Beside You Ch. 9: Regret

Chapter Nine: Regret

We were standing in a small shop. Drawings and promotional clothing lined the walls.

The glass counter was full of piercings and different metal objects.

I stared at the bearded man behind the counter.

"So, you're telling me that this one is your younger sister?" he asked Gus, but he was staring at me.

The guy looked at Gus's ID and finally sighed.

"You got the money for this?" the man asked.

Both Benny and Gus turned to look at Michael.

"Oh yeah," Benny said.

"Let's move to the back," the guy said as he lifted the counter divider for us.

We moved through, and I wasn't sure I could handle it. Of course, if I backed out, I would be called the ultimate coward instead of being referred to by my name.

"Take your seats losers," Benny said.

I sat in one of the leather seats, and Michael sat in another.

"What are we doing today?" the bearded man asked.

There was another guy in the back, this one was covered in tattoos.

Benny handed the guy a picture.

"That one is for him," she pointed at Michael.

He looked at Michael before shrugging, "Where are we putting it?"

Benny thought about it for a minute before she pointed to the right side of her pelvis.

"Ouch," I mumbled.

"And for that one?" the bearded man asked as he pointed to me.

Benny looked before bringing her attention to the large book at the counter.

Gus pointed at one, and she shook her head.

My gaze went to Michael as he laid back in the chair.

Benny walked over and handed a piece of paper to the man.

He looked at it before calling the taller tattooed man over.

"Where do you want it?" the man asked.

Benny was quick to point at the back of her left shoulder.

I frowned. At least it isn't the discolored side of my back.

This meant I would have to remove my shirt.

Benny must have seen my face because she was quick to my side.

"It'll be fine," she said, "I made sure you got a nice one."

I wasn't so sure.

She grabbed the bottom of my shirt and forced it over my head.

I gasped. Her hands were cold, and so was the air outside of my shirt.

She didn't even give me time to recover.

"This is happening dear," she said as she pulled the left arm out of my bra, and then the tank top strap.

She pushed my shirt down in the back, and I had to cover my left breast so that it didn't fall out of the shirt.

My gaze went back to Michael as he pulled his shirt up a little. The next part made my face go red. His hands went to his belt buckle, and he pushed down the front of his shorts until I could see pubic hair. It was then that I noticed the small trail of hair from just below his belly button.

His large tree tattoo is just barely visible. The dark colors made the skin on his abdomen appear paler.

I didn't realize I was staring until Michael turned to look at me.

His head turned just slightly in my direction. His eyes darted down to my partially exposed breast, and I had to look away.

I felt his eyes still on me.

Should I chance another peek at him?

I slowly glanced over at Michael as I felt the guy behind me place the stencil on my shoulder.

Looking into his eyes sometimes felt like being trapped in a deep dark ocean. It felt like I was being consumed.

"Are you sure about this?" the guy asked Benny.

"Oh yes," she nodded enthusiastically, "We're doing this."

Was I shaking?

I took in a deep breath and made eye contact with Michael again.

This time he just smirked at me.

I didn't think this was how I was going to get my first tattoo.

++++++++++

I had to remove both my bra and the tank top. My shoulder was far too sensitive to have either strap over it.

I suppose it was a good thing Benny carried that backpack. I forced my clothes in the bag the minute I took them off.

"A butterfly?" Michael asked, "Seriously?"

Benny laughed, "You know it is just the cutest thing."

I didn't get the chance to see it.

"He got a butterfly?" I asked, "What did I get?"

"A better one," Gus said.

"A better what?" I asked.

"A better butterfly," Benny said.

"How original," Michael stated, "Next time can you guys actually try?"

"Did you actually see your butterfly?" Benny asked him.

"It's a fucking butterfly," he stated, "Does it even matter?"

"Sure it does," Gus said.

Michael turned to look at me, "Let me see yours."

"I can't reach it," I stated.

I watched as he looked at Benny and Gus.

What the hell was he thinking?

He moved forward and pushed me towards the bathroom. He was quick to push me in and lock the door.

It was just the two of us in here.

"Let me see it," he said, "Turn around."

"I'm not wearing anything under this."

He didn't listen, he turned me around, and he forced the back of my shirt up.

