57. Chapter 57

Alexis has been waiting for it; she knows it's coming. She slams the car door shut and waits for Kate to catch up with her.

"You guys really okay with splitting up the sleeping arrangements?" Kate asks her, helping Alexis carry in the last of the bags. Mostly birthday presents for Dashiell, and a few for Ellery as well, to keep her from feeling left out. Alexis tends to spoil her little brother and sister, since she sees them less often.

"It was Rafe's idea," she laughs, rolling her eyes as they head into the lobby. "I told him you'd be okay with it, that you'd talk to Dad if it was needed."

"Yeah, I'd have to do some fast talking, to be sure." Kate gives her a brief smile and pushes the call button for the elevator. "Speaking of talking, you've got some of your own to do."

Alexis grins pushing her sunglasses up on her head as they step onto the elevator. She leans against the rail and watches Kate punch the number of their floor. She can't imagine this without Kate, can't begin to think what her life would be like if her dad had never married the detective he followed around. "Mom," she starts, and she can hear the way her voice traitorously breaks.

Kate turns to her, looking alarmed, but her face eases when she sees Alexis. "It's like that, huh?"

Alexis isn't even sure what she's asking, just that she feels like Kate is at least halfway responsible for Alexis being here, at this place in her life, in Chicago at all, with the calling and passion for runaways and troubled teens, with this man who carefully and fiercely loves her, with any of it - all because of Kate. Because Kate came and picked her up from a party and then, the next morning for punishment, hauled her down to the OCME's and made her witness the autopsy of a girl who OD'd. It all started there. With Kate.

"I thought it might be," Kate says and drops the bag to the floor to wrap her arms around Alexis. "When you talked about him on the phone to me. . .Allie, you love him."

She nods into Kate's embrace, hugs her back. "I love him. He loves me."

"You can tell the difference, can't you? When it's real."

"I can tell," she whispers back.

Kate releases her, studying Alexis's face, then nods and picks the bag back up off the floor. The elevator door opens and they both get out, walking slowly down the breezeway towards their condo.

Alexis has been dying to ask, ever since she and Rafe looked at each other, best friends and room mates and more, and just knew. . .she's been dying to ask. "Was this how it was with you? You and Dad."

Kate watches her a moment, then slowly shakes her head. "I don't. . .you should ask your dad. I'm not the best one to judge."

"Why do you say that?"

Kate gives her a look. "You know me, Allie. You were there - you heard us fighting, you heard everything."

"But you loved him. I know that too."

Kate slows even more, as if she doesn't want the conversation to reach Alexis's dad, as if she doesn't want it anywhere near her family. Just in case. "Maybe it should've been easier, as easy as it seems to be for you guys. But there was still a part of me that thought I'd given up the right to have it when my mother died. It was either go after justice, or go after. . .after life. At the time, I was choosing justice. I was afraid to have. . .anything else."

Alexis stops, reaches out to touch Kate's arm, stopping her in the hall. "But not now?"

Kate sighs. "Not now." She shrugs as if that's no big deal, but Alexis knows better.

"Thanks for choosing us." Alexis swallows, tries not to let tears stop up her throat. Ever since she looked over at Rafe and knew, knew exactly, she's had this irresistible urge to have everyone share her joy. So much joy that it chokes her up. "If you hadn't, I don't know that I would be here. Mom."

Kate's face softens, that look of careful nonchalance moving towards intensity and passion that catches Alexis's breath.

"To be honest, Allie, I don't know that I'd be here either." She doesn't say more, but Alexis has spent the last five years listening to the things Kate doesn't say, the words she leaves in between the lines. Kate must think she wouldn't be alive; it's all over her face, in her eyes, but she's already shaking her head, smiling again. "So tell me how it happened - this thing with Rafe. And what hapepned to Mike?"

Alexis grins and feels her chest ease, that crazy joy bubbling out, tainting everything. "Mike and I were always fighting. We'd just go at it all the time. And honestly, I thought - he was like my Kate. I'm my dad and he was you." She laughs and casts a hesitant look over at this woman who has become mother and sister and best friend. "But it wasn't that. I told myself that to make me feel better, make it try to fit. He hated how much time I spent at the crisis center; he kept making snide comments about the work I was doing there, about Rafe, about the girls I was counseling. . .it just went on and on."

