Chapter 14

Issei instantly instructed the girl to read up on curse magic. Apparently, people who were afflicted by them at a young age and survived tended to develop an affinity for the things later on.

"You're not a power type, so use your speed for guerrilla warfare when your opponent is stronger than you. Cursing your targets in drawn out fights is perfect for your style. What kind of curse? Why the hell are you asking me that? Go figure it out yourself."

Next was the Rook, Tsubasa Yura. Judging from her expression as she approached him, she was holding a grudge for the whole humiliation bit earlier.

Another almost generic individual. Tsubasa was rather large for her age, sex, and nationality, in a physically fit with muscles way. In fact, she sported a few centimeters over Issei when he had a good look at her. It was clear from the way she walked that she was extremely used and comfortable with fist fighting.

On a side note, she too was also learning magic from Sona, and was making strides to learn Reversal. Her progress was slower than her Bishop comrades, but she was getting there. It would be interesting to see her use it in battle, that was for certain.

Apparently she had known about the mystical world since she was a kid. Her natural perception was exceptionally high, being able to see and physically interact with magic and faeries and the like. Hell, she had even been fighting monsters and evil spirits solo before she had even met Sona.

Issei's instructions were to practice hitting stuff.

She almost started with him.

By "stuff", Issei had meant anything mystical, magical, or spiritual. Fireballs. Mana. Barriers. The more things she conditioned her hands against, the more effective they would become against the magic world until said hands could, in theory, become anti-magic bludgeoning instruments of death. Able to plow through virtually any defense she came across with a solid straight if she trained enough. A metaphorical spear of flesh and bone.

She still almost started with him after he explained himself.

Next was Ruruko Nimura. The pawn.

With blinding striped green thigh high stockings.

She was instantly dubbed "Asian Pipi Longstockings".

Said Longstockings then almost made contact with his face. Many times.

Asian Pipi didn't have any interesting backstory at all. She just happened to stalk Sona long enough to find out that the latter was a Devil and asked if she could be reincarnated. No particular skill in magic. Overall, just a low leveled well balanced scrub.

Perfect scout material.

She was redubbed "Stalker-stockings", and subsequently attempted once more to give him a concussion.

Initially, he thought it was because her nickname shortened was S.S. He was soon corrected, as the murder in her eyes turned apocalyptic when he voiced his thoughts.

Issei, from a safe distance, told her to practice stalking people without getting caught and try and learn about as many things about different individual people as possible without raising any suspicion.

He totally didn't give her such an unassuming task so that she would stop trying to kill him and not offend his sight with those unholy ugly stockings anymore.

A pity too. She had damn juicy thighs. The abominations totally ruined the near perfect "absolute territory" that she had going.

Last before Sona was the Queen, Tsubaki Shinra. The sexy librarian slash secretary with ungodly long ebony hair that went down to her kneecaps.

It was a good thing that her King was wealthy. The poor girl probably spent a small fortune on quality hair care products every month.

Like Tomoe, Tsubaki came from an exorcist clan, purifying spirits. Unlike Tomoe, Tsubaki actually had a Sacred Gear. Mirror Alice. A mirror with the classic "reflect an attack at double damage" effect.

Oh, and she could use a naginata to some degree. Nothing special there. It was a fancy spear as far as he was concerned. A knife on a stick. No special moves with it either.

Between the Sacred Gear and (at least) three Peerage members that were learning Reversal magic, Issei was fairly certain that Sona was planning on horribly mindfucking and abusing anyone that disobeyed her tyrannical rule in the future. God save the world if the Enabler managed to get her hands on someone with actual high grade mind reading-or-twisting powers.

… Oh wait. There is no God anymore. Shit.

Sadly for Tsubaki, Mirror Alice was pretty limited in its use at the moment. Long cooldown time. Limited size. It was more a special move used only for specific occasions rather than a reliable weapon. A gimmick.

He told her to work on that. Go to a local Ikea and start browsing around for any mirror she could see and try to imitate them. Change the shape of Mirror Alice or split it up into multiple smaller mirrors for convenience. Try and see if reflecting attacks at normal strength would reduce the cooldown time. Stuff like that.

As a final project, he suggested she try to lace the blade of her naginata with her Sacred Gear to give it a bit of flair and trick to use in close combat that no one would see coming. Let her smack back enemy attacks at them while in the middle of physical combat.

In a pleasant change of pace, Tsubaki didn't try assaulting Issei after he was done examining and instructing her. Instead, she just thanked him before walking off to do as he advised.

Issei came to the conclusion that she was nice. Boring, but nice.

Throughout it all, Sona watched with an impassive expression, only speaking up to clarify a fact or aspect of her subordinates whenever she thought it was necessary.

It was only after they had left to start their training and tasks, when she was alone with Issei, that she spoke her thoughts. "You're enjoying this."

"Come again?"

Sona shifted her glasses. She probably wasn't the only one that noticed that Issei had gradually reduced the severity and frequency of his insulting comments the longer he worked. He wasn't kind by any regards, but it was clear that he was putting genuine thought and effort into what he was doing. He was actually trying to help them. "… Never mind. It was just a baseless observation."

He looked at her skeptically before shaking his head in defeat before reaching into his pockets for something. "Whatever. So I'm guessing you're versed in the famed Sitri water magic?"

"I thought my sister would have told you everything about me by now."

"If your sister is to be believed, you're at least on par with Poseidon, and every time you smile, angels come down and bow before your radiance."

The Sitri heiress' face turned crimson red and turned away from the young man. She was going to have to have words with her sister later. "… Nee-sama, says a lot of things sometimes."

"No need to tell me twice. We both know Sera's at least three different kinds of crazy." He meant it. He counted.

Sona stilled, her complexion returning to normal as she turned in his direction. "Why does she trust you? If you're telling the truth… Nee-sama doesn't show that side of herself to just anyone."

He shrugged. "I figured it out. Called her out on it like a complete idiot. Got scared shitless. She found me interesting and adorable for some reason. And now I keep mum about it just like everyone else that isn't frozen in an icicle and hidden in that secret cavern she has somewhere in your family territory."

"You even… you know what, never mind. It's better for the both of us if we stop the conversation there."

"Crazyyyyyy."

"Do you have any advice for me or not?"

Issei rolled his eyes, taking out a pack of unmarked gum, and popped a stick into his fanged mouth without bothering to note the glare she was giving him. "… Your Peerage isn't bad for a bunch of generics, but you're putting too much faith in yourself."

"What do you mean by that?" Her tone was hard and unforgiving. It was clear that she didn't like being critiqued or accused of making a mistake.

Chewing the gum, he watched Gasper in the distance, tossing a green ball up in the air and then stopping it as it was about to fall down. The kid was probably trying to time it so that it froze at the highest point. "Right now, you vastly outstrip the rest of your group in terms of raw power and combat ability. Three users of Reversal and Mirror Alice? You have the technical skills and tricks all down to handle most enemies around your level and maybe a couple of tiers above that if you plan right. I doubt the Weeb's entourage would last long against yours if you plan accordingly, and that's not just because you have more minions than she does. But, if you come across someone genuinely strong, your group's gonna be wiped out in no time flat effortlessly. The only people that would manage to last more than a few seconds are you and maybe your queen if your opponent gets sloppy. In that scenario, the Weeb's group has a higher chance of survival. Unlike you, her Peerage isn't overly dependent on the King if put in a tough spot. Just by looking at them, I can tell they know how to at least take a few hits."

Sona blinked once, her posture stiffened slightly. She did not expect him to come to such a peculiar conclusion so quickly.

She expected even less that he had reached the same one she had come to only after half an hour of going over her forces herself.

"… And you think I am unaware of this?"

"I think that you, like everyone else, dislike admitting your faults. Especially in things you take pride in."

"And what do you take pride in?"

"Porn." His answer was immediate and shameless. He blew out a bubble with the gum, popping it loudly as if further exemplifying just how little he cared about impressions.

She sighed in defeat. "I have your analysis. What's your advice?"

"Nothing exceptional right now. Get the Runt up to snuff. Let the others play with their abilities and grow. Build their foundation more to increase their odds of survival. You're not a frontline group, but that doesn't excuse you from being able to at least take a few hits."

"And for me?"

"Get better at fighting." He shrugged. "Your peerage already has supplementary abilities in spades. You're their strongest pillar, no, their foundation. They need to catch up so they can hold their own, otherwise your group's going to stay unbalanced. But, at the same time without you they're screwed in a real fight, and deep down they all know it. Get stronger so when you are forced to draw attention to yourself, you can handle it. It'll be your best hope for survival."

