Chapter 3: Tree of Happiness

Katia's POV

Those words from Kenji let me ask myself a lot of what-ifs. But like they said, pretending to be okay is easier than explaining why you are not.

But if he was right, does Red think that I'm already happy and he just stayed because he just didn't want to ruin my happiness again?

"Maybe, Kenji. Maybe," I simply respond.

"So, ma'am. If you have problems, just remember that I'm always here beside you. I won't leave you. Promise!" He said energetically while he crossed his heart using her hands, kissing it, and raising it above.

"You really are something, Kenji!" We both smile and laugh.

"Excuse my behavior, ma'am," he said while scratching his head for embarrassment.

"And please, Kenji! Can you not call me ma'am? It distracts me. It made me feel so old. It made me feel like I was always at work. It stresses me."

"Hmm. I agree. So, what should I call you? Cute?" Here he goes again. I glare at him while still smiling.

"Why? It's true, ma'am. You are cute! Most especially when you're smiling…" He poked the side of my body like he was tickling it.

"So, keep smiling, ma'am!" He keeps on poking my side. I just ignore him.

"Keep your eyes off the road, you silly! You're driving!" I instantly look back at the window. I don't want him to see me getting blushed. Also, I'm so sleepy.

Third person's POV

"MA'AM, wake up. We're here." Katia slowly opens her eyes while looking at the place. Her soul woke up. Made his eyes so happy.

"Surprise!" Kenji said.

"Let's go, ma'am. I've already reserved a room for us here. We won't need to worry about anything except food—" Katia stopped walking when she heard that. Likewise, Kenji stopped speaking.

"Where together in the same room?" Kenji gives her a strange smile.

"Why, ma'am? Do you want me in your room? Us, together? Am I your crush?"

"I'm just making sure, you fool! And crush? Eww! Over my dead body. I think you're the one who has a crush on me. And why did you bring me here anyways?" Katia consecutively asked.

"Because alabyu!" (Slang for I love you.)

Kenji immediately runs so fast after saying that.

"Hey! Come back here!"

Katia's POV

THE beach is stunning. The waves are so calm, and I can't even take my eyes off them. I never thought I could go here again.

I close my eyes and breathe the air in. I notice a footstep approaching me not too long, but I keep my eyes locked. He breaks the silence.

"So beautiful," said Kenji.

"It really is," I respond.

"I'm always looking from far away, and I also didn't think this would be so beautiful when this close. I'm fooled just to know this now." I immediately open my eyes slowly. I struck his shoulder when I saw him staring at me.

"When will you stop?"

"Ouch, ma'am!" We both smile while he's shouting in pain.

"And I told you not to call me ma'am, remember? I thought you wanted me to smile constantly. How could I smile if you always called me that?"

"If that so? Then, sorry, cute!" He runs, and I chase him instantly. He's really a fool.

WE spent the day well, and I'm so happy about our whole day vacation. Kenji and I are both happy.

It makes me happier knowing that Kenji made sure that my smile never wore off this entire day, and he didn't fail to do that. I hope I can be as pleased as this, every day. I just don't want this day to end.

"Ma'am, I will just put this stuff in the car. I'll call you here when everything's ready." I smile at him while I'm walking continuously on the seashore. I will just say goodbye to this place. I think it would take me so long before I can go here again.

I was just walking near the seashore when I suddenly saw a familiar man with a girl. They were both happy while playing with the waves.

Is he following me? When will he stop?

I instantly turn around and walk back as fast as I can. I don't know what to do. My feelings become numb again. I can't even remember if this is right or wrong.

"Katia?" I heard him whisper, but I didn't turn around. I kept on walking away when I heard his footsteps approaching me.

"Katia! Wait!" He pulled my hands to him. I instantly face and kiss him; our lips stay close for a while. Not too long, I pull myself and walk away again.

"Katia!" He whispered again with emphasis.

"What's wrong with you? Katia! Wait." He pulls me again.

"How the hell can you move on if you keep doing that?" I smirked.

"So, you're saying that you are already moved on‽" I sarcastically asked. He's quiet.

"It's been years—"

"Is the reason you're flirting now is that you've already moved on‽ You know what‽ It doesn't matter anyway if you flirt or not! Why would I care anyway‽" I walked away again. Your words didn't match your feelings, Katia.