I gasped, "I told you."

"Take your left arm out," he said.

I had to maneuver my left arm out of the long sleeve and still manage to cover my breasts. He wasn't really giving me a choice here.

I felt his hand on the bandage, and I still felt the pain.

He pulled it back slowly, and I wished he just ripped the damn thing off. At least it wouldn't hurt as bad.

"How does it look?" I asked him.

He was silent.

"Michael?" I asked.

I felt his hand drift a little from where the tattoo was.

My skin tingled under his touch.

"It looks nice," he said after a minute.

I tried to peek over my shoulder to see it myself, but I couldn't.

"Here," he said.

I couldn't hear anything except for a clicking sound.

He placed the bandage back over and smoothed it out. The pain wasn't as bad as he ran his hand over it.

"Put your shirt back on."

I forced my hand back in the long gray sleeve.

I looked at him once my shirt was down.

When I looked, he reached into his pocket to pull his phone out, and he tapped the screen a few times before he showed it to me.

I stared at the butterfly tattoo.

"This is mine?" I asked him.

He nodded.

It was definitely a nice one, Benny didn't lie about that.

It is mainly orange, dark orange, and the top of the wings are yellow-orange. It looked like it would fly off my back at any second. The bright red around made it seem less real, though.

I handed Michael back his phone, and I heard a knock at the door.

"What's going on in there?" Benny asked.

"Show and tell," Michael said back as he returned his phone to his pocket.

I met his gaze before his hands went to his belt.

I felt strangely excited as he unhooked his belt and opened the front of his shorts.

What was the matter with me?

He lowered his shorts just enough to see the bandage.

"Take a look," he said.

My face went red, "What?"

I was most definitely looking.

"I can either hold my shorts up or take off the bandage, I can't do both."

I made a face before I reached for the bandage.

I placed one hand on the skin outside of the bandage while my other hand slowly pulled the cover back.

"Fuck," Michael hissed, "That shit hurts."

"Hold still," I said.

I almost had it.

Once the majority of the butterfly was uncovered, I nodded.

"Damn," I said, "Yours is pretty."

He looked down, and I was surprised that he wasn't mad.

His butterfly was smaller than mine, and it was angled in, so it was facing his stomach. The colors on this one are similar, but the colors were brighter as if it were in direct sunlight. The butterfly was mainly three different shades of orange, with a pretty teal at the tops and bottoms of both wings.

It took me a minute to realize I was crouched in front of him, and I was too close to his man parts.

He stared down at me.

We had too many moments like this.

I could see the interest in those dark blue orbs, and I knew my expression mirrored his.

Lust and awkwardness.

I didn't wait for him to tell me to put the bandage back, I slowly ran my hand over to make sure it went on smooth. The muscles of his stomach reacted to the feel of my hand. I just barely skimmed the outside of the bandaged area.

When I removed my hands, Michael fixed his shorts.

"Losing sucks, doesn't it?" he asked.

I shrugged and instantly regretted it.

"So, you'd get another one?" he asked.

"If I got to pick it," I said, "But as long as you guys don't tattoo a dick on me, I think I'll be fine."

Once we were both fully dressed, he opened the door.

"So?" Benny asked.

"His is prettier than mine," I said.

Benny grinned. She was definitely proud of herself.

"Let's get something to eat," Gus groaned.

We walked out of the tattoo shop, and the cold air made me have to cross my arms.

Benny had to open her mouth.

"Is it a little nippy?" she asked.

I frowned.

She is still on her winners high, so she is forgiven. I just want her to focus on something else.

"You guys go," Michael said, "I've got other plans."

"Like what?" Benny hissed.

I was too irritated to think about my shirt. My hands dropped to my pocket to remove my phone. What time was it, and why did he think it was okay to leave now?

It wasn't even 5:30 in the afternoon, and he wanted to bail.

A loud bang cracked across the sky.

"Maybe we should all turn in," Gus said, looking up.

I didn't really mind thunder or lightning, but I could feel light drops of rain on my face.

"Damn it," I mumbled.

Today wasn't supposed to be over so soon.

The rain started to come down a little harder.

"Come on, Ren," Benny said, "We should head back."

I wasn't ready to go, but I didn't know my way back from here.

