My Boyfriend's an Immortal Boomer, I'm a Millennial, Help!

We bobbed in a boat fit for Charon. I stared at the claret river and reeled in my lure. "I didn't know the Styx had fish. Isn't it made of blood?"

Samael removed his hook from something that looked like a bloodthirsty salmon. He tossed it into the bucket. "It has a lot of things. The Leviathan, mermaids, corpses…"

Something bit my line. "I got one!"

My fishing pole was tugged forward with tremendous force, sending me over the edge. I splashed into the river.

"Great," I said, treading water. "My clothes are ruined."

Samael laughed. "You're horrible at fishing."

"It's not my fault these fish take steroids," I said. I pulled myself back into the boat. It was my third time falling in. I sat down in a puddle of my own making. "I don't see how this is supposed to be fun."

Something bubbled in the water, and my fishing pole rose to the surface, attached to an angry demon. He clutched a soaked morning paper – Hell's Herald. The demon waved the paper angrily. "I'm trying to read, Samael! How many times do I have to tell you to stop fishing in my shoal?"

Samael cast his line again. "But Leviathan, this is where the fish bite. It's because of all the leftovers you leave out. They're attracted to them."

Leviathan dislodged my hook from his ear-fin. "This is the third time you've caught me. I think you're doing it on purpose."

"Don't blame me. It's her you're after." Samael pointed at me.

"Sam! You didn't tell me this was someone's home," I said.

Samael snorted. "This isn't Leviathan's house. He squats here. The bum doesn't want to pay property taxes - he thinks they're a conspiracy."

Leviathan's gills flared. "Money is an illusion. Just like the skin you wear. We should live free of it, in the wild depths from which we come." With that, Leviathan dove back into the Styx. His mermaid tail splashed me.

Samael jigged his line. "Damn hippie."

I lay on my back and watched clouds drift by. "It's Valentine's Day, and I smell like fish. How romantic."

"And what experience do you have with romance, maggot?"

"My last boyfriend. He got me flowers all the time, held the door open for me, iced my sprained ankles at track meets. Too bad that didn't last."

Samael glanced at me. "What happened?"

I shrugged. "After graduation, we grew apart. I wanted to come to college unattached."

Samael's face hazed over in thought. "Lilith hated romance. She thought it was about men infantilizing women. Eve, though – she thought it was sweet. I used to garden in Eden, and I always gave her cuttings from flowers. If Adam named animals, Eve named all the plants. She loved greenery."

I looked up at the round disc of the sun. "Who were you with first? Lilith or Eve?"

Samael reeled in his line and sat at the prow of the boat. "Eve. Lilith, for the longest time, was uninterested in Adam. She was in love with Eve. They would spend hours together, making up games, chasing each other through the woods. The two had their own secret language. When Eve died, Lilith turned to me. We found comfort in each other."

I let his sentence hang in the air. "You mean Lilith and Eve were, erm, together?"

"Is that so shocking?"

I shaded my face with my hands. "But I thought you and Eve were together? God, this is like a Biblical telenovela."

"Eve loved us in different ways, just like she loved Adam. That, I never understood."

"Um, my past life got around a lot."

Samael took off his robe and lay down in his swimming trunks. He attempted to tan. It failed miserably. I considered wearing sunglasses just to protect my eyes from the glare of his papery skin. "Don't be embarrassed. She's not you, not really. Her soul's just been recycled."

"Lilith is really hot, but in a terrifying bird of prey way." I blew a strand of hair from my face. "You must have been really close to Eve. Being her guardian angel and all."

The Reaper lowered his sunglasses. "I watched her grow up. I knew her pretty well."

A fish jumped beside the boat. "I don't like it. Being someone else. It's weird."

Samael yawned. "Is it?"

I dangled my arm over the boat so my fingers skimmed the water. "Yeah."

Death pillowed his head on his arms. "You know, we change so much during our lives, it's as if we're constantly becoming different people. I'm nothing like I was when I was the Lightbringer. I don't think you should worry about it."

We retired from fishing shortly thereafter. After a quick shower, I went back home despite Samael's protests, insisting I had to study for my genetics test on Monday. It was still 7:00 PM, Friday night on Earth, and I found myself unable to sleep, having woken up only a few hours before.

The weeks blended together, and I made headway on my spider research, producing a generation of aggressive spiders and one of docile ones. Arietta and I ran a gamut of tests on the young. In my ceramics class, at which I was miserable, I attempted to make pots and sculptures, only to end up with lumps of clay that could most generously be described as abstract. I lived for Ecology 101 and Dr. Crane's lectures. I ran out of space in the nature journal we kept for class, so I decided to use the sketchbook Samael had given me.

March rolled in, bringing rain, and coaxed early flowers to bloom, all of which I chronicled in the sketchbook's silky pages. Battles with Michael stalled, and it seemed we had reached a stalemate. Samael said his twin didn't want to risk my injury and was most likely testing me.

"Why would Michael do that? This isn't a game," I said, blocking Samael's scythe with my petersword. We were on the fields behind his estate, honing my fighting skills. Though Samael's powers were transferred to me during possession, it was more effective if I practiced.

