20. Chapter 20

Exhaustion seeped into every muscle and every bone and Carina had never been happier.

She trudged from the parking garage into the elevator, weighed down by heavy shopping bags, and while she’d usually call Maya down to help, Maya was needed more elsewhere.

The motion of the elevator lulled her into a temporary stupor, and when the car came to a halt, she startled back awake, a smile already spreading across her face despite the fact that she hadn’t showered in three days and her shirt was covered in spit-up stains.

Carina heard Maya before she saw her. As she pulled the bags through the door of their apartment, she could just make out what sounded like soft cheers.

“You’ve got this, just another minute, you’re doing amazing,” Maya said, out of sight.

Carina slipped out of her shoes and peeked her head into the living room though she paused before making her presence known.

Maya was lying on her stomach beside Jamie who was apparently in the middle of her daily tummy time. Resting on a pile of blankets, Jamie was clearly displeased with the activity, a frown on her tiny face. Her eyes were clear though and she was obviously watching Maya too, even though her lip was wobbling in a sure signal that any second, she might start crying.

Maya held her phone in one hand and Carina could just make out the stopwatch app running quickly. Her other hand was stretched towards Jamie who had curled her fingers around Maya’s thumb. It looked like they were holding hands, they were even dressed alike – Maya in a black t-shirt and Jamie in a black onesie that Carina knew said “KISS ME I’M ITALIAN” on the front.

She raised her own phone as quietly as possible and took a picture, one of the hundreds she’d already taken that day. Jamie was proving to be very photogenic.

There was also the fact that motherhood looked extremely good on Maya Bishop. More than good. Carina wasn’t sure which she found more alluring: the nudes Maya occasionally sent her or the picture she’d taken three days ago of Jamie fast asleep on Maya’s chest while they both caught a quick nap.

Carina cleared her throat lightly, biting her lip as Maya raised her eyebrows in surprise and looked in her direction.

“Hi,” Carina said, lowering herself to the floor.

Maya smiled, a little shy, before returning her focus to Jamie and the stopwatch.

“Ten more seconds, Baby T-Rex, you’re killing this,” she cheered, leaning over to pepper Jamie’s cheek with kisses. She closed the stopwatch before it could ding, trying to avoid startling Jamie, and then carefully turned Jamie onto her back and picked her up.

“Look, Jamie,” Maya said, turning Jamie towards Carina, “it’s Mama! She came back!”

Maya and baby talk were very much a work in progress, but Carina adored the enthusiastic, sometimes overly mature way Maya spoke to Jamie.

She gladly accepted Jamie from Maya’s outstretched hands, pulling her in close to her chest. She’d only been gone for thirty minutes, but she’d missed her baby.

Maya had offered to go, but unlike Maya, Carina was on mat leave for three months, while Maya would need to return to work in two weeks’ time. While Maya was eligible for mat leave, they agreed that given the investigation, it would be best for Maya to be visible at work.

Giving Maya extra time with Jamie was no burden. Carina could not get enough of watching her wife and daughter fall deeper in love with each other.

“Ciao, Picollina, ti sei divertito con la mommy?” She cooed, trying not to laugh at the ridiculous onesie the baby was wearing.

Vic was an endless source of silly baby clothes apparently.

“We had lots of fun,” Maya answered on Jamie’s behalf, “we crushed tummy time. We also discussed today’s lunch menu.”

“Oh?”

“She wants formula. And I want…”

Carina sighed heavily. “I brought you more of that gross protein powder that tastes like wet grass.”

“…a smoothie,” Maya finished, scooching closer to Carina on the floor.

Their fridge and cupboards were almost bare, and Carina had to admit that it had felt nice to get out of the apartment and visit her favourite Italian deli. She didn’t tell Maya about the three types of cheese she’d purchased or the stupidly expensive mortadella she’d brought home. The protein powder and mint chip ice cream would be distraction enough.

