Chapter 9

Eight years ago:

"Is this far enough Flat Head Sensei?"

Baraquiel stood in the small field a short distance from Issei.

The fallen had tried to unload the Sekiryutei off on Azazel three weeks ago. He really did.

Problem was, the leader of the Grigori currently had his hands full with an emotionally unstable Hakuryutei that he had conveniently forgotten to tell everyone he had been taking care of for the past few years.

As interesting as it would have been to see what would happen if two adolescents each wielding Longinus tier Sacred Gears that were in eternal conflict came across one another, Azazel wisely thought better of it… eventually.

As if dealing with the devils and Ophis wasn't bad enough.

The past few weeks had been a political nightmare between the Fallen and the Devils as they tried to make sense of the situation.

Normally, standard Fallen protocol to new unclaimed Sacred Gear users was "Smash and or Grab". Basically, recruit them, or kill them. Or both.

Normally, Ophis wasn't involved.

Because she was, the Fallen were contractually obligated to inform the Devils of Issei and the current situation.

The same would have been true had Angels found him on Fallen territory, or Devils finding him on Angel territory. It was one of the unspoken agreements that all three sides had come to agreement on when hostilities had simmered into a "cold war" status.

That was just how significant and terrifying her power was.

Throw in the fact that she actually considered Issei genuine family for reasons that completely eluded everyone, and not simply kin like she would with other dragons, and they had a situation that no one was prepared or knew how to deal with.

Issei's family did live on Devil territory.

But, the Fallen had found him first… technically…

But, Ophis had clearly taken an interest in the boy personally for reasons that no one understood clearly.

And if there was one thing that all pantheons everywhere could agree on without hesitation, it was that pissing off the Oroboros Dragon was an incredibly stupid thing to consider.

Thankfully, the number of individuals involved in the discussions were limited. Only the four Maou, Azazel, Baraquiel, and the owner of Kuoh, Cleria Belial were involved in the private talks that took place.

They weren't heated for the most part. Tense at sometimes yes, but this wasn't the first time the leaders of the factions have had to negotiate on important matters without everyone and their mother knowing on the afternoon news. Thanks to the fact that the more aggressive members of their respective species were absent, things were kept to a civil level outside of a few cheap remarks and reminders of events that were best left forgotten.

They only almost were on the verge of killing one another three times during the talks. And two of them stemmed from Azazel ripping on Serafall's hobbies like he did every meeting. A new record low.

Truth be told, Azazel and the Maou had spent most of the time shooting shit and just enjoying some time off away from the less savory members of their kin.

It was only when Baraquiel reminded everyone that Issei was more interested in getting a harem and being a doctor than fighting or obtaining glory that some progress and concessions were made.

… Well, after everyone wrapped their heads around the fact that the Sekiryutei was a nine year old kid obsessed with getting a harem to the point of trying to game the Japanese system and building up a small fortune.

According to Azazel, Issei had, somehow, set up several stock accounts a year or two ago under false identities without his parents knowing and had a net worth that was already about to hit the seven figure mark in USD.

As odd as the kid was, no one could deny he was resourceful.

Since Baraquiel was the first person to meet with the Hyoudou family and was already familiar with them, he'd be the one to teach Issei the bare basics of their world. Basic magic. How to fight. General politics and the like. Nothing too deep or significant enough to annoy Ophis or make Issei actually choose a side.

Issei's contact with the Devils would be more uncommon due to everyone wanting to keep his identity on a need to know basis. Cleria couldn't perform the task due to having a rare condition that essentially made her allergic to Dragons. Since Serafall and Sirzechs had younger siblings and weren't perpetually obsessed with work like Beelzebub, they would drop by every month or two to visit, gage how Issei was doing, teach him a few things, and try and figure out what the hell Ophis was doing.

His meeting with the Maou went quite well… outside of the small incident where Issei had asked if Serafall was going through a demonic mid-life crisis after she had donned her magical girl outfit to try and impress him.

Don't get him wrong. Issei was impressed. It was just, he was impressed again when he was almost flash frozen.

Which brought on today. Issei's first full day lesson with Baraquiel.

Under Ophis' supervision of course. The Oroboros dragon made herself perfectly comfortable sitting on a rock while eating some crackers.

"Go Issei. Fight on. Beat Flat Head Sensei."

Now if only Ophis didn't pick up Issei's habit of calling everyone weird things. His name wasn't that hard to pronounce, was it?

"How did I get myself wrapped in this mess?" The tall man lamented to himself quietly. He only hoped that he wouldn't have to stay long. Akeno was learning how to cook and she'd be devastated if he wasn't home by dinner. "Yes Issei, that's good. This is just a small spar to see what your skills are like. Most real fights happen from out of nowhere, so don't expect what we're doing to resemble what you'll do in the future."