We rode the bus back to the town square, and it was pouring rain.

Benny frowned before we had to get off.

She might not have been happy about the rain, but I was.

It had been a little while since I had seen rain, so I was pretty excited about it.

I was the last one off the bus, and I couldn't help but twirl in the water.

The three of them went under the small bus stop cover.

"What is she doing?" I heard Gus ask.

"Let her have fun," Benny said, "We have to wait for the next bus anyway."

I stopped to grin at her, this was too awesome to be doing it by myself.

Benny smiled back, Gus looked at me like I was crazy, and Michael only stared at his phone.

"Won't the water mess with her tattoo?" Gus asked.

I felt something hard hit me right on the top of my head, before I could react to his words.

"Is that hail?" Gus asked.

I could hear the ice chunks dropping all around us, and I still didn't go to cover.

I stopped once a car pulled over right in front of us.

"Uh," Gus said, "Are we expecting company?"

Michael moved forward to open the passenger door.

"I'll see you guys later."

He shut the door behind him.

The car didn't wait to leave.

I stood there, watching the car drive away until I didn't see it anymore.

"What an ass," I said loud enough for the others to hear.

"Right?" Benny said.

"At least drop us off first," Gus said.

We were laughing and cracking jokes until the bus finally pulled up.

The trip back to campus was short.

++++++++++

I laid on my bed, and I stared up at the ceiling while Benny and Gus talked over skype.

Gus would say something dorky, and Benny would laugh.

She finally broke down told him about her parents, which was something I really didn't need to hear.

He sounded upset, and I didn't know if I was supposed to know about it.

I figured I would read over some stuff in my notebook, but I didn't have it here. It was still in the pocket of my jeans, the ones at the motel.

I pulled my phone from the charger, and I saw that I had a message.

It was 9:45 PM. I think it was safe to go get my notebook.

I opened the message as I sat up completely.

It was from earlier. I don't think I looked at my phone since I got back.

I opened the folder, and I saw Michael's name with an unread text.

There was a weird feeling in my stomach. What did he even want?

I opened the message.

From: Michael – 'You're in public, you need to cover yourself.'

I made a face, when the hell did he send that?

I looked at the time I received it. It was when we were at the bus stop.

What a jerk.

I grab my shoes, and I put on a jacket.

Benny looked at me "Where are you going?"

"I forgot something," I said, "I'll be back in like fifteen minutes."

She nodded.

I made sure to grab my keys just in case.

I walked quickly off campus, and I frowned at the loss of the rain.

The cold air lingered, and I was thankful I remembered to bring a few sports bras with me. Those didn't hurt as bad to wear.

I also had to be careful not to get my shoulder wet. I didn't think about it earlier.

Thankfully the plastic kept it safe and dry.

I headed to the motel, and I felt myself frown all over again.

It was definitely late enough, but what if he wasn't there?

He didn't show up in his room, he might be there.

It took a few minutes before I reached the room, and I knocked.

Was he here?

I knocked again, but this time the door opened.

Michael stood there in only his underwear, and I had to look away.

I was getting tired of having to look away. I was getting tired of being polite.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

Why did he sound out of breath?

"Who is it?" it was a female voice that asked.

I was frozen, what the hell was I here for again?

"Ren?" he said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry," I said, "I left some of my stuff here earlier."

"She sounds cute," the girl said, "Does she want to join us?"

I felt my skin crawl.

"Can I just get my stuff?" I asked, not even looking at him.

"Where is it?" he asked.

"I left it by the nightstand."

He walked into the room, and I allowed myself to look inside. He went towards the nightstand, but I could already see the bag.

It was ripped open, and my clothes were on the floor.

I didn't want to walk in the room, but the second I saw the girl holding the gold book, I rushed inside.

"What?" she gasped before laughing.

I ripped the book from her hands, and she looked mad.

Michael looked confused, but I think he realized right away why I was so pissed off.

"What do you think you're doing?" the girl demanded, "I was reading that."

"It doesn't belong to you," I hissed.

"Gross," she said, "Is that yours?"

I was so mad I couldn't see straight.

"Michael, why did you let her in?" she whined, "I want this fucking bitch out of here."

I picked my jeans up from the floor.

