25. Chapter 25

Dean remembered falling asleep on Castiel's lap while the angel talked to Gabriel and Balthazar, but he could tell that someone else was holding him when he woke up again - asleep to full alertness, zero to sixty, Winchester-style, which basically meant he tensed up to the point where a stick was more relaxed. He opened his eyes, alarmed, and found himself staring up at Gabriel. It should've been uncomfortable, considering that Gabriel's vessel was smaller than Dean was, but somehow Gabriel had managed to find a position that was just the opposite. With his head cushioned comfortably on Gabriel's right shoulder, Dean could have easily fallen back asleep.

He didn't. Castiel wasn't on the couch, that much was visible at just a glance, and Dean's heart started to pound as he straightened up and looked frantically around the room. Memories of his last nightmare rolled through his mind. The smile of sick enjoyment on Alastair's face as he loomed over his table of torture implements, each more cruel than the last. The resignation on Castiel's face as he was strapped to the rack: no fear, just a haunting set of blue eyes that filled with disappointment whenever Dean got close enough. The sound of Alastair's laugh when he threw holy oil on Castiel's wings, and the way Castiel's agonized scream rang out into the depths of hell.

That was all horrible enough. But then Alastair had turned to Dean. His smile had grown into something truly twisted as he stepped towards Dean, holding another vial of holy oil in one hand and a knife in the other. He'd offered both to Dean, letting it be his choice. And even though he hadn't said a damn word, the meaning had been clear: Dean could choose a weapon, or Alastair could test them first on Dean before continuing to torture Castiel himself. That wasn't even the worst part, though. No, the worst part was that - even with the echo of Castiel's screams in his eyes - Dean had immediately reached out and taken the knife. Even after everything he'd done, he was still willing to sacrifice an angel just to save himself.

A hard shudder went through Dean's body, and he opened eyes that were glazed with tears. He didn't deserve to seek comfort from Castiel, or from anyone else. But before he could do much more than try to fumble his way off of Gabriel's lap, heedless of the way that Gabriel's hands were clamped on his hips to keep him from falling, Castiel literally ran into the room. It didn't matter what Dean thought at that point, the second he saw his daddy, he burst into tears and reached his arms out towards Castiel.

"Oh, Dean, it's okay. I'm right here," Castiel said, scooping him up into a warm hug. "Shh, it's okay. I'm sorry. I just went into the kitchen for a moment."

Dean just wrapped his arms around Castiel's neck and held on for dear life. He didn't think he'd ever get the images of Castiel in hell out of his head. Castiel patted his back and cooed wordlessly to him, eventually carrying him out of the living room and back down the hall into Dean's bedroom. A little worried that Castiel was going to try to make him go back to sleep, Dean clung to him a little tighter. But he didn't. Instead, Castiel carried him around the room as he opened the closet door to get a t-shirt and then a dresser drawer to get out a pair of jeans and some socks. Considering that he'd spent the past week living in pajamas, Dean's curiosity eventually won out over his fears.

"Daddy?" he asked, turning his head just enough to watch as Castiel laid the clothes out on the bed. It looked like a normal enough outfit, really. The black jeans were brand new and a little stiff, but the shirt was pale blue with a picture of a red car that kind of looked like the Impala on the front.

"Your uncles and I were talking and we decided that it would be good for us to get out of the house for a little while," Castiel explained.

He froze. "A walk?"

"No, baby. Not yet. You need more of a distraction than that. Do you remember when you first came here? And I said that while I'd bought some things for your room, we'd buy the rest of it later when you could pick out some of it for yourself? Well, we're going to start today. We're going shopping."

Shopping. Somehow Dean hadn't ever thought he'd heard those particular words come out of Castiel's mouth. Just the thought was enough to make him go cold. Shopping meant other people. Other humans, who would be staring at him and judging him and thinking that he was the freakiest piece of shit on two legs. Oh god, what if he ran into Sam or Bobby or someone else that he knew? He and Sam knew plenty of hunters all over the US, from Maine to Florida and pretty much everywhere in between. If anyone saw him, word would get back to Bobby and then Sam eventually. And he wasn't ready for that. He must've gone white, because Castiel started talking fast.

"Calm down, Dean. It won't be what you're picturing, I promise. You won't run into anyone you know, for one thing. We're going shopping in Toronto, Canada, just to make extra sure that doesn't happen. And for another, we're going to some stores that cater exclusively to nestlings and hatchlings. That means no one will be looking at you funny or judging you, because the only people you'll see will be store clerks, other angels, or other nestlings and hatchlings just like you." He smoothed the hair back from Dean's forehead.

"But..." Dean said weakly, so many arguments tumbling through his mind that he hardly knew where to begin.

"We won't go if you don't want to, Dean. It's your choice."

