I hope this new me lasts 3

Leila woke up and turned the light on in the kitchen. It's still eleven in the evening and she felt hungry. She went to check the fridge and got a slice of mango ice cream cake. She realized that Sasa might be hungry and tried to knock at her bedroom door. But there's no answer, so she thought Sasa is still asleep. Little did Leila know that Sasa left to the bar. Earlier, before Sasa went to her girls at the bar, she opened the guest room's door to check on Leila. She went in and took the liberty to kiss the woman, but when she was about to, she saw that Leila have been crying. Her cheeks are wet and her eyes swollen. She has tissues on her side that made Sasa felt sad and hurt. Sasa moved her gaze away from Leila and coldly ignored what she felt and walked out of the room. She was angry at herself or maybe with Leila for loving her or maybe for everything that's been happening now that all is fine with Leila. And that maybe she'll be left out again, out of Leila's life or heart because she is well or whole now.

I went home thinking that Leila is asleep. I didn't bother to knock or check on her but I almost jumped and peeped my pants (if I still thought I was wearing them, since I was so drunk, I didn't even know how I got home riding my bike), when I found her standing and waiting for me I think. I felt so dizzy and not in the mood for small talk so I just said hi and went straight to my room. Leila stopped me by holding my arm and smelled me, got angry and slapped me over and over again (so what happened earlier when she was just massaging my breasts and kissing me, throwing herself to me, what happened to that?).

Stop it Lei, I don't want to talk now, let me sleep first and we'll talk later!, I said blabbering and smiled at furious Leila. I didn't know what to do to stop her from nagging, so, I kissed her, even if she is still slapping and punching me. Though it hurts a lot since she knows karate and boxing, I felt that I deserve it all, yet, I can't love her, only her. I hate to burst her bubbles but I can't be faithful to her now. Leila calmed down and cried, her tears flowed while I kiss her. Maybe, she wanted this and so I touched her face, neck and body and continued kissing her mouth. Leila kissed me back and pulled me closer to her. She undressed and took my clothes off too.

I felt she wanted me and I want her too but still feeling scared of falling in love with her again. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from needing and lusting for every bit of her skin, smell, touch, kiss and moan. We made wild love that dawn of day and woke up regretting, why did I lose myself again with Leila, why?