"We should forget the past, Kathrina—"

"You can never find me inside them!" I shouted.

"Yes, maybe they are more beautiful and better, but you can't find me inside them, Redxan! You can't!" He's in silence. My unpredicted tears flew again.

"It hurts seeing you happy with someone, Red! Knowing that I'm the one who built you into this man…."

"It hurts seeing you doing the things you can't do to me before. Why can you just go back and just do those things to me? Those things you lack before that you can now provide to someone else."

"I'm sorry, Katia! I just want you to be happy."

"Ma'am Kathrina!" I unnoticedly turned around when I heard that shout. It's Kenji's shout from far.

"Ma'am! I already put everything back in the car! Would you want to stay for a while, or should we go?" I didn't answer him and just looked at my front again.

I look at my surroundings. Where is he? Where did he go? I walk further, looking for him. But even footsteps were faded. I put both hands on my face while sitting down. My tears keep falling.

"I just want you to be always by my side. But why do you keep on pushing me away?"

Kenji's POV

WHY did her mood change again? She was just happy a while ago. She was genuinely delighted the last time we talked.

It's that person's fault! The one whom she's chasing earlier. Why did that person ruin Ma'am Kathrina's smile?

She looks so sad while looking at the window.

"That beach is stunning, right, ma'am? I wonder when we can come back there. Let's plan again soon, ma'am. Let's bring Ms. Fe and other maids with us. They'll be happy for sure—"

"A few months before Red and I broke up. I have tons of problems back then…" I suddenly paused from talking when she suddenly opened up something to me.

"That time, I figured that I was sick. Then my company went down because of issues with my health. My parents are dead. My friends are busy with their life. I don't have anyone to lean on. He's my only family, friend, and love. I'm not ready to lose him. He didn't prepare me to be alone. That's why I didn't say anything. I kept my problem because I don't want him to be tired of me and leave me…" I look at her sad eyes while she's still looking at the window.

"I always lied whenever he asked me if I was okay. I tried to open up, but it always ended up with nothing. I told myself it'd be okay. I really needed his attention that time, but he didn't notice that he was already lacking. Then suddenly, I found my feelings numb and cold. That's the reason for my sudden change. He even lacks more attention when I explode…" She sarcastically smiles.

"I really need a shoulder that time, Kenji! But later on, I realized that maybe it was really my fault he became that man. I think it was my fault that our relationship didn't work out…."

"Redxan said that every person who gives up gets up. And yes, he was right. I needed to get up when I fell. But how...?"

"How could I get up if I knew that I'll be alone when I stand up?"

Katia's POV

RED knows that even he lacks. Still, I never complain. I understand and still stay. But he didn't do the same when I was about to lose myself.

Days passed and that moment on the beach kept flashing in my mind.

I was staring in the air for minutes, but I suddenly noticed that I was out of myself when my phone vibrated. It's a message from Kenji.

Ma'am, where are you? I brought the food you told me to buy. You suddenly vanish. Where are you? I'll accompany you, ma'am.

Where should I go besides here? I'm here in the place where I can remember memories.

I just close my eyes and feel the air. I closed my eyes and said something.

"Soon, you will never find me loving you again—"

"And when that day happened, I knew that you were already okay." I slowly open my eyes and look at where that voice came from.

He sits beside me and looks at where I'm looking. We were in silence for a minute, then I ruined it.

"Red...?" He looks at me while I'm still looking at my front.

"Can I ask you something?" Here I am again. Why can you just stay away, Red? You know I won't stop making myself a fool. Why can you just look and stay away from me when you see me?

"Why do you still keep pushing me away if you don't want to waste our relationship too? Why are you still doing this if you don't want to fix us?"

I know he still wants to fix this. He just needs more time. Or maybe like what Kenji says. Perhaps he just thought I was already happy, and he doesn't want to ruin that again.

I look at him. His eyes are sad.

"I know you did everything for me, Kathrina. But this just happened. It just didn't happen the way we expected." He spoke.

"I thought I was okay. I thought I'd moved on. But whenever I saw you, my world stopped. It is always to be continued."

"I'm sorry—"

"I love you, Red. I really do. But I don't want you to come back because you just pity me. I want you to come back because you want to and that you love me still," I slowly said while my tears were flowing.

"I'm sorry." I'm watching him slip through my hands.

"You have done nothing wrong. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. It is just not the perfect time."