“I’ll put away the groceries?” Maya asked, tucking a strand of hair behind Carina’s ear. She apparently didn’t mind Carina’s slightly dishevelled, very much in need of a shower, state. Then again, Maya had dried spit up in her hair and Carina found her stunning – they were very much rocking the new mother chique.

Carina nodded. “And I’ll do lunch. But you have to make your smoothie.”

“Of course.”

One bottle, one smoothie, and one temper tantrum caused by a much too loud blender later, Carina found herself once more watching Maya and Jamie.

They were sitting at the table, Jamie in a highchair tipped back to support her head, and Maya next to her, carefully cleaning the baby’s face.

Maya was so attentive, so focused, Carina could tell that Jamie was her entire world in that moment. For a woman who had worried she’d be a terrible mother, Maya was proving to be sweet and loving and fiercely protective. But Carina knew her wife still had doubt in herself, that she still worried about her temper and her father’s legacy.

Whatever pieces of Lane that still existed in Maya lay dormant because all Carina could see was a woman who loved her baby, who would rather die than hurt her child. It was beautiful. Carina kept coming back to that word. Beautiful. Every single moment.

“Oh no,” Maya said, her eyes widening as she stared down at Jamie.

Carina blinked, clearing her mind and trying to refocus. “What is it?”

“She pooped.”

“Okay?” Carina wasn’t sure why Maya looked so scared. Jamie pooped often and always.

“I mean, she really, really pooped.”

Maya very gingerly tipped Jamie’s head forward and those concerned eyes grew impossibly bigger.

“Poop is poop. Andiamo,” Carina said, standing, ready to go change Jamie’s diaper.

Maya shook her head. “Carina, I’m pretty sure it’s in her hair. I’m pretty sure it’s…everywhere poop can possibly be and even the places it shouldn’t be at all.”

“Pick her up, Bambina, let’s go clean her off.”

“Pick her up?” Maya’s hands hovered over Jamie, hesitant, and Jamie just stared right back up at her with watery eyes and a wobbly bottom lip.

She started crying seconds later and Maya’s hesitation disappeared as she grabbed the baby, holding her at arm’s length with both hands, still supporting her head with her fingertips.

“Okay, okay, let’s go!” Maya almost yelled and Carina had to stifle a laugh as Maya sprinted towards Jamie’s room. Jamie’s cries were getting louder and louder, she was obviously uncomfortable, so Carina moved quickly too, ready with an extra set of hands.

Sure enough, Jamie had managed an impressive amount of poop for such a tiny body. Carina was almost proud. Almost.

“How should we do this?” Maya asked, still holding Jamie as far from herself as she could.

Carina tilted her head to the side, considering her options, and then came to a decision.

“Let’s get her into the shower,” Carina said, already gathering supplies they’d need for a diaper change.

“What?”

“We’ll spray her off with the detachable shower head. Much easier and more hygienic than wet wipes.”

“You want me to bring her into our shower, covered in poop…”

Carina sighed, both hands on her hips. “Maya, she is a baby. Babies poop.”

“But this is like…litres of poop!”

“Bambina she’s crying, you must be brave now.”

Maya Bishop actively chose to walk into burning buildings every day, but dealing with her first blowout diaper was proving to be far more challenging. Carina didn’t chide nor did she make fun, because even though Maya was uncomfortable, she was still fully dedicated to doing everything she could for Jamie, including carrying her from the nursery into their own bedroom.  

Jamie wheeled her little legs as Maya sped into the bathroom, making the mess even worse.

“Okay, Jamie, okay let’s do this,” Maya said stepping onto the bathmat. Carina lay down towels and turned on the shower before going back to help Maya.

With Jamie in her hands, Maya couldn’t undress, so Carina helped her out of her sweatpants, leaving her in only a pair of boyshorts and her black t-shirt. With one final fearful look towards Carina, Maya carefully walked into the shower with Jamie and then gave Carina a nod.

Carina checked the water temperature before directing the stream it at Jamie’s back, trying to be as gentle as possible.

