Faulty Conscience

| Faulty Conscience.|

Malisha was so furious she was seeing red. What had started out as a great morning had finally culminated into the greatest disaster of her life. How she had longed to redeem herself and as it was, this had been the only chance that had it presented itself for such salvation. In the end, she had lost it. She had lost the opportunity and now, nothing short of a miracle could save her from this mess that she had created.

Malisha was angry. At herself and even more at him. The man who had made it all so hard and much worse than it should have been originally. Why he always seemed to derive so much pleasure in tormenting her? It evaded her but certainly all his fault. She finally decided. Being that, it always so much easier to lay blame elsewhere. On anything or anyone else other than yourself. She admitted and thus the flames of her anger were kindled. Her feelings burning with rage as anger turning into a welcome distraction that would serve her escapism rather well. For that was what she was. An escapist who could not bear the thought or shoulder the responsibility and repercussions that her actions were now going to have.

"Who else goes out horse back riding early in the morning and with visitors in tow?" Malisha grumbled to herself. "Visitors or Harlem?" She added scathingly bearing in mind the man had been anything but kind with the words that he himself had spoken to her. In all their encounters, they had simply been the harshest that she had ever heard from him.

"Seduce him?" What a ridiculous notion and no, she would never be that desperate. As if she would even lower herself to such a standard. Despite everything,her principles still mattered. She thought even as her forehead wrinkled, furrowed with a frown as she scowled and shook her head at those two words that had somehow managed to turn her morning into the dreariest day she had ever had until now.

"Where does he get such notions?" Malisha's frustrations were increasingly mounting. Assaulted by not just the words but aldo the mental  images that would not leave her mind. It was painful and the more they persisted, Malisha found herself stomping her feet growling as she struggled not to pull out own hair from all the incursion.

What would she do now? Was there even any way to salvage the situation now that it had been wrecked beyond reprieve? She contemplated as she looked down at her muddied shoe, a sharp contrast to the clean grey tarmac that she was now treading on.  There was simply no way out. She finally admitted defeat. There was no way to avoid it and there would be another scandal just like that day all those years ago.

"Why couldn't I just leave that damned scarf alone?"  Her red clad foot connected with yet another small stone and the pebble flew loose before scattering off into the main highway ahead.

"And that blasted wind!" She managed as she dragged her feet along the narrow tarmacked pathway, kicking off more of those lose pebbles even as she shuffled along moving beside the wide but quite empty road.

"Is nature also conspiring against you?"

"Not now..." she groaned. This day was already hard enough and with enough turning trouble without having that other addition. Or maybe it was someone else speaking? she dared to hope, looking around with green eyes that reflected the same hope even as she did so.

"It's me, dummy!" the voice interjected and the girl's heart sunk. "Why can't you just put an end to all this proving nonsense?" it nagged her. She would ignore it, Malisha made up her mind. The voice however, would not allow her or let her be regardless of how much she tried to disregard. "Have you no shame? You should take a look at yourself in the mirror. I mean what will your parents even say ?" It really knew how to press those right buttons, for at the mention of her parents, Malisha's whole form stilled. She ceased walking altogether and stopped to reminisce, thinking on what her parents' reactions would be. Until then, she had tried hard to avoid doing that. Thinking too hard that is and Anger had been a great distraction. She could now admit that and with this admission now in place, nothing was stopping her from succumbing to the panic that was blowing her away.

What would her parents say? How would they respond to this new disgrace? Her legs did not need any conscious intervention to do what they did next. Her legs picked up speed and the next thing Malisha knew, she was running and she covered the remaining distance home in just a matter of minutes.

Her chest wheezed, rattling in her ribcage even as she came to a stop before the mighty front gates of the Lenton residence. She was out of shape she knew that, but there was nothing that a little adrenaline burst had not fixed. The consequences however, were entirely a different matter even now as she bent over with her hands on her knees, wheezing as she struggled to compose her erratic breathing. Slowly her vitals recovered and Malisha was finally able to stand up.

Supported by the great gate pillars, Malisha reached out a hand to punch in a code on the keypad that was mounted on the pillar before her. The screen next to flickered to life, revealing the hard planes of a hardened military man.

"As friendly as ever," she thought to herself even as she droned out the laid out security protocols and held on, waiting as the gates finally opened. Just as the screen went dead, she heard the tell-tale sound of a loud beep. Slowly, the front gates hummed open revealing the picturesqueous view that was waiting beyond it.

The Lenton residence was a rather big estate.  One of the bigger ones in that prime area of the Megalopolis of Urberium. It consisted of a three storey mansion that was lying on ten acres of prime land, right outside the city and while it boasted of three equally large seperate guest houses, it had a luxury courtyard infinity pool, an extensive servant quarter and beautiful green lawns that rolled out into a meadow on its east side. All the buildings on the property were made of a remarkable white stone. The same stone which also went down to build its pathways that were lined with well manicured hedges of white roses and green duranta bushes.

