Josh

As I was walking to my English class, I spotted Mia and her friend from across the lawn.  I wanted to go talk to them, but was already running late, as usual.  Mia was hobbling along on  her crutches.  A pang of guilt flooded through me.  If it weren't for me, her foot wouldn't have been broken.  If she hadn't had walked into the bathroom and saw us, she wouldn't have run down the stairs as if she had seen a ghost.  The week had flown by and it was already Friday again.  I had skipped a few classes here and there throughout the week.  I needed to get my shit in gear before I had to retake classes in the summer.    

Watching her dance on that table did things to me.  She was honestly one of the hottest chicks that I have ever laid eyes on.  Watching Alex and all the other douchebags drool all over her was too much for me.  There were other options for me, that could take my mind off of her.  She was pretty enough.  Not as pretty as her, but she would be able to satisfy me for one night.      There is a reason I don't do relationships.  I have only been in one serious one.  She died and I couldn't save her.  She was the closest thing to love that I had ever experienced.  Holly was a few months shy of her eighteenth birthday when she took her life.  She had suffered from depression but was great at keeping it hidden.  She wore a smile on her face often.  She was beautiful.  Not drop dead gorgeous like Mia, but beautiful in her own way.  She had dirty, golden blonde hair that hit right at her shoulders, sun-tanned skin sprinkled with freckles, and hazel eyes that changed with the color of her outfit for the day.  I can picture her face every time I close my eyes.  She got a lot of male attention, where I was constantly threatening to kick someone's ass.  I shook my head, trying to push her memory out of my head.  I remembered that last text she had sent me, minutes before her death.  She had simply told me that she was sorry for our argument and that she loved me.  She said she wished I had loved her back the way that she loved me.  She let me know that this wasn't my fault, that she had other things going on in her life.  She wasn't happy and couldn't find a way out.  I remember my heart dropping at the sight of her words on my phone screen.  I called her over and over on redial as I sped to her house.  Her parents were out of town that weekend and I was supposed to be staying with her.  Instead, I had got sidetracked at a party.  A party that she didn't want to go to.  That was the beginning of our fight for that evening.  Then after her attitude, I decided to screw it and stay at the party.  She had accused me of talking to other girls and caring more about my friends and partying than her.  She didn't like that fact that I would drink endlessly with my friends and told me that I acted completely different with them.  I knew she was having some family problems but didn't know to what extent before it was too late.  

I reached her house exactly seven minutes after her text.  I went at least twenty over the speed limit the whole way there.  It wasn't fast enough.  I rang the doorbell over and over and pounded on the door until my knuckles were bloodied.  I dialed 9-1-1, dropping my phone in the process, shattering it.  

I watched as they removed her lifeless body from the house.  An officer had contacted her parents, who were a few hours away on business.  They were already on their way.  She had overdosed on her mother's painkillers.  Painkillers her mom shouldn't have even had in the first place.  I remember falling to my knees with my face in my hands and crying for the first time in….forever.  The days following were a complete blur.  Between the alcohol and regret I couldn't even function.  

I wondered many times, if I had just swallowed my pride and told her I loved her, would it have made a difference?  Would that have been a lie though?  Does it even matter though if it would have saved her life?  

"Hey man," a voice brought me back to reality.  I turned to see Alex approaching.  "What's going on tonight?"  

I shrugged my shoulders in response, "the usual, I guess."  

"Great, I'll call you after class and see what's up." 

I doubt that Mia would make an appearance at this party now that she had a broken ankle.  Was there any point in going if she weren't there?  I shook my head at that thought.  There were plenty of other girls there to occupy my time.  Why am I so stuck on the one?  I had never seen anyone like her, that's for sure.  She was the girl that every single guy in the room wanted.  Not just her looks, but her carefree spirit.  Her friend Sara was good looking also but didn't compare to Mia.  Bryson sure was crazy about her though.  He seemed like a cool guy.  I had only hung with him a few times with Alex before.  

I know that I had messed up with Mia, majorly.  If we weren't together though, why did it matter to her who I hooked up with?  There was no denying that there was a major gravitation pull between us.  I could sense her around me.  Anytime I entered a room that she was in, I could feel her.  I felt a high around her, a deep tingling feeling inside the pit of my stomach.  

That night outside was the most that I had talked to her.  Of course, I ended up pissing her off also.  I guess that is what I do best.  You would think that I would have learned my lesson, but apparently not.  I ended up feeling bad and went back in to search for her, hoping she hadn't left yet.  As soon as I entered the house, I knew she was still there.  I could feel it.  Even completely shitfaced, she was the most gorgeous girl at the whole party.  Probably on the whole campus.