Chapter One - Kace

"Kace," I heard my mother's voice say. For a moment, I was unaware of what was going on. My head felt dizzy, and my body felt heavy. I only saw darkness. "Kace? Wake up, sweetheart."

I opened my eyes and blinked several times, getting used to the light. I was lying sideways on my bed; my sheets laid messily over me from the terrors of last night. But now, even though I felt tired, I wasn't afraid. I never understood why I wasn't afraid in the mornings.

My mother was kneeling beside my bed in front of me, and she smiled from the moment my eyes opened. She was already dressed in her work clothes of a simple dress-shirt and a skirt. Her makeup and hair was finished too, showing more simplicity. For as long as I can remember, she had never been one to want to stand out, but most people misunderstood that. It wasn't that she was shy, but that she found herself happy without anything more than what she already had.

She gave me moment to wake myself up, and I took it greedily, stretching out my arms and legs until they hurt, and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "Are you ready to go to school?" she asked.

A horrible feeling settled in the pit of my stomach instantly, and I hugged my arms to my chest; something I always did when I was uncomfortable. "No," I replied, my voice barely audible.

"Oh come on, it won't be as bad as you think, I promise," my mom assures me. "It's been a very long time since you've been. It might make things easier for you."

"And if it's not..." I asked, sitting up in my bed. She looks at me with pity- something I hate. But I'm not sure if I can do this.

"You said you would try, didn't you?" she reminds me with a sad smile. I did say that. If I could go to school, then maybe I could be normal. Maybe I could do things people found so ordinary… When was the last time I was able to hug my mom, or go to a crowded place, or meet new people? Is it possible that if I can make myself do this then I can get better? Even if all I got from it was a good night sleep, it was worth it.

"Yes," I answered, and watched as her smile grew along with her hope. She wanted me to be normal too. "I'll try."

Satisfied with this, she stood. "Good. I'll leave to go make breakfast while you get ready. Would that make things a little better?" I nodded and she left quickly.

As soon as the door was closed, I lay back on my bed and groaned. It's been a while since I've had to wake up this early. And then there was school… I didn't want to think about it.

Discarding all thoughts, I stood and walked to my closet still yawning. What do people my ages where now anyways? Odds are I'll stand out no matter what, I reminded myself and shrugged, pulling out the first t-shirt and jeans I saw.

I stood in front of the mirror that was tacked to the back of my door to dress. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I thought myself as ugly but I didn't really find appeal either. I always felt small or too skinny. Clothes never hung on me the way I wanted them too, but I didn't do much to change that so I guess I couldn't complain. Otherwise, I looked sick. Dark circles hung under my eyes from lack of sleep, and I was pale since I never went outside.

The rest of me was normal, I guess. I'm at an average height as far as I knew, and I had simple features- brown eyes, and brown hair. I just wish that my personality was that simple.

I have Aphenphosmphobia and Hypnophobia- I'm afraid of being touched by others, and I'm afraid of falling asleep. It's not rational, I know, but no matter how much I remind myself of that, I can't get rid of my fear. My parents understood, I guess. They knew not to touch me or come close enough to think that they would. At night, they put up with me when I couldn't make myself sleep. We tried everything to get rid of my fear, but nothing works. This was their last resort; if I can make it through school, then slowly, I'll cope with my fear. Somehow, I doubt it.

I was excited though, at the same time. It's been awhile since I've been to school or have talked with someone my own age. More like years, actually. Was it possible that Arian was still there? When I was in fourth grade, he was my best friend. He probably won't like you now, after what happened, I thought. Maybe it would be better if he wasn't there.

When I finished getting ready, I went downstairs for breakfast. The food was delicious, of course, and I cleared my plate easily. Afterwards, I went back upstairs to brush my teeth and get my things together. Mostly, though, I just paced; another nervous habit. I tried not to think about going to school, but the more I tired, the more I thought about it.

Finally, fifteen minutes later, my mom was ready, and we got in the car to go. The ride there was silent, of course. I was too nervous to think of words to say and my mom was probably worried that anything she said would make matters worse. She didn't have to worry, though. My mom was better than anyone at making me feel better.

The school building appeared in my window much too soon, and the closer we got to it, the farther I sank in my chair. I felt sick; I couldn't do this. Something bad was going to happen, I knew it. Squeezing my eyes together, I tried to think of something else, but my mind was focused on the tragedy ahead. My mom, seeing that I was troubled, parked the car over to the side, and looked over at me.

"It's not that bad, you know," she reminded me. I nodded in response, not really feeling like talking. "You may actually enjoy it."

"And I may actually hate it," I answered without thinking. I expected her to be mad at my response, but when I looked over, she had that look. The look that said she wanted to hug me. It felt horrible, because I couldn't let her touch me. I remember the first day after the police took me home, she ran to me instantly, and wrapped her arms tightly around me. I remember feeling disgusted, and I remember screaming at her to get off of me. Why did it bother me so much? Why can't I be normal?

