A Hole In The Heart

Mrityunjay watched as Shivani left from there. His heart was screaming at him to stop her, to take what she was offering, but his mind knew letting her go was the right thing to do. Her words echoed in his mind and the empty house. "I asked you what I did because I believed that ounce of love was mine."

Mrityunjay closed his eyes. How would he ever tell her, that indeed it was her's, that his love was for her and her alone. And his ounce of love was the precious gift she had offered him, which he had heartlessly refused. He knew she was hurt, perhaps, beyond repair. He knew too, that he had lost her forever. The ache in his heart was unbearable.

After what seemed like ages, Mrityunjay moved towards his bed and sat down. How plain and simple had her request been. He shut his eyes again as her face floated in his mind. "I want to stay the night with you." The words floated in the air. He curled his fingers into fists.

She had looked in to his eyes without any fear or apprehension of what he would think. She would not have offered herself to him, like she did, if she was not sure about him. She probably sensed the connection he had felt too, from the first moment he set his eyes on her. He wanted her, needed her, loved her, he admitted to himself. But the truth was, that he had lost her, perhaps forever.

Mrityunjay got up restlessly and walked to his balcony. He had been given one chance at love, true love and he had thrown it away. The thought was squeezing his heart. He paced restlessly, contemplating what he should do next. Maybe if he told Shivani the truth, it would solve all the problems. Maybe there was a way to stay together. That was it. Tomorrow morning, he would go to her cottage and apologise to her. He would tell her everything about his life and circumstances. He would bare his heart out to her and he would tell her how much he had wanted her to stay the night with him. He would make her understand how much her words meant to him. And he would leave the decision to her. He was sure she would understand. And he was sure she would take him back. He was sure that she would fill his life with love.

Mrityunjay tried to sleep, but sleep eluded him. He tossed and turned as Shivani's face and voice haunted him. Vexed with his inability to catch even a wink, he went and stood under the shower, letting the chilly water run over his well-toned and muscular body. The shower helped relax his body but his mind was still in turmoil. Wearing just shorts and bare chested, he lay down on his bed and submitted himself to sleep at last.

It was past 11:00 a.m. in the morning when Mrityunjay woke up with a start. "Shivani..." the words escaped his lips. He jumped out of his bed in a swift move and ran out towards Shivani's cottage. As he approached, he saw the doors wide open and heaved a sigh of relief. He quickly went in and searched all around.

The cottage wore a deserted look. He went and checked in the kitchen but it was bare and empty. He looked in the balcony as well, no one there. He ran to the bedroom to see that the bedsheets and pillow covers had been pulled out. He walked towards her wardrobe and opened it and found it empty. Mrityunjay was panting in panic and anxiety. He ran towards Kaka's cottage as fast as he could.

Madhu Bhau and Paras Kaka were just sitting down to have a cup of tea, when Bhau noticed Mrityunjay coming that way, from a window close by. He quickly got up, indicating to Kaka that Mrityunjay was coming in and went to hide in Kaka's bedroom.

Mrityunjay ran in breathless. “Where is she.... where is Shivani?" he demanded, gasping for air. Paras Kaka looked at him worried.

"Why... what happened? The horse is OK?" he asked back. Mrityunjay gripped Paras kaka hard. "Where Is.... Shivani?" he screamed, shaking the old man.

"She left. A few days ago, her father had come here. He was getting some job somewhere and asked her to be ready to leave as and when his job got confirmed. 3 days ago, she got a message that she should quit here and she told me she was leaving today morning. So I got everything ready. Didn’t she inform you?" he asked quizzically.

"Why did you let her go? Without meeting me? For every stupid, unnecessary thing you call and bug me. Then why did you let her go without my permission?" he shrieked, furious that she left without even a word with him.

"So what? She's just a doctor, we'll get one more. Why are you getting so upset?" probed Kaka, studying Mrityunjay.

"NO!!" screamed Mrityunjay. "She is not just any doctor," he declared, his face clearly mirroring the anguish his heart was going through. "She is THE DOCTOR who has the cure to all my pains. She is Kalpana, Kaka....... why did you let her go?" Mrityunjay confessed his feelings. He covered his face with his hands, not believing she had left.

Paras Kaka looked at Madhu Bhau, who was peeping from behind the door and watching Mrityunjay. The two men

exchanged glances. Madhu Bhau shook his head slowly and Paras Kaka understood what he meant to say.

"All I have, all YOU have is now and here..." her words rang in his ears. It made sense now.... it was to be her parting gift to him. "There is no place for regrets in my life..." "I'd like to stay the night with you..." "I have one life to live and I intend to live it fully..." Mrityunjay knelt down.

She had tried to tell him that there were no guarantees about tomorrow or the next moment. All they had, was there and then and he had let her walk away. "I hope we never meet again Mr. Mrityunjay Gaekwad." Mrityunjay shut his eyes tight.

There was a gaping hole in his heart which would never fill up....... ever.