Dean's jaw snapped shut on the protests he'd just been about to utter as he realized something. Castiel really wanted to go shopping. He'd probably never admit it, especially if he knew Dean wasn't sure about going, but it was all there in the hopeful gleam in his eyes and the way he was sitting up straight, like a kitten waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting bird. Sure, if Dean said he wasn't ready to go, Castiel would veto the trip immediately. But he would be disappointed, even if he'd never say as much out loud. And after everything Castiel had done for him, and everything that the future suggested he was going to do, Dean couldn't bring himself to do that.

He bit his lip and slowly looked back at the clothing on the bed. On second thought, the t-shirt was a little childish. Though since he was sitting on the hip of his daddy, wearing a pajama top and a diaper, he didn't have much of a leg to stand on. He squirmed a little. "Can I... I don't want anyone to know..."

"You can wear a pull-up," Castiel said gently. "No one will know that you have anything on underneath your jeans. That's what they're for."

Oh hell, Dean was really going to hate himself for this. He nodded hesitantly. "Okay."

Castiel looked both surprised and pleased. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Yes," Dean whispered, even though he really, really wasn't. He forced a quivery smile. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

For someone who said it was fine if they stayed home, Castiel moved fast once he knew that Dean was on board. In less than half an hour, Dean was dressed - and, as promised, it was impossible to tell that he was wearing the pull-up under his jeans - and so was Castiel. Gabriel and Balthazar met them at the door. There was a bag hitched over Gabriel's shoulder. Dean looked at it curiously. It was pale green in color and had a thick yellow strap, so it looked a little like a duffel bag, except no duffel bag he'd ever seen had pale yellow bees stitched along the bottom. Or had a fatter yellow bee on the front pocket.

"Ready to go, honey?" Gabriel asked brightly, flinging an arm around Dean's shoulders before he could ask.

"What about the demons?" Dean asked worriedly.

Gabriel glanced at Castiel before he answered. "I did some checking into it. Turns out those were the only two we needed to worry about. But don't worry. We're gonna stick together on this trip, okay? That's why Balthazar and I are coming with you, and a couple of our brothers and sisters will be hanging around as back-up just in case."

It was comforting to hear that there would be other angels around, and wow that was not a sentence that Dean was used to thinking. He let himself lean into Gabriel as Balthazar stepped closer to Castiel. The world blinked away, smearing into a mess of colors that made his belly flip up and down, and cool air rushed around him. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, but it was over just as soon as it had begun. When he dared to peek, he found himself looking up a shopping center. There was about ten stores and a couple of restaurants, ranging from what looked like a furniture store to a clothing store to a toy store to a book store. The parking lot was filled with cars, and while there were lots of people around no one gave them a second glance for appearing out of midair.

But it wasn't until Dean took a closer look at those people that he understood why. Some of them were immediately identifiable as angels. Not because they had wings or held blades, but because of the awkward, stiff way in which they held themselves. It was exactly the same way that Castiel used to act before he'd nearly fallen. The rest, though... Dean had never really paid much attention to nestlings before, but now he couldn't stop staring at them. There were men and women of all different ages - the youngest that he could see looked around twenty, but the oldest was easily late fifties - dressed in little kid clothes, holding the hands of angels or being carried or just walking close as they headed into stores.

It looked so... normal that he had a hard time wrapping his head around it. Castiel had told him repeatedly that nestlings were common, but a little part of Dean hadn't been able to believe it until now. But the proof was right in front of him. He couldn't even bring himself to look at the two or three people who were dressed even younger than most of the nestlings and were sucking on pacifiers or clinging to stuffed animals, including one angel who appeared to be pushing an actual stroller towards the clothing store. It didn't take a genius to guess what - or rather, who - was in the stroller. His head was feeling a little funny, and if it hadn't been for Gabriel's firm grip around his shoulders he might've fallen right over.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Castiel asked.

"I..." Dean trailed off, swallowing. Because the weird thing was, he didn't stand out at all. No one was looking at him strangely or thinking he was shameful because they were all doing the same thing. Like it was natural.

"Just a little overwhelmed, I think," Gabriel muttered. He squeezed Dean gently. "Come on, kiddo. Let's start with the book store, okay? Burn off a little energy before we go to the furniture store. And then we can hit up the toy store." He was grinning, positively gleeful at that idea.

"Perhaps we should do the toy store first," said Castiel.

"No way, Cassie. Gotta save the best for last!"

"That's what I'm afraid of," Castiel muttered, rolling his eyes, but he was smiling. "Dean?" He held a hand out in invitation.

Dean looked at the offered hand. He looked around the plaza again, seeing even more details than before: a woman around his age who was wearing a tutu and carrying a big pink bunny. A man a few years older than him who was being carried by a female angel into a restaurant. Another man who was wearing a backwards baseball hat, a store bought uniform that said 'MVP - DOUGIE' and carrying a bat. A woman who was riding piggy back on a male angel. At least half a dozen nestlings playing on what looked like a playground, only with equipment designed to be large enough to accommodate adults. And that stroller, loitering in front of the clothing store as the angel chatted with another angel. He looked back at Castiel's hand.

Slowly, he took it.