"Oh. Ok. Yeah. That makes sense. No one would want to fight fair if it meant making things harder for themselves." The boy nodded, pausing and pretending to ignore his right hand twitch.

The fallen frowned. He had noticed it earlier, but he didn't understand why the boy seemed to pay attention to his right hand so much. He had already verified that Ddraig was sealed in a gauntlet in the boy's left arm, so why so much focus on the right? Was he hiding something?

"Flat Head Sensei. Issei already knows how to use Ddraig." Ophis mumbled between crackers. "He doesn't know how to fight though. Be careful or you might die."

The Fallen paused, digesting her words. It wasn't like her to look out for others.

"Asami's making cookies tonight. If you die, we might not get any because of everyone yelling."

No. Never mind. Ophis was just thinking with her stomach again.

Pretending to ignore her second comment, the man turned his attention back to the boy again. "You can take out your Sacred Gear now."

[BOOST!]

In a flash of red, a crimson gauntlet formed over the boy's left forearm and hand. Adorned with emerald jewels and golden spikes that reflected the Crimson Dragon Emperor sealed inside, Baraquiel took in the nostalgia at seeing it once more in his life…

… And marvel at the differences that this variant had.

Coiled around the majority of the boy's arm like intersecting crimson snakes, two bands wrapped his limb from elbow to the back of his hand, conjoining at the largest green gem like two serpents sharing a single grand eye. It almost reminded him of Caduceus, the staff of the Greek God Hermes.

Sub species.

The boy was not even ten years old, but he wielded not only a Longinus, but a sub species at that.

He wasn't the first wielder of the Boosted Gear to have one. There was a wielder who could boost at a fraction of the time of normal users. Another user's boosts tripled their power instead of doubling. He even heard of one woman a few centuries back who could apply her powers over a distance and to multiple targets at once. She had given the three factions a good deal of trouble with the army she had raised until she had finally been put down by the third user of Divine Dividing user of that time. She had killed the prior two.

"Ddraig. It's been a while." He nodded his head. "I see you're in a rather interesting spot again."

"You don't know the half of it, Baraquiel." The trapped dragon replied, the large jewel on Issei's hand glowing as he spoke.

"I see the boy's obtained a subspecies. Care to share your thoughts on his potential?"

The field shook slightly at the sound of the dragon's amused chuckle. "The boy started with absolutely no qualities of significance, even as a human. His lineage is unremarkable in every way possible. He's without a doubt my weakest user to date."

"Hey! Yeah? Well, you're a dead old lizard that's been passed around more than a used drug den needle, so pbbttt." Issei shouted, blowing a raspberry at his hand.

The Fallen Angel did not hear that. He did not hear that, he did not just hear a nine year old boy just say that and he will deny it to the end of his days if ever asked if he did.

Had he spent less focus exercising short term memory loss, he might have heard a faint bodiless voice in the area… laughing its ass off.

Judging from the deep growl, Ddraig wasn't amused. "As I was saying, the boy started with no potential, but he does have a strong work ethic that surpasses expectations. I'd prefer it if he wasn't so obsessed with obtaining a harem…"

"Harem." Issei cut in, his body stiffening at the word as though it was a preprogramed reaction.

"-But it has pushed him in directions that I did not anticipate, in ways I did not see before. He has the capability to go farther than his predecessors, and has already more than once broken past his limits."

"For the harem."

"… Farther than his predecessors." Baraquiel echoed, unconvinced.

Ok, now he was certain that he was hearing someone laugh their ass off nearby.

"I said he has capability. Never said how likely he was to reach it." No one needed to see the dragon to know that he was trying to save as much face as possible, and failing miserably.

"Hey. Hey. Flat Head Sensei. Do you know why the oppai of Devil and Angel and Fallen women break the conventional rules of physics and undulate like they're in an earthquake? I bet you do. Hey. Hey. If I beat you, will you tell me? Please? I have to know their secrets!" Issei was having trouble staying in place, waving his arms about wildly and staring at Baraquiel with innocent eyes of excitement and energy.

The Ten Winged man couldn't help but let out a brief chuckle of amusement. This kid's interests were bizarre, and his personality was all over the place. However, he couldn't dislike that genuine look on the kid's face. The child really was the sort to be eager to please and learn whenever someone spent the time to look at him. It was a rather endearing trait that wasn't seen much in today's modern culture.

Now if only the kid's interests weren't so peculiar, he might have even employed the idea of introducing the child to Akeno. The two of them were clearly lonely and needed friends.

No. He wasn't going to risk introducing his little girl to Issei. She was too innocent to be exposed to this kid's delusions and plans… and Ophis.