"Oh. Huh, not good." Kate hefts the bag over her shoulder and stops at the door to their condo, pulling out the key card. She hesitates. "They can wait a little bit, right? Finish telling me before we go in."

Alexis grins widely at her and they both drop the bags they were carrying and lean against the half-wall of the breezeway, the sun at their backs. "I'll try to condense it a little. Dash seemed impatient to get going."

"Oh, we have surf lessons later. And it's your dad who's impatient." Kate nudges her shoulder to continue.

"Well, so, Mike and I were always fighting, and I'd come home exhausted from the center, from the sessions, from school, from another stupid fight, and there was Rafe. He always had something waiting for me. If it was early enough, he was there at the apartment before work, and he'd make me mac and cheese from scratch or - oh Kate, he makes the best, the very best coffee mocha thing that you have ever tasted. . ." Alexis sighs, closes her eyes for a moment; she can almost taste it on her tongue.

"Coffee, huh?" Kate laughs and Alexis opens her eyes, glances over at her, not sure why Kate thinks it's so funny.

"Anyway, if I got home too late and he was already up at the restaurant, he'd have left me something. Just heat it up and go, usually. And it wasn't like a ton of calories or these huge meals or even these really fancy dishes. He's best at pastries, desserts, so of course, there's plenty of that, but he just - he stopped and made time for me. I'd get home after a fight with Mike and still be so pissed off, and Rafe and I would talk, and it always ended up being us we were talking about, how we each felt about whatever it was - work, life, politics, parenting, God - and then he just. . .he would feed me and we'd talk and he. . .took care of me."

Alexis shakes her head, but that same confusion has settled back over her like it was in the beginning. Kate seems to see it, or sense it, because she squeezes Alexis's bicep. "Allie, it's okay to like that. It's what they're good for, it's what they all need to do - take care of us - no matter how progressive a guy he is. Even your easy-going Dad. So let him, when you can, when it doesn't drive you nuts. He'll be pathetically grateful."

Alexis laughs at that, but it's good to know. "Rafe and I. . .hardly ever see each other, really. We both like that we have busy, separate lives. He likes that we aren't constantly crowding each other, and I like that I can spend as much time as I need to at the center or with the runaways. And it's going to be like that - for at least the foreseeable future. Being a chef - it's crazy hours - working until two or three in the morning sometimes. But I'll head over and have dinner with him in the back sometimes, or hang out with him on the nights it's slow. It works that we don't constantly hover over each other."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"But it means," Alexis pauses, considering her words. "This is kind of. . .a test I think. For both of us. To see how it is all day every day, you know? How well we get along, how well we work together."

Kate nods slowly. "Well, he passed the kid test. Said all the right things to Ellery. And Dash is easy. So there's that."

"He wants kids," she says softly, risking a look at Kate.

She sees Kate bite at her lower lip, a hesitant smile on her face. "And you?"

"Yeah. God, yeah." Alexis knows the blush is rising up her cheeks, leans back against the half wall to feel the breeze coming in off the gulf. "Not right now. But, mm, I'm not waiting long."

Kate makes a noise in her throat, and Alexis glances over at her. Her adopted mother just shrugs. "Makes me feel old."

"No! Not much older than me. Well. Um, that doesn't sound any better really. Not exactly old?" She gives her a faint smile.

Kate laughs, so Alexis turns to hug Kate hard, reveling in it. "I've missed you."

"Missed you too, Allie. Of course. Not the same with you gone."

"No free baby-sitting," she offers, laughing a little. Kate laughs back, but she squeezes a little tighter, brushes a kiss to Alexis's forehead. She's not sure Kate has ever. . .has ever really done that before. Her heart pounds as she leans back.

"You know it's more than that," Kate says softly, dropping her arms, shaking her head. "Okay. Rafe. He's your best friend. You love him. You want to have kids with him. God, Allie. That's - I can't ask for more for you. I'm so proud of the woman you are."

