Chapter 97: This Venerable One...

"Mo Ran, Mo Ran." Someone seemed to be calling him.

He opened his eyes, bleary and dazed, to an unfocused white silhouette.

Vaguely, he felt as if this person looked like Chu Wanning, but at the same time he also didn't quite dare to believe it. He felt that person's hands folded over his chest, channeling an unbroken stream of spiritual energy into the wreckage there that was still bleeding nonstop.

So warm…

Who?

He blinked arduously, trying to get a look at that blurry figure.

"Mo Ran…" "Sh-Shizun?" He fought down the blood welling in his throat to ask in a murmur.

He felt something warm and wet fall on his cheek. Slowly, his vision cleared up enough to see a pair of phoenix eyes, softly beautiful with a hint of melancholy like the apricot blossoms of Jiangnan, against a face that was deathly pale and stained with blood. Mo Ran was at a loss as he stared dazedly at him—he had never seen such an expression on Chu Wanning's face before.

His Shizun had always been coldly impassive, but the person before him now was crying.

Mo Ran reached up with a hand, wanting to touch, wanting to check if it was real or just the hallucinations of a dying man. But, the tips of his fingers mere inches from that person's face, he paused.

Sometimes, hating someone was a kind of habit. If, suddenly, he shouldn't hate him anymore, then he wouldn't know what to do.

He didn't dare touch.

He was afraid it might be real.

But also afraid it might not be.

Behind Chu Wanning, he saw mountains of corpses and oceans of blood; he couldn't quite tell if it was the battleground at Butterfly Town, or if he had already gone to hell. He was well aware that he had committed countless evils, had sinned irredeemably, that he belonged in the Infinite Hells, never again to be reincarnated.

But Chu Wanning…

He was a good person.

Why would he be here with him, to suffer an eternity in hell?

"Just a little more," Chu Wanning's voice was distant and hazy, as if uttered through the depth of an ocean. "You have to stay awake, or else…" He watched blood seep from the corner of Chu Wanning's mouth.

The golden light grew brighter and brighter until the person before his eyes was suddenly enveloped in the blinding glow, turning into the form of a child.

"Or else you are no disciple of mine." "Xia-shidi!" Chu Wanning turned into Xia Sini right in front of his eyes. Mo Ran was so shocked that his wound suddenly blazed with pain, and he passed out again before he could process a single thought.

"Mo Ran." A voice so soft it was almost a sigh; he didn't know if it was a hallucination of the past life or a lingering murmur by his ear.

"I'm sorry, it was this master's fault…" This again! This again!!

Chu Wanning, I don't want you to apologize, I want you—— To what?

He faltered, not knowing what it was that he wanted.

If he didn't want him to apologize, then what did he want him to do?

His eyes shot open. Breathing harshly, clothes soaked through with sweat,

Mo Ran looked up to see a clean, tidy room, sparsely decorated.

He was back at his room in Sisheng Peak.

He actually lived…

Disbelievingly, he glanced around himself, then raised a hand that was a bit cold to feel the injury on his chest. It was wrapped in several layers of bandages;

blood had seeped through the gauze and dyed it red, and it hurt a little when touched, but underneath, his heart was still beating rhythmically, powerfully,

beating with the promise of the rest of his life.

He lived.

He lived!!!

Blood coursed wildly, powerfully through his youthful body, making the tips of his fingers tremble, thrumming through his very soul.   He heard the sound of curtains being lifted. Mo Ran looked up from where he was sitting on the bed and came face to face with the beauty that had just entered. It was probably cold outside; his long black hair cascaded loosely over a white mantle lined with fur, and when he lifted those soft, bright eyes, there was a faint redness at their corners, more beautiful than any makeup.

Shi Mei hadn't expected Mo Ran to be awake already, and started a little before saying, "A-Ran? Y-you…" "Shi Mei! Shi Mei!" Mo Ran called his name a bunch of times, eyes bright and glittering like obsidian. He jumped off the bed, ignoring the protests of his wound, and grinned toothily while throwing himself on Shi Mingjing, hugging him tightly, ecstatically repeating over and over.

"I'm so glad! You're alive! I'm alive! It's over, it's all over!!" The Heavenly Rift had been the greatest calamity of his past life; fiends and demons had descended from above, taken Shi Mei, and pushed Mo Ran into the abyss of sin.

It was the one thing that had kept him constantly on edge after rebirth, fearful that it would happen all over again, that he would be left all alone again, treading on the bones of those he had once loved and cared for on the lonely path toward an empty Wushan Palace.