She couldn't argue against that logic, but still… "Survival. You keep on focusing on that. Instead of winning."

"You can't win if you're dead. A short fight means someone's screwed up. You look like a person that hates mistakes."

"Humph." For what felt like the first time, Sona smiled in Issei's presence. "You're wrong. The only mistakes I dislike are ones that I make. I'm actually quite fond of those made by my adversaries."

And people wonder why he called her Enabler. "Whatever you say."

"I still haven't received any specified training advice."

Issei rolled his eyes. "Fine. Sera told me about your habit of shaping your spells into animals, so your control is already good. Start focusing on other styles. Quick draws and other gun-like spells to increase your magic accumulation speed and small scale pinpoint damage. The faster and more accurate, the better. Flooding and territory manipulation for extra boosts for bigger fights and scale adaptation. Both should help increase your control, power output, stamina, and adaptability rapidly so long as you stick to it. Alternate between those two every week to keep things consistent. Play around with animals when you aren't doing those for mid-range flexibility and versatility. Between the three, there shouldn't be a day where you aren't drained of magic by the time you go to sleep. All in all, nothing outlandishly special or unique compared to what you were expecting."

"That's it?" She was surprisingly disappointed.

"Your sister's killed more people with the basics than anything else. Same with the rest of the Satans. Only an idiot relies only on special moves to win all their battles. If you want some monstrous secret ability that will turn you into a final boss character, make it yourself. Don't rely on me for that. I'm just here to make sure you lot are less likely to die in stupid ways."

"Fine."

"…" Issei glanced at her skeptically, his expression unreadable as he continued to chew his gum.

"What?"

"… Your sister was right." He sighed, as if giving up and making a decision.

"About what?" She was beginning to lose her patience.

He shook his head. "If you want something special to do, start working with your Queen doing combo spells and the like."

"I fail to see how there is anything special about that." Despite what she said, Sona's mind was already trying to decode whatever it was that Issei was trying to tell her. He clearly had something in mind.

"Calm down. I'm not dumb enough to spoon feed you everything. If I did, your pride would kill one of us by the end of the week."

"Why would you assume that there exists a situation where I would kill myself before you?"

"Because if you can't kill me, you wouldn't be able to live with the idea of me holding the fact above your head till the end of time." Issei picked his nose with his pinky, clearly not taking anything seriously anymore.

The next thing he knew, Sona had manifested a gigantic orb of water above her with various tentacle like appendages wiggling around its surface. What was even more ominous was the completely dead expression she had on her face. "If the next words out of your mouth aren't useful, I'll put your claim to the test."

It was at that point that Issei decided that he may have reached his quota for messing with Sona for the day. "I-It's not that hard. Use your head that everyone keeps on raving about. Think about what your respective specialties are, what they do, and how they can work together. Similarities and aspects."

Their specialties? Tsubaki was her Queen. She specialized in magic, her naginata and Mirror Alice. Sona specialized in water magic. It couldn't be magic he was talking about in general, so all that was left was the weapon, the mirror and her wat…er.

Oh.

Damn. He actually did say something useful. Part of her was disappointed that he didn't push her luck and go through with her threat.

She wouldn't have killed him, but the action itself would still have proven… therapeutic.

With a flick of her wrist, the conjured water had vanished. "You are insufferable."

"I've been told." He sighed in relief, still chewing the gum. If Sona had attacked him, she'd probably blame the subsequent damage on him too.

She glared his mouth. "Must you do that here? Class is not in session, but I still don't tolerate gum in school."

Issei gave her a look before reaching up to his mouth and pulling back one of his cheeks to reveal his teeth.

His perfectly normal human teeth.

"Just gimme a minute or two. I'll spit it out soon."

Sona blinked, slightly surprised by the fact that the gum actually served a purpose. "You can't revert it back by yourself?"

He shrugged helplessly. "Nope. Dragonification's a funny thing. Dragons are perfectly capable of transforming into humans once they're strong enough and know what they're doing. But, part dragons don't have the luxury. I can keep the initial transformation down so long as I keep it in mind, but once turned I need some way to drain the dragonic energy from my mouth. Since there's no spiritual energy specialists around willing to make out with me every time it happens, chewing on this shit's the best I can do."

Come to think of it, his stock of gum's getting pretty low. He'll have to bug Azazel soon for a new shipment.

"Oi!" Before Sona could say anything about what she had learned, someone called to them from nearby.

"Oh. I was wondering when they'd get back." Issei blinked as Rias and Kiba approached them.

"Sorry about running off like that." Rias apologized with a shaky smile. "Koneko's, not feeling that well. Akeno is looking after her for the moment."

"Must have eaten something bad." Issei shrugged, brushing off the girl's behavior as inconsequential.

He completely ignored the looks he got from the Devils around him.

"Rias, Hyoudou has already inspected and advised my Peerage and myself. His conduct was… as expected, but there is some worth to his words." Sona summarized his interaction with her Peerage briefly. "Since you were not present to hear of what I will focus on, I will leave so I do not intrude on your privacy."

With that and a brief nod, Sona left in the direction that Tsubaki was in.

"Hmmm." Rias watched her friend leave. "How interesting. You must have impressed her, Issei. Sona does not give out compliments frequently."

"I just gave out some pointers. It's up to you guys to follow through on the rest. Nothing special." Issei shrugged off the praise.

Rias smiled, as if expecting his reaction. "Well then, now that we're here, I don't suppose you can get started with Kiba."

"Sure." He turned to the blonde knight, who was once more smiling in a way that clearly didn't reach his eyes. "So. Knight. Sword user. Man slave. And on the brink of a psychopathic meltdown. You have anything else? Practice magic? Cursed as a baby? Secret government project? Bitten by a radioactive spider?"

"You really don't stop, do you?" Kiba sighed. After the past few weeks, he had developed a slight immunity to Issei's cold remarks. So long as he wasn't blindsided by something personal at least,

With a raised hand, the Knight materialized a sword in hand. "I have a Sacred Gear, like you. It's called Sword Birth. I can make any kind of sword I imagine if I focus hard enough. Powers and all. It's pretty flexible."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Issei?" Rias didn't like the twitching in Issei's eye. It was an ominous sign that the young man was going to go off on something irrational again.

"Oi." His tone was dark. "You're not an amnesiac, are you?"

"What?" Kiba blinked in confusion. "No."

"An orphan?"

"Yes, but that's not that uncommon in our world, is it?"

"Please don't tell me you have some half assed hero complex."

"It's kind of hard to do that when I'm a Devil. I'm fine serving Rias." Kiba didn't know where Issei was going with this, but he had a feeling that he wasn't going to like it.

"Fascination with red and black color schemes?"

"Not really. Personally, I've been told I look good in anything."

"Obsession with cooking?"

"I'm ok at it at best. Cooking's more Akeno's hobby."

"You're unable to turn down a request for help regardless of who it is?"

"I try to be helpful, but I do have my limits and obligations. I can't waste my time with every problem that comes my way."

"Habitual urge to clean and fix things?"

"I like to be tidy when I can, but I wouldn't go that far. Again, that's more Akeno's specialty."

Issei's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Survivor's guilt?"

"…" Kiba stopped smiling confidently.

"Son of a bitch. Another one." Issei turned on Rias accusingly, catching her off guard. "How on earth does no one recognize your smothering Weeb potential!? How?!"

"What? Me? What did I do this time?!" She was more confused than surprised at this point.

"DIO!" Instead of answering her, the frustrated young man called for Gasper with a loud bellow.

Within moments, the dhampir was running right up to them, face full of worry. "What!? What happened this time?! I didn't do it!"

Issei pointed accusingly at the still scowling Kiba.

"K-Kiba?" Gasper blinked in confusion. "I… what? What are you talking about? What did Kiba do?"

"Type. Moon." Judging from his words, he fully expected his meaning to be obvious.

"Type Moon?" Rias blinked in confusion, as did Kiba.

Gasper on the other hand…

"Type… AAAAH!?"

Joined Issei in pointing at Kiba.

"Oh please no. Not you too Gasper." The young swordsman was getting frustrated being kept out of the loop.

"You understand what I'm getting at Dio?"

"I know! I'm surprised that I missed it too!" Gasper was an unusual mix of excited and genuine worry. "I mean, there are major differences too, but the resemblance is unnatural!"

"Gasper. Can you please explain why you and Issei are making such a big deal about Kiba?" Rias groaned. She had thought that she had finally gotten past this phase.