The image in my head of my mother crying, asking the police what was wrong with me, stuck in my head, and the next thing I knew, I was standing out the car with my bag over my arm. "Thanks for driving me, mom," I said to her, and she smiled back at me.

"Text me if you need anything. I love you, sweetheart," she said, and I answered, telling her I loved her too, and shut the door. She waved as she drove away, abandoning me in front of this huge building crawling with people.

Hesitantly, I stepped in the front door and saw that it was much bigger inside than I originally thought. It was a two-story building, built much like a college would be. From the entrance, it was open with a small lobby-looking-area in front, complete with sofas and coffee tables. When I looked up, I could see the second-story ledge, and students walking either way to get to class. Since the building was open, it didn't look at crowded, but I still pressed my shoulder against the wall. If someone bumped into me, I'd be okay, but I really didn't want anyone to touch me.

In my pocket, I had a list of my classes and a map of the school. I knew that if anyone saw me reading it while I was walking, they would know I was new, but I had no other option. The thought of asking someone to should be around was… uncomfortable.

When I did finally fine my classroom, I was pleased to know I was one of the first to get there. My new teacher even gave me a seat in the back- something I wanted very much so that no one would bump into me when they walked up to the front- and she didn't even make me introduce myself, like they do in movies.

The class filled in slowly, and I found myself looking for escape routes- oh yes, another nervous habit. There was only one door, but there were lots of windows. Surprising, I felt as though this classroom was small for the size of the school, but small in a cozy way. I liked it.

The people that walked in glanced at me for only a second before going back to their own business. A few people whispered to each other and looked back me, but then waved when they saw that I was looking. I waved back, unsure, but at least they weren't being mean, right? One kid, though, with blonde hair and glass, kept staring back at me, making me uncomfortable. His face seemed familiar though, so I shrugged it off, seeing that he may just have thought the same of me.

Over all, maybe this isn't so bad, I thought to myself, only to be proven wrong instantly. Suddenly, the room got strangely quiet, and I looked up to see someone walking in. He was tall and lean, with brown, choppy hair that hung in his face at an angle. On his collar, and on a few of his fingers, he had tattoos. The one on his collar was mostly hidden under his clothes, and because he was farther away, I couldn't see the ones on his fingers. The thing that I found that I was looking at was his expression; he looked angry.

After a moment of staring at him, the class went back to talking quietly to each other. The guy seemed to notice this and he rolled his eyes, and started walking to his seat- down the row I was seated at. I watched as he walked closer, and closer, until there was only one open seat, and it was right in front of me. At first he didn't notice me, but as he was about to sit down, his eyes locked with mine.

He sat down then, sideways in his chair so that he could still look at me. I felt strangely violated as he looked me over, starting from my face and then moving down wards, just before looking up at me again. "Who are you?" he asked, his expression stilled pissed. "And why are you sitting behind me?"

Why are you so rude? "The teacher asked me to sit here," I answered simply and luckily for me, class started before he could ask anything else.

As the teacher began, she quickly introduced me, stating my name and saying that I was homeschooled before this but some of them might already know me. To prove that fact, the blonde kid with glasses, who was staring me down earlier, jumped out of his seat and yell, "Kace, it's me, Arian!" This made the teacher mad and the class laugh, and he quickly added that we had to talk later. My face burned red from embarrassment.

The rest of the class was better than I expected. I wasn't as far behind as I thought, and my teacher did her job well. It was only when the room started to smell like smoke did someone notice that the guy in front of me had lit up a cigarette. I thought of it as something weird, but the rest of the students found it normal. When the teacher saw, she went hysterical, and demanded that he put it out and that he would go see her after class.

When class ended, the teacher gave us homework and the whole class groaned. I was happy, however, since I didn't have anything to do at home, and I never really thought of homework as a bad thing; does that make me a nerd? The bell rang and I let everyone out the door first to avoid bumping into someone. Arian started to wait on me, but he got pushed out the door with all the others. I guess I'll just talk to him later then…

The classroom was now empty besides the teacher, me, and the guy that smokes. He was standing beside the teacher's desk smirking while she yelled at him. I only heard a little bit of their conversation as I passed by to get to the door- something about how this was the last time she was going to tolerate this and that next time he would be suspended. When the guy caught me looking over at them, he smiled, and then he winked. Surprised, I flushed red. Why did he just wink at me?

Just as I got my hand on the doorknob the teacher calls after me, "Kace, please wait. You're new right? Let Nixon show you to your next class."

"T-that's okay," I protested. I really really didn't want to walk around him. "I can find it on my own."

The teacher ignored me and turned to Nixon, demanding that he walked with me. He looked over at me and smirked. "I'd be pleased to."