Unspoken Regrets

On the first of August, Remus Lupin appeared in the entrance hall of Black Manor in Scotland with a flash of green flames . He was greeted by a house-elf that showed him to the formal drawing room. Remus of in awe of the wealth and splendour of the place; he had forgotten what large manors were like, as Potter Manor was the only home of an Ancient House he had visited.

As he entered the room, he saw Sirius sitting in one of the plush armchairs. Remus was quite surprised by his friend's appearance. Gone were the days when Sirius used to have an amused expression on his face nearly all the time. His face was impassive and his eyes still had a haunted look to them that would probably never disappear. He was dressed in expensive clothes and the Black family signet ring was gleaming from his finger.

"Remus," Sirius said softly, his lips curving into a small smile. "It's been far too long. Please take a seat."

Remus Lupin did not miss the formal way in which Sirius greeted him. He also didn't miss the way he called him by his first name and not by his Marauder nickname. He took a seat on the sofa, trying not to let the décor bother him. He looked terribly out of place.

"Nice to see you again, Sirius," said Remus quietly after several seconds of silence. "How have you been?"

"Just fine as any prisoner who had lived for ten years in a high-security cell in Azkaban would be."

Remus winced. He paused for a moment and blurted out in excitement, "Where's Harry?"

He followed Sirius' gaze to the other side of the drawing room and his eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't seen Harry since he was a baby, but this was certainly not what he had expected. There was a resemblance to James Potter, most definitely, but he could see a lot of Lily too. The boy didn't have the messy hair of his father, but instead, it flowed in slight waves like his mother's.

Harry was quite tall for his age and looked fit. He was wearing a light blue shirt with black trousers and an informal open robe was slung over his shoulders. He was leaning against the wall, his legs crossed at the ankles, and arms folded against his chest. Remus could see a silver locket glittering under the sunlight and also a blue diamond ring which adorned Harry's right ring finger - the Head of House ring. The last time Remus had seen it, James had still been alive.

"Harry," Remus greeted him with a warm smile. "The last time I saw you, you were just a baby! How are you doing?"

"I'm doing just fine, Mr Lupin," replied Harry neutrally. "And that is precisely what I'd like to talk to you about."

"Harry," said Sirius sternly, with a hint of warning in his voice.

The boy silenced himself immediately, looking slightly abashed. Remus was surprised that Harry was willing to listen to Sirius. According to Dumbledore, the young Potter heir was quite the rebel. Unfortunately, Remus had not understood what kind of rebel the Headmaster was talking about. He had pictured Harry to be like James, which was far from the truth.

"How are you, Remus?" asked Sirius, his attention on his guest once more. "How has life been for the past eleven years?"

The man shrugged. "It's been fine, I guess. I've been abroad mostly, working in the Muggle world since I can't find work elsewhere. Accommodation has been the worst problem as all magical governments have strict laws about werewolves living near a large wizarding population, but I can make do in the Muggle world. I was completely cut off from Britain and only came back the day before yesterday after Professor Dumbledore found me. He told me what happened and once I found out that you were exonerated, I immediately contacted you."

Sirius hummed. "May I ask a simple question?" he asked quietly. When Remus nodded, looking confused, he said, "Why didn't you ever check on Harry all these years? I know that you were not eligible to be his guardian, but you could have just popped over there from time to time to ensure he was safe and happy. Why didn't you?"

"Dumbledore said it was not safe, Sirius," Remus replied, frowning slightly. "I did ask him if I could meet Harry, but he declined, and I've never held that against him. I had to maintain distance. The magical population is scared of werewolves as it is, so it would have been dangerous for me to interact with Harry at all. What if I'd infected him accidentally?"

"You transform one night a month," said Sirius pointedly. "You didn't even have to talk to him. All you had to do was observe him and ensure that he was happy. You couldn't be bothered to look into the living conditions of the only son of your best friend who was kidnapped by Dumbledore and left with Petunia , of all people? Knowing how Lily felt about her sister, you still stayed away?"

Remus was startled. "Sirius, Dumbledore said Harry was safe and happy there, so what more could I do? How could I doubt his words? Besides, it all worked out, didn't it? Harry looks perfectly healthy. You were also released from Azkaban and now he's living with you. So what's the problem?"

"What's the problem?" Harry repeated, his voice very soft and cold. "The problem, Mr Lupin, is that I was neither safe nor happy with those filthy Muggles I call my relatives. Not one person in the magical world cared enough to check on me. They all thought the wise old Albus Dumbledore would ensure that their precious saviour lived a pampered existence. Were you not aware of just how much Petunia hates magic?

How much she loathed my mother? Put the pieces together, Mr Lupin. What do you think she would do if she found the freakish son of her freakish whore of a sister who got herself blown up by consorting with freaks, placed in a basket on her doorstep in the middle of the night? Those were Petunia's words, not mine. She and her bastard of a husband put me in a tiny cupboard under the stairs, starved me for days on end, turned me into a slave, and did their best to beat the magic out of me. I assure you, I was far from happy or healthy there."

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