Beyond Control

"Love is a mystery that can only be understood by living it." – Anonymous

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Days passed quickly, and with them, the special exam was approaching. I found myself in my room preparing the questionnaire that would be used as an "attack" against Class B. Although we weren't sure they would be our opponents, I needed to make this questionnaire as difficult as possible. It shouldn't be complicated, knowing the level that high school students usually handle. Winning this exam shouldn't be a huge challenge.

—By the way, Yuki, can I talk to you about something? —I asked, breaking the silence. Yuki was lying on my bed, relaxed, and it was just her and me in the room.

—What is it? —she replied, not moving much but clearly attentive.

—You know what's going on between Honami and me, right?

—I think there's no one in the class who hasn't noticed that —Yuki answered.

—I guess you're right... —I murmured, thoughtful—. After analyzing the situation a bit, I came to a conclusion.

—What conclusion? —Yuki sat up a bit, showing more interest.

—That Honami likes me —I finally let it slip. As I said it, I saw Yuki looking at me, surprised.

—And how did you come to that conclusion? —she asked curiously, leaning forward.

—You know what happened in the elevator, right? I realized Honami was jealous when she saw me with Ibuki in that position.

—Well, it makes sense. According to Mako, she found you with Ibuki on your bare chest, both of you sweaty… What else was she supposed to think?

—As I said, she saw me in a difficult situation to explain. How would you have reacted in her place?

—If I were Honami and liked you… and saw you with another girl in that position… hmm, I probably wouldn't talk to you ever again —she replied with a playful smile.

—Don't you think that's a bit exaggerated? It was completely accidental, you know.

—I know, but she didn't know that at the moment, right?

—I suppose you're right…

—What do you think I should do now? —I asked, letting out a sigh as I looked at the ceiling.

—Let Honami think about her own feelings and see what decisions she makes —Yuki replied from my bed, not taking her eyes off her book.

—I guess that's all I can do right now… Why are these topics so tedious? —I rubbed my forehead, trying to relieve the weight on my mind.

—I don't think it's actually that tedious —Yuki said, closing the book and turning to me—. I think you're frustrated with all this.

—Frustrated about what's happening between Honami and me? —I frowned, not entirely understanding.

—No, I actually think you're frustrated because you don't know how to handle the situation.

—Do you really think that? —I looked at her, intrigued by her response.

—Yes —she said with a small smile, sitting up on the bed—. Since I've known you, you've always had everything under control. Nothing escapes you, but now, not being able to handle this matter… frustrates you. It irritates you not to understand that emotion called love. Or am I wrong?

I stayed silent for a moment, surprised by how accurate she had been.

—You're not wrong —I finally admitted—. I am a bit frustrated, yes. Not understanding something so basic irritates me… although I must say I'm impressed by how quickly you figured it out.

—I've been with you since the beginning of the year. It's impossible not to know you at least a little —she replied calmly—. You always want to have control over everything. When something slips out of your hands, it throws you off balance.

Her analysis made me reflect. She was right, and that was the root of it all: love was a variable I couldn't control or predict.

—Yuki, have you ever fallen in love or liked someone? —I asked her curiously. I noticed I had caught her by surprise.

—Hmm... What do you think? —she replied, throwing the question back at me with a sly smile.

—Honestly, I doubt it —I responded after thinking—. Knowing your personality, it's hard for me to believe something like that has happened.

—Do you think I have an unpleasant personality? —she looked at me, raising an eyebrow, though she seemed more amused than offended.

—No, not at all. It's just that, for most guys, I'd say you're a bit difficult to handle —I said honestly, shrugging.

—But not for you? —she shot back, her gaze fixed on me.

—No, in fact, I like it a lot —I admitted without hesitation—. I've always liked direct people.

—Hmm... Well, my answer to your question is... who knows? —she said, sporting an enigmatic smile.

—So it will be a mystery for now? —I asked, amused.

—Yes. And you, Kayden, have you ever liked someone? Although, given what's happening with Honami, I doubt it.

—That's true. I've never been in love with anyone in my life... or at least I think so. Love is a very complicated topic for me. How do you know if you're in love? How do you differentiate it from just physical attraction? —I paused for a second, trying to express what I felt—. Honestly, when it comes to these topics, I feel like a child. —When I finished, Yuki let out a small laugh.

—What's so funny, Yuki?

—I guess it's funny that the "perfect" Kayden has his imperfections.

—Well, I'm not a robot, you know? —I replied, raising an eyebrow.

—I know, but since I've known you, you haven't made any mistakes. Sometimes I wondered if you were really human —she admitted—. But now I feel a bit relieved to know that there are also things you don't understand.

—I understand the concept of "love" theoretically. I know where it comes from and how it can arise, but the part of "understanding it," of really feeling it... that's where I get completely lost.

—As you say, to 'understand it,' you need to experience it. Otherwise, you'll spend your whole life knowing only the theoretical part —she said with a gentle smile, as if she was giving me a lesson deeper than it seemed.

She was right, of course. There are things in life that are only understood when you live them.

