CHAPTER 1

Herbert Magiel did not want to go to his brother's wedding, however, he did go in the end, not like he had a choice but he was there. The Dj plays Mariah Carrey's Sweet Fantastic Babe and everybody went to the dance floor and danced their hearts out, he, on the other hand, escaped from the dance floor not that he did not like the song but he was not a good dancer and prefer rather a glass of wine than to dance. Some of his family members tried to convince him to stay and joined them on the dance floor. Anyone would want him to stay on the dance floor just because he is so hilarious when it comes to dancing, with Herbert, there is not a moment of silence around him. The older people like his uncles and aunt dislike him and believe that he is childish and needs to grow up. Herbert could care less and that is just the way he is, he is lazy, never minded and a party animal and he doesn't care what people think of him, but his cousins worship him, the black sheep of the family and even his brothers and sisters has a lack of trust in him, the rotten apple of them all, it's not like he is looking for trouble, trouble is looking for him like he was cursed. The bad boy of the family arrived outside where all the alcoholic cousins were gathered together. On his arrival, Herbert said boldly 'Give me a beer' a cousin gave him a glass, he studies his glass, lift it up high and says it out loud 'Let's celebrate!' his cousins roars with laughter and with one sip he goggled his beer, showing them all he means business and tonight is the night he'll be drinking like a fish.

In another world, on the side of England, Grimsby is where Berlin Cuthbert is standing in her room gazing through her window while pulling on a fag and blowing the smoke from her mouth. She feels frustrated and flicks her half-smoked fag away and turns away and went to sit at a table so that she could explore a website called Badoo. She is logged on and scrolls through some messages, one of the messages put her off completely, and someone just sends her a picture of his penis, sarcasm took over and she answered him 'Too short for me' logged out of Badoo. Berlin is a tour guide for the Hatcliffe forest in Grimsby and is a loyal employee of them. She awaits a tourist who is standing near a tree and taking a leak. The man got upset when he zipped up and saw that Berlin was standing there and waiting for him, he scold at her ′ use me, do you know you harassing me is that not so? I told you I need to pie and what do you do? Or is this what you do on a daily basis? I should inform your manager … and do you know what? I think I'll do just that …′ Well Berlin did not keep her mouth either and silenced the man quickly 'Do us both a favour and do just that and see who they going to believe, I've been working for Hatcliffe forest for more than ten years and has been loyal all my life, I did what any tourist guide would do when a tourist just wanders off it is my duty to find them and to report it to the office, which in my case, I did, next time inform me before you feel like emptying your tank, here are snakes around this area if you have gotten bitten by a snake today? Just because you feel like you don't need to tell anyone about your urgencies? Then whose fault do you think this would be? So stop behaving smart and come a long, thank you' taking no nonsense, Berlin left to lead a group of tourists through the Hatcliffe forest. Every night when she arrive from work Berlin would spend her night playing Fifa 22 on her Play Station or chatting with men from the app called Badoo.

Herbert went into a small shop, trying to catch his breath and then looked around for something to buy. He saw a poster on the wall which advertise that if anyone buys any Lays chips and manages to collect three tickets inside of the packets will stand a chance to win a trip to Arsenal versus Manchester for two. He already has one ticket in his wallet and wishes to win the trip to England. He bought six packets of Lays and went to sit at a table to eat. In the last packet, meaning ticket which means he now has two. He was just about to leave when the shop owner calls him 'My friend, see you a cameraman hey?' he probably saw the camera bag hanging over his shoulder ′ I like photos, take a photo of me and my brother, nice ones, want to show my mother back in Ethiopia'

Herbert: Don't you have a phone?

The owner smiles 'Yes I do, but a man who walks around with such a big camera bag must have some great picture qualities' he wasn't lying, Herbert did have a very decent camera …

Herbert: Sure, it be good for my collection anyway so where do you want me to take the pictures?

They took some pictures in front of the shop, inside and at the back. Herbert sends them their pictures via Bluetooth. Again he wanted to leave but the owner stopped him 'Nothing is for free hey? Here, I don't worry about this I go to England often so here' he gives Herbert the third ticket, a dream come true …

Herbert: This is my third ticket

The owner asked and said confidently 'Is that so? Well you know it doesn't stop there, many will have three tickets, you need to enter my friend and hope, luck comes your way, today is the closing date

Herbert: Obviously yes, I have to be very hasty if I want this one

He thanked the man and left to enter his three tickets at the nearest Pick n Pay store.

Herbert entered a gate that leads to a footpath of his best friend' Michael Michaelson's house. A person can count all the teeth in his mouth the way he smiles with joy and walks over to his friend who is sitting on the porch.

Herbert: The Gunners and United, what do say about that bra we gonna slaughter you bro

Michael sees the folder underneath Herbert's arm and had to ask ′ And this?′

Herbert: Nah wait, let's talk soccer, what the hell is wrong with you hey?