But the heavens were not unkind to him, and everything had changed when he'd stood up, willing to die in Shi Mei's place.

He won't be all alone anymore, abandoned and rebuked by all, won't be forced to Liangshan Mountain in the dead of night, henceforth a lonely wanderer; from now on, the curse is broken——

He had truly escaped the nightmare of his past life now, truly been reborn.

Mo Ran clung to Shi Mei for a long time before letting go, his eyes bright like fireworks, glittering like the starry night.

Shi Mei stood there, dazed and unmoving, while Mo Ran wrapped his arms around his shoulders and looked down at him, smiling. They stayed like that for a long time before Shi Mei slowly broke out of his daze and leaned in of his own accord to press his forehead against the lower side of Mo Ran's jaw.

"A-Ran." "Mhm?" When Shi Mei lifted his face, he wore a faint smile, but his eyes were a little wet.

"I'm so glad you're ok." Smiling, Mo Ran stroked his hair, then took his hands in his own, reassuring,

"Silly, of course I'm ok, why wouldn't I be? I…" Before he could say more, the curtain was lifted again as someone else strode in.

"Xue Meng?" "..." What a petty guy, probably still upset that he got outdone at the Butterfly Town battle—he wore a sullen expression, and his lips were pressed into a thin line. Seeing Mo Ran up and about, he only paused for a beat before turning to speak to Shi Mei. "When'd he wake up?" Shi Mei hesitated for a moment before answering, his voice sounding a little worried, "Just now." "...I see," Xue Meng acknowledged, still refusing to look at Mo Ran.

Mo Ran thought to himself, look at this little brat, sulking so much just cause he got showed up, it's like he got his candy stolen or something.

But he was in quite the good mood, so he was willing to overlook it. Smiling,

he said, "Looks like I was out for a while huh, who brought me back?" "Who else?" Xue Meng flung his sleeve and folded his hand behind. "Of course it was Shizun." "Ah." Mo Ran was taken aback by his words, fragments of blurry memories from when he'd been drifting in and out of consciousness passing before his eyes. He was just so overwhelmed with shock and elation, now that he was awake, that he was even less sure if the things he'd seen back then were real or not.

He mumbled, "Shizun… Xia-shidi…"   Hearing his murmur, Xue Meng jerked almost imperceptibly before saying,

stiffly, "So, you saw?" "What?" "That Xia-shidi is Shizun." Mo Ran was still only guessing, and his entire face went pale at being suddenly told outright like this. "WHAT!!!" Xue Meng's head snapped toward him, a strange expression on his face like he was using all that he had to keep something in check, "What? I thought you already knew."

Mo Ran yelped, "How would I know that! I just, when I was drifting in and out, and it was all blurry… I thought I might have seen the two of them overlapping… I…"

He thought about the time he'd spent with Xia Sini at the Peach Blossom Springs, the two of them sleeping in the same bed; he thought about when he lost control at the Rainbell Isle, the golden hair clasp that had fallen out as he tore at Chu Wanning's robes.

And the handkerchief, embroidered with a haitang blossom.

Clothing that grew and shrunk with its wearer.

The little jar of chicken soup, held tightly in Xia Sini's arms.

The way he had looked up at him and called him shixiong, and how he had patted him on the head, grinning as he said that we'll be brothers from here on out, shixiong will dote on you.

One after another, the memories materialized before his eyes and then scattered like smoke; now it was Chu Wanning, his face impassive, expression much too cold, and now it was Xia Sini, his lips pressed together, refusing to talk.

He had once said to Xia Sini that Chu Wanning was no good, that he disliked him.

He had also once patiently brushed Xia Sini's long hair.

His hair was so soft, flowing between his fingers like liquid ink.

Now that he thought about it, they really were so much alike...

Mo Ran felt like his head was going to explode. He paced in place, back and forth, muttering, "Shizun is Xia-shidi… Shizun is Xia-shidi… Shizun is…" He came to an abrupt stop, almost crazed.

"You've got to be kidding me! How could Shizun possibly be Xia-shidi!!!" "A-Ran…" Mo Ran didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "S-sure they're pretty similar in a lot of ways, but… but they're not the same in the end. Xia-shidi is such a good person, how could——" "The hell do you mean by that." Xue Meng cut him off, pinning him with a sharp glare.

