Feelings! Oh, Feelings

Pepper has been out of her coma for a few weeks, and apparently she was not that badly injured other than the head trauma, which was quite serious. She was discharged yesterday, but I still haven't met her since the accident. It's not like I have been avoiding her deliberately; I just haven't purposefully gone to see her.

My feelings for pepper are really complicated. Before I gained Andy's memories, I had what one would call an intense crush on her, and due to my memories, I knew she reciprocated the feelings. But I had never acted on them due to a fear I had that if I did, then I would lose her, and she was one of the only true friends I had, so it never progressed past flirting.

The reason this was all on my mind was because I had been ignoring her while trying to decide whether to tell her about where I am now. Due to that, she had taken measures in her own hands and was now upstairs looking for me.

As I approached, I saw her wipe the tears away as she tried to hide the fact that she had been crying. I sat next to her on the other side of the sofa as we both looked out to sea for a few minutes. "You know about Obadiah?" I said timidly while glancing over at her, to which she just nodded, and silence descended between us, with the sun hanging a few inches above the ocean and the crashing of the waves being the backdrop to this gloomy atmosphere.

"Why are you ignoring me, Tony?" She said this while looking out at the ocean. I responded and said, "Pepper, in that cave, there was another man imprisoned. His name was Yinsen. I had already accepted the fact that I was going to die in those caves, and do you know what he said?"

There were a few seconds of deafening silence, with the only sound being the waves thrashing against the cliff below. "Is this the final act of the 'Great' Tony Stark? That sentence just keeps echoing inside of my head, forever on a loop. People died trying to protect and rescue me, and what have I ever done to deserve that?"

People call me the Merchant of Death and the Da Vinci of our time, but I only deserve the former. Have all the people I indirectly killed changed anything? Have I created an invention that will help people save lives? No. I've sat back and reaped the benefits of others suffering, and that will forever eat at me for the rest of my life." 

"Not just that, I knew Obadiah was up to something, and I did nothing, thinking that I was invincible, and look what happened. It almost got you and happily killed." As I finished, I felt Pepper gently place a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.

I just turned towards the window and stared back out to sea as I cupped my mouth with both of my hands in a pondering pose. 

"Please tell me why..." I said as I turned my head to look at her. She just responded, "Why, what?"

"Why are you always there for me? You've kept me grounded. What exactly do you see in me to always just stand there as I wreck myself time and time again? I've spent a lot of time looking recently, and all I see is a self-obsessed asshole who has Daddy issues." My gaze penetrated her as she turned away for a second, and I let out a sigh. I knew she didn't.

She then turned back to look at me with a fiery gaze in her eyes. "Tony! I've been waiting, hoping you will grow up someday and realise that you are not your father. You're almost forty, and until two months ago, nothing ever changed with you, and I was beginning to give up. I care about you. I l…" She stopped herself from speaking, just letting a gentle blush appear on her face.

As I looked at her crying, it felt as if my heart was being ripped out of my chest. "I'm sorry…" I said, and then there was silence for several seconds as I composed myself. "I spent my entire childhood trying to prove to my father that I was deserving of his love, and when he died, I just ended up trying to be him, in some vain hope that I could get his approval. It's only recently that I learned he did love me, just in his own messed-up way. He was not someone to look up to, but I still love him.

But that's not an excuse! Pepper, you have always been there for me, and I can't imagine how much it must have hurt each time you saw someone else leaving my room in the morning. If you feel about me, I guess you do."

And there are so many things I want to tell you, but I am afraid that if I do, I will lose everyone I care about. I know you're going to hate what I'm going to do in the near future, but I'm not going to hide it from you."

"Tony," she said as the hand on my shoulder shifted. "That's why I've stayed; you didn't know your weapons were being used like that. You're the type of person who now risks her life to try to fix it. Oh, and I've known what you were working on since you got back. Jarvis has had some concerns and came to me about them. And, yes, I do hate what you're doing, but that is why I..." She stopped herself and then closed her eyes as I said, "Okay, I need some time to think. Just let me figure things out for a bit. Thanks for being completely honest with me." 

She just nodded, and as she got up and walked out of the room, it felt like my heart broke slightly.

…

A few more weeks have passed since, and I've been making steady progress, working my way down the list as well as plundering any of my target's bank accounts and adding them to Jarvis's illicit fund.

