CHAPTER 18

Marcus's pov

"Are you ready to go?" I ask Juliana as comes out of my bedroom. She has changed back into her clothes but I still have the image of how she looked in my shirt in my head.

"Yes, I am done, we can go,"  She responds, getting her purse from the couch.

"You look so eager to leave, was I a bad host?" I tease her.

"No, you were an excellent host," she says sitting on my lap. 

I am glad that she is warming up to me. I know I only met her last week but I feel like I have known her all my life and I want her to be around all the time. This is kind of freaking me out. And raising questions in my head. What if she decides that I am not good for her or that I am too old? Will I be able to let go after just having a taste of how my life could be? These questions have been going through my head since the moment she walked out of the restaurant.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks, touching my right cheek. I close my eyes, enjoying her touch. Her palm feels nice on my cheek. I want to stay in this moment forever to cherish it for the rest of my life.

Just this small gesture has made me weak in the knees. I am turning into a lovesick puppy, I love the feeling but I am also scared of it. I don't want to get used to this feeling and then lose it 

"I am thinking about how lucky I am that I managed to meet someone as amazing as you," I tell her.

"I am the lucky one Marcus, if I had not gone out that night I wouldn't have met you.  That night was the first night in years that I had gone out and you just happened to be there, I think we were meant to find each other." She says bringing her lips to mine.

 I kiss her as my life depends on it. I have never kissed a mouth like hers. It's like I am transported to another universe every time I kiss her. I have never been the one to enjoy kissing this much. I have never kissed anyone in the past five years. I have been with several women but it was just physical so I made sure to tell them about the state of the relationship from the beginning and not kiss them to avoid confusion and if they got attached I left them.

I know I might seem like a crazy person but I only did what I did to protect myself. I did not want to fall in love with someone and have my heart broken. But it's different with Juliana, I want to experience everything with her. I want to kiss her lips and get lost in them.

"You are still thinking about something," Juliana says, snapping me out of my head again. I want to ask her to stay with me tonight but decide against it for fear of making her uncomfortable or pressured.

"Yes, I am thinking about how beautiful you are. Let's go before I decide to lock you in a tower and keep you to myself." I tease her.

"That does not sound bad at all. Locked up in a tower by a very hot man and getting to see him every day. But I can miss the sunlight and its warmth so I better get up."  She says laughing a bit, as she gets off my lap.

I make sure to stay a few steps behind her just so I can admire her. She is just her. Everything about her is so alluring.

"Thank you Beth for the amazing food." Juliana says as we reach downstairs and find Beth talking to Naomi, one of the helpers.

"You are welcome, I am glad you liked the food Miss Juliana," Beth responds with a smile.

"Please just call me Juliana." She says. Beth looks at me silently asking for my permission, I give her a nod and she smiles.

"Okay, Juliana," Beth responds to her with a huge smile.

I take Juliana's hand and lead her outside where we find Eric waiting for us.

"Good evening sir, ma'am," Eric says with a bow and a grin on his face.

"Good evening, thank you. How are you?" Juliana greets him.

"I am okay ma'am how are you?" 

"I am good thanks and please call me Juliana, the ma'am thing makes me feel old." She says to him with a smile.

"I would love to call you by your name ma'am if Mr. Mwale is okay with it," Eric responds. If I did not consider Eric a friend I would have punched him in the face right now. The fucker knows that I have no problem with him calling her by her name. He is trying to get a reaction from me.

"If that's what you want sweetheart then I am okay with it," I tell Juliana as I open the car door for her. 

"Thank you." She says.

"You are welcome, sweetheart." I go to the other side of the car and get in. 

"Where to sir?" Eric asks.

"Juliana's place," I tell him.

Juliana and I don't say anything for a while and enjoy the ride.

"How long have you been living in New Kasama?" Juliana asks.

"After I finished my degree when I was twenty-one. The estate was my mother's; she left it to me when she died." 

"I am sorry about your mother," Juliana says, holding my hand. I look at her and I feel tears gathering in my eyes. I have not thought of my mother for a while now. Thinking about her only brings sadness to me. I remember when I was younger every year on my birthday I used to wish for a mother but when I got one she was not the mother I had wished for.

"Was she sick?" Juliana asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yes, according to my father, she had abdominal problems even before they decided to have me. When they found out that she was pregnant with me, the doctors told them that the pregnancy was a risky one and that the chances of my mother surviving were five percent. The doctors advised her to have an abortion but my mother refused. She chose to have me even though she knew that having me would kill her. She died a few minutes after giving birth to me, Juliana. I caused my mother's death." I tell her my voice cracking at the end.

I can't help the tears that are coming from my eyes. I remember the last time I cried about my mother was when I was fourteen. When my stepmother told me not to call her mother because she was not. That day I swore that I will never cry for my mother but remember her as a woman who gave up her life for me. But here I am crying like a baby in Juliana's arms. I should not be crying like this I am thirty five years old for god's sake.

"Marcus it's okay, you did not cause your mother's death. She knew the risk of carrying you and still decided to do it because she wanted to. You blaming yourself for her death makes her sacrifice not appreciated. She gave you life, the least you can do is honor her sacrifice by being happy. I am sure that's what she would want." She says rubbing my back.

"I know but sometimes I wish she was alive to see the man I have become."  I have never told anyone about wishing my mother was here to congratulate me when  I did something good or reprimand me when I did something bad.

"Marcus, look at me," Juliana says making me lift my head and look at her. Her eyes are full of understanding.

"I am sure your mother is very proud of the man you have become. Don't ever doubt that no matter what." She says with a sad smile on her face.

"Thank you for coming into my life babydoll," I tell her, kissing her forehead.

"I am the one who should thank you for coming into my life Marcus. My life was not complete but now I feel like I am alive for the first time." She says with tears in her eyes.

"Hey, babydoll don't cry. I don't like seeing tears in your eyes." I say putting her on my lap and holding her as if my life depends on it. We stay like this the rest of the way, enjoying each other's company. I wish we can stay like this forever.

"We are here," Eric announces. I didn't even realize that we had reached Juliana's place, I was preoccupied with how she fit in my arms and the feelings she awakens in me.

"Babydoll, wake up, we have reached your place," I say, lifting her head from my chest. Her eyes are heavy with sleep. She tries to get off my lap but I stop her and carry her out of the car.

"You can put me down," she says, getting the keys from her purse. I put her down and wait for her to open the door.

"Are you coming in?" She asks, opening the door wide. I want to say yes but I see her roommate giving me an eye. I don't know what her problem is. 

"Thank you for the offer babydoll but I must decline. God knows what I would do If I were to come in. My appetite for you grows every second." I tell her. Connecting my lips to hers I kiss her like there is no tomorrow like I am breathing for the last time. I cut the kiss and hold her for a while.

"Good night my Angel," I tell her, still holding her.

"Thank you, Marcus." She says. 

I wait for her to get into the house and lock the door. That's when I leave knowing too well that the night is going to be long and lonely. But at least I am going to have good dreams.