Michael puts his focus back on Herbert ′ I don't wanna talk soccer to a bro who doesn't wanna make sense, slaughter? Slaughter who? You guys then know, we are the ones to burst your bubbles every single time bro, every single time, every winning streak that you guys had, not even City could stop you but we did

Herbert: Think that's gonna happen again?

Michael: For sure

Herbert: I would like to see that live brother, live

Michael: Yeah that would be nice, so what's in the folder?

Herbert: Wait …. what if I'm serious? And I wanna go?

Michael: With what money?

Herbert: Nah screw the money, check here' he opens the folder and drops it in front of Michael, his friend looks at it for a moment and straight back at his friend.

Michael: Nah! My bro, my bro, my bro' he sticks his hand out with a loud clap the way they are shaking hands ′ You the best bro, you the best' later that night Herbert was still at Michael's house, they were discussing what they were going to do in the UK. Both of them were sitting in front of Michael's laptop browsing on the dating app Badoo...

Herbert: You are so persistent, none of these chicks responds to your messages, I think your profile pictures are too few, yet you still browsing and checking through different profiles in the UK, I say fuck these chicks from Britain man and let's just have a good time

Michael: Nope, I want to remember this trip as a journey of a lifetime brother, we need chicks to get laid with, and not any chick, a white chick, have you ever got laid with a white girl before?

Herbert: No, you?

Michael: Of cause, not bro, that's what I'm trying to organize brother, hold on, let me take a piss I'll be back ( stands up) keep on scrolling you know how it goes, the most might be ignoring our messages, but there must be that one always that one that will answer, listen to what I'm saying brother, you'll see, wait, I'll be back

Michael went to the toilet and Herbert lazily scrolls further, he scrolls and scrolls and scrolls, sighs heavily and thinks out loud as he says ′ What a drag' then a beep sound came through and Herbert went straight to the messages. The name Horny Babe left a message,

Horny Babe: Saw your profile, are you really from Africa?

Michael's nickname on Badoo is 2Diefor, so Herbert answers for him: Yes I am

Horny Babe: May I see your penis

Herbert burst out in laughter and swallowed it almost Immediately, keeping his hand on his mouth then takes it away and moves forward to make sure he is reading right swearing as he did so he was right, that is what this girl was asking …

2Diefor: Excuse me?

She didn't answer so he decided to chat further: My penis is far too big for you to see anyway

That is enough for her to answer …

Horny Babe: I want to see

2Diefor: No

On the other side, Berlin drinks a Soda from the tin using a straw then went for the daring option ′ Alright, let's see what you made of ' and clicks on the video call icon, calling 2Diefor. Herbert sees a video call coming through, he looks quickly behind him and muttered 'Come Michael or you'll see nothing' and back at the screen, hesitating whether he should answer or not 'Screw it and answers, and the whole screen opens and a young lady appears in the screen with a tiny block on the right hand at the bottom showing a live stream of himself therein. The girl he sees is a Caucasian female with a round face, hair tied in a ponytail, and no fringe which exposes her round forehead with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. She wears a white vest and her arms are bare.

Welcome To Berlin: Wait a minute (she looks somewhere on the screen, back and forth, to Herbert and back to where ever she is looking at, then she speaks again) you are not the guy in the profile pic

2Diefor: Yeah, he went to the toilet so I took over

Horny Babe: Oh

It was easy for anyone to see that Herbert is not Michael, Herbert is a bit darker than Michael with caramel brown skin and a short fader number one on the sides and number two on top hair cut, his teeth are beautiful and wears a white T-shirt with a golden chain. Michael is as white as snow with green eyes and his hair is long almost like an afro style, he could be described as David Luiz with his curls, so there's a huge difference between the looks of Michael and Herbert.

Horny Babe: Anyway, show me your penis

2Diefor: Why

Horny Babe: Alright, fine I guess this is what you want

She lifts her vest and shows her breast to him

2Diefor: Jesus lady (whisper in shock)

Horny Babe: Okay your turn, show me you're penis and I'll show you something else

2Diefor: What? No … no I can't do this here, look why (look over his shoulder) why don't you give me your number and we can meet somewhere me and my friend are going to England soon I promise

Horny Babe: Whatever

She looks rather disappointed not what she was hoping for and ended the call. Herbert sends her his number and hopes she takes it. Michael enters the room and deletes the message quickly.

Herbert: Ah screw this Badoo man, it doesn't make sense to me

He closes the laptop and stands up …

Michael: Relax bro, I'm just trying to get some chicks over there

Herbert: Ja whatever bra

And from there on he leaves the room. The next morning Herbert left Michael's home and went to the shop, he wanted to buy a cup of ice cream when he heard a beep sound from his phone and takes it out to read and saw that it was the girl from Badoo …

Berlin: Send the pic

Herby: When I'm at home, not now

He shook his head with a bit of a smile and looks at the profile pic and sees a Manchester United badge and chats further …

Herby: See you a Red Devil

Berlin: Yeah and what about it

Herby: You gone watch the game between United and the gunners?

Berlin: Obviously

Herby: I'll be there too

She didn't answer then, so he bought his ice cream and went home.