Chapter 20: Family Outing

The mall was crowded. She forgot it was Saturday. When Emily walked through the front doors, the air-conditioning slapping her gently in the face, she felt a moment of panic. The outing had been her idea, to get her mom out of the house. To do something normal for a few hours. Todd stirred up the desire in her. And as much as she wanted to find out just how normal he could make her feel with a little time and attention, he quietly left the day before, abandoning her to her parent's dismal collapse.

When she woke in the morning, she needed to try to put some sort of fantasy together to keep her going. And from the look of her mother's face, that need was going around.

Pamela hadn't given her much of a fight when she mentioned the outing.

"Sure, honey." Since when was her mother an automaton who did what she was told? "Let's go." Pamela grabbed her purse, went for her shoes. Had to be steered gently upstairs to get changed out of her pajamas. The small, fragile smile Jack aimed at Emily made her feel better. Even he knew they had to do something before they all completely fell apart.

He dropped them at the front door with a wave on his way to the giant home warehouse across the parking lot. Anything to distract the mind from the truth. At first, Emily thought her mother would balk when she realized where they were, but the crowd and the laughter seemed to snap her out of her funk.

"Shoes?" Pamela had an addiction.

Emily rolled her eyes and smiled. "Shoes."

They both left their favorite store with three pairs. Clothes were next. Between the two of them they tried on most of the mall. Emily was even having fun. Amazed herself. And her mother.

Pamela's arm slid around her waist, squeezed her once, let her go.

"I missed you." The whisper was meant for Emily alone. It surprised her. Since when? And yet the part of her that had been a little girl, the focus of her mother's attention for so many years before her brother came along, yearned to throw her arms around Pamela's neck and never let her go.

"Me too." More surprise. She really did miss her mother.

"This was a great idea." Although Emily noticed her mother steered them away from a small clump of women who looked familiar. Emily didn't say anything. Didn't need to.

"Book club." Pamela's smile took on the brittle quality she left at the mall door. "Let's keep it just you and me, okay?"

Emily had no problem with that.

It was so easy to forget in the place of shiny new things and happy people, the flawless, carefully marketed world where everyone envied the models on the store posters and just had to have the latest handbag or gadget. Emily always took the mall for granted. But that day it was an oasis, a safe place of magic and possibility and fun. She loved it.

Until her feet started to hurt. She left her mother happily trying on yet another pair of shoes to collapse on a bench in the promenade. Life went on around her and she was okay with it.

"Emmy." He slid onto the bench beside her. She jumped, more than surprised.

"Todd." Her heart beat faster and not just from her shock. His smile made the whole weirdness of the meeting okay. "Hi." She leaned in when Todd bent to kiss her. Peppermints again. Her favorite.

"Having fun?" He eyed the armload of bags by her feet.

"Thought we could use a dose of unreality." She smiled and meant it. "Guess it worked."

"Guess." His eyes roamed her face, to the scab on her cheek.

"What are you doing here?" Did that sound as bad as she thought it did? He was welcome, more than welcome, but her world was so small these days it seemed odd to run into him.

"Same as you, I guess." He showed her a small bag from a music store. "Needed to get out of the house." His attention shifted before Todd stood up, looking over her shoulder. "Mrs. Underman."

Pamela smiled, too, with a funny look on her face. "Hello, Todd."

"Did you buy them?" Emily saw the bag, knew the answer.

"Of course." Pamela's laugh was a little forced, but she was herself enough it didn't matter. "They were on sale." That always made a difference. "Tired yet?"

Emily nodded slowly, not wanting to admit it. She was more worried about facing the real world again on the other side of the glass doors. But, it was time.

"Can I help you with your bags, ladies?" Todd was already gathering up Emily's purchases, holding his hands out for Pamela's. Her mother laughed a little and let him take the bags of shoes, keeping the others to herself.

"You've found yourself a gentleman." Her wink wasn't lost on Emily. Todd either, much to her agony. Could her mother be any more obvious? Or embarrassing? Still, Todd winked back and Pamela laughed so Emily's frantic blushing started to fade.

