I Ran

Waiting to find out what my punishment is meant to be, is boring. I know it is coming, and I would like to avoid it, but I am not even dreading it, I am just accepting that it is my just dessert. This is what my life has become, passively walking into the fire, just as I am expected to.

I am really not sure why it is taking Otec this long. He usually is quick with his decisions. If I was a normal person, I think that I would be feeling anxious at this point, but I am just staring there like a puppet whose strings are being controlled by someone else.

"Do you think you should be punished?" (Otec)

"I don't want to be punished, but I did speak without permission, and I did attempt to leave before you let out. So, yes, I do deserve whatever punishment that you give me." (Rehor)

"If I was to say that you were not going to be punished, what would you say?" (Otec)

"I would confused. I have not followed the rules you have told me to follow. Since I broke the rules, I should be punished." (Rehor)

"You wouldn't feel relieved?" (Otec)

"I don't understand. Why would I feel relieved?" (Rehor)

"I see." (Otec)

I really do not understand Otec's line of questioning. I am just his toy to break, and I am not broken yet. I still have my own will to follow. He should know this, so, why is he talking to me so much?

"You are a difficult case, Rehor. Did you know that?" (Otec)

"No I didn't." (Rehor)

"Other than taking so long, to be at this stage, you still have your own sense of self. Everyone else, at this point, is socially dead." (Otec)

"Is that so? Why haven't I been broken like everyone else that has been put through this?" (Rehor)

"I don't know, and that's what is making me hesitate." (Otec)

"If it will help, I did say that I would truly follow what you command if you don't attack my family. That still holds true." (Rehor)

"That's the problem. If I had said that to anyone else, after having gone this far in your training, they would not have reacted, in the slightest. They would have just stood there and just ignored something that is not a command.

But you, you said you were going to defend your family. Not because you cared for them, but because you are following some promise you gave to yourself. I'm not sure if you are…" (Otec)

Otec stopped himself at this point. He halted what he was saying before you let loose of some important information. What said information is, I do not have the slightest clue. In all truth, I do not care.

I am not sure sure if it was my hunger, or lack of sleep, but I passed out. I guess that my body has been pushed to far from what it is normally used to. I did not even see it coming, I rather quickly saw darkness envelope my sight.

* * *

I was in my room when I came to. While it is a very drab room, there are certain identifying marks that make it easy for my mind to justify my verdict. The knot in the wood, by the upper corner of the door. There was also the one really dark grain that always made me think of a wave of the ocean.

I am still weak. My body has not had nutrients in several days and it is now feeling rather lethargic. However, I need to get out of bed. I have awoken, before I get in anymore trouble, I need to start my morning exercises.

No matter the conditions, I have to do my morning exercises. Neither the weather, nor my lack of physical ability, have ever been a factor in making it so that I am not to do it. I know my body cannot take it, but it has become an ingrained habit when I wake up.

As I am hurriedly getting ready, I keep stumbling over myself. My body is in worse shape than I originally thought. Still, it is not an excuse to keep me from doing what I should be doing.

For how long I have been here, everything has become a habit. I have been programmed in what I do. I do have my own sense of self, but it has been a long time since I have acted of my own accord.

* * *

It is well into the day when I started my running. While the sun is still high in the sky, it is gradually starting to set, several hours until sundown. A warm day, where my physical exertions will quickly wear me out.

Sitting by the door to the dormitory, where my room was, is Otec. He is lost in thought as I exit the building. I do not stop to acknowledge him, as I would most certainly get in more trouble, if I did. Instead, I start to run around the campus, pushing myself, as I always do.

* * *

"Stop running Rehor. You are done for today." (Otec)

I had only been running for a few minutes when Otec stopped me. I have not even started building up a sweat. I have never been allowed to run such a little amount.

"You don't even act for your own well-being. You just passed out, and as soon as you woke up, you started exercising. What is wrong with you?" (Otec)

"I always have to run as soon as I wake up. I have never had a day off from it. Therefore, even if I did pass out, I am supposed to exercise." (Rehor)

"You're confounding. Alright, go get some food, and go back to your room. When you wake up tomorrow, you are forbidden from doing anything until I come and get you. Get some rest, and we need to talk tomorrow." (Otec)