“This is the grossest thing I’ve ever seen,” Maya whispered, watching on in horror.

“Didn’t you and Jack once put out a fire in a septic tank?” Carina asked, setting down the showerhead so she could start on Jamie’s onesie. It was luckily held together with snaps so she could strip Jamie without the need for Maya to set her down.

“Oh yeah,” Maya said slowly, frowning at the memory.

Carina dropped the soiled onesie close to the drain, followed by Jamie’s diaper. She quickly washed the back of Jamie’s head and her little butt, pleased that her idea was working. Jamie had stopped crying and was instead smiling at Maya, gurgling happily.

“Do you like the water?” Maya asked, all thoughts of poop apparently gone because Jamie’s smile was delicious.

Jamie wiggled her toes, and waved her hands, lightly hitting Maya’s arms.

“Turn her around,” Carina instructed, “I don’t want her to get a UTI.”

“Babies can get UTIs?” Maya did as Carina asked, her face clouded with worry.

“Yes, and that’s why we keep you very clean, Picollina!”

Jamie was still smiling, but Maya’s mood had obviously changed. She pulled Jamie closer to her chest, apparently no longer worried about poop.

“I don’t want her to get a UTI,” Maya said, settling Jamie’s back against her front, “I can’t even stand the thought of her with the sniffles.”

Carina wondered if anyone else knew how sweet Maya could be. If anyone else saw how much love she had to offer. Maya was very good at hiding it, but as Carina looked at her wife, she was once more overwhelmed by Maya’s vulnerability. There was no bravado, no avoidance. Even through her own discomfort, Maya would rather hold Jamie covered in poop than not hold her at all.

“If our poopy baby wasn’t here, I would kiss you very hard, Maya Bishop,” Carina said, never making eye contact. She set the handheld shower head down again and squeezed some baby soap onto a washcloth.

Maya laughed. “You’re way too comfortable with poop.”

“I’m an OB. Do you know how much poop I see every day? There’s a reason I have to buy new shoes every six months.”

Maya grit her teeth and stared at the wall beyond Carina.

“That’s…” she began but trailed off, shaking her head.

Jamie yawned, lulled by the warm water and the comfort of Maya’s chest. When Carina finished wiping her down, she switched a small lever that turned off the handheld shower head and instead made the overhead spout come on. Maya sighed at the feel of it against her back, though she was likely uncomfortable in her soaked black t-shirt.

“I’m going to get her PJs and diaper ready,” Carina said, “I’ll be right back.”

Maya nodded, eyes closed, both arms wrapped protectively around Jamie who was quickly falling asleep.

Carina thoroughly washed her hands and returned to the bedroom, trying to get everything ready for a quick diaper change so she could put Jamie down for her nap without waking her. She was nearly finished when she heard Maya call out.

“Carina!”

“Coming,” Carina said, expecting to find Maya in need of an extra hand.

She found her wife still very much the same – standing in the shower, Jamie against her chest. But the frown on her face let Carina know that she was displeased.

“She peed on me,” Maya said, her frown deepening.

Carina bit her lip.

“It’s not funny, Carina!” Maya insisted, which just made Carina’s need to laugh even worse.

“Scusa, but…it is a little funny.”

“It’s really not.”

“A little,” Carina giggled, pleased to see Maya trying not to smile. She failed miserably as her toothy grin quickly spread across her features.

“Are you going to take her or are you going to make me stand here covered in baby pee?”

“You do look very cute covered in baby pee,” Carina said, snorting at Maya’s offended expression.

“Do not!”

“Basta,” Carina finally took pity on her wife and reached into the shower for Jamie. The exchanged her carefully, mindful of how slippery the water made her skin, but soon Carina had a very sleep tiny human wrapped in a towel, yawning in her arms.

She left Maya to clean up while she stepped back into their bedroom and lay Jamie on the changing mat she’d placed on their bed. As she affixed a new diaper, she could hear Maya cleaning the shower, the sound of a spray bottle loud and clear. Knowing Maya, by the time Carina returned to the washroom, the whole place would be sparkling.