"Xia-shidi is such a good person? So, what, such a good person cannot possibly be Shizun?"   Mo Ran countered, "Of course I'm not saying that Shizun isn't a good person. It's just that Xia-shidi has always been so sincere with me, and I basically saw him as my own little brother, how am I supposed to just accept you suddenly telling me that he's actually Shizun…" Xue Meng snarled, "Xia-shidi is sincere huh, is Shizun insincere then?"   Hearing the temper rising in his voice, Shi Mei hurriedly tugged on his sleeve.

"Young master, remember what uncle said! A-Ran just woke up, he…" But Xue Meng shook him off, his brown eyes still fixed on Mo Ran's face, so infuriated that even the vein at his neck was throbbing, looking like a hissing viper just about to sink its venomous fangs into its prey, ready to devour.

"Mo Weiyu, you better explain to me right here and right now, why can't Shizun be Xia Sini? Where does he lack sincerity, huh? Tell me clearly, which part of him is fake to you?!" The flood of demanding questions only annoyed Mo Ran a little; after all, it wasn't like he hadn't seen Xue Meng pissed off before—in the last lifetime, Xue Meng's temper had been more or less like this in every single one of their encounters after he became Emperor Taxian-Jun.

But still, it was irksome. Mo Ran frowned and snapped, "What's it to you?

That's between me and him." "Between you and him?" Xue Meng repeated. "Have you ever even thought about him?"   Mo Ran was so mad he laughed instead. "The hell's your problem, Xue Ziming, seriously, when'd you go mental? C'mon Shi Mei, let's go to Loyalty Hall,

maybe Uncle and Shizun know what's up with him." He brushed past Xue Meng to leave, pulling Shi Mei along.

Xue Meng stood rooted in place for a while, as if trying hard to hold something down, but his restraint cracked as Mo Ran was just about to step out of the door, and he whipped around, roaring, "MO WEIYU, HAVE YOU EVER SPARED A THOUGHT FOR THIS SHIZUN OF YOURS?!" "..." Mo Ran only felt even more agitated; his steps halted, originally cheerful and relaxed brows drawing low into a scowl.

Shi Mei squeezed his hand, whispering uneasily, "Don't mind him, he's been a bit irritable lately. Come on, let's go." "...Mn."   But his hand had only just made contact with the curtain, hadn't even lifted it yet, when Xue Meng's voice rang out again, stifled, inflamed and distraught, like it had leapt out from a fire.

"Mo Weiyu, you fucker, you piece of shit." The curtain dropped back down with a swish.

Mo Ran closed his eyes, then opened them.

"A-Ran…" Shi Mei tried to pull him back, but was gently pushed aside.

He turned his face, and then his body. The two of them were about the same age, but Mo Ran was already taller by a chunk, and he could look quite cold and menacing when he wanted to.

Mo Ran suddenly smiled, but his black eyes were deep and without the slightest hint of a smile.

He spoke, "So I'm a piece of shit now, huh."   "Xue Ziming, I've never treated Shizun with anything but respect, nor did I stand by and watch at the battle of the Heavenly Rift. The barrier to the Infinite Hells couldn't be mended by his strength alone, so I stepped up to help. Let me ask you, as his disciple, have I done anything wrong?"     "..." "My strength falls far short of his, so I wasn't able to hold out till the end when mending the barrier. I fell from the coiled dragon pillar, but he didn't even spare me so much as a single glance, uncaring of whether I lived or died. Let me ask you again, in my shoes, would you not feel bitter and disappointed?"   "Mo Ran…" Finally giving voice to the thing that had eaten away at him for two lifetimes,

Mo Ran's handsome features twisted into something dark as he spoke of his sore spot. He forced out each individual syllable, slowly and clearly enunciating every word. "As I see it, I've done my duty, and owe him nothing. What gives you the right to stand here in front of me and call me a piece of shit? ...Xue Meng, do you think I've never cared for him? You're wrong, I have."   "But he's made of stone," Mo Ran continued in a low voice, every word like a knife to his heart, drawing blood. "Xue Meng. Listen to me, I don't care what a powerful cultivator he is in the eyes of the world, what a prestigious zongshi, that he's Yuheng of the Night Sky, Beidou Immortal, none of that is important." "What's important is that, at the battle of the Heavenly Rift, I nearly died. But when I begged for him to look back, spare me a glance, he wouldn't even give that to me."

It was such a chilling, enraging thing.

But he was strangely calm as he spoke of it; only his eyes were a little red.