"Your Knight, is an expy of one of the most famous Japanese fictional characters of the current generation." Issei groaned, resting his head in a hand. "Between him, Dio, jailbait, and the yandere Yamato Nadeshiko … your entire Peerage is an ode to Japanese Geek Culture. It's like your innate weeb level is so high that you're doing it subconsciously. I don't know whether to be impressed or terrified of you right now."

"He's talking about a character named Shirou Emiya." Gasper clarified. "The Blacksmith Hero, well, he's more of an antihero depending on which version you're talking about. But, long story short, he can use magic to make instant copies of any bladed weapon he sees. Powers and all."

"That's it?" Rias was confused. "Why would he be so popular if he can just copy swords?"

"Any sword. Even ones from legends, to borderline perfection. Even…" Gasper stopped himself, looking at Kiba warily before moving on. "He's one of those characters that wasn't special in almost every way except for a small insignificant gimmick, and then mastered it to the point of literal insanity to help people. His ultimate move is called Unlimited Blade Works. It's a magic spell that pretty much rewrites the world to a landscape where all of the swords he's ever seen or made are pretty much everywhere and available instantly. At once. It's really cool."

Kiba momentarily glared at Gasper, not missing the quick change in subject and figuring out what he was about to say, but not commenting on it. "All my swords at once, huh? That does sound like a pretty interesting skill to have. Sadly, that doesn't sound like an ability I'd be able to use to its full potential if I ever did get it. It's not my style. Even then, I'd probably need to unlock my Balance Breaker to do something on that scale. Sorry to disappoint you."

"Too bad. You're playing the game." Issei shot down Kiba's rejection instantly.

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Issei. Kiba's not a magician. He's a close range fighter. He has some skills in magic like all Devils, but that's it. Playing a game just so he might be able to imitate a spell is pushing it. Even for you." Rias chided.

He gave her a dirty look, as if she had accused him of doing something stupid. "I'm not asking him to imitate UBW, Weeb. I'm telling him to play the game to give him better ideas of how to use his Sacred Gear in the first place."

"I don't think Kiba does Archery." Gasper was confused.

"Archery?" Rias and Kiba were more confused.

Judging from the look on his face, Issei was reaching the end of his patience. "Dio. Remember the Type Moon verse and how complex it is. Man-Slave could easily incorporate some of the other aspects of how UBW works, and some of the other weapons abilities into his own Sacred Gear to diversify and make better weapons."

"I… yeah. You do have a point." Gasper relented, shifting on his feet.

"Really? You think me playing a video game is going to help me get stronger?" Kiba deadpanned.

This time, Issei did facepalm, as if the young swordsman had just said one of the dumbest things on the planet. "… Man-Slave. What are you?"

"I'm not answering that question." Kiba didn't trust Issei enough to assume that the desired answer was remotely normal.

"Weeb. What are you?"

Rias realized that Issei was aiming for a specific point. Something important and seemingly obvious. "… A Devil?"

"A Devil." He agreed, much to her relief that the answer was actually benign. "And, what is one of the greatest assets to being a Devil, specifically? An asset that the Angels and the Fallen don't have?"

Rias had to think for a moment, running through the reasons that she knew for the one that Issei might be talking about. "Our, flexible magic?"

"Mhm. Mhm." He nodded. "And, what makes Devil magic in particular so special compared to that of Angels and Fallen?"

"It's… based off of our imagination." Rias slowly was putting together the pieces.

"Good. Now. Is there anything that says that what you imagine can't be based off of another fiction?" He talked down to her as if she was a child. "What if that other fiction's magic system was incredibly complex, intricate, reasonable, had foundation, and had the potential to augment a series of spells or skills that you already knew, in a way to be more efficient and productive if integrated and incorporated properly?"

Rias didn't say anything. She didn't need to.

Kiba had come to the same conclusion she did, even if he didn't like admitting it.

"And this is why Devils are fucking idiots." Issei threw up his hands in the air in frustration. "If even a single percent of the damn population bothered to pick up a decently written comic book or fictional story and put any effort into trying some of that stuff for themselves, they would have won the whole damn war centuries by now. Natural weaknesses to the holy element and God's half assed system be damned."

Everyone thought that Serafall's magical girl show was just a hobby. Well… it was a hobby, but it was so, SO much more.

Crazy woman just had to realize that Sailor Moon had been one of the major gateway anime for fans when they were little.

Well… that and Dragon Ball, but apparently there was some kind of legal blockade with Son Goku that prevented anyone in the underworld from touching that particular trademark.

Beelzebub may have been an absolute genius and monster when it came to magic, but people? That was Serafall's domain, and she was so terrifyingly good at it that few would ever even believe the truth if told.

Issei had learned that the hard way.

"But, haven't comic books only been out for the past hundred years? And a lot of the popular comics are based off of myths in general." Gasper blinked in confusion. "And most of the fantasy stories that were earlier than that were based off of the true myths taking…"

"I know what I said!"

"Kiba. I know I may be asking for much, but could you humor Issei for now and play this game he's talking about?" Rias sighed. "At the worst, it's only for the weekend."

"I'm not really into video games." Kiba hesitated.

"It's a visual novel. Like a dating simulator. The most you do is pick what your character says every now and then and read the story. That's it." Gasper elaborated. "There is a bit of romance in it, but it's only between three main… oh."

"Oh what?" Issei frowned in confusion. "Does Man-Slave have something against chicks with inaccurate historical and mythological representations? Or unnecessarily long cooking scenes?"

Grimacing, the young Bishop had trouble looking away from Kiba. "Um… well. There may be a problem getting Kiba to stay on the game. He uh… one of the main characters is a version of, King Arthur."

Like a switch being pressed, Kiba's somewhat amicable expression dropped instantly. "I changed my mind."

Some of the energy that was fueling Issei's eccentricity bled out, giving way to curiosity. "You have a murder boner for King Arthur or something?"

"Yes."

"… Oh." He blinked, not expecting the blunt reaction. "Dio. Give him the Realta Nua version."

"I'm pretty sure that's not going to help convince him, Senpai." Gasper deadpanned. At best, it would only prevent Kiba from trashing whatever computer he was on due to the lack of female King Arthur sex.

"I'm not playing a game that glorifies a hypocrite that wields a useless magic stick." Kiba ground out.

"Good. Because the game is all about tearing apart that kind of useless hypocrisy viciously." Issei deadpanned. "It's full of bad ends too. Ones where your character dies horribly. Others die horribly too."

"You're not convincing me."

"And at the end of the third route, you kill her with your own hands. On purpose. After she was corrupted with a super conceptual god curse that twists even Excalibur into an amalgamation that is anything but holy."

"… You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Bitch, I will hack everything you own that's electronic and load every form of Fate Stay Night paraphernalia there is onto them until you cave in." Issei didn't back down. "… Especially the porn."

"That's a lot of porn." Gasper shivered, knowing just how big the Type Moon fanbase is.

"Please tell me you didn't give him my contact information." Kiba looked at his King with a pleading glimmer of hope.

"Sorry. To be honest I didn't think he'd take it, so I left everyone's numbers and emails with Asami-san." Rias apologized, slightly embarrassed by what had come from her actions.

Kiba cursed under his breath before noticing Issei's surprised expression. "… You were bluffing just now, weren't you?"

"…"

Kiba gave his King an extra dirty look.

"I'm sorry!"

"I was bluffing before, but I'm still going to take credit for that."

"That's not something to be proud of!" Gasper accused.

Kiba grit his teeth, clear annoyance in his expression. There was not a hint of the fake smile and geniality he normally had on. "… How long will it take?"

Issei's confidence lessened slightly at the question. "Eh. The game actually takes a while. It's pretty long. You might not finish it by Monday even if you binge it. The author's known to be a bit wordy at times. At the very least, you'd want to finish the second route, since it has the most relevant information for you. I recommend the third as well for some extra inspiration and unique tricks used."

Nine Lives Blade Works and Crane Wing Three Realms. Good stuff.

"Do I have to play the part where I'm, close, to King Arthur?"

"It's the first of the three main routes. Nonnegotiable. Sorry." Issei shrugged helplessly. "If it makes you feel any better, most people agree that it's the worst of the three."

"It doesn't."

The two male teenagers stared one another down, both unwilling to budge from their decision. Surprisingly, Issei budged first.

"If you quit being a child and do it, I'll sweeten the deal."

"With what? More porn?" Kiba wasn't going to bite.

"I'll fight you for real."

"… I'm sorry?"

"I kicked your ass with a cell phone. Do you really want to leave it with that? Are you that comfortable with rolling over and accepting defeat, Man-Slave?"

