Chapter 35

Once he got there he found her out on the balcony. Looking up at the sky. Her arms around herself as if to keep out the cold. And it truly was chilly outside. She heard him enter and looked back for a second, then proceeded with her view of the clouds that were just beginning to darken up. 

" Hi, " she said as he stepped closer. Having left the trey in the nourishment chamber. 

" Are you not cold. It's freezing out here, " the cold did not affect him but it was not the sane with her. And the last thing he wanted was for Her to catch a cold. 

" I'm okay, " she answered in a low voice. Keeping her focus away from him. He had found her at a vulnerable moment. She had been thinking about her tortured past, and the evidence of that was clear on her face. It did not matter how many times she told and assured herself that she would forget. She never would. 

No matter what happened those memories would be forever stuck with her. And the pain would always be clawing at her heart. 

Nuriel stood behind her. And a rush of warmth enclosed her. Then he placed his hands on her arm, keeping them there in a gentle hold. As if to silently assure her that he was near. 

" How was your day? " he asked. 

That was how he wanted it to always be. He wanted to come back to his chambers and to her company. It felt right. 

" You know that you've only been gone for three hours, right? " she asked. And in her voice he sensed something. A distant pain that was barely recognisable. But he heard it. Instantly spiking up his protective instincts. He turned her around to face him, she did so but kept her head down. 

" Flame? " 

" What is it? " 

She attempted turning back around, but he refused to let her. Instead he made her look at him. There were dried up tears in her eyes. 

" What happened! Did anyone do anything - "

" No, I'm fine. Honestly, "

" Of course you're not. You were crying, "

" Well sometimes people just feel like crying okay? " she snapped the words a bit more angrily than she intended. Regretting it after, he was only being concerned. Sighing, she ran a hand over her face. 

" I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, "

Nuriel turned her around again, this time wrapping his arms around her. The action caught her off guard, but she found that she liked the gesture, it made her feel protected. Safe in a way she had never before been. 

" Why don't you tell me what's wrong then. You were with Kael again, did he do or say anything to offend you? "

She chuckled at his assumption. And he was glad to realise just how strong his mate was. And what a strong spirit she possessed. Others who had been through everything she had would have been broken already. But she still managed to smile and move on. 

She was the queen the kingdom deserved, the one it needed. 

" No. Kael didn't do anything, but he did introduce me to his friend, "

" Yes Phelan. I heard, "

He was fond of those two. They all considered them the heart of the Council. 

" They're both really nice, "

" As are all of the other council members. You'll learn that once you meet them all. "

Whenever that would be. It was almost next to impossible to have them all at the same place at once. But he would try to organize something. 

" Now how about you stop avoiding the question and tell me what's wrong. "

She had hoped he would forget about that. But clearly it wouldn't be so easy to derail him from his quest for answers. She found herself leaning back against him. It might have only been three hours but she had really missed his closeness. And though her ego wanted her to fight him off, it was a bit bruised at the moment. Plus she failed to see how her pride would serve her. 

" I was... thinking, "

" About what? " 

He tightened the hold he had around her. Realising that she was not trying to fight him off. Such a simple thing but it filled him with tremendous joy. 

" About myself, "

" And that's why you were crying? Because you were thinking about yourself ?"

" Yeah? " it was directed more as a question. So he sought to read between the lines instead. Try to determine the truth on his own because she clearly didn't want to talk about it. 

" Is it about what you told me the other night? "

She breathed in. Amazed at how well he knew her despite the little amount of time he had known her. That touched her. And she could feel the urge to just give in pushing at her. Reprimanding her and asking her how stupid she was for pushing away someone who only wanted to care and love her. 

And honestly, she was asking herself the same exact thing. 

" It is, " she admitted. He moved her long dark brown hair over one shoulder, he liked how voluminous it was, and how it always fell down her back in waves. 

" Can I give you some advice? " he asked as he passively massaged her shoulder. Crimson was her colour, it made her look almost too beautiful. He placed his chin on her head and she welcomed the action much more than she could admit. It was sweet. And affectionate just like he was. 

" I know what you're gonna tell me. And no, I can't try to forget, neither can I stop blaming myself, "

" That is not what I was going to tell you. Actually it's the opposite. "

" What? " she frowned. His idea of advice sounded unhelpful. But he knew exactly what he was saying. And be believed it would be the only way to make her see things differently. 

" Listen, I know you can't forget. And in my opinion that's a good thing, "

" Wow, thanks for your optimism . "

Nuriel turned her around again. Lightly holding her chin up. Amber eyes were rare in the kingdom, actually he doubted that he had ever seen another pair. And hers were not the usual amber shade, they were more intense. The colour visible even from a far. 

" Tell me what kind of being you would be if you would have forgotten all that had happened without giving it a thought. If you would have been able to go on with your life as if nothing had even occurred? "

This was not a conversation he came up with. It was actually one that had been given to him long ago. When one of the other angels had asked him the same question after noticing how distraught he had been over his parents death. And though he had not realised it at the time, it had helped him to cope with things at the time. 

" But that's not the point, "

" Then what is? You feel miserable for what happened to those younglings who you took under your wing. And no matter what you always will, but that does not make you a bad person, and trust me when I say that the more you keep making yourself believe that you are, the more you will actually begin to turn into one, "

Flame listened to what he was saying. And she heard every word, but it was still going to take time before she moved on. 

" I just don't want to keep feeling like this, " she confessed. Shaking her head as she closed her eyes. And Nuriel pressed her head to his chest, offering comfort the only way he knew how. By simply holding her. 

" I know you don't. But feeling horrible is just a part of life m'eudail, you're the one that has to learn how to move on. Those shadows will forever be present, but it isn't about forgetting them. But rather about living past them. "

She snaked one hand around him. It was out of instinct. And deep down she wanted to. 

" Can I tell you something? " she asked and he wondered what it was. 

" Of course. "

" You give really good advice. " 

He laughed and she felt the vibration of the musical sound as it resonated in his chest. 

" I think it would be very helpful if you said that while the others were present. "

She chuckled, snuggling into him like a child would. 

Progress, Nuriel thought.

They were making very good progress in the relationship she had been so against. Now all he had to do was built upon the trust he had gained from her. And before he knew it he was certain that everything would turn out just as it was supposed to. 

                              🌼💮🌼💮🌼💮

Flame sat against the luxuriously curved headboard. Still trying to actually understand the book she had been reading for quite some days now with no luck. It was strange how something could be in a language you could understand but you would still have no clue as to what it said. 

Bringing the covers all the way up to her collarbone, she concentrated on the very confusing words. The only reason she was reading it was because she lacked anything else to do. And she was still not sleepy. But she made a mental note to go to the library and find another more interesting book the next day. 

Nuriel was in the washroom, having gone in after he made her eat. And she found herself smiling naturally when she thought of him. But she contained the smile as well as she could manage. Now was not the time to start fantasizing about him. She heard the door to the washroom unlock and she glanced up. Her mission to not fantasize being reduced to an impossibility.