Surrender

Arghi groped every wall he passed through. The skin of his palms was now more sensitive than before. Smooth, the walls were smoother than the paper surface he used to hold and felt cold on Arghi's palm.

Arghi walked slowly to the bathroom in his room. He memorized every corner of the room, but still, this was something new to him, groping, guessing. Arghi never felt a feeling where he was so afraid of the darkness as if something evil could have come to pounce on him from behind, in front, or from anywhere else. Arghi was like walking in a pitch-black hallway. It was like an endless night for Arghi. The days he passed were just total suffocatings that strangled him, making his chest tight and completely meaningless.

Just another inaccuracy in his life. What can he do after all that's happened in his life?

Arghi, blind. He's blind.

When his hand reached the water tap, he drained it slowly. A cold felt wrapped around the skin of his hands, flowing wet every pore. He can feel everything. However, compared to it all, he wanted to see it more. Seeing how the color of the water, how every shape of his room he occupied now, everything included himself with this mess that occurred.

However, once again Arghi never got used to this, the world out there seemed terrifying to him. Now he's here alone inside a big, deafening mansion. Don't know where Galant is now? Arghi only knew that Galant was not home for hours.

Compared to the darkness that would always envelop him, throughout Arghi's life, he was more afraid of solitude. Alone and completely blind. Not knowing the direction in his life, guessing all the time alone, and not what he has done is right as it should be. That's scary.

After washing his face with fresh water running down his bedroom sink, Arghi limped to the balcony until his hand reached the chest-high balcony. Arghi should have been able to see the sea in the distance from where he stood, but now he wasn't. He couldn't see anything, no matter how hard he moved his eyeballs to look around for the object he wanted it seemed to be just endless futility.

Arghi let the strong wind that came hit his body, the wind from the stretched ocean. If Arghi knew he would lose his sight like this, Arghi would have come to the beach to see the beautifully dancing waves that sometimes swept across Arghi's feet while greeting the beach sand. Arghi would look at the sky until his eyes hurt. He will see longer the seabed where there is much life in it. Arghi wants to see everything. However, it had all passed, which Arghi did now if the longing about all of it came to hit him suddenly then he only needed to dig those memories inside his head to bring them back up, scavenging every beautiful memory he did to help him stay upright.

Arghi took a deep breath, filling each cavity of his lungs with fresh air that hit him. With Arghi's hair bangs beginning to lengthen, the wind was strong enough to make him flail at the surface of Arghi's facial skin, moving wildly to and fro, ruffling his hair in such away.

Arghi became twice as sensitive as before. He could hear voices from a distance, perhaps even he could hear his own rapidly throbbing heartbeat rumbling in his ears amid the roaring wind attack around Arghi. He had been silent here for a long period, just standing without squabbing anything.

Unknowingly the water had pooled in his eyes, Arghi was eager to curl up, hug his knees tightly and cry all the time accompanied by the sound of waves in the distance that calmed his heart and mind even for a moment.

Galant's father has been gone forever, leaving him and Galant alone. Because it had been a month Arghi did not see it, but when Galant's father returned home his life was snatched away, Arghi was afraid he would forget it and could no longer form an imaginary shadow in Arghi's mind. Afraid of not being able to remember the man who had saved him, and giving him a place to live, made him feel like he was now and make Arghi feel like he had a father by his side.

However, now? He doesn't have anything else. Even Arghi felt that he did not deserve to settle here and instead made Galant's life complicated and burdened with his presence. However, while he was still looking and everything was normal, Arghi always believed in himself and promised that he would take responsibility for Galant and move forward with all the problems that hit him, protecting him like his own sister.

Arghi had been friends for so long with Galant, he knew how his nature and behavior were. So, with Arghi's condition like this, he more than knew that Galant hated him. Blaming Arghi had made him so troublesome. Arghi didn't want Galant to hate him that way and also didn't want to bother Galant to take care of himself, so what Arghi did was that he had to leave this house as soon as possible.

Wherever he went without purpose and direction, he didn't care that the most important thing was that Arghi had gone and relieved Galant. He should focus on school instead of having to take care of this man who lost his ability. Everything Galant's father did for Arghi went to waste when Arghi didn't even know what he had to repay, he had nothing just there himself. How useless he is now and forever.

Arghi's lips trembled as he held back tears coming out of his cleft lip. The sadness would hurt even more when he held back his tears so strongly, biting his lips to stay closed did not let the sound of tears come out of Arghi's cleft, rather than Arghi taking it out and making the universe know that he was now crying so pitifully.

Arghi's chest became claustrophobic with his body shaking, he forgot to breathe properly, he had to remind himself, next time. His clenched hands on the balcony suppressed his sadness at returning inside so as not to return outside. So that no one sees it like this. Arghi never knew anyone who could see this pathetic self.

"What do I have to do?" said Arghi quivering and directly pressing one of the palms in front of his mouth so that Arghi's uncontrollable crying didn't come out.

His hopes, dreams, ideals, and someone he had to protect and take care of. Everything disappeared in the blink of an eye. It was only a plan that Arghi was able to arrange, while It was God who determined. Maybe it was his destiny that he had to be like this, his destiny line was written and Arghi could only carry it out, and Arghi only had to try to accept and be sincere with the circumstances. But that's the hardest thing he did.

Arghi's world collapsed when he awoke from his sleep in the hospital before he asked to go home quickly. Arghi was scared, very scared. The first thing he was afraid of was Galant.

