75. Chapter 75

Alexis hears the soft padding of feet and smiles to herself in the darkness. Ellery is asleep in the bottom bunk, and Allie has just gotten in bed in the top, but she turns over and sees him coming through the connecting bathroom in his plaid pajama bottoms, his black tshirt.

Rafe leans against the ladder by her head with a smile, propping his arms up on the top bunk.

"Hey there," she says softly and lifts up to touch her lips to his. She feels his finger brush her jaw and shivers, pulling back only far enough to look at him. "Crawl up."

"You sure?" he says back.

"Just don't fall asleep in here," she grins, then scoots back carefully in the bed, waiting on him.

"Don't think it's a big enough bed for me to fall asleep," he chuckles, but he's already mounting the steps and crawling up beside her.

Allie wriggles to one end so he has enough room, but he's right. He's too long for the bed, his feet touch the slats at the end of the mattress. He pulls his knees up and she curls into the little space his body hollows out, touching his neck with her fingers.

"Hey there," he says back, finally, and runs his hand through her hair.

"Mm," she hums and turns her mouth into his hand, kisses his palm. "Missed you."

"Saw you all day, Allie."

"Still." She shrugs under his stroking hand, wriggles in closer. She wonders, briefly, if Kate ever feels like this with her dad. She's never seemed to be the kind of woman to need much, anything really, but the need is so sharp, and clear, and it makes Allie want to press herself against his skin, never let go. Does Kate ever feel like that?

How could she not? If it's at all the same, if the way love works is really like this, and Allie thinks it is, then Kate's got to have moments of need. Craving. Missing someone she's been with all day.

"You tell them about what happened at the lockdown unit?" he says suddenly, his voice breaking through her haze.

"No," she sighs.

"You should."

"I know. But. . ."

"But your dad will freak out?" he grumbles in the dark.

"No, my *mom* will freak out. She's the one who has issues. Dad can't say anything, can he? He did the same thing for years, putting himself in danger for the job."

He humphs at her. "Suppose so. Still."

Yeah. She ought to let them know. "At least now I can say that I'm taking judo classes again. That will help with Mom, I think. But I don't want to talk about this right now." She watches him, the pale light coming in the window from the breezeway outside highlighting his dark face. He's concerned, but he doesn't yet know how to ask her to be careful. He'd never ask her to quit, but maybe he thinks her parents would.

They won't. She knows that too.

Rafe slides an arm under her neck and curls it around her, touching her shoulder with his fingertips, making idle patterns. Allie shifts closer, kisses his neck, the stubble at his jaw that no razor can ever really manage to cut back. It's rough against her lips, makes them burn, and she nips at his skin.

He sucks in a long breath, his arm squeezing and holding her closer; she hums and wishes there was a way to be inside his skin, up next to his heart. She has to make do with kissing him.

"Your little sister," he murmurs after awhile.

She grins, but he's right. "Yeah." She shifts back, lets him breathe without her crowding him. "You've been good with them today."

"Ah?" he asks, rolling onto his back, pulling her with him. She glances down and sees he's propped his ankles up on the foot of the bed; he wriggles his toes when he sees her looking.

She giggles and smothers the sound against his chest. "My brother and sister. You handled Dash well; I think Dad was impressed. Honestly, I was impressed too."

"I just did as you said," he murmurs, and she feels his lips brushing the top of her head, his fingers making circles on her back.

"When did I say anything?" She lifts up and looks at him, propping an elbow on his chest.

"Whenever you talk about them. The behavioral therapy stuff."

Her mouth drops open and she can't help the startled laugh. "Are you. . .I haven't said anything about Dash's behavioral therapy in years, Rafe. He hardly sees Julie any more."

"Yeah, but you have talked about it. A few times. And you were telling me about how you thought it was easier for Kate because she's already so much like that, but your dad-"

Alexis leans down and kisses him hard, pushing her mouth against his, cutting off the too-good, too-amazing man. His arms come around her, pull her into him, going with it. She explores the wide angle of his lips, the rough edge of his tongue, until she can't take it anymore.

