Sunday 21st February 2021 "9:40"

"Dearest Anneliese."

I'm sitting on the lounge as I'm writing this. from my view I can see 3 big two story houses but better! I'm not jealous or anything, sometimes I look out the window and wonder what it would be like to live in a house like that? its so big! with all these rooms and corridors to run around in. And best of all! you have Pepole and kids living right next to you! I would never be lonely again if that where me!

I mean don't get my wrong, I love my home as it is. it just gets too quiet. dim, and lonely. you can't hear anything but dead silence. No laughter of children playing, or the loud chatting of Pepole that you hear on the streets and in stores. Its just dead silence...

that's all you can hear except the loud beat of your heart. your slow breathing, and the voices of your mind trying to slowly kill you.

Or at least that's what life feels like for me.

I see kids out in their backyard playing with their nextdoor neighbours kids having fun and laughing. I've felt that way too! and it's such a wonderful of a feeling that I can't even explain!! sometimes I wish that U could just stay like that forever.. but it can't! otherwise the feeling wouldn't be so special.

because the thing is, I hardly ever get to play with others. And I'm 14!! a teenager. Who sees a teenager playing with children in the public eye without Pepole wondering. "why can't that teen just grow up?" but that's the thing! I don't want to.. beacuse I didn't have much of a childhood with other kids. I was always by myself, whenever I was stuck at home with mum and dad I would have to occupy myself just so that I didn't feel lonely. Otherwise. If it did?

I would be a very ungrateful child wouldn't I?

but I can't help it. I want to socialise! I feel like a blue, bird. Stripped off its wings! I want to laugh and smile without having to fake being happy every dim moment!

want to feel a happiness that is real...

Talk again soon.

Yours -

Hannah.

("Side note"). "I want to get outside, play, laugh, feel the air on my face. But I'm too tired to move. I'm tired of feeling sick. I'm tired of getting kicked around. I'm tired of putting my efforts in. I'm tired of trying to belong! I'm tired of living the same routine. I'm tired of faking being happy. I'm tired of being alive..".