'm in, leave me be.

I'm in line grabbing some food and coffee that I'm not really hungry for. I pay and sit down in a corner and start adding the salt and pepper to the eggs and potatoes that I was served. I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't realize that someone's walked up to me until a packet of hot sauce is dropped onto my tray.

My eyes dart up to see doctor Brown.

"Damn Brian, you look like hell."

"Hey Jack." I mumble as he takes a seat at the table watching me shovel another bite of food into my mouth.

"Now I know you're going through hell eating that bland food like it's edible." Jack shakes his head. "What happened?"

I set the fork down and give him the facts, nothing more than that.

He shakes his head as he puts hot sauce on his food. "So your down here wallowing in your emotions while she's taking some time for herself to process them. Take a breath, Brian. Just nice and slow inhale, come on." He urges me on.

I do as he says and we continue this for a few minutes. "Okay, now finish your breakfast." Jack says and begins eating, "You don't want it to get cold, it doesn't taste any better."

I give a humorless chuckle, "Trust me, I'm not tasting it anyways."