"Hmhm. Tell you what. Let's see how you do for now, and we can work something out later." Of course, he didn't expect to fight the boy for real. Even if he was trained, Issei was only a nine year old human, and had the Boosted Gear at that. The Sacred Gear could only pump out as many boosts as the user was physically capable of handling. Even if the boy could handle ten boosts, he wouldn't be able to make a scratch on Baraquiel.

"Mmm. Mmm. Ok. So all I have to do is win." The subtlety of his teacher's words went straight over the excited boy's head.

"I'll give you all the time you need to prepare. I know that it takes ten seconds for each boost your Sacred Gear gives you." Baraquiel instructed.

"No. I'm good." Issei smiled widely. "I'm gonna start now Sensei."

"Huh?"

"I warned you, Flat Head. Issei doesn't know how to fight." Ophis blinked lazily as she watched Issei took a step forward, the coiled ridges on his gauntlet stretched back before snapping in place just as his foot reached the ground…

[Boost.]

… And he was standing right next to the completely stunned Fallen Angel, well within the man's guard, left hand reaching out to the man as if just wanting to touch him with a happy grin and an innocent shine in his eyes.

"If you aren't careful, he might kill you by accident."

o. o. o.

Current Day:

"Um, I'm still new to this whole, Devil thing, but isn't a member of the Church being here a bad thing?" Saji looked at everyone unsettled, not exactly sure what he should be thinking or doing at this very moment.

"It would be if said member of the Church wasn't a clueless Puppy that clearly knew less about what was going on than you did." Issei grunted, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he leaned up against the tree they were all gathered at the base of.

"Puppy?" Gasper blinked in confusion.

"Obnoxiously cute. Stupidly innocent. And liable to wander onto a highway and become road kill if you take your eyes off of her." Issei deadpanned nodding his head to the recently introduced Asia Argentio.

"Should have known that was your reasoning." Raynare sighed before pausing. "Wait, did you just admit that another living being is actually cute?"

"Um. What did he say?" Asia asked the others confused.

"… He called you cute?" Gasper grasped at straws, pretending to ignore the looks that the others were giving him.

Well, everyone except Asia, who blushed so hard that her entire face was red.

"And so Dio's path of misinformation and evil begins."

"Don't look at me like that!" And like that, Gasper pulled a paper bag over his head and crawled into a ball.

Saji paused as he saw the drawing of Dio Brando's face on said paper bag. "Hey, uh, did you know that your bag…"

"Waaaahahahahaaaaa!"

"Apparently yes."

"Th-thank you for the compliment." Asia bowed shakily. It was obvious she didn't take compliments about her appearance well.

"Great." Issei scratched his head and looked away, trying to figure out how to salvage the situation. He didn't know Italian, but he did at least know what "grazie" meant. "Hey, can someone ask her why she's here without a leash or an owner?"

"Uh. He's asking why you're here in Japan alone." Saji translated. "You look lost and you clearly don't know the language here."

"Oh. That's… I'm looking for the church in this town. I've been assigned to it, but the person that was supposed to pick me up hasn't shown themselves yet." Asia clearly was hiding something, but wasn't doing a good job of it.

"The church? That place?" Saji asked skeptically.

"What's up? Something wrong with what she said?" Issei asked.

"It's been abandoned for years." He elaborated. "Not enough members of the religion lived in the town to keep maintenance, so it closed down. It's been falling apart to the point that middle and highschoolers go there at night on dares and tests of courage on Halloween."

"R-really?" Asia asked, completely missing the fact that both she and Issei seemed to understand what Saji was saying at the same time.

"Is that right?" The Sekiryutei shot a skeptical look at Raynare, as if questioning if she had anything to add to the conversation.

"W-why are you looking at me like that? I had no idea this girl was going to be here." She stammered, taking a step back unnerved at just how quickly her charge had assumed that she was related to the Nun's appearance.

Issei didn't say anything for several long seconds. He just continued to stare at her, as if expressing his doubt about her claims of innocence.

Then, he took out his cell phone and began to dial a number and walked away from the group.

o. o. o.

Heaven:

"And that's this quarter's report on the situation in Africa."

Michael held back a sigh as his fellow high ranking Angels muttered and discussed the latest analysis on prayer and faith related energies Heaven was receiving. As much as he, and everyone else no doubt, were bored with these discussions, there was no avoiding them.

How could they? It had been apparent for years, but no one wanted to admit it. Humans were losing faith in grand numbers over the past hundred, no, even the past twenty years. At the rate things were going, it would only be a matter of time before God's system collapsed on itself due to lack of power.