Kiba looked like he wanted to rectify that particular issue right then and there.

Tempting. This was far too tempting and everyone knew it. As a knight and a swordsman, his pride had taken a major blow from Issei's display earlier, even if he would not admit it. He was getting offered a legitimate opportunity to kick Issei's ass without getting in trouble.

Or at the very least, a chance to see just how strong he actually was.

Even Rias was tempted by the prospect, judging from the look on her face.

"… No cell phone?"

"No cell phone."

"No tricks?"

"I'm sorry. I thought I was talking to someone that supposedly knows what real fighting is like."

"… No cheap anti-devil tricks or aiming at my friends?" Kiba corrected himself with gritted teeth.

"Outside of that, standard back alley rules, and no bitching allowed regardless what happens in the end." In other words, anything goes so long as they don't murder one another or do anything permanent. Broken beer bottles, knives, swords, guns and all.

They could even call friends to help them out if they wanted.

The Devil was clearly annoyed by the fact that he was enticed by the prospect, but there was no hint of fallacy in Issei's dull eyes. He was genuinely serious about having the fight.

Kiba clearly wasn't happy with this outcome, but all things considered, this really was the best deal he was going to get. "Come on Gasper. The sooner we get this over with, the better."

Grimacing, Gasper followed Kiba, giving Issei and Rias reluctant looks behind him as he tailed the irritated knight.

"He really hates King Arthur, doesn't he?" Issei glanced at Rias.

"He has a grudge against holy swords in general." She relented. She clearly wanted to say more, but she knew better than to get in the way of two boys that were dead set on destroying one another. "I would have appreciated it if you didn't dredge it up again. It had taken him a long time to get over his past trauma in the first place."

Issei gave her a disbelieving look. "That was not him being over it. That was him pretending to be so people wouldn't bother him. Please don't tell me you actually believe that perpetual fake smile of his."

"You're equating his smile to your perpetual act of pushing everyone away?" She accused.

"…" He almost replied. Almost.

"I'm not stupid Issei." She crossed her arms. "Neither is Sona. The only reason why she hasn't figured it out yet is because she doesn't have as much experience as I do dealing with trauma victims. You must have deduced it for yourself as well by now. My Peerage isn't exactly adjusted."

It wasn't something she liked to admit. Akeno. Gasper. Kiba. Koneko. They were all damaged in one way or another. She had invited them into her home when they were at their weakest and most desperate. They were grateful, and did try their best, but Rias couldn't lie. Not a single member under her was completely healed from their ordeals. They just hid it so well that even they forgot about it.

That was, until Issei came along, with the subtlety of a battering ram.

It was understandable in a way. Issei hated and distrusted liars. People that lied to themselves were no different.

It made her wonder, just how much did he hate himself?

The two glared at one another, as if daring the other to say that they were wrong.

"… Tch." Surprisingly, Issei gave up first, turning away from Rias and walking to the school field with a put out expression. "Figures. Can't even last a couple of weeks before someone starts reading me like a book again. Damn it Nee-san. Why do you always have to be right?"

"Issei?" Rias blinked in surprise. "I… where are you going?"

Lifting up his left hand as he walked, he revealed a can of spray paint that clearly had not been on his person earlier. "Gonna tag up the field with markers for my training."

She knew he was changing the subject away from earlier, but the prospect of learning about how he was going to train was too much for Rias to resist. "Tag the field? Sona's going to kill you if you do that."

"Relax. It's water soluble. The Enabler can get rid of it all with a single spell or wait for the next rainstorm to come." He waved her off.

"But what about my training?" She asked, somewhat impatient. The fact that Sona had actually gone with whatever he said was reason enough to assume that he was decent at what he did.

Issei sighed before turning on her. "Power of Destruction, right?"

"Yes. I used it against Viser, when you…"

"When I was used as an extra-large consumable pleasure stick." He finished her sentence with a straight face. "How's your potency control?"

"Potency? You mean power?" She frowned in confusion. "I don't have as much control as Sona, but I am known as the Crimson Ruin Princess."

"Power." He rolled his eyes, saying the word as if it was a curse. Instead, of explaining himself, he held out his right hand and pointed his index finger up between them.

Before she could ask what he was doing, he puffed out his cheeks and blew a small ember of crimson fire onto the finger. Instead of going out, the flames stuck to his fingertip as if it was a candle.

"Watch." He instructed, and despite her confusion, Rias followed it without question.

A few moments later, without changing size or shape, the feeling of the fire itself began to change. The deep crimson red seemed to immerse itself in an endless vermillion, giving off waves of heat that vastly outstripped anything something its size should give off. Rias had to force herself to stay in place, even though her skin soon felt as if it was going to burn and peel off.

Deeper and deeper. Hotter and hotter. It was a hypnotic cycle of pain and power that Rias was certain that Akeno would revel in, until at the very core of the fire, a faint but piercing white light that was in complete contrast to the rest of the immolation was birthed, almost blinding her instantly…

And then Issei closed his fist completely, snuffing out the fire as if it was just any other ember.

"Well?" He asked again, as if his show was nothing remarkable. "How's your potency control?"

Rias shivered. That fire of Issei's. That beautiful, crimson fire that called out to her. At the end… it reminded her of her brother. Of the vast difference between his Power of Destruction, and hers'.

She couldn't tell if the red on her face was a result of the intense heat of the fire, or her own reaction to it.

So distracted, in fact that she didn't notice the small beads of sweat running down the side of Issei's face or his trembling right hand that was glowing in a faint green and white light.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Just because he could breathe and control fire didn't mean that he was fireproof. Fire resistant, yes, but not enough to be unfazed by stabbing himself with an ember that could cut through half a meter of solid steel in a single go.

"Idiot. That's what you get for trying to show off. Again."

"Shut up!" Thankfully, healing burns was something he was intimately familiar with. He just had to stall for a few more seconds and all the evidence would be gone.

"I… I'll work on it." Rias, unaware of Issei's internal struggles, relented to his advice. She made a mental note to warn Kiba of what she just saw the next time they had a moment.

That stage at the end… if he had made that giant fire dragon out of that stuff, would the school even be left standing by now?

Issei nodded, already feeling the throbbing in his hand die off. "The Power of Destruction's extremely aggressive in nature. Being able to use and control it in the first place is already a major step. Your brother, no, your family would not have let you out by yourself if you couldn't do at least that much. But you won't get much further than that if you think shaping and directing your power will be enough as if it was like any other magic spell."

She gave him a wary look. "… I'm not my brother." She did not want to be a carbon copy of Sirzechs, much less give people a reason to assume as much.

"You shouldn't try to be. But that doesn't mean that you should avoid some of the same steps he's taken. Restricting your options and ways to get stronger simply because of pride is retarded. Your life isn't the only one you're risking in the end."

Rias puffed out her cheeks childishly, clearly not fond of being admonished. It was, cute. "You've made your point quite clear already."

"You'd be surprised how many idiots can't hear my advice over the noise of me being a jackass."

"So you are doing it on purpose." She glared.

"More like I rarely make an effort to put up a filter." He counter argued.

"That's not much better."

"Never said it was." Having reached the center of the field, Issei bent over, shook the spray can in his hand, and made a large "X" on the ground. "Ok. That's zero, so, one meter should be about…"

Rias sighed. Arguing with Issei always gave her a headache. It was impossible to tell where he was going to end up in five minutes. At the very least, he was far more manageable to deal with when he didn't have anything to rant or rave about. "When it comes to my power, I can channel it and make it stronger, but increasing its potency's been hard for me. I always end up trying to cram more power into a small shape to compress and magnify the effects."

Issei rolled his eyes, not taking his focus off of the ground. "That's because you're doing it wrong. Cramming power that volatile in a small form is what novices do. Stupid power junkies."

"You make it sound so obvious. If that's the case, then why hasn't anyone told me that yet? Why isn't it in any books I have researched?"

"Beats me. Could be that your teachers wanted you to figure it out for yourself. Could be that they didn't want you to learn such a dangerous ability until you had better control over your powers. Could be that they didn't think that you'd need it." He had made eight marks all equidistant from one another and all one meter from the center.

He started the process again at two meters.

"But you think I do." She concluded.

"No." He looked up at her surprised expression. "I'm just giving you advice and one long term goal on how to get stronger. You're the one that determines if you need it or not."

He was done with the two meter marks now. Next were the four meters.

"I…" She didn't expect him to say that. She felt like she was going to get whiplash whenever he jumped between psychotic child and patient sage. "… I feel like I'm getting lectured in one of those old martial arts movies."