Arghi gasped with his reverie when he heard Galant shouting his name. But he didn't move out of his beach. Arghi remained silent, closing his lips and emotions tightly. Arghi inexplicably felt such a great desire to jump off the balcony until his body hit the ground out there. To end it all.

The door opened tightly and quick footsteps sped towards Arghi. Arghi gasped slightly in shock as Galant suddenly pulled his arm to re-enter the room.

"What are you doing there?" asked Galant quickly. His tone sounded worried with a faint shake coming out of his esophagus.

Arghi chose to silently let the question from Galant hang in the air. What did he do? What can Arghi do in this vast house, alone? Arghi thought while brushing off Galant's hand which was still grasping his arm. Arghi knows that he can't see, but if Galant considers himself helpless Arghi doesn't like that.

Arghi moved away from his sister he chose to lie on a mattress and wrap his entire body in a blanket.

A rude breath sounded from Galant. However, Galant didn't say anything. Arghi closed his eyes tightly, not knowing what was the difference between closed eyes or not, everything looked the same.

"Our Arghi does not have to drag on in grief. I'm here, Arghi. You are not alone anymore." Arghi's lips thinned and shook a small head. It should have been Arghi who spoke like that to Galant instead of him.

"Arghi, we can start everything from scratch," Galant said.

Arghi pinned the blanket in his hand. All will not be able to start again, Arghi must live it to make it end.

"We may be sad and disappointed, but life has to go on, Arghi."

"Shut up, and go," Arghi cut submerged under the blanket. Arghi became tense, his throat became dry. He shouldn't have said that and also raised his voice to Galant, but Galant didn't want to understand about himself. Arghi increasingly curled up inside the blanket forming a ball.

"Arghi, you haven't eaten since last night," Galant recalled. But it was too late, not knowing where Galant was before.

"Arghi should eat," he said in a low tone, not Galant should be the one who should eat. Arghi doesn't need it. Galant was still in growth, he shouldn't have come here to make small talk with Arghi.

Arghi again heard Galant's voice to continue, "I can deliver food for you now. We can—."

"I am blind, not paralyzed. Get out of here," Arghi cut once more. Even his best friend, whom Arghi had considered like his own sister, found him useless, and always needed help.

"If your attitude continues like this, I will give up on the situation," Galant said. Arghi's throat stuck, but he didn't cover the blanket. His mouth was half closed and gritted his teeth. Only then did Arghi's heart seem to be stabbed by an invisible needle. His hands slowly wiped away the tears violently and pressed his eyes firmly under the blanket so that his tears did not come back out in front of Galant. He didn't want to cry in front of him even though he had tried his best to cover himself under this blanket.

There were no sound Arghi caught after Galant said that, all just silence as before. However, Arghi still sensed that Galant was still here watching him. Arghi had been this kind of chilly, but still how he should behave when Arghi himself was put in a situation made him lose the most important sense in life. Vision. A person who is sentenced blind for the rest of his life, how can live the day as before and nothing before. Arghi will never be able to do it.

The sound of the door opening and closing again caused Arghi to exhale which he had unknowingly endured. He was sure Arghi had left his room and was just squinting the void that Arghi could feel through his blanket. Arghi couldn't stand the feeling that made him take off the blanket quickly. He flickered as the water fell on his eyes.

Hearing all of Galant's messages just now to Arghi, he began to realize something and further strengthened Arghi's previous thoughts, that Arghi was not supposed to be here. Messing things up, being a burden to Galant. Everything has been done since Galant's father died.

Arghi thought back to that maybe Arghi should go, wherever. But not here. This is not the place. Not his house. Arghi was only a guest who stopped for a while and would leave as soon as possible.

Arghi cowered, not knowing what time it was. His phone was completely useless if Arghi couldn't even use it for him to see the contents that were inside. The voice command on that phone is just a display now. No one was able to contact him or vice versa.

They had moved in a town far from where Arghi was found, raised, in school. The place now still feels foreign to Arghi. Arghi had to wait until nightfall, which felt like years in total darkness.

He shuddered as suddenly his thoughts flashed that night where the robber hit his head with a chair until Arghi was at this point. If Arghi had obeyed Galant's words none of this would have happened. Arghi shook his head, to keep the dark shadows of the bad memories out of his head. To get it out and pull it from Arghi's head that now felt painfully throbbing.

Arghi is now waiting and continuing to wait.

*

The times continued to roll forward, hour after hour he passed by with silence, Arghi did not know for sure what time it was. However, he was sure to feel the cold from the night air stroking his body through the cracks of the ventilation. Arghi prayed and confirmed in his heart that the decision he had taken was right. He believes Galant is in his room now when Arghi walks and reaches the stairs unhindered.

No one's preventing it, there's nobody here. It made Arghi feel a little relieved to keep moving forward and convinced himself continuously.

He exhaled his sigh of relief, just one step Arghi stuck his foot out onto the stairs. Arghi gasped instantly when his leg got it wrong in taking a step then slipped and rolled on the stairs banging here and there unconsciously hitting the urn on the edge so hard it shattered into a sloping.

The stinging pain behind Arghi's head made his breathing slow down. Although his head had not healed he again felt the same pain, Arghi's shaking hands grabbed the back of his head and felt the fluid from there flowing littering the floor.

Arghi snorted at himself about how ironic it was as if he wasn't allowed to get out of this house. Even the universe supported it to be destroyed once again.

Because of the unbearable pain, Arghi's eyes drooped shut and he felt nothing more than a long void.

.

Instead of Galant having to give up, let Arghi do it.