The Devils knew it. The Fallen knew it. They knew it. It wouldn't surprise the Archangel if the other factions had agreed to the ceasefire and weren't bothering to attack them simply because both factions knew that Heaven would die on its own eventually by the end of the next millennium.

Bzzt. Bzzt.

The bright and decorated room went unusually silent as all heads turned to Michael, or more specifically, the cell phone he had in his robes.

Everyone knew that he possessed the device, but until then, not a single Angel save for Gabriel had ever seen him use it, or seen him receive a call on it.

It was understandable. While seemingly harmless by itself, the cell phone in his pocket was essentially akin to the Red Phone that connected the White House to Russia. The only people that had connections to that line were the ones that were essential to maintaining the peace of the world, or destroying it.

Seemingly unphased by the sudden heavy atmosphere, Michael reached into his robes, took out the smartphone just enough to see who was calling, but prevented everyone else in the room from finding out as well.

"?!"

"? That's?" Gabriel's eyes widened in surprise from next to him.

Almost everyone at least.

"A moment, please."

"Michael…" Gabriel made to follow him, but was stopped by a kind look.

"Maybe next time Gabriel. I believe for now I should see what the issue is." Michael cut her off gently, but in a way that brokered no argument.

With a brief application of magic, the Seraphim teleported himself to another, and more importantly, private part of Heaven to answer his call.

"I must admit, I did not expect you to call me so soon Issei. Azazel mentioned how vexed you were last week. Your reaction is understandable, however I do hope this call isn't to take your frustration out on me next."

"Don't even go there Leonardo." Issei's voice was far deeper than he remembered, but that made sense. They had not spoken to one another since the incident.

Still, it would have been nice if the boy had dropped his habit of referring to him as one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and the member changed every passing moment. He had made the mistake of first meeting Issei while the boy was still learning English, and had mixed up "Michael" with "Michelangelo" during their introductions.

By the time Issei's proficiency with English had grown enough to rectify the mistake, it had been too late and the habit was set in stone.

Azazel and the four Maou loved every second of it and wouldn't stop reminding him of it for months. Even sweet Gabriel had joined in on the action when no one else was around.

"Fair enough. I can see that you're not in the mood to gossip like we used to. Onto business then. It must be rather important if you contacted me instead of Azazel or Beelzebub. Those two are normally your go to people when something irregular happens."

"They are, but I don't talk to them about surprise visits from the Church."

The gnawing feeling in Michael's stomach that had spawned the moment he saw Issei's name on his phone grew exponentially. "Care to elaborate? The rules set up when you hid yourself away are still in effect. The Church, nor Heaven, should be sending anyone into Kuoh without the Maou, the Grigori, and you being informed first. And that is only after Gabriel and I give them permission."

"Then why, do tell, is the bearer of Twilight Fucking Healing, Asia Argentio standing not ten meters away from me in the middle of a park in Kuoh?"

And like that the shoe dropped. Michael couldn't help but understand Issei's growing irritation. The boy never really paid much attention to other Sacred Gears, their powers, or their users. The only exceptions were the bearers that he knew personally, and Sacred Gears that healed wounds.

"Asia Argentio? Issei, are you certain that it's her?" All pleasantries were gone now, the Angel's voice growing more concerned.

"Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Church clothes. Clueless in the way that only a person sheltered all their live could be. Reeks of the unique brand of rosemary that's standard for Church members which also conveniently hides the smell of blood after hunting inhumans and heretics. Oh, and she used her Sacred Gear on me when I was in the middle of an episode and literally forced every negative symptom I had out of existence."

That did sound like the Holy Maiden… wait. "Did you just say that she touched you? And you didn't tear her apart the second she did so?"

"Yes and I'm still trying to figure out that particular event on the side, but that's not the problem. My question is, what the hell is she doing here? Even if she was your decided representative, the Church would raise hell and a half at the idea of her leaving their grounds, let alone the continent. Remember when I tried meeting her when I was younger? Even with your word and endorsement, the priests kept her under higher security than the freaking Coca Cola recipe."

Michael grimaced for a moment, knowing that this was a can of worms that neither of them was going to enjoy opening.

"Issei, Asia Argentio hasn't been seen or heard from in three weeks, after she disappeared near Florence."

It wasn't often that Issei was quiet. It was even rarer when it was because of a good thing.

"… Start from the beginning."

Michael let out a slow sigh, allowing himself time to gather his thoughts and recollect all the information he knew on the situation. Of all the subjects he had expected the second he realized Issei had called him, this was not one of them. "A Devil somehow managed to sneak into the compound where she was living about three months ago. We don't know who it was, how they pulled it off, or why they did it. All the reports say is that she was the first to find him, and then healed the injuries he had accumulated from his invasion. The Devil escaped, but the Holy Maiden was caught in the act."