Issei rolled his eyes. "With most energy and conceptual based powers, it's pretty straight forward. Meditate with some of your power manifested, then try to turn it inside out. Push in the radiating outer shell while pulling out the near infinite core that is concept itself. The hard part is keeping it up and maintaining stability. If done right, you shouldn't be adding any additional power to it at all."

"That's it?" She was surprised.

"That's it. Simple in concept. Hard in execution. Like I said, it's maintaining stability and control that'll drive you nuts at first." He lost count of how many times he had burned himself learning this trick. He had not stretched the truth on the first day of school in the slightest when he said he had torched his entire arm on accident.

On the bright side, he had come up with a useful medical spell during the ordeal. Getting rid of clothing that had melted into burn wounds was important to prevent infection.

Of course, most people just thought it was just a gimmick to make people naked when they first heard of Dress Break. Plebeians.

… Not that he didn't have a maybe not so insignificant history of using it in that way too. The spell did have a rather interesting secondary effect if one poured enough magical energy into it…

Rias looked curiously at her hands, inspecting the black and red arcs of power that jumped between them as if witnessing it in action for the first time. "But, wouldn't that be dangerous? You said that you'd be, well, doing whatever to us during the weekend while we were training. Wouldn't distracting me while learning this be counterintuitive?"

"Don't worry. I'll find safe moments to drive you nuts without risking anyone's health. Probably when you're checking up on the others' progress. You look like the mother hen type." Issei brushed her off, making some more marks on the ground.

"You mean when you aren't practicing your dancing?" She gave him a wry smirk, making him pause. "Don't be surprised, Issei. I'm a high class girl that has some training in the arts. I know spot markers for a routine when I see them."

He shook his head in annoyance before continuing on with his work. "It's for coordination and control practice. I'm bigger than I was five years ago. I need to get used to things again."

"I figured. Still, I'm surprised. I thought that with your disposition you'd be a more aggressive and Power type of fighter." She hummed in curiosity, her mind already running through all the Sacred Gears she knew of with functions that depended on the user's natural physical size.

Power.

There was that annoyingly useless word again. There was no way to describe just how much he despised that word and all the meaningless weight that people put behind it. "Yeah well, sorry to break it to you, but I'm not a meat head that solves his problems by hitting them. I just yell a lot like one."

"… Yes, well, aren't we all thankful for that at least." He must have let something slip in his tone, because Rias decided to change the subject rather quickly. "… I am a bit surprised though."

"About what?" He was about finished tagging the submarkers within a four meter radius of the center of the field. Nothing too elaborate, but it was all the key locations he'd need to keep in mind for close range maneuvers.

"That you went out of your way to twist the story regarding Kuroka the way you did."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He responded on reflex before his mind caught up to what she had said.

Wait.

Twist the story? He had skipped a few details, but for the most part, he had kept pretty close to what had happened.

"Issei, I haven't known you for long, but even so I can already tell when you're pretending to play ignorant. You know that Koneko is Shirone." Rias sighed. "For all I know, you were looking for an excuse to tell her the whole story since you met her."

Actually, he only realized it was her a few days ago. Kuroka sent him a few texts to check up on him, make a few custom sex toy orders, plus a few dirty photos as was the norm, when he made the connection. Nothing new there.

More relevant was the fact that the black cat had on occasion sent him stalker-ish photos of her sister over the years (he never should have taught her how to use a professional long range camera), so when he vaguely remembered that Kuroka had a sister in the first place, and that Koneko looked somewhat familiar, he just added two and two together.

He almost genuinely tried to reach through the phone and strangle the stray.

He had always thought it was odd when Kuroka had decided to visit him more often than normal starting a couple of years ago. Turns out, it was just an excuse to have a safe place to crash and mooch food while spying on her sister after Rias moved into town.

The urge died quickly though. Partially because technically Kuroka didn't do anything wrong. Partially because he heavily suspected that the horny pussy would just get turned on if he tried to actually choke her with his bare hands. There were few women that Issei knew that had a libido as wide spread as that cat's, and as a purveyor of all things porn, he knew of maaaaaany females with questionable tastes.

"Your point? Does it really matter to Jail-Bait in the end if she knew that I knew who she was? I'm just some loudmouthed stranger that everyone's making a big stink about for some reason that nobody's talking about." He gave her an annoyed look. "I did skip a few details here and there, but I'm failing to zero in on what specific part you're referring to."

"Honestly, why can't you just…" The Crimson Ruined Princess gave him an equally annoyed, yet slightly confused look, as if looking for something that should be there, but wasn't. "… Issei, is what you told everyone the truth? Kuroka killed her King to protect Koneko, and then she was caught by…"

"Her Peermates, yes. They then raised the alarm, and she was run rampant by the entirety of Devil Society for two weeks before she wound up literally bleeding to death on my doorstep." Issei grunted, turning back to extending his range of marks on the school grounds.

Or he would have, if the fact that Rias hadn't said anything for more than fifteen seconds hadn't registered to him.

He was getting an extremely uncomfortable and familiar feeling in his stomach.

"… Weeb. What am I getting wrong?"

Rias hesitated. It was clear that she knew he was not going to like it. "Issei. Kuroka wasn't found by her fellow Peerage members."

… Oh no. Please don't say it. Don't tell him that he…

"You have got to be shitting me."

She grimaced. "She was found by Koneko. Koneko was the one that saw her standing over her king, half transformed from Senjutsu and covered in his blood."

The uncomfortable feeling in his stomach magnified tenfold.

He fucked up. Again.

His heart nearly jumped up his throat.

Not even two weeks outside of the house, and he had already made yet another colossal mistake.

He barely managed to push down the bile at the last moment.

Hadn't he learned from the last time? Why did he keep on making the same mistake over and over again? Why couldn't he just shut up and stay out of other's business like any other rational being?

Every time.

Every God Damn time he tries to do something good, even when there was not even the slightest expectation of compensation. Every time he genuinely tried to make the lives around him just the barest bit more tolerable, it just blows up in everyone's faces.

He knew this. He's gone through this so many times already. Why did he keep on thinking that this time would be different? Just because he doubted that anyone would thank him this time?

Nothing's changed at all. He hasn't change at all.

And, to top it all off. Kuroka, lied.

Issei didn't say anything. His gaze didn't deviate from the spot on the ground that he was about to tag, his upper body begging to shake.

"Issei, I…" Rias took a step back, actually feeling the pure malicious emotions coming from him. Killing intent aimed in no direction in particular. From her angle, she could just barely see the look of pure conflict and rage that was on Issei's face. It wasn't the same one he had when he was annoyed or going on a random tirade. He was genuinely angry this time.

"Fuck!" He shouted, crushing the spray paint can into a fist and ignored the blue paint splattering all over him. "Son of a god damn… lying over-sentimental… FUCK!"

His fragmented tirade caught the attention of the few devils that had stayed in the area. No one had been close to hear their conversation, but it was hard to miss him walking in circles shouting his lungs out and chucking the mangled remains of the can off in a random direction. He was so out of it that he couldn't even make coherent sentences for most of it.

"You!" He turned on Rias halfway in the middle of another explosive chain of nonsensical words, pointing at her accusingly. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"I… what?" She was caught off guard, not expecting to be a guilty party.

"Why the hell did you leave her side you idiot!?" He snarled, surprising her once again. "That's one of the worst things you could do to her in her current state!"

"I, but, Akeno's with her!" Rias struggled to keep up. Trained in politics she may be, but she was not used to being suddenly put on the back foot like this. "She, Kiba, and I had caught up to her fast and managed to calm her down. After we talked, Koneko said she was getting better and that we could go back. I made sure she was ok. Akeno was keeping an eye on her. She should be fine. Akeno's like an older sister to everyone else in my Peerage and-"

"There's no way she'd be fine! Of course she'd say that! Practically everyone would say that after going through a shock like that even if it wasn't true to calm down the people around them and keep them from worrying!" Issei snapped, completely throwing away her excuse, his mind and mouth running on overtime. "I thought you would have known that by now since your entire peerage combined is roughly a third as unstable as I am!"

"Don't yell at me for this!" Rias lost her temper, clearly uncomfortable with being accused. "I'm not the one that started this mess in the first place!"

He threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "If I knew that Jail-Bait was the one that found that delusional stray in the act, I would have used another story to use as my example on how much of a failure Devil politics are! Do you have any idea just how badly she's going to blame herself now that she knows what happened? She was the one that came on the scene. She was the one that raised the alarm before anyone else. She was the one that mistook a forced Senjutsu transformation for a willing loss of control for more power despite the fact that as a Nekoshou she's supposed to be naturally able to tell when something's off. She was the one that eventually led things in such a way that Nekoshou and Senjutsu users are all but blacklisted in the devil society. And it was completely by accident! Of course realizing that she fucked up that hard is going to rebound on her! It's not something anyone can just get over in a few minutes!"