"I hear you're quite the football player." Her mother's idea of small talk.

"I guess." Todd's white teeth showed up again. "I love to play. I suppose that helps."

"It's kind of you to offer to help Emily catch up with her school work." Where was her mother going with this? Emily wanted her to shut up. Until she saw the sparkle in Pamela's eyes, the way she talked to Todd. She was having fun again. Emily relented.

"From what the teachers tell me, Emmy was the top of her class. I know she'll catch up with some support." Todd seemed to miss the flicker of pain on Pamela's face. That damned nickname. "She has to pass this year."

"And why is that, exactly?" Emily pushed the conversation forward and her mother's grief lifted.

"Because, I intend for you to graduate with me next year," Todd said. "And be my date for prom."

"Big plans." Her heart fluttered. He had that effect on her. "Sure you want to make that kind of commitment? You've got a whole year and a half to get to know me better. You might change your mind."

"I'm sure." Intense. Almost too intense. Then, another wink to her mother and the pressure went away. "Can't blame a guy for dreaming."

Emily looked away for a moment, stomach filled with fire. In a good way. She wanted to know what that intensity was all about.

Something caught her eye, a flicker in the glass front of a passing store. She didn't want to be distracted from Todd, but couldn't help herself. She looked over, paused. Stopped. Stared.

Sam stared back, hovering over a toy soldier doll. Sam settled her hands on it, through it. And vanished.

Emily found herself in the store and at the display. A secondhand place, smelling faintly of plastic and dirt. She had the doll in her hands, turned it over. A slightly battered camo-clad figure looked back. His hands were molded to hold something, but whatever they were intended to grasp was long gone. She felt the cold in the toy, the residue Sam left behind. It made her fingers tingle.

"Em?" Pamela was beside her. Smile slipping. "What are you doing?"

She couldn't answer. Just shrugged and headed for the counter.

Todd was beside her as she opened her wallet.

"Are you okay?" She felt herself returning, fading back in. She nodded.

"It's... I really like this doll." It was weak. But neither of them did anything to stop her. Just as well. They wouldn't have succeeded.

All her sense of fun was lost. The brief and bright lie she lived with her mother was dead. She parted ways with Todd at the front door, claiming all of her packages.

"Can I see you tonight?"

Emily didn't know what to tell him. Only nodded, managed a smile before pushing her way into the bright sunshine while she clutched the toy to her chest and refused to let go, even in the car.

The drive home was quiet. Pamela tried so hard to get the mood back, but it was lost and she knew it. Emily needed to get away from her parents, to be on her own, to understand what Sam was telling her. The need was so great by the time they neared the park she leaned forward and squeezed her father's shoulder.

"Can I get out here?"

He didn't ask why, just pulled over and let her out. He drove off, Pamela's sad face in the window.

Emily went to the swings. The park was quiet and had been since Cole disappeared. Parents were worried, as they should be. Someone was taking kids and the cops were useless.

She hung on the middle swing, the doll in her hands. Time to talk to them. If they were listening.

"Now what?" Nothing from the girls. Emily tried again. "Why this toy?" Silence, emptiness. Rising anger. "Damn it, why?"

"Where did you get that?" Devon was beside her. An unexpected interruption, he frightened her in that moment more than the girls could have. He reached for her, jerking the toy out of her grip, squeezing it so hard his hands shook. She stared up at him from the swing, numb and unable to speak. He thrust it at her like a weapon. "Where!"

"The mall." She found her voice. "Secondhand store."

Devon's face flushed red as he flipped the doll over and lifted the camo jacket. He froze, face draining of all color.

"Which store?" He sounded very young all of a sudden. Like someone half his age. Anger receded in a visible tide, draining him back to the pale and wasted guy she knew.

"I can show you." She understood, now, why that doll. What Sam wanted. The compulsion. She stood up. Took the doll from his limp hands and looked at the name in black marker across the shoulders of the plastic soldier.

Big, bold letters done in a child's hand.

Gavin Petrie.

***