"And the Church had a hayday when word spread that she healed a Devil." Issei connected the dots. "Please don't tell me you idiots did what I think you did."

"Unfortunately, we did. Asia Argentio was excommunicated from the Church a month ago."

"And people wonder why the Church is losing followers."

"You know as well as I do that we can't afford to risk letting everyone know that God is dead. Her healing a Devil was picture perfect evidence of the System's flaws and irregularities showing. If she stayed, other members of the Church would try to examine Twilight Healing, or her, and possibly make the connection."

"Yeah yeah. I know. Can't man up to your own imperfections. What a surprise." Issei cut him off. "Back to your grocery list of fuckups. I take it you lost her while transporting her to a secure ghost site where she was going to be taken care of after the whole show of kicking her out of the Church was made. Knowing you all-faithful idiots, you didn't even bother to tell her what was going on the entire time."

Michael grimaced, knowing that Issei had once again hit the nail on the head. The boy was rather quick on the uptake when he wasn't distracted with his hobbies or his temper. "More or less. We don't know what happened. The convoy was outside of Florence when they went silent. Five hours later, the backup found everyone at a rest stop under an enchanted sleep, save for Argentio herself."

"And now she's here, clueless, and confused." Issei shook his head. "This whole thing is planned by someone. Too many things happened at just the right time. Seriously. You expect me to believe that it's a coincidence that she shows up in Kuoh around the time that I'm out and about again?"

"I never said I thought differently." Michael frowned. "The problem is, who? Not many are aware of who you are to begin with. Even less know of your recent activity."

"Whoever it is, they hired shit help. She's by herself and lost in the middle of Japan, but isn't suspicious or cautious about a damn thing." Issei noted, briefly looking back at the group nearby, watching how she looked around nervously, not sure what to say to anyone. "Just scared and confused."

"Hypnotized?"

"No. She's too self-conscious and aware of her surroundings. Tricked most likely. She looks gullible enough to believe that the sky is red with brown stripes and not question it."

"A third party then. The ones that planned this setup and the ones that enacted it are separate."

"Question is, which one was the Devil that started this on? My money's on the former."

"Really?"

"It takes skill, power, and resources for a Devil of all things to sneak onto secure Church territory and be found by the one person that could and would heal them quickly. Even more of those things to get out safely after being discovered and still not be identified or have a picture out by now. They needed to trigger this thing properly in order to get her in trouble with as little questions asked. Not something that could be trusted to an outside party. A High Class Devil at the very least. In contrast, the kidnapping was handled differently. The Church would be prepared for any further Devil activity. Wards and blessings, but it sounds like none of those were triggered. There was finesse here. It was clean. When was the last time any Devil party conducted an operation like this on the Church and left no casualties? Especially during an abduction?"

"Fair enough. I had played with the idea myself, but without evidence it was still merely speculation. The fact that you came to the same conclusion so quickly though only furthers my suspicions. Still, whatever plan this is, it's too roundabout. What is the purpose of all the extra meaningless steps? Did they intend for you to find her?"

"Yeah. Leave the clueless girl with a Sacred Gear alone in an area owned by Devils and wait for the emotionally disturbed shut in to find her. Good joke. Tell another." Issei rolled his eyes. There was careful planning, and then there was grasping at straws. "We came across one another by dumb luck, for better or for worse. She said she was looking for the town church, which is another point against her kidnappers being Devils. Apparently the place has been abandoned for years. Odds are she's travelling alone and following instructions in order for her handlers to avoid detection."

"Fallen then. Or at least, not a Devil related group. Someone that didn't want to be detected by the owners of the town and the system that's in place." Michael frowned, identifying the third party. This just got more complicated. "It's unlikely that Azazel is responsible for this. His plans are more thought out than this."

"My thoughts exactly."

"Do you think Asia would know anything of value?"

"And risk her telling the wrong people by accident? No. She's probably been fed some half assed story instead and took it at face value."

Michael frowned slightly, putting as many pieces together as he could with what he knew, and considering his options. "… Put her on the phone. I need to speak with her, for multiple reasons."

"Haa. Another one of your famous and useless, "I'm sorry Heaven didn't do anything, but it's for the greater good, the balance of the world, and the will of God" excuse speeches. And everyone claims that the Devils are the cruel ones. At least they have the decency to gloat about the truth after the stab you in the back instead of feeding you more self-righteous bull." Despite his bitter tone, Issei turned around to the group.

Saji and Gasper were curled up on the ground and grabbing at their heads while Asia was looking at them scared and worried and Raynare was chuckling viciously.

"She tried to pray, didn't she?" Issei glanced at the amused Fallen with a deadpan expression.