Rias' breathing hitched as Issei more or less spelled out everything that had been weighing heavily on Koneko's conscience for several years already, and realized that this new revelation was only going to make these things assault the young girl with a vengeance now.

"YOU, on the other hand,became her sister's replacement in her life when practically the whole world came crashing down on her, her primary emotional pillar. Not the Yandere. Not Kuro. And certainly not your whipped and lame duck older brother. If you aren't around when she comes to those conclusions, there's no telling how long it's going to take for her to stop blaming herself for her misunderstanding if at all!"

He was certain that was where Koneko's mind would go after learning what she did. It was what he would have done if he was in her shoes. It was a road that he had already traveled down and had yet to return from.

He couldn't fix this. He was never the one that could fix things. Right now, the only one that could mitigate the damage adequately was Rias.

Rias stood stock still in place, coming to terms with the horrifying fact that Issei had realized her mistake faster than she did. Even scarier, that he had already pegged Koneko's personality down well enough that he knew what the girl was going to do before anyone else.

Clap!

Issei slapped his hands together in front of her face, glaring directly into her eyes. "Why. Are. You. Still. Here?"

"I…"

"Go!" He snapped, blasting a wave of killing intent at her, making her jump again and finally get her sprinting across the property. "Yah! Mush! Allonz-y! Move! Black thong! Good pick for physical workouts! Run bitch run! Just go already!"

Only later would Issei wonder why Rias had gone to a training session dressed in the school uniform. Those miniskirts were not meant for physical activity.

"… Fucking hell." It was only when the Gremory had almost made it to the other side of the school fields that he allowed himself to stop barking at the girl and berate himself for his part in the screw up.

He knew he should have just slept in today.

The dream. Shirou Emiya. Shiroune.

Gods above and below and all around, he hated the color white. Nothing good ever happened whenever the damn thing became significant around him frequently.

In a sick way it was ironic. Vali, the White Dragon Emperor, his "eternal rival", was actually an exception to the rule.

His heart was still racing. His stomach was still turning. His mind was still running at full capacity. He needed to calm down. His temper was at a high. It wouldn't be good for anyone to deal with him now.

"You know." A new voice mused as Issei watched Rias disappeared to wherever Koneko was. "I'm beginning to think that you really don't pay attention to what comes out of your mouth when you speak."

"Cougar… not now." He didn't turn around to address Raynare directly.

This wasn't good. She was the last person he wanted to deal with now. What he needed was a distraction. A way to vent.

Normally he had Porn around for this. Porn could distract him. Porn let him focus on something else. Porn calmed him down. He knew Porn. Porn was understandable. Porn didn't invade his personal life, or harass him, or eat his food, or lie to him, or ruin everything that he held dear.

Beautiful Oppai. Shapely asses. Moans. Sex. Cum. Climaxing. Life and humanity at its most intimate, beautiful, and natural. Why couldn't everyone realize and enjoy the simplicity and bliss of it all?

Ahh. He just wanted to watch porn and not deal with this anymore, but what else could he do now? It's not like back when he was young and used Vali as a convenient sandbag to viciously humiliate whenever the battle junkie got too overconfident…

"Aw. What's wrong? Angry that you accidentally mind fucked that poor little devil? Good job with that by the way. She looked ready to snap when she was running." The Fallen crooned teasingly, her inner sadist coming out in full force to the extent that she looked like she had just murdered someone with glee. "Or are you just miffed that everyone pretty much knows that you're just a softie with some teeth?"

… Sandbag acquired.

"Softie?"

Unfortunately, Raynare missed his eyes flashing dangerously, as if a trigger had been activated.

"Don't pretend. Practically everyone here heard you ream the Gremory a new one." She chuckled, almost crooning to him affectionately as if she was teasing a helpless pet. "Imagine what the world would say if they knew that the infamous Sekiryuutei that torched nearly half of the Bael's territory was actually a- where did you get those?"

While she had been confident and enjoying taunting Issei, said positive emotions gave way to confusion and horror as the teen turned around to face her…

… Holding a rather large and intimidating dildo in each hand.

Needless to say, her teasing and satisfied demeanor had died instantly as her brain tried to catch up to this new turn of events.

"I find it very hypocritical that you of all people would call me a softie, considering the fact that you've been doing nothing but lounging about and fattening yourself on my hospitality. Cougar." Issei was now the one purring like a predator, his eye sockets shining as if his eyeballs had been replaced by floodlights.

He took a step forward.

She took one back.

"Oi oi. Don't tell me you're finally letting go of your repressed urges and letting loose on me, are you? I don't do desperate." She tried to play it tough, but no one missed her quivering voice or the fact that her gaze had yet to turn away from the oversized sex toys.

She… thinks she might be able to handle them. But that would only be after some warming up. And a lot more lube.

Click.

Issei's hands on both tools shifted ever so slightly, flicking the switches that were hidden beneath his fingers.

*Rumble rumble.* *Rumble rumble.*

Raynare paled. Not just because the toys that were as thick as her (admittedly rather slim) arms began to shake and vibrate far more than any dildo she had ever worked with, but the fact that the damn things sounded like they were being powered by the engines of eighteen wheeler diesel truck engines. "… No seriously. Where the fuck did you get those things?"

"I made them. Canceled orders. I run a small side business making high quality custom sex toys on demand. You'd be astounded by the crazy shit that the elites of high society will order and the crazier money they'll pay for them. Human and not."

"And the glowing?"

Yes. The dildos were in fact glowing with magic now. They looked like incredibly short and unstable lightsabers.

The sight would have been hilarious, if one wasn't at risk of being at their mercy right now.

"Seventy four percent of all sex magic has roots in white slash life magic. Next largest contributor at seventeen is soul and mind magic. The remaining nine percent is whatever nifty tricks casters of the other practices come up with in their spare time." Issei stated ominously, making another slow and predatory advance. "I'll keep the one being used now a surprise."

"Of course. H-how silly of me." Raynare swallowed heavily. If the situation was different, she may have been turned on by the prospect of being pleasured by such enhanced toys. Sadly, the fact that they were in the hands of an increasingly psychotic and rapey looking teenager that reminded her of a certain stray exorcist did not tickle her fetish bone. "Y-you know, you're normally supposed to warm up before handling heavy toys like that. You've watched enough porn. No one goes in dry unless they're really fucked up."

"I know. And don't worry."

Squirt squirt.

From the ends of both wiggling monstrosities shot out very suggestive fluid, spraying drops in every direction.

"They're self-lubricating."

"Well. Fuck."

"That is indeed is the punishment for failing to complete your training." At this point, Issei was covered in an ominous aura that was a cross between a sadistically evil demon lord that feasted on the misery of others and a sketchy unstable sex fiend that one would find in an unfortunate alleyway.

She swallowed heavily. Clearly she had vastly underestimated what he was willing to do to women if pushed too far. "And… what training is that?"

Issei's eyes flashed with horrifying anticipation.

o. o. o.

Sona stepped outside of the school, slightly worried and concerned. She had heard Issei yell at what sounded like Rias rather viciously a few moments ago, and while it had gotten quiet for a time, the screaming had picked up again. Only this time the one yelling was clearly female.

She didn't know what had happened, but if that boy touched a single hair on her best friend's head she'd-

"WAAAAAAAH! I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! AZAZEL-SAMAAAAAA! SAVE MEEEE FROM THIS INSANE BASTARD HUMANNNNN!"

Sona barely had time to blink before Raynare sprinted past her full tilt as if her life depended on it and the hounds of hell were after her, tears falling freely in her panic flooded eyes.

"What the-?"

"RUN FASTER COUGAR! FOR THE NEXT THREE HOURS, YOUR CLAPPING FAT ASS IS GOING TO BE MOVING FOR MY EYES ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! IT'S UP TO YOU HOW IT'S GONNA SHAKE!"

Seconds later, Issei rushed past her with what appeared to be two glowing dildos that were making diesel truck sounds, looking as if he was a man on a crusade. In fact, if one looked carefully, he was actually gaining on the Fallen despite the fact that by all means she should be vastly more capable than him in all physical activities.

All in all, it looked less like exercising and more like a bad reenactment of a b rated slasher fic. Or a cartoon with a terrible budget and writing.