Listening to Yuki's words, I remained silent for a moment, reflecting. Experience love? Was it really that simple? I felt like a spectator of something I still couldn't fully grasp.

—Maybe you're right —I finally said—. I won't understand it until I live it. But... what if I never experience it? What if my mind just isn't made for that?

Yuki looked at me intently, crossing her arms over her chest as she considered what I had said. Her expression softened, and instead of teasing me, as she usually would, her tone became more serious.

—I don't think that's true, Kayden. Everyone feels something at some point. Sometimes it takes longer than we expect, but it comes. What's important is that you don't close yourself off to the possibility of feeling. Maybe you've already felt something, but since you're always so busy controlling everything around you, you haven't even noticed.

—Do you really think I've felt something and just didn't notice? —I asked, surprised by her theory.

—It's possible —she replied with a shrug—. You focus so much on being rational and in control that you ignore what you can't predict or calculate. Love is exactly that: something you can't control.

Her words left me thoughtful. She was right about something; I always tried to analyze everything, to be in control of every situation. But love… it was something I couldn't foresee, calculate, or manage. That unsettled me.

—What would you do in my place? —I suddenly asked, seeking her advice, though I had a feeling I already knew what she would say.

—I… —she paused, thinking—. I would stop trying to control everything so much. Sometimes you just have to let life surprise you. Not everything has to be a plan, you know?

I chuckled softly at that response. Of course, Yuki wasn't the type to plan anything in detail. She went with the flow of whatever came her way—something I rarely did.

—You're right —I finally said, looking her in the eyes—. Maybe I should stop worrying so much about understanding and just… feel. Let whatever is going to happen, happen.

—Exactly —Yuki smiled, pleased that for once I had listened to her advice—. And when the time comes, I promise you'll know. You don't need to understand it right away.

A comfortable silence settled between us as she reclined back on my bed. I still felt somewhat confused, but also relieved. Talking to Yuki always helped me see things from another perspective. Though I didn't always admit it, her frankness and sincerity were exactly what I needed at moments like this.

—Hey, Yuki, it seems like you've experienced this love thing, haven't you? —I said, raising an eyebrow with a mischievous smile.

—Who knows? —she replied, shrugging with an air of mystery.

—Don't tell me I'm the one you've fallen for —I joked, smiling playfully.

—And what if that were true? —she said calmly, keeping her gaze fixed on me.

—Then I'd be in a real mess because I couldn't reject your feelings. —I laughed, enjoying the confusion I was causing.

—Why couldn't you? —Yuki frowned, surprised.

—Because… —I hesitated, feeling the joke turn a bit more serious—. Because I like you, Yuki.

She fell silent for a moment, her eyes wide open. She hadn't expected that response.

—Really? —she asked, still processing what she had just heard.

—Yeah, but not just that. I also like Mako and Honami. —I shrugged as if it were trivial—. But I don't know if they're romantic feelings or something else.

Yuki blinked, visibly surprised by the confusion I had just unleashed.

—So… you like Mako and Honami too, but you're not sure about your feelings for either of us… —she said slowly, as if trying to unravel a complicated puzzle.

—Exactly. It's a whole mess in my head. —I laughed nervously. —Sometimes I feel like my emotions are a jumble and I have no idea how to sort them out.

—It seems you have more than just a control problem. —She smiled, but there was a glimmer of understanding in her eyes. —This is getting interesting.

—Interesting or chaotic, I'm still not sure. —I ran my hand through my hair, feeling everything complicate even more. —But thanks for listening. Even if I feel a bit lost, at least I know I have someone to talk to.

—I'll always be here to listen, Kayden. But don't forget that you also need to start facing what you feel. —Her tone was light, but there was depth in her words.

—You're right. Maybe it's time to confront this whole mess —I replied, feeling a mix of relief and nervousness.

Yuki smiled again, that expression that always lit up her face. —And who knows, maybe you'll be surprised by what you discover.

—I hope so —I said, feeling a little lighter. —But for now, I need to focus on this special exam.

—Yeah, we'd better get back to reality —she replied, shaking her head as if to clear away any distraction. —But don't forget what we talked about.

I nodded, my mind still tangled in emotions, but determined to move forward. With one last look at Yuki, I prepared to face whatever was coming, both in the exam and in my emotional life. As she settled back on the bed, her thoughtful gaze lingered in my mind, a reminder that things were about to get even more complicated.

....

As I stepped out of my room in the morning, I noticed a group of students gathered near the entrance of the building. Curious, I approached Kanzaki, who was watching with an intrigued expression.

—Hey, Kanzaki, what's going on here? —I asked, smiling.

—You have to see this —he said, handing me a crumpled note. His eyes sparkled with excitement—. It says: "Student Ichinose Honami might be collecting points illegally — Ryuuen Kakeru."

I read the note and couldn't help but laugh. Ryuuen, with his usual style of making noise, wasn't holding back. But something didn't add up. Why would he put his own name in such a blatant accusation? That didn't sound like him.

The situation was getting complicated, and although a smile remained on my face, there was a flicker of curiosity in my mind. What was Ryuuen really plotting? Or was there something more behind this note? The uncertainty made it all the more intriguing.