"Better. She actually went through half a full passage before she realized what she was doing to them." She smirked. "She's totally clueless."

"No shit." Issei whistled loudly, catching everyone's attention before nodding at the confused Asia while holding out his phone. "You. Puppy. Phone."

"M-me?" The girl blinked in genuine confusion, completely bewildered as to who would want to talk to her, yet also grateful that she had a legitimate distraction from her realization that she was with at least two Devils.

She must have been more out of it than anyone suspected, as she managed to only walk three steps forward before tripping over a tree root and landing on the ground with her ass in the air, her skirt somehow hoisted over her waist to show her panties to the world.

"Waah?" Saji panicked, averting his eyes with a blush and a small glint of blood dripping from his nose. Gasper reacted much the same way, only his face was atomic red.

Raynare didn't know who to be more embarrassed of more. The girl for not being able to walk right and showing her boring underwear, or those two idiots for overreacting like they were.

"… A ninja."

"Eh?" She turned to Issei.

"She's a ninja. A ninja puppy." The pervert blinked at Asia's ass with wide eyes of awe and bewilderment.

The Fallen had to take a few moments to digest what he had just said. "Ok. Run that by me again. How did your twisted mind go from an idiot nun that can't walk properly to ninja puppy?"

Issei turned to her seriously. "Because only a ninja could fall so naturally and still manage to hoist up a heavy ankle length skirt over their waistline."

She also had a supple ass and lithe thighs adorned with pristine silk white skin. Lean and fleshy, but not an ounce of excess skin or fat. She clearly had no training, but there was no doubt in his mind that the girl's physique was perfect for ninja puppy activities.

"Couldn't she just be, you know, clumsy?"

"That's just what the ninja puppy wants you to think." Sneaking through buildings in a ninja outfit and puppy ears. It didn't matter of she was caught. Her innate cuteness could drop anyone's guard until it was too late. Truly she had the potential to be a person of cataclysmic devastation.

"Of course not."

"Uh. Sempai? Why are you drooling and staring at Asia with a glazed look in your eyes?" Gasper asked worriedly.

Running around in revealing fishnet ninja clothes and bare feet and stockings that go up to her upper thighs. Fluffy wagging while moving at double speed to keep her balanced, hunched over on all fours to make her short skirt ride up while giving a great view down her shirt…

"Because he's an idiot." Raynare had long given up on trying to make sense of him.

"Awwww." Asia fumbled in both pain and embarrassment as she picked herself up and frantically pulled her skirt down. "Ah. Um. I…"

"Multipurpose Ninja throwing bones and wire traps everywhere!" Issei snapped out his funk, noticed everyone staring at him, and realized what his situation before hastily putting his phone in Asia's hands. "Er. Yeah. Here. Talk to Leonardo."

"Eh? Leonardo?" The nun blinked in confusion as she slowly brought the phone to her ear.

"It's actually Michael, but I've long since given up on getting Issei to call me by my name." The Angel sighed on the other side. "I've wanted to talk to you for some time, Asia Argentio, albeit not under these peculiar circumstances. On behalf of Heaven, I'm truly sorry for the recent ordeals you have been forced to undergo."

"Oh. Michael. Please, you do not have to… wait, LORD MICHAEL?!"

Asia's reaction was soon matched by nearly everyone else there.

"Michael?! THE Michael?! That's who you called?!" Raynare didn't know whether to finally give into her compulsion to stab Issei for the reveal, or just run away screaming.

"Sempai, you have the Leader of the Angel's number on your phone?!" Gasper gaped in disbelief. "Hold on, the Leader of the Angels has a phone?!"

"How the hell does a nutjob like you have access to one of the head honchos of Heaven?!" Saji questioned the owner of the phone.

"It's not a big deal. I have all the leaders of the three factions on my contact list plus a few of the other big shots." Issei shrugged lazily, ignoring the fact that he had pretty much blown everyone's minds. "Zaz. Sera. Zechs. Beel. Raphael. Gabe. The Bum. Flat Head Sensei. Shemp. Penny…"

"Stop. Stop. I get the point. You know important people. Stop making me try and think of who you're talking about with your stupid nicknames." Raynare cut him off, rubbing her forehead to stave off the oncoming headache. She should have expected this by now. Azazel had already hinted that Issei had connections to all three factions, but she still had trouble believing it.

"Did you just say that you refer to one of the biggest people in the three Factions with the same name as one of the Three Stooges?" Saji asked, bewildered.

"Yes I… wait, how the hell do you know about the Stooges? This is Japan, and those guys are crazy old classic American fads. Even then, barely anyone remembers about Shemp anymore. It's almost always Moe, Larry, and Curley. The odds of coming across someone that recognizes them are about as high as coming across a natural redhead here." This time it was Issei's turn to be confused.

o. o. o.