At that moment, Sona employed possibly the most infamous skill she possessed. The ability to completely and utterly pretend that whatever insane and traumatizing events taking place in front of her, didn't exist with a perfectly straight face. Something she had developed over her lifetime dealing with her sister.

"It's a good thing I set up the privacy barriers around the school." She said out loud, turning around and walking back into the building as if nothing was wrong.

"KYAAAA?! YOU POKED ME! YOU ACTUALLY TRIED TO STICK ONE OF THINGS IN MY ASS!"

"I'LL DO MORE THAN POKE NEXT TIME PAWG! NOW KEEP MOVING! I CAN HEAR YOUR CHEEKS SMACKING THEMSELVES LOUDER THAN THAT USELESS MOUTH OF YOURS!"

"DEMON! INHUMAN BRUTE! BASTARD! FREAK! ABOMINATION! BLIGHT! MONSTER! VIRGIN! YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE ORIGINAL SATANS! I HOPE HADES TAKES YOU AND BURIES YOUR SOUL IN TARTARUS FOR SEXUALLY HARRASSING A TREASURE LIKE ME!"

"I SWEAR IF THE NEXT THING YOU SAY IS THAT YOU'RE SAVING YOURSELF FOR THAT USELESS HOBO ZAZ, I'M SHOVING BOTH OF THESE THINGS DOWN YOUR THROAT TO SHUT YOU UP! LESS SCREAMING MORE MOVING!"

"I'M NEVER GOING TO BE A BRIDE!"

"LIKE YOU WERE EVER GOING TO GET MARRIED!"

"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!"

"YOU HAVE DONE LITERALLY NOTHING BUT MOOCH SINCE YOU GOT HERE! YOU EAT MY FOOD! YOU SLEEP IN MY HOME! YOU STAY OUT LATE GETTING PISS DRUNK AND I'M LEFT CLEANING UP AFTER YOUR LAZY ASS WHEN YOU GET BACK! YOU DON'T HELP COOK OR CLEAN OR DO ANYTHING IN THE HOUSE! WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M MAKING FAT JOKES AND CALL YOU USELESS!? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR NON-HUMANS LIKE YOU TO GAIN SIGNIFICANT WEIGHT IF THEY DON'T HAVE THE DISPOSITION FOR IT!? BITCH I'M DOING YOU A SERVICE!"

"STALKER! PSYCHOPATH! SCOURGE OF DECENCY! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"

"DO IT! YOU WON'T!"

HONK! HONK!

"WHY DO THEY HONK?!"

"CUSTOM ORDER! TRUCKER FETISH! NOT MY DECISION! KEEP MOVING!"

For an extra measure, Sona made sure to set up an extra magic barrier around the room that she and Tsubaki were training and talking in. Whatever positive impressions she had developed for him in the past few hours no longer existed.

And all was right with the world.

o. o. o.

Seven years ago:

In a realm flooded and dominated by clouds, a small group of angels accompanied a small human boy on top of a seemingly out of place stone walkway that seemed to extend into nowhere.

It had been an unexpected event. A detour in the road trip Issei had been taking with Azazel. Michael's curiosity had been piqued from his estranged brother's claims about the current Sekiryutei. The Fallen Angel may be a wily one at times, but there were some things that even he would not joke about. The sooner he met with Ophis' supposed grandfather figure, the better. Especially since the boy already had ties to the Fallen and the Devils. Azazel had simply underestimated just how quickly Michael would make room in his schedule for Issei's visit.

Of course, the leader of the Fallen, due to his position and circumstances, was stuck pouting in the waiting room in front of the Holy Gates for the duration of the event.

If he was to be believed, the DMVs in America was modeled after the place.

Even so, the Archangel could not help but employ the suspicion that Azazel had managed to slip in his own petty revenge at the last moment. Or rather, he had conveniently forgotten to inform Heaven of a few details.

"So yeah. Those are the places you want to scratch that Kuroka chick if you want her to be your own personal lap cat." Ghost lectured as Issei walked through Heaven with an escort that was desperately pretending to ignore their conversation.

Primarily regarding Ghost's and Issei's personalities.

Michael secretly patted himself on the back for not following Azazel's recommendations to the letter and letting Gabriel guide the unorthodox pair through the clouds. Or any female Angels for that matter.

"Fascinating." Issei was writing down notes at an obsessed rate. "I knew that cat girls were likely to have more nerves on their heads, but to think that they'd be so responsive. Twice the number of superficial temporal arteries and vagus nerves that are five times as receptive as a human's …"

"Yeah. Just make sure that you have their permission first before trying to pleasure them. Or that they're ok being around you in general. Otherwise they'll get responsive in a way that isn't pleasant."

"No doubt from experience." Ddraig snorted.

"Third wife bruh. And subsequent kids. I actually wrote a book on the do's and don'ts of inter-sub-species long term relationships."

"Wait, you were married to a cat girl?" Issei paused, genuinely surprised.

"Cat Woman, no relation to the DC Universe. Ah Cecilia. Fuck I miss her. The things she could do with her tongue…" Ghost sighed, clearly getting lost in memories.

"I can imagine." The boy rolled his eyes.

"You haven't lived until you've gotten a full body tongue grooming kid. Mmm! Getting tingles all over just remembering it."

"And now I… huh. That actually sounds pretty nice now that I think about it."

"Trust me. Imagination absolutely fails to meet the real thing in this case." Ghost was giddy with nostalgia. "Just make sure to be somewhat scrubbed up before the appointment. Grooming or not, they will get pissed if you expect them to lick random shit that's stuck to your body."

"That goes without saying."

"You'd be surprised."

"Don't tell me you're trying to get our host to relive your life."

"Haha. Nah. Kuroka doesn't look or act anything like her. I just thought that she might be a good fit for the kid once he grows a bit. Girl looks like she needs a few extra people on her side. What with that ass that's her King."

"Hm. Can't argue with that." Something about Ddraig's tone indicated that he wasn't convinced about something.

"What happened to her?" Issei asked. "Cecilia?"

"Five time widower. Can't get to five without hitting three at some point. One of the shit sides of being immortal unfortunately."

"Oh… sorry."

"No worries. That's what happens when a mortal marries an immortal. Mortal dies first most of the time. There's no point in getting angry over something like that."

"Why not marry another immortal?"

"You'd think that would be the logical thing to do, but the thing about multiversal class heavy hitting immortal monstrosities like me is that most of them have their own stories and unreasonable responsibilities to manage. Get too big and these responsibilities tend to clash more often than not, screwing up any hope of a stable long term relationship. Mortals on the other hand normally just tend to go with the flow, which makes conflict of interest less likely in the long run. Despite how I act and look, I'm actually abnormally high up on the totem pole. When I do have a job to finish, things happen, whether other realms and deities want it or not. Being in a position like that makes things… difficult, sometimes."

"How difficult?" Issei was confused.

Ghost let out a bitter laugh. "Five time widower, remember? Not all of them went out from natural causes."

"You, couldn't protect them?"

"… Reality's a mean bitch sometimes. It's why I enjoy stabbing it in the face as a past time. With a rusty spork and broken chopsticks. Fate's a lazy cunt too, with a swollen infected ego bigger than nearly everyone else's. If everyone knew just how that useless waste of divinity actually functioned and did her job, she wouldn't even have a yoctomal of the followers she has now."

"You don't get along then."

"What was your first clue?" Ghost spoke as though he was tasting something terrible. It wasn't often that the immortal genuinely badmouthed anyone in general. He mocked and ridiculed perpetually, but there were few things that he genuinely distained.

Issei frowned, glaring at his right arm. "That's not going to happen with me. I'm going to protect my Harem. If anyone even tries…"

Something stirred.

"Whoa. Easy. Easy. Calm down. I'm just telling you what my fucked up existence is like. You haven't pissed off anyone big yet so you still have hope for the easy life kid." Ghost laughed nervously, noting how the Angels nearby were suddenly on alert. Just the idea of anything hurting the kid's future potential Harem was enough to put the normally happy and calm kid on the edge.

The Immortal had been right. Issei was interesting, and in a way that even he didn't expect. It wasn't the Sacred Gear or Ddraig that had caught his attention, but something else far more unique.

Problem was that it probably would have been for the best if Issei had waited a bit longer to be interesting in this particular way.

It wasn't a matter of questioning Issei's maturity in using his powers and nature. Rather… it was more appropriate to say that his powers and nature were fundamentally not suited for a child. As a result, Issei was naturally a bit, unstable, when agitated.

Of course Issei didn't know this. Neither did Azazel or any of the kid's new "friends". The only ones that were aware of the sensitive details were Ddraig and Ophis.