"So, what will happen now? Do we really remain as memories? Just a memory? Do we really need to throw that away?" I asked.

"Why would we throw it away? It's our memory, and I will treasure it forever. We both should remember those memories. Always." It just hurts to think that you just choose to treasure the memory over me.

"Maybe everything happens because everyone has feelings. Maybe everything happened for a reason. Or maybe this happened because the only permanent in this world is change. People change. Feelings fade. But life must go on, Kathrina…."

He's right! No one stays. People will always leave, so don't get too attached.

"You are worthful and deserving to be loved by everyone, Kathrina—"

"Can you please be that everyone, Red—"

"And that's one of the reasons why we should not be together. Because I don't deserve you." I'm just killing myself for hoping, even though I knew in the first place that I didn't even have a slight chance. I stand up and talk again.

"You know what, Red? I thought you'd keep your promise that someday, at the right time, you'll marry me. I guess we really do wrong things for the right reasons, huh? We really can't do anything when dealing with time and love. Either you designed that person for someone, or you just need to find someone designed for you …."

"And I hope someday. I can say to myself that I have already chosen between those two."

I walk away as fast as I can. Not too long, the rain pours along with my tears. But instead of running, I keep on chasing the rain. Rain is the only thing that cries with me. I hope, in this time, someone will hold my hand and tell me that no matter what, he will stay beside me.

I just keep walking and can't even feel the rain. I didn't think of anything but hoped to forget him and never see him again. I'm so tired. The pain is enough!

It's true that everyone really experiences heartaches, but no pain is the same. So, instead of attaching ourselves to the past, we should use the remaining pieces of our broken hearts to build our future.

I kept on walking, didn't turn around.

I hear footsteps approaching and suddenly notice that the rain doesn't pour in my head anymore. I looked up. Instead of the sky, I saw hands that couldn't cover the pain of the rain but still covered it above me just to ease the pain it gave. Even though we both knew that the rain he kept on covering would give him continuous pain.

"Ma'am, Let's go! You might catch a cold here." I turned around in that enthusiastic voice. My tears poured with a smile, and I just hugged him.

"Kenji...!"

"I don't want to get hurt again, Kenji!"

Kenji's POV

I WONDER where Ma'am Kathrina is. She suddenly vanished. Too sad, she's not home. I brought her favorite food.

"Maybe she's just upstairs? Or in the garden?" Ms. Fe mentioned.

"I already checked the whole house, Ms. Fe. But she's really nowhere to be found," I answered.

"She didn't even answer my call," I added.

"Maybe she left her phone here. But still, message her just in case her phone is with her." I just nodded to Ms. Fe's suggestion.

Ma'am, where are you? I brought the food you told me to buy. You suddenly vanish. Where are you? I'll accompany you, ma'am.

I suddenly remembered something when I sent the message. I think I know where she might be.

"I think I know where she is, Ms. Fe. Could you wait for me here for a moment? I'll update you, Ms. Fe," I said, then instantly got the key and ran towards the car.

"Keep safe, okay!" Ms. Fe shouted. I immediately start the engine.

It's been years since she roams around here. The only place she knew was that tree we went to. I'm sure she's there.

I drive as fast as I can, with no turning back.

I arrived and got off the car as quickly as possible. I look at the tree, and I'm right. She's sitting under it. Why is she here anyway? There is no single person here.

I jumpy looked in the sky as I hear the roar of the thunder. It will probably rain soon too. I didn't bring my umbrella with me. Argh! I looked at Ma'am Kathrina again and saw her stand up. Wait! Is she crying?

She walked away so fast and didn't even bother to turn around. I was about to walk when the rain poured. Wrong timing!

"Ma'am!" I shouted together with the thunder. I think she didn't hear me.

I have no choice. She'll gonna be sick.

I run towards her. When I'm about an inch from her, I cover my hands in her head so the rain won't pour into hers.

She stopped and looked at my hand.

"Ma'am, Let's go! You might catch a cold here," I enthusiastically said. She looks at me. But when I saw her sad eyes, the smile on my face faded away. Her face was scared and lonely. Her face told me that she was tired and had enough.

Suddenly, I see a smile and hug me.

"Kenji...!"

"I don't want to get hurt again, Kenji!"

IT'S been days since that day happened. And since that day, she doesn't do anything but lock in her room. I really don't know what happened. I don't know how to make her happy.

