Grasping Reality

The weather in Jos seem not to be smiling with anyone, I could feel the cold biting hard into my skin, with tooth like razor ready to devour its prey. The cold breeze of harmattan also seem to find its way into every holes in my body. I felt vulnerable to this when all of a sudden a pang of transitory torment seem to hit me who was not trying to fight the cold, I was consumed by the fear of the unknown that I took a hiatus from existence to know what was wrong. I could not place my tiny fingers on anything while trying to find out what could be wrong –I fell asleep and woke up the next morning to a very terrible dream where I saw my sister whom sometimes I doubt her authenticity in being my blood sister, dancing with my husband-to-be, Kelvin, who just proposed last week to me in a cheap restaurant. Truth be told, I loved Kelvin with everything in me and was ready to support him in every way I could.

I woke up with a mild headache Wondering what kind of dream could this be. I knew my sister to be beautiful with big breasts that would catch the attention of any man, and i on the other hand looks manulrished,and very slender, hardly catch the attention of men. Unlinke kelvin who claims to have been attracted by me the day I went for an interview and he came for same . Why then did I see my sister dancing with my husband-to-be? were they practicing for my upcoming wedding which is to take place Lord knows when. I chose to ignore the dream and went about my daily activities of doing the chores I do absolutely everything in the house while my sister, Maggie who is also job-hunting like me does nothing. each time I complain to my mother I get that Cold snare that bite into my skin like the horrible weather in Jos and nothing improves.I question her being my real mother sometimes and stylishly check for any resemblance between us hoping to see a difference, each time I checked I found out I have the same pointed nose as her and I took her beautiful hairs which were black and long. I dropped my shoulders and give up trying to wake up and see that I no longer look like my mother and go out there to find my real mother.

Afternoon arrived I was done with my chores, leaving my back hurt I needed fresh air and I decided to take a stroll to my fiance's house since it was a Sunday and he doesn't go to work. arriving there I met him in his cheap Luxurious apartment, seated on the sofa that seem to have suffered a lot, drinking juice for a cup that looks like the exact one Jesus used to give his disciples wine. well I got seated comfortably as we were free with one another he offered me food and I refused as I had had something to eat before coming.

Kevin is a nice guy who has as a bright future and I felt ready to stand by him since we were going to be husband and wife I felt I should practice my house wife material skills in order to be a good mother and a good wife. I thought of all the Good things we stand to achieve when we get married, suddenly, I received a question that almost knocked me out "why didn't you tell me Maggie was your sister". for a moment I blinked hard and thought my eye balls were going to poke out. "I don't understand". I said with dry throats. He repeated himself asking "do I have to use the microphone to repeat myself ". "at this moment I would appreciate if you could use a microphone because I really do not understand everything you just asked me" . I replied with my heads up. I could see the lines of anger forming on his forehead and I knew i've to put the situation under control as a dellusional wife material will do. but Kelvin, wasn't having any of it as he broke the news to me. "I am also seeing your sister and she's the one I want to get married". He said with no atom of shame or remorse . I felt the blood in my body dried up, as he went on about how he had gotten a job in Abuja, in an oil company, and will be moving to Abuja soon. I knew Abuja to be a city of influential people and I knew that once he lives jos to Abuja, I am never seeing him again as he has clearly said that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. I left there feeling rejected, feeling confused, the weather of Jos didn't help either as a the cold bites and digs into my skin ripping me and flipping me of my happines, my self-esteem I have tried to gather seem to break into pieces, with each piece finding their way into thin air. I was confused, my only hope of love, my thoughts of love and everything seem to be gone.

where do I go from here? who do I run to? who would help me gather myself ? and still wants Voices same so I tried, I tried, I tried, to listen to the voices in my head, but I keep hearing my heart breaking. what do I do? my own sister my had taken my fiance from me. where do I go from here, I felt shattered and broken. The wife material in me have been shredded into pieces, leaving me vulnerable.

I thought of my next move, should I confront my sister? Or allow things be? I couldn't seem to trust the voices in my head anymore as this time they seem to torment me. I walked as fast as my leg could carry me, at that moment I was faster than a Jet, I had almost gotten to the haunted place I call a house, when I halted, only to realise I still wore Kelvin's ring like an armour, with trembling fingers, I pulled it out and having a cursory glance at it once more, I threw it in the gutter, wiping my tears with the back of my palm, telling myself "nobody will see me down, I have elastic heart".

my name is Mafeng, am I'm breaking loose.