"Shinji, what are you doing with that brick?"
Dear Shirou, the block in my hand is not a brick.
I glanced at my only 'friend' from the corner of my eye, "You sure you wanna be here for this?"
What he's going to see if he sticks around is the side of the magical world his adoptive father didn't teach him about in adequate detail, the yucky side to be exact.
I tried to come here under the cover of darkness and all that but the weirdo was sitting in his front yard, waiting for me for some reason, "Actually, how the hell did you even know I was going to do this?"
Shirou deadpanned, "You were giggling about explosives with your phone."
"False. I do not 'giggle'." Cortana buzzed monotonously, "I am a weapon meant to destroy all obstacles in the way of my father. Do not liken me to you monke-"
I pursed my lips and put a hand over my shirt pocket to silence the racist artifical intelligence, "She's right though, a dignified man like myself would never giggle."
"Shinjii... you were shouting... death to bugs." Tiamat pointed out from beside me.
Fucking traitor.
Let me gaslight the nutcase.
Shirou gestured to the Beast before looking at me like I was a child, which, I was.
Suck on that Shirou.
"What I'm saying is, your father's in there." Shirou explained with a sigh, massaging his temple, "If I'm getting it right, you're not planning on getting him out."
Oh... is this the infamous talk no jutsu?
Last I checked, Shirou was more about beating the shit out of you rather than trying to convert you... huh.
"Let me enlighten you a bit, dear Shirou." I spoke without looking at him, tinkering with the C4 in my hands.
Hah 'tinkering', get it?
Honestly though, where did he find a friend as good as me?
"My father's a deadbeat who threw my mother to a rape bug pit, then spent years making sure those bugs did the same to Sakura." I explained calmly.
I'm gonna blow this place up by virtue of being a fate fan.
There's nothing more to it.
Oh wait, right, there is my eternal hate for all things insect.
Knowing they exist is enough to ruin my mood.
Shirou looked taken aback, obviously unaware of the true nature of the Matou household... I don't blame him.
Oh, he phyiscally stepped back.
"My grandfather's an immortal bug fiend with more connections than I'd like to admit and I don't know how many lives he's ruined in his long life." I pressed further, glancing at Tiamat who looked barely fazed by the revelation.
Shirou, on the other hand, looked more conflicted than his usual broody self at night.
Yes~, hate the bugs~.
"I want to say he ruined my life too."
By breathing, and me being related to him.
Now, do you remember how I said Tiamat looked barely fazed?
I would like to humbly retract my words.
The crosses in her eyes are shining so bright they're illumnating her immediate surroudings and her mouth has extended into her cheeks like mf Eren Yeager... with fangs instead of human teeth.
Dear Tiamat, chill, it's not that deep.
"I can get into the United States nuclear si-" Cortana buzzed from my phone, "I can erase all traces of his existence."
"No, this one is mine."
Obviously, as a reasonable and upstanding individual, I just pursed my lips and didn't talk further lest Japan disappear off the face of the Earth.
Hm, I wonder why the bugs haven't sensed the danger yet.
Oh well.
Finally done with the C4, I tossed it across the road, right into my 'house'.
Of course, as a person capable of great foresight, I had Cortana fry anything capable of recording in the immediate vicinity, including the shitty phones of nowadays.
I even covered my mouth just in case.
Because who would recognise a 12 year old shota who set fire to this home less than a week ago with a flamethrower if he threw on a facemask?
The explosive buzzed, counting down from 5.
Dear Sakura, I'm sorry but I can't risk having him run away while I wait for you to wake up.
4.
I want you to see me blow his ass to kingdom come but, you'll have to be satisfied knowing he's gone.
3.
Of course the explosion is purely symbolical, it could never destroy Zouken.
2.
Dear Shirou, let what you here today be a lesson you remember for the rest of your life.
1.
Boom.
...Or not?
Why's nothing happenin-
The whole Matou residence lit up in explosion that rocked the Earth under us, "Was it supposed to be that large?"
I would like to remind you that this was not a firebomb.
It was C4.
It just blew everything in it's range to shreds.
"Tiamat." I calmly grabbed Shirou by the shoulder and pulled him back with me as a dark mass came funneling through the ground, out into the night sky.
I can hear their wings.
Oh my God they look like actual dicks... with wings.
Why the fuck does something like this exist?
You know what, I'm changing my last name.
Tiamat leaned forward and opened her mout-...no, maw, to reveal rows of sharp teeth as the horns on the side of her head elongated to reach her knees.
Fuck you for not giving me magecraft, fate.
I'm gonna get my hands on it no matter what.
A concentrated ball of crimson magical energy appeared in her open maw before her eyes shone brighter and it shot out like a fucking Cero that split into hundreds of beams that...
Oh my god the energy beams have tracking.
"This is...."
I felt like crying.
As soon as they made contact, the night sky was lit up by red explosions that evaporated everything caught in their immediate radius.
Fuck you, Zouken.
You deserve worse than not even getting a last word in for what you've done.
And you probably want to say, 'Shinji, everybody saw that.'
No, no they didn't.
It was an unfortunate gas leak.
My grandfather and dad got killed in the explosion and I'm going to be greiving so no more school for at least a month.
I'll have to accept the family fortune with a 'heavy' heart but death is a part of life and I will have no choice but to move on from this 'unfortunate accident'.
Yes, how very sad and traumatising.
"Is he gone?" I asked calmly.
She could most certainly 'feel' his presence and know better than anyone if the fate version of Diddy was dead.
"...Mm."
Dear Tiamat, why do you seem hesitant?
This was a good thing.
The Primordial Goddess slowly turned around, her face back to it's usual appearance but... afraid?
"You're... not leaving?" Tiamat inquired with clenched fists and a lowered gaze.
Oh, I get it.
As the Mother of Genesis, her very being is, in a way, overwhelming and fear-inspiring.
She could make a mistake and accidentally wipe a nation off the face of the planet... even though I'm pretty sure that's never actually happened with how afraid she is of just that.
Though, I can get why someone would be afraid.
I smacked her shoulder, "It was..."
Dear Tiamat, stop flinching.
It's disrespectful to a mad scientist to think he'd be anything but proud of one of his suicidal experiments.
"The most amazing thing I've seen in my life."
What else did you expect me to say?
Find me one dude out there who wouldn't find literal fucking Ceros cool as hell.
The Beast paused for a moment, visibly confused, before she lit up and smiled widely... even her ears perked up, "Shinjii~."
"Shinji... you need help." Shirou sighed in resignation, shuffling away, "I won't judge you for what you've done though, I don't believe you would genuinely harm someone."
Bro, stop acting like one of those characters that understand personalities after two conversations.
You're not that smart.
And you're naive too, I plan on having my Candy Empire span across all schools throughout the city... nobody can stop me.
Before I could stretch my arms and begin to appreciate my newfound freedom, a certain Beast jumped and smothered me, nuzzling her face into my cheeks,
"...This is fine too."
Yes, fight me.
"I will fabricate evidence for the gas leak and make sure that all your assets are properly assigned, Father."
"Thank you, Cortana."
I voiced out my appreciation because you have to verbally praise AIs, they're like kids at the start.
We don't want Fate/Skynet, now do we?
-
Hope you enjoyed.
Here's your reference for why someone being terrified is reasonable.
I'll post it in chapter comments.
PS for extra chap?