"Does she get downstairs yet?" I gave Ms. Fe a sad look.

"Check her. I'm worried something will happen to her." I just look at Ms. Fe and point at myself like I'm asking her, 'why me?'

"You're close with her, so go! She might listen to you. Go now!" Ms. Fe added while pushing my back to go upstairs.

I can't do anything but follow her order. I went upstairs and knocked on the door while slowly opening it. I saw her in bed. She was lying there.

"Ma'am—"

"I want to be alone—"

"I brought lasagna." She immediately turns her head around then I raise the two plates of lasagna in my hands. She instantly sits on her bed while I'm approaching her.

"You want?" I simply asked. She just glared at me. Not too long, she reaches her hands at me. I giggled and gave her the plate. She eats it without hesitating.

"It's Ms. Fe's fault. She doesn't want my lasagna, and I don't want to eat alone. So, I bring it here, thinking you might eat this lasagna with me. Also, it is just a waste if no one will eat it, right?" She frowns while looking at me and still chewing her food. The hell! Why she's still cute even while eating? She looks like a stingy and selfish pig.

"Does it taste good?" She didn't respond and just continued eating.

"Does she wanna say something? I didn't sleep again just to perfect that. But she's just eating and didn't even say if she's happy…" I whisper.

"Are you whispering something?"

"Huh? Whisper? Pfft! No! I was just saying that the weather is good. Do you want to go to the beach again?" She gave me a confusing face. I just eat the lasagna and look around the room.

"Thanks," she said, and I suddenly looked at her with a smile.

"Sorry?" She looks at me.

"Thank you because this tasted good than the lasagna you cooked a few days ago." I just frown.

"At least it improves. Keep learning it every day," she added.

"Duh! Just say it! You just want to taste my lasagna every day!" I whisper again while eating the lasagna.

"You wish! You're so assuming." She smiled. I just smile back at her.

"Wow! I'll be as assuming as this every day if I could see that kind of smile. May I see that smile? May I see?" Then I poke his cheeks which she immediately takes off.

"Don't start, Kenji—"

"The handsome and cute Kenji?" Then I give her a 'handsome hand sign.' She laughs again. I told you guys! I just need to be assuming to make her smile. But hey! I'm honestly handsome and cute. If you don't believe me, you'll be single again this year.

Silence.

"Kenji?" she calls me.

"Have you ever fallen in love?" she added. I sigh.

"At this point? With this handsome face? You won't believe it. Just don't ask, ma'am." She laughs while pushing my shoulder. She's getting used to being aggressive. So aggressive, huh? Kidding!

"But seriously, Kenji…. I frown again while massaging my shoulder. It hurts!

"And I told you not to call me ma'am, right?"

"Okay, cute—" I didn't finish my word when I saw her hand about to punch me again. She just laughs.

"Of course, Katia. Of course, I fell in love," I answered. She just agrees.

"Why did you ask anyway?" I ask while eating again.

"Have you ever felt in the relationship like you are the only one moving forward? Like you are progressing alone?"

"I can't say I feel that because I didn't know if that person I love also gave me the same love I gave to her." She gave me a sarcastic smile while looking at her food.

"You know what? They said that Red didn't even love me. They said that if Red really loves me, he won't let me feel all of this. But you know what I told them? I told them that Red is just like that kind of person. He's not showy and a practical person. I told them that those things are his love language. A love language that only I can see. But in the last few months, I realized and asked myself, am I right? Am I the only one who can see that love? Or maybe I'm just the only one who knew that maybe..."

"Maybe, I'm the only one who knows that he loves me. But even the reality is slapping me from this truth. Still, I blind myself. I told myself that I should keep loving Red and do my very best for him to stay and never get tired of me…" She smirked.

"But what happened? Still, this happened. It's just proof that no matter what we sacrifice, if the person wants to leave, he'll leave. I want to say sorry if I wasn't enough, and I promise that if he comes back, I'll be enough. But I think it's too late…"

"I know we are meant to be, but just for a short time," she sadly smiles while saying that.

"We can't force others to do the same thing we have done to them, Katia. That's the worst fact, and we should accept that. We should accept that we really can't please others the way they want us to please them. Yes, we can give them anything, but we also must not forget to give something to ourselves. Because the only person who can please and love us wholeheartedly is ourselves."