'The Life Foundation's Conatus Mission launched today on its five-year mission to intercept the near-earth asteroid 711 Navitas.' I heard the words of a reporter as I messed around with testing possible superconductor samples, as on the screen was a picture of a rocket shooting up into the sky. 

I took a sip of my tea as the news reporter switched to another topic: 'The US is reporting a complete rout of ten rings forces around Gulmira after a failed counterattack was repelled by local militias and the Afghan Military with Coalition Support.' 

''We're here down at the Disney concert hall for Tony Stark's Third Fund for the Firefighter's Family Fund; it has become 'the' location to be tonight in LA, though Mr. Stark himself is yet to make an appearance.'

"Hey Jarvis, don't I have an invite?" I said as I quickly gulped down the rest of my tea and headed upstairs to get a suit, knowing what his reply would be. 

A silver Audi sports car pulled up outside the Disney Concert Hall, and as I stepped out and handed the keys to a valet, I walked up the red carpet. I greeted a few people I recognised and briefly shook hands with some I didn't know before heading inside.

As I was about to enter, I got stopped by a reporter who asked, "Could you give us a highlight of Stark Industries current state?"

I just laughed and said, "Well, briefly, we are rebuilding the entire upper management of the company as well as making sure we are more accountable. We expect to begin normal operation within the next three months if nothing changes."

"Could you also give a reason as to why dozens of your employees have been fired and, due to a loophole in your so-called 'contracts', they have no right to any reimbursement?" I just gave the man a blank stare for a few seconds before heading inside. I knew from both lives that any reporter who sensationalised something would take whatever you said out of context to promote their own point. Even silence was a statement, but at least nothing that could be used against me would come out of it. 

I opened my phone and called the sim card I had set aside for Jarvis and asked, "Hey, how long until Friday is finished being activated?"

"Well, sir. You are attempting to recreate the chance circumstances that led to my algorithms creating a digitised neural network; even if she were hooked into every supercomputer on the planet, it would take a few days for her to stabilise," he said in a slightly offended tone.

I smiled and realised he didn't like the idea of being replaced. "You do realise that she is simply going to be the one who helps Pepper run stark industries when I make her CEO right. Besides, I thought you could use some company.

"Anyway, can you please investigate who fired a bunch of my employees without my authorization? Thanks." Once I was finished speaking, I closed the flip phone and headed inside. Why did we ever stop using these things? They're just cool.

As I headed to the bar, I ordered, "Scotch, please, Triple, Neat." Anyone who ordered on the rocks was a sinner who deserved to be purged! The 14% Scotsman in me would probably do that if anyone dared to be in my presence. I turned around as the glass was handed to me, and I poured half of it into my mouth while fighting not to wince from the burning sensation. As I was enjoying the hints of vanilla, I saw Pepper talking to a few people as she mingled with many of the most influential people in Los Angeles.

She wore a vivid blue dress that, while not clinging to her figure, lay on it perfectly, accentuating her flawless curves. It wrapped around her in a wave-like shape all the way around her hips, leaving her smooth back open.

After drinking the rest of my drink, I leaned over to the bartender and said, "Two Martinis, please, very dry, oh, and three olives in each. Could you have them sent to the balcony in a few minutes? Thank You"

I then walked over towards her and said, "You look fantastic!" And as she turned around, I continued sarcastically while nodding my head, "I do really have a nice taste in gifts, don't I?"

At my comment, she just laughed slightly before covering her mouth politely and saying, "What are you doing here, Tony?" in a half-curios, half-jovial tone. I just responded, "Am I not allowed to crash my own party? What is the world coming to?"

I then glanced at the dance floor and said, "Let's dance." And I then took her hand and began to walk towards the dance floor. I then placed a hand on the middle of her back as she placed one on my shoulder, and we began to sway slowly side to side to the rhythm of the soft jazz played by the band.

After a few seconds of dancing, I asked, "Something wrong?" to which she just said, "It's not like I forgot to put on deodorant and am dancing with my boss in front of all these people in this dress." She cast her gaze around the room while biting her upper lip softly out of stress.

I smiled softly, noticing her do that, like she always did while trapped in her thoughts. "Hey!" I said to get her gaze back on me, and once it was, I continued, "Stop making excuses, Pepper! I don't care what other people think. We both almost died. And right now, there is no place I would rather be than here right now, dancing with you."

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