Chapter 7

There are times that I want to end my life because I was drowning by my own fear and aside from all of the negative thoughts in my mind, my past keeps on haunting me until now.

Looking back to those times witnessing a savage death of people seems so familiar to me. I think, it is more than unhealthy thoughts that will kill me, but my anxiety that creates destructions within me.

I was glancing a bit, skipping my thoughts and finally opens a door to a well-known coffee shop that was quite near in our school, I'm holding a book that I bought from the book store earlier.

"Good morning ma'am" A familiar face showed up the moment I opened the glass sliding door on it.

"What is your best selling coffee for this week?" I just asked her trying to convince myself that she is someone I didn't know either. Of course, it was quite weird but I didn't take my thoughts over there already because I need more restful days this week before going back to publication, I still have lots to do on my writings.

"You can choose from this menu ma'am". She said before I forgot to take an order.

I simply grabbed the menu card and just finally sat down to a small corner on the coffee shop wherein it has only one glass table on it and at the same time a complex chair , and it really suits for a single lady like me of course!

I'd laugh myself quietly thinking that I am like someone who is very independent and at the same time a loner girl in school, that if Sarah was not around, I'm actually becoming that typical nerd author of the school.

"Can I get your order ma'am?" with that pretty face asking me on what to order.

"I still didn't choose any of your flavor, instead can you choose for me then?"

smiling back convincing her.

"Are you sure ma'am?" She said with a smile.

"Yeah" why not. I told her.

She just nodded and continue walking her steps away from me while saying.. .

"I will give you the best flavor ma'am" and smiling back.

I make sure that peace is within me and that it was just all about reading that I have to do since this book was not really that costly because I made a discount for this one and as an author it is something I can learn more then. .

I was checking my facebook account but because I know anytime today he will message me, I probably decided to just sign out and continue reading the book I bought.

Facing that chapters on the novel --thinking about Fedel.

I know he's a little bit annoying and of course I find it hard to be with him this time after what happened.

"Ma'am, here's your order"

I did a little sip on a cappuccino coffee and a while ago wondering how come a small plate with a cake on it was on my table.

I turned back my attention to the lady who assist me earlier.

"Is it for free?" I asked her.

"Yes ma'am." she told me with that freaky smile.

"Wow!

I mean If you don't mind me asking. I was actually confused because this is not rather my first time having a coffee with your shop and actually I just came here last week anyway, but it seems that I don't have receive any of this cake.

If you mind me asking.. .

Do you have some event celebrated today? or just for promotion?"

"No ma'am". She quickly replied.

"Someone told me to give that to you." she added.

Okay. And that face reaction of mine.

I'm sure that I was never comfortable then.

It was all a pure vanilla cake,a sweet one that literally completes my day. Thanks for a good samaritan who made this for me.

I was thinking who would that be by the way?

Do you want some more? A familiar voice coming from my back, trying to get my attention.

And I wasn't wrong turning back and glance with that guy wearing a Professional look outfit with his black shorts and a statement polo shirt with a watch on his wrist.

He actually looks like an actor which I idolized so much on TV!

He's actually so awesome today!!

It was the same person that I'm afraid to face with this time.

Fedel!. Surprisingly you're here?!

"Are you okay?" when he saw me shockingly focusing at his appearance right now.

He really smells good as always.

At the back of my mind.

"Why?

I mean why are you here?" I just turn out my focus so that it won't gonna be obvious if I fix my eyes on him.

"I was on my way to the parking lot, I was parking my car there when I saw you near here.

So I decided to just sit for a while and order you. .

this cake? Am I right?

And just looking back at him all day trying to guess what is it with him now..

"Because I was thinking you might forget about last night?"

"And what about last night?" confusions are coming now.

"That I'm actually courting you and I admit my first impression wasn't good enough,

I want to set aside and change those things- -- to win you."

I was out of words and just lean on the other side feeling so ashamed of what will be these confession will end up then,

the moment he faced me I only remember on how that romantic date goes by.

"Please let me know if you're ready".

And picking up his bag and just left me hanging there.

--------------------------------------

I continue reading the book I bought earlier. Thinking that it might be a good help for me to more calm and relax since his presence is no longer here already.

This book is entitled

"Even if the world changes, I will still love you". The synopsis feels something deeper than hatred and love --- that conquers all.

The characters suits its standard and the genre of the book was a tandem of both romantic and historical story.

I wished someone will give me a book!

Not a piece of a cake!..

I smiled reflecting on myself especially becoming that immature type after all the bad words I told him and was done, he is actually someone who loves to challenge me in some way and maybe until I said yes.

**************

Finally, settled down reading some chapters and doesn't even noticed that I had missed a call from mom (The one who adopted me and my brother Alex).

