Chapter 1: Oh no...this is not good

My name...it ain't important, but I did just die of Lung Cancer. I had a alright life, a few girlfriends here and there, until some of my friends got married, poor bastards. BACHELOR FOR LIFE!!!!

Though they are forever my friends, they were by my side along with my sister and nephew when I died. I'm glad I had them in my life.

Though after I died, I expected to go to heaven or hell, except I didn't anticipate waking up to a crimson haired beauty. But where am I? Did I have another one night stand? No I died...unless my entire life was some crappy yet fun dream. Which I hope is not true.

Looking at her more intensely, she seemed pretty familiar. Though I could also feel something rising and it wasn't the shield hero!

My perverse thoughts immediately came to a halt, when nearly sixteen years worth of memories cane crashing into my head.

It didn't even hurt, just flowed in like a calm river of strawberry yogurt...I want strawberry yogurt.

Anywho, I'm now currently in shock as I'm now Issei Hyoudou and Rias Gremory's slave....Oh no...this is not good. FUCK!!! I wanted a peaceful after life dammit! I didn't want this!

Now I have a dragon in my left arm, I don't want, said Dragon's exboyfriend (DdraigXAlbion) and a whole slew of deadly dumb assess after me are something that's really bad!

"*Sigh!* Okay calm down!" I breathe in and out as a red screen opened up in front of me.

[Please choose a main system.

Gacha

Harem

Summoning

Combat.]

My eyes widened. I guess I got a so called golden finger. You see I'm your average anime and manga enjoyer and I read fanfics alot of fanfics, so I know quite a bit of troupes.

Okay then....fuck the harem system, I choose combat. Now you may be asking why choose the combat one and not the harem one when your in DxD?

CUZ I DON'T CARE ABOUT GETTING MY DICK WET!!! I WANT TO FUCKING SURVIVE!!!

[Please choose a subsystem]

I chose the gacha system, again, I don't give a shit about getting a harem, I want to survive. I can woo a few girls who go red at simply mentioning of sex.

[System has been completed!]

[Status \ Inventory \ Gacha \ Quest]

Looking at the tabs I wanted to open one but...

\Please wake up Master!\ Said my alarm clock as it woke Rias up. I forgot Issei had that thing.

Rias cutely stretches her arms and yawned giving me full view of her breast. And brother if I ain't damn well enjoying the view!

Rias looked at and smirked "Enjoying the view?" she asked seductively. I raise an eyebrow and replied "Can't say I'm not but did we?-"

"It's okay we're still virgins." she said while I sighed "Well that's disappointing!" I dramatically dropped my head down.

"Issei wake up! It's time for breakfast!" said a voice downstairs which I recognized as my new mother Miki Hyoudou. It feels kinda awkward calling another woman mom.

Feels like that time I was about to cheat on one of my old girlfriends....Maybe I shouldn't make comparison like that. I don't know how so many fanfic MC's can just up and forget their own families... like bruh!

Maybe it's just because I had great parents, doesn't matter. "Issei what are you doing up there!" she said I can hear her walking up, enhanced devil senses neat.

"Mom I'm masturbating!" I shouted back to her which caused her stop in her tracks and Rias to look at me a bit surprised.

"O-Oh okay then!" She went back down. I turned towards "So was yesterday...real?" I asked her was attack Donut Seek, I know his real name. I just don't give a fuck. I have a new shot at life, even though I dread being in this world, I'm gonna murder him and Yum- I mean Raynare slowly.

Guess Issei still have influence over me maybe I am him, I do feel love and gratitude for Miki and Gorou Hyoudou.

And I just had homicidal, thoughts....that's just like me. I have them but will never act out on them, cause prison is not fun kids. But in this world I can go ham!

"I'll explain everything once we're at school." said Rias as she began to get dressed. I just pout and playfully say "Aw man! I was really enjoying the view too!"

She in response chuckles as well she then jumped out my window but not before saying "I'll meet you at the front door, I'm quite hungry, so I think I'll join you for breakfast" she jumped out.

"I guess she's at least a bit athletic." I sighed before sitting in my bed with my hands on head. I was shaking. Why? Cuz I was in world where I can get completely destroyed by a bunch of super beings and guess what giant alien gundams.

Call me a pussy, but anyone with fucking a brain would know how screwed they are. Not like those shitty fanfic MC's who just got reincarnated and say.

'Time for me to get super op and a harem.' Fuck how am I supposed to fill in Issei's shoes. Hopeless pervert as he was, he inspired an entire generation of children and even people to do better.

Not only that, there's Trihexa and the EXE, not only that there's that asshole Rizevim, who's going to provoke those aliens gods.

"This is not good."