He's panting when she pulls back, rests her forehead on his chest, feeling his heart beating like crazy.

"What was that for?" he says on a gasp.

She shivers at the feel of him, rubs her fingers over his ribs until he catches her hand, makes her stop.

"For being. . .you," she answers finally. "For paying attention, even back then."

He sighs and shifts onto his side, pulling his body away from hers but keeping their heads together. She understands, knows it's not fair to tease, but wishes she could fall asleep on top of him. Instead, Allie brushes her palm against his cheek, then runs her fingers through his dark, thick hair, over and over the way he likes.

His eyes close and he hums, nuzzling into her neck. She scratches at the back of his scalp, resumes her rhythmic strokes through his hair, feeling his breath slow against the bare skin at her collarbone. He loves to be petted; she loves the feel of his short hair parting between her fingers.

After a moment, she realizes he's fallen asleep.

Allie traces her finger around his eyebrow, over the line of his nose, along his cheekbone, down his jaw, circling back to his slightly parted lips. She always wakes by six these days, so they'll be fine. He can sneak back to bed then.

She places a feather-light kiss at his bottom lip and then turns over, drawing his arm with her, snuggling back into the cove of his body. She sleeps better like this anyway.

"Mommy?"

No. Not right now.

"Mommy. He's lost."

Huh?

"Who's lost?" Kate murmurs, turning over in bed and being confronted with the entirely too bright sun, and her entirely too awake son. Sun and son. Ug, it's too early for this. She's making Castle-worthy puns in her own head.

"Mommy," Dash says insistently, reaching out and tugging on her arm.

"Baby, you're supposed to turn on your tv and-" Oh, darn. Rafe is probably asleep. Well, that won't work, will it? "Actually, watch tv in the living room, okay, baby?"

"No, Mommy, he's lost."

Lost, lost what? Oh no, the dog?

Kate opens her eyes again, squints to see past the glare of early morning sun. "What time is it?"

"Mom-my," he whines.

Kate lifts her head. "Dashiell. It's five in the morning. The dog can't be anywhere but in this condo; there's no way he could get out-"

"No, Rafe is lost."

She stills, eyes on her son, trying to process. Think, Kate.

"Oh. Okay. Maybe he went to the bathroom-?"

"No. Doors are open. I can see all the way to Ella."

"Okay. Um." Damn, he's going to get her out of bed, get her thinking, isn't he? And then she'll be up. She sighs. Nothing for it. "Show me."

Dash sighs back and heads for the door; she slips out of bed and follows him out, into the living room, down the hall.

Dashiell pushes open his door and he's right. Rafe is. . .lost. The dog is on Dashiell's bed, head down, tail swishing as he watches them. But no Rafe. The second twin bed doesn't even look like he slept-

Ohhh. . .okay.

"Um, I bet I know where he is." Kate glances to the open bathroom door connecting the two rooms, hesitates. "You stay here with Rex for a second while I check."

"I wanna go with you."

She glances down at her son, but surely. . .with Ellery sleeping right below?

Yeah, she trusts Alexis. Should be fine. Kate bends down and picks Dashiell up, squeezing him tightly. "Oof, my man, you are not so little any more, are you?"

Dash wriggles in her arms to get down. "I can walk by myself."

She sighs and puts him back down. He's four, almost five, and she never thought she would miss being able to carry him, have him cuddle up at her shoulder and twirl his fingers in the hair at her neck.

Anyway. Time goes on.

Kate steps through the bathroom with Dashiell following behind her, slips softly into the girls' room and waits in the threshold until she can see.

Rafe's wide shoulders, the angle of his lean torso - that's the first thing. Dash nudges the back of her knees to move her out of his way, so she goes into the room, looks to Ella to make sure the girl is still asleep, then darts her eyes back to the two in the top bunk.

Castle would flip out. But. Oh, it's sweet. Kate can't even see Alexis, except for a lock of that beautiful hair spread out on the pillow just past Rafe's head.

"Mommy?" Dash whispers.

Kate sinks to her knees beside her son and brushes her hand over his head. "Rafe is in the top bunk with Allie. We found him. He's not lost."