I startled and get my phone and started dialing her number back. Because I know it might be something important is going on.

The other line is ready for a call and the only thing I heard is that mom is crying on the other line. .

What happened ma?

"Can you come over her Issa?" She told me with that crying voice.

Where are you now? And why are you crying? I was scared -- so scared.

That's why I had to questioned her a couple of times to look for an answer to that.

"We are in San Fernando Pampanga Hospital, please come here immediately".

I did a long walk away from the coffee shop and can't even stop crying.

I know that Alex isn't okay the moment I decided going here in Manila. I knew he is someone who fights for his life and he never gives up easily. But now? All I hope is that he will give me another chance and forgive me and continue living, I cannot live without him.

30 minutes was already passed by but I can't still find any taxi to drove me -- from here to Pampanga.

I don't care how much money I need to spend just to be with Alex now.

If there's only way to get there,

I would really risk my whole life going there.

Until I saw a familiar car parking from a distance that was near me.

And can't make it but feel so much hopeful because I just found the person I knew who can help me. Someone who will be so much willing to be with me.

I cross the border limits and didn't even think about being sorry running towards his direction and hug him tight! hoping that a piece of a second could help me find the comfort I've been longing since then.

I can't make it! I'm very emotional and I don't have someone to lean on and all I know is that he can help me get through it!

"Are you okay?" He suddenly asks me.

I'm sure you're not --

that kind of answer assures me.

I won't ask you for what happened, but I think it is important to take you there.

Lets go! and he open the car for me.

I just finally nodded and keep my focus to the guy who's always been my enemy but my savior.

************

We are almost half of our way to San Fernando Pampanga, estimated kilometers about 66 kilometers -- away from Manila.

I can't even dare to sleep because of so much emotion deep within me and that I feel so worried with Alex.

We are almost there, and it seems that we still don't have enough meal for today and of course we have no rest at all.

Can we go for a coffee first? he asked my approval before setting in motion.

I realized that I feel so distress for what happened today and the book I bought earlier is something I only have here. I put it on my bag and just continue restraining from looking around outside the car and just keep looking back and forth trying to ease the pain I have here.

I just simply keep a light smile on my face looking around the place we both end up to, it is something the only way I can ease the worries he have for me.

That fear and negativity keep flashing back that somehow I am afraid I might end up, like mom and dad.

I'm afraid Alex won't gonna survive this time, but for now all I can do is to pray for his safe recovery. I need him most in my life,

I always need him to live.

******

We actually have decided for a take out coffee since it's quiet near from the hospital. And that mom is surely waiting for us.

I'm out of words I just sip on a coffee we bought earlier and finally change my sad face to a light smile hoping It will end up convincing him that I'm fine.

He asked me to close my eyes and after that, he touched it and just simply says.

"Let's erase some bad memories today". You can make through it.

And for me.. .

After the painful years I've been through I knew that I'm strong enough to handle this type of situation already. He hold my hand while saying' ..

"I am always here for you no matter what happened".

As my teary eyes keep coming.

I can't explain but releasing those painful memories I have right here. I'm hoping that it would be his magical spell -- to forget.

*************""""

Walking at the entrance of the hospital, We're actually not minding the people around us even if holding our hands becomes normal already.

Everyone was looking unto us and being strong together is the only thing we keep holding now.

Hi good evening Can I ask if where is room number 31? facing that head nurse was probably a quiet weird thing for me because she is like someone I really know. And keep restraining looking back at her.

And finally, I get back to my senses and told him about that strange feeling I feel with that woman.

She looks so familiar. I just told him with that weird way expression..

The elevator opens .. . and I can see mom with that teary eyes since this afternoon!

that moment really melts my heart up thinking that she really have done a lot for us.

And saving us in the past is one thing I always feel grateful enough-- to her.

Alex is now sleeping in his hospital bed.

He's someone you cannot imagine he is, he have lots of apparatuses on his body including that oxygen that made him still alive now".

Mom told me everything and exactly the moment he was rush into the hospital because he cannot breathe.

That part I feel so hopeless, crying over and over. . I feel so guilty escaping from my past life that even Alex had to suffer.

I hug him tight while saying

" Your beautiful sister is here-- Aren't you excited seeing me?" this teary eyes keep betraying me from crying hard so much.

"It's fine." Fedel was there asking me to stop crying.

"He might be very sad if you'll be like that". He told me.

But my hearts really feels that pain that even my eyes betray me and can't stop falling that tears of mine.

It was all a hard decision, seeing him this way, asking him to live again and continue fighting for his life is the most hard outcome of my escape.

I sometimes regret doing it.

I sometimes angry on myself for being so selfish for choosing to leave Alex rather than staying.

After all, the worst nightmare I have encountered is these..

It was moment I closed my eyes, my little brother was gone.