The widest of these pathways was the driveway. Made of marble, it stretched out from the main house all the way to the main gate and the main highway, a road that connected Urberium prime to the rest of the city and its suburbs. The driveway was not just long but wide. It was lined on either side by a line of tall cypress trees and at one point, the driveway crossed a little stream where white Pekin ducks and Snow geese swam under a white masonry arch bridge.

Like she had always done, Malisha slipped through the small space that  had already been provided by the sliding gates and was immediately accosted by the familiar sight of three green hammers packed in a row behind the gates and several military men that were manning the gates while thevrest patrolled the grounds, slinging their M16 assault rifles from their arms and shoulders.

Normally and usually, Malisha would have been invisible to them, but not today. The present state of her dress could not allow it and as the nearest soldier turned to look at her, a look of utter surprise transformed his features.

He gave her a once over, his eyes roaming unabashedly over her body, but not in the way that one would think. No, as he took in her appearance his expression changed. His once serious expression melted away only to be replaced by a smirk that had preceded the soft chuckle now escaping his lips.

Slowly, all the soldiers turned to face her. An amalgamation of shocked stares followed by chuckles and even light laughter followed.

It irked Malisha to her core, to be the centre of their amusement and despite the ferocious gazes the men were all capable of, Malisha turned to throw them a glare, before stomping up the driveway and towards the house with a broken heel and one missing shoe. Her dress was not any better for it was muddied beyond recognition. Her hair could only be described as a rat's nest and her face, she could not even begin to imagine how that looked like.

She looked like a clown. If mud was the standard for clowns and to think that she did not have the scarf that was responsible for all these? She trudged up the front steps two at a time, her single red heel clomping against the white marble causing such a racket that it drew the attention of the butler and the entire household's staff. They stopped and stared and the girl smiled back nervously even as she rushed down the main hallway to disappear into the lift, leaving behind her, a trail of amused and curious faces.

At this point, she could only imagine that the news had reached alreadyher parents. Her mother's disappointed look haunted her and worst still, her father's accompanying glare that would not ease just like that day four years ago.

"Remind me again. How do you get yourself in such situations?" It spoke after what had proved to be a very short intermission.

"Shut up!" Malisha hissed back, unwilling to let the annoying voice of her conscience devastate her further.

It could not keep away the memories though. The memories of her disastrous morning, that were rearing up their ugly heads at her, tormenting her even as they forced their way into forefront of her current thoughts. A shiver rocked her body and the girl quaked with apprehension at her mind that was conjuring up yet another image of the morning's disaster.

She saw herself run after the scarf, the strong wind teasing her, pulling her after the scarf and into the direction of the glassy knoll that was on the other side of the road. She saw herself hesitating, before making up her mind to climb up the fence. She had done this before, hadn't she? Her own thoughts laughed at her.

So, why did this time turn out differently? Why did her red pumps catch on that spike? The spike of protruding wire that had tripped her, causing her to fall down from the topmost wire. More tingles shot through her body even as her vision blurred as other images of soft grass rising up to meet her face came into focus. Malisha shook her head in a futile attempt to rid herself of the tormenting thoughts, but the mental onslaught kept happening. There was no end to it or the deriding words that her own consciousness fed her.

"Have you no pride!" the voice insisted, cajoling her even as it mocked her for the obvious poor choices in her own life.

"This is on you too. You didn't stop me, remember?" Malisha accused. She looked around vigilantly, eager to escape the elevator and sneak into her room unnoticed.

"Oh, I did, but you never listen, do you?" The voice riposted, causing the girl to shake her head no. Even then, another image of her, further humiliating herself popped up as if it was meant to prove her wrong.

"Will you please stop?" She cried out in embarassment, closing her bedroom door and her eyes in frustration.

"Why? Because you exposed your entire bottom to the ravishing Duke of Carlisle?" The voice goaded. She tried to push away that image, but was rather unsuccessful.

She could see herself now. In her white, floral print dress. As she fell and the dress floated up, exposing her entire butt in the wind of the fall and in a mud puddle nonetheless?

"Stop that! And his name is Duke not a Duke. " Malisha grinded out, wincing even as more images continued to explode in her head and take over her thoughts. "Whose side are you on anyway?" she cried out painfully.

"Of what is right."

"Yea right." The young lady rolled her eyes causing the voice to chuckle back in derision.

"I must commend you though. You did do a great job of salvaging that situation."

"Yea, right," she remarked once again, moving on to her en-suite bathroom still unable to stop the memory of the searing comments and deriding laughter from following her.

"I mean, how could you have known that that particular 'someone' would ride up at that particular moment and with his little harem in tow ?" The voice laughed.

"You mean Genevieve Mathers? She is practically his girlfriend so no surprise there, but riding with a host of dignitaries at eight o'clock in the morning? Now, that's weird." Malisha replied, closing her eyes as she massaged her temples lightly, if only to relieve the pressure that was building from the growing headache. It was all its fault. Her conscience's fault. It sounded weird, but the one she had was faulty and even now it was cackling in her head, inducing more pain even as it continued to dredge up memories one after another.

"Okay! Now shut up! You're giving me a headache!"