"What's he doing up there? Did Allie get scared?"

Kate presses her lips together. "Maybe she just missed him."

Dashiell lifts an eyebrow, a poor imitation of the Beckett special, more Castle playing at Beckett than anything really-

"But he didn't go anywhere," Dash complains. "How could she miss him?"

"Shh, baby. No, he didn't go anywhere. But if Daddy were sleeping in your room with you, and I had to sleep by myself, I'd miss him. And Daddy might miss me."

"But sometimes Daddy does sleep in my room with me," Dash whispers, his mouth falling open.

"Sometimes."

"Does that make you sad?"

Kate shakes her head at him. "No. I miss him. But I'm not sad. Missing people you love is nice. If you miss them, then when they come back, it makes it even nicer."

"If my dog slept with Ellery, I'd be sad."

"Oh." Kate bites her lip, tries to keep from laughing. "Yes. That's true. But I think, when you're an adult, when you miss someone and you know they're coming back, it's not really sad at all."

"It won't be sad for me when I'm bigger?"

She strokes her hand over his cheek, holds him for a moment before kissing his forehead. She hopes so, she really, really hopes so. No more sadness for him; he struggles too much already.

"No, baby. When you're bigger, it's okay. You know how to feel good about it. How to be happy to see them when they come back."

"Do you miss your mommy?"

"Yes," she whispers, and then does pick him up, carries him out of Ellery's room to keep him from waking anyone. "I miss her."

"But she's not coming back, is she?"

"No," Kate says, chews on her bottom lip. She stops at Dashiell's bed, lets him lower his feet to the mattress. He clings to her, holding her around the neck. The dog lifts his head and watches them. "No, she won't be coming back."

"But you'll see her in heaven. So you don't have to be sad, Mommy. Right?"

Her chest constricts. Kate brushes her hand over the back of Dashiell's head. "Oh, my sweet boy. I. . .I'm still sad sometimes. You're right."

Dash lets out a long sigh and then drops down onto his bed. She leans over and pulls the covers up, tugging them out from under the dog. Dashiell curls his arm around Rex, but his eyes are still on her.

"I would miss you Mommy. Even if I was bigger and adult, if you were gone, I'd miss you so much. I'd be sad all the time."

"Oh, baby." Kate leans over and kisses his cheeks, hugs him into her. "I don't want you to ever have to miss me."

He sighs and wriggles away, turning over to hold his dog. "You smell good, Mommy."

She laughs at that and strokes his fingers down the side of his face, all of the sudden looking so adult; he's lost all those soft edges of babyhood. "Sleep tight, sweetheart. I love you."

He makes a mumbling noise which could be the same back, and Kate stands up, not sure when she dropped to her knees beside his bed, but certainly he's knocked her over this morning.

She backs out of his room, shuts the door quietly, then has to lean against the wall for a second, swallow back a sudden and fierce longing. For what, she doesn't know. She misses. . .it. Whatever it is. Her baby boy who has turned into a big kid overnight? Her mother? Something. She can't-

Rick. She misses him, somehow, even though he's been right here, and that's easy to fix.

She heads back to their room, slips inside, and crawls into bed. He's on his stomach, face turned away from her, one arm flung over the mattress, the other curled up under his pillow. His bare back is flushed with his sunburn; she sees the milky white of skin beginning to peel.

She touches her fingers to the skin at his spine, trails slowly up until she can bury her fingers in his hair. Kate leans in and kisses his cheek, hovering over him, taking a deep breath of him.

Dash is right, something about missing someone and the way they smell. She closes her eyes and curls up at Castle's back, being careful not to touch the raw skin, presses her cheek to the top of his head.

It's okay now. She doesn't miss. . .whatever it is. . .quite so much. It's still there, somehow, but it's not sharp, and it fades even as she breathes in and out, filling her senses with her husband.

Once she's had some more sleep, she'll convince him to go running with her, work it out in sweat and miles.

She grins to herself.

Plus, he really loves Sweaty Kate. And she loves the way he loves her.