Alexis feels her face break into a wide smile; it sounds so strange to hear it from Kate, in that honest and direct manner that she's always had. Somehow it makes it more real, this thing with Rafe. "Now I've got to explain it to Dad."

"Just tell him how Rafe was in love with you from the beginning, and your Dad will melt. He's a sucker for a good romance - especially a story like that."

Alexis laughs again, presses a hand to her flaming cheek, trying to roll her eyes but a little too joyful to pull it off. "He is; you're right. Thanks, Mom." She puts her arms around Kate again, just so caught up in it, so glad to finally be able to share this with the one person who knows, who understands so clearly.

The door to the condo opens right then, and Alexis hears her father laughing. She turns her head, and her Dad is giving them both a look. "Lose your key?"

Kate slips out of Alexis's embrace and stalks forward, poking her finger at his chest. "No. Just having some quality time with my oldest."

As it always does whenever Kate just tosses it out like that, Alexis's heart squeezes painfully, a reminder of how careful Kate is with her love, how precious a thing it is to be considered one of her own, to have a mother's fierce protection. You'll have to share. That's what Kate told Dash when the boy was being clingy and tried to push Alexis away from his mother. But Kate wasn't only Dashiell's mother; she was Alexis's too.

"Kate?" she says hesitantly, sees her adopted mother turn around in the doorway, surprise in her eyes.

Alexis hardly ever calls her Kate any more. But this seems important for what she needs to say, for who she needs to say it to - not just her mom, but the woman who chose to love her back then, chose to do this. "I love you."

Kate comes back for her, wraps her in a gentle and cradling embrace, a hand at the back of Alexis's head as if to hold her closer. Alexis squeezes her eyes shut, her heart pounding. She had been so independent and so mature for so long; she'd been the adult really, even with her own father. And then came Kate, and it was suddenly okay to be the kid again, it was okay to make mistakes and be forgiven, to mess up and have help cleaning it up.

Kate's cheek is against hers; Alexis feels the brush of a mother's lips, and then the soft sounds at her ear, sounds she doesn't know, has only heard spoken to Dash or Ella, soothing sounds that have the fierceness of love to them.

"Volim te, srce moje. Volim te."

Rafe stands on the balcony in shorts and a tshirt, noting with some irony that he's wearing a Superman shirt and Allie's father is wearing Green Lantern. Allie's been telling him they are a lot alike, and he honestly didn't see it. Until maybe right this moment. Rick Castle is honestly acting exactly like he expected, especially since the man knows that Rafe is living with his daughter, and has been, and well-

"You know I'm in love with her," he says to break the ice, get it started, glancing over at the man to see how that went.

Rick has Ellery in a lounge chair and is trying to wrestle her into clothes to go over her swimsuit. They scheduled a surfing lesson with a surf instructor and it seems they all get to attend. Rafe has done some surfing before, but he'll keep that to himself. The better he can look in front of Allie's father. . .

"I get that sense, yeah," Rick says finally, looking up at him. "I also get the sense she's in love with you."

Rafe glances back through the closed balcony door but he can't see Allie or her mom either, although he does see Dashiell squatting down in the floor by the couch. Hiding, most likely. Interesting. The two women were supposedly wrestling the kid into his swimsuit and clothes as well, but they must be talking instead. Or something else.

"I've loved her since I met her," he adds, still looking into the condo. He's used to that feeling though, looking in. Or at least he was. Until Allie looked back out at him and slid open the door between them, let him in.

"Oh?"

Rafe looks back towards Rick Castle, tries to separate the man from the myth, the father from the best selling author. Hard to do, honestly. He's read all the Castle novels, of course he has (the moment he met her and knew he was fascinated by her quiet strength, he went right to the public library and checked out a stack of them), but even reading all the man's novels doesn't give him any idea what would impress Richard Castle the most. Except for a murder. And maybe a confession.

"Every time she dated someone new. . .it killed me. But if she was happy, I could take it; I couldn't breathe, but I could survive it."

