Chapter 85 : Flames of Protection

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"Quirrell was going to kill Adrian, Dad." The green eyed boy stated, his voice thick, looking straight at the potions master's eyes for the first time since he had walked into his office.

"But he didn't." Severus stated, not liking where this was heading; had Dumbledore stopped Voldemort in time?

"No he didn't." Harry agreed, his voice breaking, his body trembling. "Because I killed him first." And the boy fell to his knees and wept.

Severus couldn't believe his ears. Harry had had to… Merlin no! He was just a child. Not even twelve yet and he had had to… Voldemort would die, Severus decided there and then; maybe it wouldn't be by his own hand, but he was going to help and, if he got his way, that bastard would die slowly and painfully. The potions master kneeled down and held Harry close; it took some effort as the boy didn't seem to want to be touched. Severus knew the feeling all too well.

"Harry, look at me." He ordered, his voice clearly indicating he would not be ignored. Harry did look up, his green eyes looking lost. "I know it feels like hell right now but this wasn't your fault, Harry."

"But I killed him! I stood there, raised my wand and killed him! I burned him, Sev!" Harry said, his voice almost unrecognizable from the pain. He sounded older, as if he had aged a decade in the last hour. Severus closed his eyes and sighed.

"When I was nineteen, Harry, just about a year and a half before you were born, I was under Dumbledore's orders, spying for the Order amongst the Death Eater lines." The potions master said and Harry looked at him confused. At least I have his attention, Severus thought. "I was sixteen when I joined the Dark Lord, not even out of school yet; I wasn't the only one from my House who joined him that year. There was this boy, Benjamin Alexander; he was a fifth year, but Voldemort never cared much about how old his recruits were. He was a shy kid, from a poor family, and only joined so that he wouldn't be shunned for his humble origins. When I turned eighteen and left school, I offered myself to the Order's beck and call, trying to make something good out of the worst mistake of my life. Benjamin… he took a different path."

"But what does that have to do with…" Harry began and Severus stopped him before he could continue with his question.

"You'll see." The potions master assured him with a sad smile. "As I was saying, Benjamin followed a different road; he had always had a malleable character and his involvement with the Dark Arts in the end corrupted him…"

"There's no good and evil… There's only power and those too weak to seek it." Something Quirrell had said to his brother rang into Harry's mind. Had Quirrell always been like this?

"By the time I turned nineteen, I was a full-time spy for the Order and he was one of Voldemort's best; he tortured indiscriminately, he killed who he was told to kill and then some, he never showed mercy." Severus seemed lost in his thoughts of a time much darker than the present. "One night, Voldemort had sent a group of Death Eaters to search for some of the Order's members in hiding; I was paired with Benjamin. Despite my efforts for the opposite, we located a wizard and a member of the Order that had been married with a Muggle; he had three kids, all under five years of age. Benjamin crushed into their house before I managed to get there; he didn't feel like waiting. By the time I reached the house he had already tortured the mother with the Cruciatus for half an hour and had made the kids watch. Once he saw me he laughed." Severus clenched his eyes shut. "He laughed, Harry, and told me to pick which one of the kids I would like to kill first. And to prove his point, he cast the Killing Curse on the mother, right in front of my eyes. The children were crying, the father looked lost and I could do nothing to help. Benjamin said that, since I couldn't make up my mind, he would pick first; he pointed his wand at the youngest child, a girl of two, just a baby."

"And what happened?" Harry asked, his voice sounding less haunted now, the tears had stopped falling from his eyes.

"I did choose; I chose Benjamin." Severus stated. "I had known him since he was eleven, but the boy I knew and the man he had become were two different people altogether. I cast an Avada Kedavra on him and altered the memories of the family so that they wouldn't remember my face and left. I had never felt emptier in my life." Severus admitted closing his eyes again; he had never shared that story with anybody before; he had never thought he would, but this seemed to be the right time. He felt a soft touch on his hand, and opened his eyes to see Harry had placed his palm over his clenched fist.

"It's wasn't your fault, Dad." The boy said. "He would have killed that girl if you hadn't stopped him; he was too far gone."

"Yes, he would have killed that girl." Severus agreed. "And what would Quirrell have done had you not stopped him?" The boy remained silent. "Harry?"

"He would have killed Adrian." Harry mumbled.

"Yes he would have. How could you not protect your brother, Harry?" Severus asked.

"I could have disarmed him… I could have…"

"You couldn't have." Severus stated. "Quirrell was possessed by Voldemort; disarming him wouldn't have done you any good at all." Severus stated.

"But…"

"Besides, Harry," Severus continued "Quirrell died the moment he relinquished his body to the Dark Lord. Voldemort used him merely as a vessel; he would have never allowed him to live. It would be like having a living, breathing testimony of his weakest hour and he would never allow that." Severus stated. "I also doubt that Quirrell would have survived Voldemort leaving his body after being fused with him for so long. No, he has been dead since he agreed to this."

"And you… you don't hate me?" Harry asked. "Don't you think I'm just like him?"

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