A certain token redhead of Japan sneezed in Issei's house.

o. o. o.

Saji pointed to his naturally blonde hair. "My Grandfather's a Jewish businessman that married into the family, and grew up watching them. The guy loves the old school Jewish comedians so much the my house has pretty much every box set available for the Stooges, Marx, Brooks, Myers, etc. that has subtitles in Japanese… not that I need subtitles anymore to understand them now, come to think of it."

"Huh. Well, that's a thing. You speak English? I mean, before the whole Devil bit?"

"A few words and phrases, but I never got used to the grammar structure to learn more."

"Yeah, that's what most people say holds them back. Good thing most Americans never really care about proper grammar when talking to others. Especially foreigners. So long as they get the general idea of what you're saying, you should be good."

"Speaking from personal experience? Like you said, barely anyone in Japan knows about the Stooges these days."

"… Eh. A bit." Issei had the grace to look a bit embarrassed by his slipup. It wasn't missed by anyone. "That, and you'd be surprised just how far and deep some of the Grigori's fingers dig into parts of human society."

Saji and Raynare looked like they wanted to ask just what he was talking about, but was interrupted by Asia's surprised yell.

"Aaaaaaah?! Lord Michael?! Are you serious?!"

"Fuck! The Ninja Puppy Howling technique! I was caught off guard!" Issei winced.

"A little warning would have been nice." Saji hissed.

"Why does her voice have to be so high pitched? My ears are going to be ringing for days." Rayanare moaned.

"Yes. Yes. B-But I don't understand… He can? He is? He doesn't look like… oh. Oh. I see. But why me? I'm a disgrace. I can't… really? It's like that?"

No one missed how Asia's frantic and genuinely bewildered expressions were seamlessly, yet quickly replaced by worry, concern, fear, pity, uncertainty, resignation, and oddly enough, a faint amount of hope.

"Something tells me I should be wanting to punch that twelve winged pigeon in the face again right now." Issei grumbled.

"Sempai, you really need to get your violent habits under… did you just say again?! As in, you've punched a Seraph in the face before?!" Gasper was beginning to think that maybe trying to talk reason into Issei was a lost cause if the elder teen's history was this colorful.

"I should be more surprised, but at the same time, knowing Issei, it's not that hard to imagine." Saji muttered.

Raynare didn't say anything and simply glanced at the irate Sekiryutei. If Issei was talking about what she thought he was, then the "first time" the idiot was referring to was when…

"Here." Asia seemed to be done with her call and stepped up to Issei to return his phone. It was clear that the girl was extremely nervous and uncomfortable, but there was something else in the look she was giving Issei that threw him off guard. Something that he wasn't familiar with.

"I'm going to be very displeased with what you're about to say, aren't I?" He half grunted to the Angel on the other side of the line.

"You make it sound as if you're ever pleased with what I say." Michael replied with amusement.

"Point made."

"I've decided to make her Heaven's representative. She's going to stay with you."

"No." Issei's response was immediate and flat.

"You were going to take someone in anyways. Why not her?"

"I'm not a babysitter, Raphael. I don't even know what the hell she's saying."

"It hasn't stopped you before. How long did it take you to learn English? Italian shouldn't be much longer for you. And it's not like you won't be teaching Asia Japanese. You are rather gifted when it came to educating and helping others. Everyone always claimed that if you ever stopped being a doctor, you'd do phenomenally as a teacher."

"Yeah, when I was patient and likeable and actually tolerated others. Look where that got me."

"You mean, when you were like her."

Those that were with Issei didn't hear what Michael had said, but they didn't need to in order to tell that it had not been taken well if the sudden surge of murderous intent radiating from Issei was any indication. All of them save Raynare dropped to their knees instantly from the overwhelming pressure he was giving off.

"You have a lot of nerve, saying that to me. Bird." The boy had growled out the words more than actually spoke them.

"Would you rather I lie to you?" Michael held his ground firmly. "Or do you really prefer abandoning Asia to the whims of the three Factions without a single person to guide her? Heaven has already officially cut her loose because of the Church. Even I cannot do anything about that now other than hide her away under lock and key, with the only interaction she'll have being her guards and the patients taken to her to be healed. Hardly a humane and kind fate for the child. That only leaves the Fallen and the Devils. Azazel might treat her well, but you already know firsthand she does not have the disposition to excel in that environment. And I doubt you of all people would be able to sleep well knowing you practically handed over such an innocent in a Devil's peerage without doing anything, even if the Devil might be trustworthy."