"I'll leave once I grab my stuff," I stated. Of course, I was trying not to scream at her.

I had the feeling Michael wouldn't kick me out, but I didn't expect him to stand there silently either.

It's rare for him to keep his mouth shut.

I grabbed the small toothpaste Benny brought for me, but when I saw the toothbrush, I knew it was no longer sanitary.

I put the notebook in my pocket and grabbed the deodorant, and the see-through black shirt.

"Ren," Michael said just above a whisper.

I didn't want to hear him. I didn't want to be in the same room with either one of them.

"Michael," the girl said, "I'm ready, let's go again."

I finally stopped in the doorway to hear what he had to say, but he looked completely torn.

Pussy or friendship. It was up to him, because he didn't get both.

He let out a sigh.

"Hey," he said in a pissy tone, "You need to get the fuck out of here."

I wanted to charge over there and punch him.

I was about to leave, but my body didn't move.

"Christ, Lindsey," he growled, "Get the fuck out."

I was frozen, is he really making her leave?

She made the ugliest sound as she pulled on her dress. She didn't look like she had very much with her. Her heels were in one hand, and her purse was in the other.

"It's Linda," she said before pushing me out of her way, "Fuck both of you."

"Good riddance," Michael said.

I felt like I needed a shower. She really just touched me.

Michael sighed before pulling on the yellow shirt from yesterday.

"Benny let you come here by yourself?" he asked.

"She didn't know I was coming here," I admitted, "I just needed to get my stuff, I didn't think you had company."

"I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't know you left your notebook here."

I lingered in the doorway.

His jaw tightened "Are you going to just stand there with the door open?"

"She also used my toothbrush," I stated.

He looked down at the floor, "I wondered where she got that."

He didn't even care. That probably pissed me off the most.

"Did you get my message?" he asked.

"The one about my nipples in public?" I asked, making sure to sound as irritated about it as I felt.

"Yeah, that one."

"Why does it matter?" I hissed, "They're my nipples, I'll do what I want with them."

Damn, that sounded so stupid.

He didn't say anything back. He just went over to the bed and laid down.

I was about to walk out, but I saw my socks on the floor. They were just at the foot of the bed.

I walked into the room to grab them, and I put them in my back pocket.

"It isn't a good idea for you to stay," he said.

I looked over at him, he was on his side looking at me.

"As if I would touch you right now," I tried not to hiss.

His expression changed, and he looked obviously pissed off.

"You don't deserve to be mad at me," I stated, "I was going to leave anyway."

He sat up and just stared at the wall.

"She was reading my notebook," I said, "Didn't you think for a second that maybe that bag had something important in it?"

"Obviously, that was the last thing on my mind," he stated.

I know it wasn't anything I deserved to be mad about, but it pissed me off that he was such a whore.

"Why?" I asked, "Why do you do this?"

He didn't turn to glare at me, he didn't say anything insulting either.

"I need it," he admitted.

It took me a minute to really put it together, when he said he took pills to escape, it wasn't his only way.

"You're saying you don't have to think?" I asked.

He looked back at me "It doesn't really require a lot of thinking."

I wanted to stay mad, but I remember when he told me he wished he could have gotten away like I have. Turning myself off, my brain, and everything around me. He couldn't do that, but he wanted to.

His partners, I'm sure, were probably as careless as he is. It wasn't safe for him.

"Are you being safe?" I asked.

"Wow," he said, "You are the last person I want to talk to about sex."

"Fine," I shrugged, "I'll see you later."

I heard him call my name before I shut the door, but I just didn't care right now.

I can't take back that I finally admitted to myself that I had a thing for Michael, I just wasn't willing to put myself in that position.

The walk back to campus was a lot slower and filled with a lot more anger than it should have.

Was this going to be a thing now? I wasn't sure I could take feeling like this. It was exhausting. I was exhausted.

Once I finally got back to the room, I didn't care to talk. I turned my phone off before setting it on the dresser, and I laid down after dropping my stuff on the floor and shoving it under my bed.

"Are you alright?" Benny asked me.

"Yeah," I said as I looked at her, "I'm just tired."

I laid face first in my pillow to avoid putting any pressure on my shoulder.

"Okay," she said, "Sleep well."

"Night."