"And, Xue Meng, I can guarantee you—no matter who it was falling from the pillar back then, even if it wasn't me, even if it was you or Shi Mei, he wouldn't have saved you." Because I saw it with my own eyes.

He had turned and left his own disciple's body to cool in the snowstorm that filled the sky.

"There's nothing more important than his good name as the Beidou Immortal, after all," Mo Ran sneered coldly. Maybe it was the poor lighting, but he looked a little forlorn.

"You'll live if you're lucky. Die if you're not." His last word was still lingering in the air when there came a blur before his eyes alongside a rush of wind.

The room was narrow and Shi Mei was behind him, so Mo Ran couldn't dodge even though he sensed it coming, for fear of letting him come to harm, so he stood his ground and took the blow.

Xue Meng lunged at him like a cheetah, gripped him by the collar, and a loud 'PA!' rang out in the air as Xue Meng slapped him across the face, holding nothing back.

Getting slapped out of the blue like that, Mo Ran's temper flared as well. He twisted his wrist to seize the raging youth, snarling through gritted teeth, "Xue Ziming! The fuck do you think you're doing?!" Xue Meng didn't answer, instead roaring, "Mo Weiyu, you bastard!!" He had absolutely no interest in talking it out, rampaging like he was on something with no sense or reason to speak of, getting into a brutal brawl with Mo Ran right there in that desolate little room, going at each other's throats like a pair of trapped beasts, like they wanted to rip each other to threads, tear one another apart and swallow the other, blood, bones and all. A single lamp flickered in the room, casting their maddened silhouettes against the wall of stone, like a shadow play of beasts tearing into one another, like a picture of raging demons.

Suddenly, Mo Ran heard Xue Meng choke back a sob.

It was so quiet that he thought he must have heard wrong.

But just as he thought that, several drops of tears landed on the back of his hand.

Xue Meng suddenly let go of Mo Ran and shoved him away, then curled up on the ground, wrapping his arms around his knees, and started bawling miserably right there.

Mo Ran's cheek was still red and swollen, but he was utterly stumped at this turn of events, thinking that it wasn't like he'd actually pulled out any deadly moves, surely he hadn't hurt him that bad, and besides, it was this cousin of his who threw the first punch to start with, why all of a sudden...

He was still puzzling it over when he heard Xue Meng's voice, screaming hoarsely between broken sobs.

"How could you say he didn't save you! How could you say he didn't save you!" Tears rolled down his cheeks, impossible to stop.

To the side, Shi Mei saw that Xue Meng couldn't keep things under wraps after all, so he sighed and, looking down, said no more.

Xue Meng choked out between sobs, "He'll be so sad if he heard you say that from down below[10]…"   These words were too sudden, Mo Ran couldn't quite process them immediately. He asked in a daze, "What?" Xue Meng only kept crying. His venomous fang had pierced into Mo Ran's neck, but it had also pricked himself.

He wept so miserably, so brokenly, wiping desperately at his face, at his eyes, his gaze flickering between ferocity and sorrow.

He wouldn't get up from where he crouched on the floor.

He stayed there with his face buried in the crook of his arm for a long, long time.

Mo Ran felt a slow numbness climb up from the bottom of his feet, until his entire body felt frozen.

He felt his lips move. Heard his voice ask.

"Xue Meng, what did you just say…"   Xue Meng cried for a long time, or maybe it wasn't actually that long at all,

only that it felt like far too long to Mo Ran as he waited for that thunderous jolt of an answer.

"Shizun…" Xue Meng finally choked out, "he's gone."   For a moment, Mo Ran had nothing to say. His whole body felt cold;

distantly, he heard the words, but he couldn't seem to understand them.

Gone?

What do you mean gone?

Gone where?

Who's gone… who's gone!!!

WHO'S GONE!!!!!!!!!

Xue Meng lifted his head slowly; there was hatred in his eyes, and mockery,

and the deepest pain and loathing.

"Do you know why he didn't look back?" "..." "Father said that sealing the Heavenly Rift took all that he had. Did you think you were the only one struck by the fiendish energy of the ghost realm? The Discernment Barrier is twinned! Whatever damage you took, he suffered the same! It's just that he endured it, and said nothing of it to anyone." Mo Ran felt a droning between his ears.

When he didn't save Shi Mei in the previous lifetime, was that also because…

Mo Ran didn't dare finish the thought. The tips of his fingers trembled.