Jamie continued to fight sleep as Carina tucked her into a clean pair of PJs. When she was done, she raised Jamie from the bed and snuggled her for a moment, hoping to lull her enough that she’d easily go down for her nap. They were trying to start sleep training as early as possible, but Jamie was still getting used to her new surroundings, so they weren’t overly strict about it. Carina knew that if Jamie didn’t get a few hours in the afternoon, they’d have a very angry baby in the evening, and no one wanted that.

As she sang a lullaby, she listened for Maya who was apparently finished scrubbing tiles and instead turned on the shower again, undoubtably getting to work on cleaning herself.

A Maya in the shower was a very naked Maya and Carina thoughts drifted from sleep training to something far less appropriate.

She placed Jamie down, adjusting her blankets, and waited to make sure that she would stay asleep. Jamie’s arms were bent at the elbows, and she slept with her little hands balled into fists resting close to her face. Carina found herself enthralled. Even though Jamie always slept in the same cute position. Even though she’d seen her sleeping day in and day out. The tiny curve of Jamie’s fingernails, her parted lips, the button nose, Carina could not look away.  

It was only the sound of the shower that  magaged to pull Carina from her affectionate vigil and she knew that time was of the essence. Jamie usually slept for at least an hour in the afternoons, which meant that Maya and Carina had one hour to sleep or eat or do anything they wanted to do. And after weeks of doing nothing, Carina was not about to lose this stolen time.

The bathroom was full of steam as Carina walked in, but instead of moaning at the sexy vision in front of her, she keeled over laughing, nearly dropping the baby monitor from her hand.

Maya was covered in soap suds from head to toe. They were all over her face, creating a bubbly white mask, her hair was nearly standing up in the middle from the amount of shampoo, and every inch of her appeared to be foaming.

“Hey!” She stage-whispered, pointing at Carina, “that was a lot of poop, okay?”

Carina wheezed, but managed to nod. She quickly pulled off her clothes, the prospect of a shower more exciting than it had ever been. After three days of no shower, the idea of washing her hair felt downright luxurious. Plus, she had what appeared to be a giant marshmallow to keep her company as she rinsed off days of baby spit-up.

The water was hot, far hotter than the gentle warm stream they’d used on Jamie. Carina took Maya by the hips and guided her under the showerhead, watching as it washed away the layers upon layers of soap. It was an attractive scene – Maya’s body was pale and pink and the water darkened her usually light hair. Carina licked her lips, and her hungry look did not go unnoticed by Maya who raised her eyebrow and set both hands on Carina’s shoulders.

“Hi,” she said, a cocky grin already on her face. She knew the effect she was having and was apparently enjoying it.

“Hi,” Carina answered taking a small step forward and letting her hands wander, sliding up Maya’s abdomen to brush against a very pink nipple. Maya hummed, closing her eyes.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you all week,” she said, a content smile on her lips as Carina squeezed her breast, holding its perfect, familiar weight.

They’d spent every waking moment together, but Carina knew exactly how Maya felt. She leaned in, kissing Maya’s neck, sucking gently on her pulse point. Each touch was delicate, each touch was comfortable, she was not trying to ignite anything passionate. She’d just missed touching her wife, she missed their intimacy.

The firm muscle beneath Carina’s fingertips, the taste of Maya’s skin, the tickle of the closely trimmed hair between her legs brushing against Carina’s thigh…

It was restorative.

“Do you want…” Carina brushed her hand down Maya’s body against, cupping her gently. Maya hummed again, circling her arms around Carina’s back and resting her forehead against Carina’s shoulder.

Maya shook her head. “I think I’m too tired…but it feels so nice.”