It was understandable. After all, in this world, there were few beings out there that were capable of realizing their true nature as easily as Dragons could…

Nothing and Infinite.

Dream.

Domination.

Supremacy.

And in Issei's case…

"Is there a problem?" Michael asked, suddenly worried about the ominous feeling he had felt for a moment.

"Nah. No worries. Just the kid overreacting slightly to something stupid I said." Ghost waved off the Archangel's concern.

"I see." It was clear that he didn't, but their guide didn't admit it. "I must admit, when Azazel mentioned you, I had expected something…"

"More impressive? Imposing? Mature?" A dry laugh came from the ebony Sacred Gear.

"Exceptional." Michael chose his words carefully. "I have been exposed to Gods, and conceptual beings before. If you are what everyone claims, then you have me at a loss as to how you do not give the same… impressions, as they do, or greater for that matter."

"Ohoho. Someone's asking for some pretty deep info." Ghost was clearly amused by the Angel's insinuations, much to the confusion of the lesser messengers of God there and Issei. "Hmm. How do I put this so that I answer your question but leave you with five more?"

"Don't?" Issei offered hopefully.

"This is why I refrain from asking him questions." Ddraig stated blandly to Michael.

"Oh spare me. I'm just the only one with the balls to admit that I'm actually doing it out of all you cowards. At least I'm not the kind of idiot that does it perpetually and pats myself on the back each time like I actually did something impressive or worthwhile, even when it was completely unwarranted and unnecessary. Hypocrites." Ghost snorted. "Bottom line? I can turn my mystic mojo on and off whenever I want. I wasn't born a mega super stupid OP ubermench God-ish person thing. I started as a normie. Because of that, there were some tradeoffs when it comes to my powers, control and authority if you compare what I can do to one of my peers. Unfortunately, the kid is already familiar with one of the drawbacks I have."

Issei grimaced, knowing instantly what Ghost was talking about and instinctively gripped his right hand tightly into a fist, as if the memory itself was hurting him. "Did you have to bring that up? I hurts enough just going through it as it is."

"Just making a point. And again, I really am sorry you were dragged along in dealing with my bullshit. I was hoping that this trinket I'm in would be able to keep it all inside."

"Well." Michael coughed. "I am unsure about your condition, Ghost, but there is a chance that you may be able to strengthen the Sacred Gear you are in. We have arrived."

Seventh Heaven.

Home to the Sacred Gear System, God's System, and…

"So this is where the big OG used to crash eh?" Ghost whistled as the group stood right in front of a gate that showed… an endless plane of unnatural white. It couldn't be considered blank or empty, because there was without a doubt something of unmeasurable power and significance there, making the very atmosphere there heavy with a sensation that could not be put into words. "Not bad. A bit bland, but not bad."

"I take it you can make sense of my father's realm?" Michael asked skeptically.

"You should see my place."

"You have a place?"

"… In a manner of speaking." Ghost evaded the question in a cryptic way. "All in all though, it's all right. At least it's clean and easy to manage. How many have access to this crib? I'm guessing… around two twenty? Wait. Two twenty five."

Michael couldn't hold back his surprise. "Two hundred and twenty seven Angels have access to Seventh Heaven. I must admit, I am still skeptical about Azazel's claims about you, Ghost, but regardless you do seem to have some sort of affinity to my father's realm."

"Keep watching. Maybe I'll make a believer out of you by the end of this."

"I can't tell if I should be humored or insulted."

"Insulted. It makes things more consistent that way." Ddraig gave Michael his two cents.

Issei nervously held out his right hand, flexing his fingers slightly, as if trying to get close to a roaring fire. "Are you sure about this? Even I can tell that it's not safe for me to go in there. The spiritual energy index of this place is so high I feel like I'm about to enter Chernobyl."

The Angels were conflicted. On the one hand, Seventh Heaven just got compared to the location of the world's largest nuclear accident. On the other hand, the one doing the comparison was a nine year old.

"Obviously. What did you expect? This is a genuine God's pad. Weak mortals and lower tier beings would get screwed over ten ways to Sunday if they went in without proper care. Those Angels that can come in here aren't allowed to because they have permission. They're allowed to because they can actually handle being here in the first place."

"He's right. It's best to consider the realm in front of you an entirely different dimension with its own rules." Ddraig agreed with Ghost. Even he wouldn't be reckless while in this territory.

"Then how is young Issei to enter and interact with Father's system safely?" Michael asked curiously. "Do you need a guide or assistance?"

"Nah. We're good. I taught the kid a trick that's useful in situations like this. Didn't think he'd have to use it so soon, but show's what I know." The spirit inside Blind Eternity chuckled. "Ok. Nice and easy. You're just keeping yourself together Issei. I'll be handling the bulk of this. No need to rush."

The boy swallowed heavily before nodding. "Ok. But if something goes wrong…"

"I'll bail you out. No worries. My powers trump Yaweh's by eons."

Somewhat consoled, Issei breathed deeply, using the exercises he employed when calming himself down and controlling his unstable fire breath, and focused…

"Oh?" Michael frowned as the child, became more distinct was the best way to put it. It was as if he was sticking out from the rest of the world despite there being no real change in him.

He wasn't generating power. He wasn't transforming. He wasn't doing anything really. Issei Hyoudou was still just a boy with some sacred gears, but for the moment, the child's mere existence seemed to be exemplary compared to everything around him. A good analogy would be as if the entirety of a painting had been done with a certain style and quality of paint, but suddenly a part, Issei in this case, was now comprised of far more vivid and rich colors paint, and in a slightly more detailed style.

And yet, even so, Issei's image still paled in comparison to the overwhelming impression he was getting from the being in his right arm. The thing felt genuinely alien to him, and Michael was not one to use that term lightly. Even from where he was standing, it was as if the gauntlet had full authority over a critical aspect of everything around it, no matter how powerful or weak it was. Almost as if it was a divine entity in itself.

Michael had been skeptical about Azazel's words earlier. But now he was worried that his brother may very well have underestimated the boy's second tenant.

"Just match yourself with me and walk in. Keep focused and follow my cues. You're doing great."

Before Michael could ask what was happening, Issei stepped forward into God's territory.

That lone step was more than most Eight Winged Angels could accomplish. And it didn't stop there.

"This feels weird." Even the boy's voice seemed to stand out more than normal now. "It's like… like…"

"Walking in a cloud of steel wool that's been soaked in disinfectant since the primordial era?"

"Un."

"That's what highly concentrated ambient holy energy feels like to those not in tune with the element. If you weren't using Presence, you'd be "scraped" and "disinfected" to oblivion right now. Oh, and you might want to make sure not to breathe any fire. You'd be surprised just how flammable this shit can be sometimes with right spark."

"Now you tell me."

Michael held his tongue, following the pair as they slowly moved forward. He put aside the blasphemous comments the pair were making and focused on what exactly this Presence power was in the first place.

"Keep at it. I know that this is a bit much, but this is just a trial run. Its good practice, and we're just going to do a quick look at the system this time around. Nothing major. Just keep at it and we'll be out of here in no time. And hopefully without any side effects."

"Wait. Side effects?"

Issei was in there for half an hour.

There were side effects.

And like that, the Angels joined the Fallen and the Devils in observing and investing in Issei.

o. o. o.

Omake: Moments in the lives of Issei and Vali:

Two boys were sprinting across the campus of Yale University.

"Fight me!"

"No!"

A boy with silver hair was chasing a young Japanese boy across the cafeteria.

"Fight me!"

"Leave me alone!"

Vali Lucifer burst into Issei Hyoudou's room just as the latter was finishing an experiment.

"Fight me!"

"Fuck off already!"

The White Dragon Emperor glared at the back of the Crimson Dragon Emperor's head as he walked away.

"… Harems are stupid."

The Crimson Dragon Emperor stopped walking.

Two hours later, Azazel answered a knock on his apartment door.

He found young Vali hog-tied in just his boxers, with a dildo in his mouth, several other sex toys taped to other parts of his frame, and twitching in a way that clearly indicated that the child had undergone some severe nerve damage.

On the young boy's forehead was a sticky note.

I fought him. I also have pictures.

The leader of the Grigori looked pityingly at his "not" adopted son.

"You insulted The Harem, didn't you?"

"Urk. Gurgle. Mprht."

"Did you learn your lesson?"

"Fughnguuu."

"Close enough. Let's just get you inside before anyone-"

"EEEEK!"

"Sees us. One sec Vali. Gotta get rid of the evidence."

"Guh."