"No way… but he was so poised…"

"When had he ever been anything but poised in front of others?" Fresh tears welled up and overflowed in Xue Meng's eyes as he spoke, "All of his spiritual energy had already been exhausted by the time he came down from there. Why do you think he put a protective barrier around you and left without looking at you?" Xue Meng's words dripped with tears of blood.

"Shizun knew he couldn't hold out for much longer. His cultivation was high,

so all the fiends would be drawn to him the moment he showed any weakness…

Mo Ran, Mo Ran… did you think he left because he abandoned you…" Mo Ran: "..." "He left to protect you! Mo Weiyu! So that you wouldn't get caught up in that!"     "The fiends went berserk when the Infinite Hells closed, the battle dragged on till nightfall, countless were killed or injured, who had time for you?! Even my father didn't know you were gone until he was already back at Sisheng Peak with an injured Xuanjii Elder," Xue Meng paused for a moment, breathing harshly, before forcing the rest of the words through the tightness in his throat.

"Mo Weiyu, he was the one who brought you back… he was the one who took the pill that lets him recover his original form, so that he could pull you from the bloody wreckage, from the mountain of corpses, he was the one already covered in wounds himself, but still gave you the last remnant of his spiritual power…" "No way…" "He was the one who brought you home; you were still unconscious, and his spiritual energy was completely drained. He was no different from an ordinary person at that time, couldn't use any techniques at all, not even a communication spell. He could only carry you on his back and climb up the stairs of Sisheng Peak, step by step…" "No…" "Over three thousand steps… he… without any spiritual power…"   Mo Ran closed his eyes.

He could almost see, under the pale moonlight, Chu Wanning carrying himself as he was on the verge of death, climbing slowly up those endless stairs,

white robes stained bloody.

That person had been so distant and unreachable, so pristine and untarnished.

Beidou Immortal, Yuheng of the Night Sky.

Mo Ran's throat felt tight, and his voice shook when he spoke, "No way…

how… did he…" "I wondered the same," Xue Meng stared into the distance at a loss, the rims of his eyes red.

"When I saw him, I thought that surely I had gone mad, that I was seeing things. Because I was also thinking," he sighed the rest, "how...did he…" "No way…" Mo Ran suddenly let out a sob and clutched his head, murmuring helplessly, "No way…" "The stairs are still stained with a trail of blood; that's the road he took to bring you home." Xue Meng's hatred made him ruthless. "Go look for yourself,

Mo Ran. Go look."  

"NO WAY!!!!!!"

Shock and helplessness beyond what he could bear sent Mo Ran into a rage. He grabbed Xue Meng without warning, hauled him up off the ground, and slammed him against the wall, his face twisting into something bestial.

"No way, no fucking way! How could he have saved me? He's always disliked me, always looked down on me!"   "..." Xue Meng said nothing for a moment, then suddenly grinned miserably.

"Mo Weiyu, it's not that he looked down on you."   In the flowing candlelight, Xue Meng lifted his eyelashes, clumpy with tears,

and leveled him with a gaze filled with hatred.

"It's that I look down on you." Mo Ran: "..."   "I look down on you, Xuanji Elder looks down on you, Tanlang Elder looks down on you… who the fuck do you think you are," Xue Meng chewed up the words and spit them in Mo Ran's face. "You son of a bitch." "YOU——!" Xue Meng burst out laughing all of a sudden, tilting his head back to look up at the dim ceiling. "Mo Ran, out of the entirety of Sisheng Peak, the one who thought the most highly of you was him. But this is how you've paid him back."   He laughed and laughed until he squeezed his eyes shut and tears began to fall again.

This time, he wept quietly.

"Mo Ran, your Xia-shidi, my Shizun, he's dead." Mo Ran had been bitten by the most venomous snake in the world. Startled,

he abruptly let go as if burned, and stumbled backwards, finally understanding those words for the first time.

His entire body began to tremble.

Xue Meng suddenly called to him, "Ge." Mo Ran continued backing away, but his back collided against the ice cold wall; there was no escape after all.

Xue Meng finally stopped crying.

But his voice was flat, like he was dead.

"Ge, we don't have a Shizun anymore."  

Author's Notes:

Big white cat's talking corpse: [thanking jjwxc readers] Pup: "..." Ah, forget it, pup 1.0 is glitching right now, 1.0 OS corrupted, give him some time alone to digest the truth. Mengmeng, you do it.

Xue Mengmeng: [rest of the thanks]

[10] Reminder: underworld =/= hell, everyone who dies goes to the underworld