Samael relented. "He wants to see if you're capable of reassembling the Lapis Exillis. Then he'll know he's in deep angel crap. You can already use my scythe, quite well. It's only a matter of time until we move on to the other archdemons' weapons."

I rested. "Right, I almost forgot about that thing. What do I have to do to use it?"

"Each shard of the Lapis Exillis is attuned to a different archdemon. You'd have to be possessed by all seven of them to reassemble it."

I looked at the ground. "It's one thing when you possess me – I know you. But the other archdemons creep me out. I'm still not comfortable with the whole demon thing."

Samael sharpened his scythe with a whetsone. He lazed on a wooden fence. "Which is why we'll move gradually."

Anxiety gripped me. "What if I can't do it? What if being possessed by so many demons hurts me?"

"I won't let that happen." He tucked his whetstone into his pocket. "You did well today. You've improved dramatically since August."

"Thanks." I paused. "About what you said the night before Valentine's Day."

He looked at me blankly. "I said something?"

I looked at my feet. "Yeah. When we were in the cave. You said you, um, well. You said the L-word."

"Damn. I thought you were asleep. Actually, I think I was asleep?"

I blushed. "How can you say that and then call me maggot? It's like you look down on me."

His lips drew thin. "I don't look down on you. It's a term of affection. Maggots are valuable to the ecosystem - they decompose things. Would you prefer I call you tapeworm? Or larva? Perhaps nematode?"

"Sam, stop. Stop avoiding what matters."

"What?"

"The L-word!"

Black slashed across my vision.

"Shannon!" Samael said.

Something warm rolled down my neck. I crumpled to the ground, waterfalls in my ears.

"Touch her, and I'll slice her neck clean through," came a clarion voice.

Cold metal pressed against me. My surroundings spun. "The hell?" I moaned, struggling to move.

The metal bit into my flesh. I yelped.

The voice came again: "Move, and your head comes off. All I need is your heart."

I lay still.

"Damn Nephilim," Samael said. He brandished his scythe.

I heard a revolver click. "Take a step closer, and I'll shoot. Adamant stings, doesn't it?"

Samael froze. "You're bluffing. She's too valuable to kill."

"To you, maybe. But for my father, all we need is what you gave her, so many eons ago."

Samael bared his fangs. "Who's bastard are you?"

A plump girl stepped into my vision. She had olive skin and long, black ringlets of hair. "My father is the mender of the universe."

Samael's lips drew thin. "And what does Raziel want with my heart?"

The Nephilim narrowed her eyes. "He has looked into the threads of fate and seen the chaos the Magdalene will cause. She needs to be terminated. Your heart will be used to power the disalignment of the otherworlds and ensure Heaven's dominion."

"Why are you so forthcoming with information?" Samael said, still not moving.

The Nephilim gave a quick laugh. "Because there is nothing you can do. We are bold enough to do what Michael cannot. Your twin is too soft. It is his undoing."

Samael's temple throbbed. "Michael's honor is the only thing that's held Heaven together. Your father is selfish. He's only in it for himself. You're Raziel's tool – nothing more. Why else would he have sired you?"

Her eyes flashed. "I'm his daughter. The love he has for me is something you would never understand, heartless as you are."

I bled down the back of my throat. I coughed it up.

"Don't move!" she said.

I gagged.

"Let me heal her," Samael said. "She's losing blood."

The Nephilim cocked her gun to the side. "Do you think I'm an idiot?"

Samael launched at the Nephilim, who fired a round into his chest. Samael stumbled to my side.

"Damn adamant. Where do people keep getting it?" he said. He slashed the Nephilim with his scythe, drawing a deep cut across her back.

She cried out.

Samael could barely stand. "Run," he said. "That bullet was blessed by Metatron. It's too potent. I have to fight dirty - things will get ugly."

The Nephilim ambled closer. She clutched her back.

I struggled to rise. "I can't stand."

Samael cursed, then turned to the Nephilim. "You picked the wrong day to piss me off."

She gritted her pearly teeth. "Did I?" She spread yellow wings, the feathers streaked with blood.

Samael's body disintegrated into darkness. He expanded and enveloped the Nephilim. She waved her weapons, trying to fight back as he choked her lungs.

Samael possessed her against her will. Her eyes rolled back as her body contorted into impossible positions. She levitated, limbs askew, teeth gnashing.

I flinched.

Someone grabbed me and slipped a mask over my head.

"Shannon!" Samael rasped through Noor's throat. Her body thumped to the ground.

"Contain him," came a familiar voice – Azazel. Scarred arms lifted me off the ground.

I couldn't see past the mask. The Watcher carried me away. There was a great pounding; things crashed. The air was tinged iron with blood. The Nephilim's screams laced with Samael's curses.

"Let me go," I said, kicking my captor. The blows didn't land. I was too disoriented from the beating Noor had dealt me.

"Shut her up," said Sariel.

"I'll do it," came a silky voice. Semyaza. He punched the base of my neck, and I blacked out.