Carina couldn’t stop herself from stroking her fingers between Maya’s legs, needing to feel how soft she was, how perfect. The touch made Maya sigh, but Carina knew they were both exhausted, so she moved her hand up, returning to Maya’s hip. She kissed Maya’s neck again, dragging her lips along her collarbone, ducking her head to kiss the skin between Maya’s breasts. Maya’s nipples were hard, which made Carina smirk, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she turned her face to the left and licked pebbled skin, closing her lips and sucking, just enough to evoke a soft moan from Maya’s lips.

She decided to show mercy, knowing that Maya really was exhausted, but it was hard to stop. Maya nipples always felt so good in her mouth.

“What about you?” Maya asked, her voice muffled by the sound of the water. She slipped her hand around Carina’s throat, not squeezing, but applying just enough pressure to inspire a tugging swoop in Carina’s stomach.

“Mmm…I…”

Her words were cut off by the sound of the baby monitor. Jamie’s cries echoed in the small bathroom and both Maya and Carina froze, surprised by the sudden intrusion. They quickly recovered and Maya laughed, shaking her head.

“The timing, I swear,” she said, still smiling. Carina was about to step out of the shower when Maya grabbed her arm.

“Wash your hair,” she said, kissing Carina’s cheek, “I’ve got her.”

They switched spots and with one final, lingering kiss, Maya stepped away, calling for Jamie as she wrapped a towel around her body and disappeared out the door.

Carina worked as quickly as she could, not because she didn’t want to wash her hair, but because an afternoon nap next to Maya sounded extremely attractive. If they were lucky, Jamie would sleep for another thirty minutes, and Carina wanted nothing more than to join her.

She shook her head, remembering a time when she’d stay out at the clubs all night and gone to class the next day, perfectly fine. Now she was semi-orgasmic at the thought of getting more sleep. Gabriella wouldn’t even recognize her.

Though Gabriella had already sent a box of designer baby clothes that Maya deemed way too expensive and Carina deemed perfetto, so it seemed that Gabriella was very supportive of the world’s newest DeLuca.

Carina rinsed the soap from her hair and then turned off the tap, pleased to find a clean towel hanging on the bar just outside the shower. She wrapped it around herself and then used another towel to bind up her hair. The more she thought about getting into bed, the more tired she seemed to feel.

She walked into the bedroom, expecting to find Maya fast asleep, but Maya was very much awake, lying on the bed with Jamie resting on her chest.

Jamie’s hands were clenched into Maya’s white tank top, but she seemed to be asleep again, her little back rising and falling under Maya’s protective hand. Maya was reading to the baby, her words quiet and low.

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be,” she read, her eyes following the words on the tablet she held in her free hand.

Carina didn’t bother with pyjamas. She found an oversized t-shirt on the floor and pulled it on, dropping her towels on the spot. Usually, Maya would chide her for leaving towels around, but Carina didn’t care. She slipped into bed, lying on her side so she could watch Maya and Jamie’s little sleeping face.

“Do you think tomorrow is going to be okay?” Maya whispered, never tearing her eyes from the tablet.

Their first home inspection was the next day. There would also be individual interviews and Carina knew Maya had some concerns.

“I do,” Carina said, setting a comforting hand on Maya’s thigh under the covers.

“They’re going to ask about our childhoods. Our parents. And my job…”

“We just tell the truth, Maya. And we hope that Nancy sees how much we love Jamie, how much we love each other and want to be a family.”

“We are a family,” Maya corrected. Carina inched forward, her forehead nearly touching Maya’s hip.

“Sì vero.”

“I just don’t want my past to mess this up. Or the stuff with work.”

“We are not our parents,” Carina said, as a reminder, “and as for your job? You’re standing up for what you believe in, for yourself. There is no shame in that, Bambina. It is admirable and brave and…”

“Carina?”

“Hmmm?”

“I love you.”

Carina snuggled closer, draping her arm over Maya’s lap.

“Anch’io ti amo, Tesoro,” she whispered, closing her eyes, overwhelmed by comfort.

She fell asleep to the sound of Maya’s voice, to the sound of Maya reading to their baby.

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be…”