"Ngggh." Issei ground his teeth, growling so deeply and viciously that people minding their own business in the park would later claim that they heard a wild animal wandering the bushes.

"Issei. What happened to you shouldn't have taken place to begin with. It was a terrible thing that we should have prevented and seen coming, but failed to meet our words in the end. None of us believe for an instant that you deserved it, and despite how you feel, you know that as well. While we are trying to make up for what we did, it won't change the fact that we failed you when you needed us the most. It is a lot to ask, but we all know that you are still the kind child we all met years ago under that callous attitude you show everyone. We know you Issei, and we know just how much you loathe seeing others get hurt when you can do something about it. Do you really think that you'd be fine letting Asia be in the same position you were in? The same position that put you where you are now?"

"God. Fucking. Fucking damn it! Fuck you Michelangelo! I swear if you dare show up in front of me in person I'm going to make you fall, pluck every hypocritical feather from your broken chicken wings, shove them down your throat so you choke on them, and record the whole damn thing so that all the Factions and other pantheons can see how full of your own bullshit you are! You hear me?! I will make you FALL!"

"Wow, he's pissed." Saji blinked owlishly. He would have said more, but paused as he saw Gasper's and Raynare's shell shocked reactions. "Uh, I take it he just said something outlandish again?"

"He just threatened to make a Seraph fall right to him." Gasper spoke as if his mind was trying to catch up to him. "Sempai's insane. He's actually out of his mind."

"Hey. Runt." Raynare was slightly more aware of her surroundings and turned to Saji, barely aware that she was using Issei's moniker for him. "A warning. Telling an Angel that you're going to make them fall is one of the biggest insults you can say to them. The higher ranking Angel, the bigger the insult it is. And Michael is the highest ranking Angel in Heaven in terms of authority. What the jackass did pretty much equated to him spitting their species as a whole in the face."

"Really? But then, what about the Fallen? Wouldn't that be insulting to you?" Saji frowned in confusion.

"Asking how we became Fallen is the closest thing. It's private and not something we take kindly to when asked." She frowned, giving him a dirty look. "As in, if you ask any more questions on the subject, I will stab and kill you with my spears. Regardless of the ceasefire. Many times."

"Fair enough." The teen lifted his hands in surrender, knowing a lost argument when he saw one.

Raynare allowed herself to feel some satisfaction before looking at Issei again. Whatever Michael had said to the kid had really set him off. She had seen the Sekiryutei irritated and annoyed countless times. Hell, even his reaction to the fiasco last week could fall into that category. Yeah, he had been tweaked about the whole fanged acid vagina bit, but he had more or less taken it in stride, more annoyed with how the Devils had been carrying themselves and acting than his situation.

This though, this had genuinely pissed him off. She could tell just by looking at him. The normally glazed and dead look in his eyes couldn't hide the spark of rage they had now.

"… Azazel was right. Your tongue has grown more vicious as of late." Michael's tone was a mix of bitter amusement, as if he knew he shouldn't be happy to be insulted in such a way but couldn't help it. "You're probably the only person that would ever say such a thing to me and actually mean it. Your temper is significantly less restrained as well. I never imagined you'd be so willing to go off like this while around others."

Issei froze at the Angel's words, his stomach lurching up his throat. Hesitantly, he turned and looked back at the people he was with.

They were fine for the most part, but there was no hiding the fear and uncertainty in their expressions. Raynare hid it better than the others, but it was clear that it was just a front.

Still on her knees behind everyone else, Asia looked the most disturbed and worried. She didn't even try to look like she knew that everything was going to be fine.

Michael wasn't surprised by the deep breathing he heard on the line. It was a habit Issei had developed whenever he started to get nervous as a child, and apparently was something he had never grown out of. "Issei. Are you ok?"

It took a moment for the teen to respond. The vitriol and energy drained from his voice. "… No. I'm not ok. I'm never going to be ok. You know that already. Everyone does."

Michael could only smile in self-disgust at the confession.

There was a time where he and nearly everyone else Issei knew would have rejoiced at hearing the boy finally admit that he wasn't fine. That he wasn't trying to stay strong and put up a front for everyone else so that they wouldn't worry about him. That he wasn't slowly breaking down from the pressure of everything around him… until he finally snapped by the prodding of a single, unrelenting, and unforgiveable monster.

Just remembering the small boy looking up with that fake smile sent shivers down the Seraph's spine.

Issei had always hated liars, and yet he had become one of the worst ones, just to keep everyone he cared about happy so they wouldn't worry about him so much.

"You really are the best person to leave her with. I can't think of anyone better to take care of her." He changed the subject, his tone gentle. "No one else is able to relate to her like you can. Protect, provide for, and educate her like you can. As much as you'd hate to admit it, she really is like how you once were."