Rick clears his throat, then finally looks up at Rafe as well, nods once. "I understand that more than you might think."

Rafe studies him a moment, tries to gauge how far his confession has gotten him. He has no idea. Rick Castle has an excellent poker face.

Ellery saves him with a little jump from the lounge chair, her arms circling around Rick's neck. "Daddy."

"Yeah, cricket, let's get your shirt on."

Rafe leans over and picks it up off the ground where it fell, shakes it out before handing it to Rick. "But. Then Allie wasn't happy." He swallows hard, takes a breath, meets her father's eyes as determined as he possibly can. "She wasn't happy. So I took my chance, and I told her how I feel, how I. . ." Rafe pauses, but he can't find words that fit the situation that don't also sound. . .not so great to the father of the woman he loves. "How I need her. I told her-"

"And that makes her happy?" Rick asks, lifting a solitary eyebrow as if to cast aspersions on that claim. "Allie."

"Yes." He knows it does. "She loves me back." Allie. Maybe it's the kids' nickname for her, that's fine, but she's Allie. Allie is the woman he found in his apartment, the woman he overheard defending him to her old boyfriend, the woman who teased him into a marathon session of Scrabble one night when she bet him she could win every game. She lost the first Scrabble game at three the next morning, after nearly fifteen games. And she let him gloat when he finally won.

"Allie is happy with me. I'll. . .never stop trying to make her happy."

"Ah." Rick has moved back to the little girl, trying to get her hands through her shirt. Ellery is cute with her dark hair and blue eyes - she has something of Allie's reserved nature to her, but a streak of wildness that must be her mother. Watching Rick dress the girl gives Rafe the moment of pause he needs to rebuild his courage, to reaffirm for himself what he already knows he wants.

"I wanted to mention it to you first, though. Before-"

Rick's eyes startle to his; his hands go still on the little girl's tshirt so that Ellery's head is stuck in the hole, waiting on him to tug it down. "Before?"

"I want to ask her to marry me. But I wanted you to know first."

He holds his breath, his hands in fists at his sides, but when Rick continues to just stare at him, Rafe gives that up and reaches forward, pulling Ellery's shirt down over her head with a quick tug. Ellery gives him a full smile, then throws her arms around his neck, surprising him.

But Rafe catches her, hears Rick make a strangled noise in his throat.

"Sir?"

"Rick. It's Rick. Just. Rick."

Rafe pats Ella's back, lets her settle down into the lounge chair where Rick takes her up in his arms, as if to take her away from Rafe. Just in case. Rafe sighs.

"If you object-"

"No," comes the quick answer. He watches the man a moment longer, sees the struggle on his face. Rafe didn't expect this to be easy, but he did expect more words than this from the author.

"You don't object?"

"I. . .don't know you really. But I can see that my daughter loves you. And you've made your case."

Rafe nods at that. He has. That was the point.

"So. Are you asking my permission?"

"No." Rafe lifts his chin, waits for whatever might come from that.

"Good." Rick Castle gives him a careful look. "She's her own person; she makes her own decisions. Always has, actually; since she was little." The older man takes in another deep breath. "Thank you for telling me. I. . .have to admit, I'm having trouble with it. Not because of you, Rafe. Just."

Rafe nods. "I understand that. Probably makes it harder, having a little girl at home too."

Rick gives him a slow smile. "Yeah, yeah, you might be right about that. Point taken. Alexis. . .Allie's not my little girl, is she?"

"No, sir. With all respect."

"Got it." Rick nods again, then gestures towards the condo. "After you."

"If you don't mind. Please don't mention this to her."

Rick gives him a long look, but something of a smile seems to break free, drift up into his eyes. It's not a real smile; it's a ghost of one. But it's good enough.

"I won't say anything. Well, to Kate."

"Yes, of course. I was going to tell her-"

"You can do that." And then Rick nods and gestures towards the condo again, as if to hurry him along. Ellery bobs in his arms, bouncing and humming that sounds strangely like The Black Keys.

Well, that seems to be it then. Rafe turns and opens the door, wonders if that went well. If Allie's father will be okay with this or what.

He honestly doesn't know.