3 Months Later

Seconds, minutes, hours, days...... they went by for Mrityunjay. He was in a vacuum, doing everything that was expected of him, like a machine. Inside, he felt lifeless, lost and broken. Outwardly though, he looked stoic, going from one meeting to the other, working away day and night. He was criss-crossing Maharashtra, drumming up support for Swaraj party as they neared the election dates. The party intended to sweep the elections and come back to power after a long, long time.

But when he was alone in his room, Mrityunjay’s heart ached for Shivani. He always went back to those moments in his cottage, when he had her in his arms and when she had asked to stay. If he could turn the clock back in time, he would change that one moment and make her, his, forever. He slept every night with that regret weighing down on him.

On one such day, as he slept in his hotel suite in Nagpur, a call that would alter his life forever, woke him from sleep. It was probably around 1:00 a.m. in the morning. "Mrityunjay, there's a situation," Madhu Bhau was on line, panting hard.

"What... what is it? Are ma’m and Milind alright?" he asked earnestly, all traces of sleep gone due to Madhu Bhau's tone.

"Yeah, yeah, they're fine. I am coming to you now. Something's happened," Bhau said, still gasping.

He was there in under 15 minutes. "What is it?" questioned Mrityunjay, his face serious.

"You remember Shivani?" Bhau asked hesitantly, out of the blue.

Mrityunjay caught Bhau in a vice like grip. "What about her? What happened to her?" he asked, looking at him menacingly. "Wait a minute. How do you know Shivani?" he queried, looking at Bhau suspiciously.

Madhu Bhau swallowed hard. "Mrityunjay, listen to me carefully. Whatever I did, was so that we can win the elections. I got to know from Paras Kaka that you were getting distracted." Mrityunjay was listening to what Madhu Bhau was saying, stunned. "I met her father when he came to meet her at the stables. And you wanted someone to keep an eye on the Ashram. I offered him the job for good money. He took it gladly." He explained, watching Mrityunjay's reaction's carefully.

"You knew I loved her, still you didn't bother to tell me she is here in Nagpur! Why would you do this to me?" demanded Mrityunjay, pain showing in his face and voice.

"Because, we can't afford any slip ups. We can't afford to lose," he said authoritatively, his eyes stern.

"Then why the hell are you telling me now?" shouted Mrityunjay, shocked that his right hand man had withheld such an important information from him.

"Today, her father was going to give us proof about what is happening in the ashram. Whatever we know, is because of him. He... he..." Bhau hesitated for a few moments, before saying, "has been brutally murdered close to the ashram.”

The floor seemed to give way under Mrityunjay's feet. "And Shivani?" he asked, his voice turning hoarse.

"She was in the police station, filing a missing complaint, when they got the information."

Mrityunjay didn't wait for Madhu Bhau to complete. He was running towards the door, when Bhau caught him. "Wait, where do you think you are going?" he tried to stop him, catching Mrityunjay in a firm grip.

But Mrityunjay was like an elephant on rampage. He pushed Bhau away from him and yelled, "Shut up! Don’t you dare try to stop me. I am sick and tired of paying for other's mistakes. First my parents and then you. What is the problem, huh? Why can't you guys just let me live my life? Why must I pay for other's mistakes? WHY?"

"Mrityunjay, your anger is justified, I made a mistake, but you can't go there now. It's just a few months to elections and there is media out there. If they see you, it'll be the end of our chances to win this election.”

"I don't care anymore, OK? I don't care for the elections or my life or any damn thing. I want to see her right now,” he glared. As he reached the door, he stopped and looked around at Madhu Bhau.

Close to Ardhanaareshwar Ashram

It was a brutal murder. The man's face had been smashed by a blunt object after torturing him. They had inflicted cuts on his private parts and on other parts of his body. Shivani sat a little distance away, too numb to understand what was happening. She was completely in a daze.

As she sat there, she felt a pair of hands pick her up. She looked in the direction of the man who was picking her up with a blank expression. She neither registered the way the man looked at her, nor did she feel his grip tighten on her, when he saw the numb pain in her face.

Mrityunjay caught Shivani close to him, as members of his party formed a cordon around him and moved away from the flashing lights of the media. He had worn a turban and his face was bearded, to be incognito. Shivani looked away from the man carrying her, towards her father's defiled body.

At a Temple near Le Meridian (Nagpur)

The goons ran in and woke the priest up at gun point. They were masked, so no one could recognise them. The priest was scared to death at the sudden intrusion. He quickly picked up whatever he needed to take and proceeded towards the vehicle the goons had come in. They blindfolded the priest and led him into the suite through the service elevator.

"What is the need to marry her Mrityunjay? And that too, when she is not in her senses. You are risking everything coz of an impulsive decision," Madhu Bhau tried to reason with Mrityunjay.

"Don't tell me what to do. I don't care what is going to happen tomorrow or the day after. All I know, all I HAVE is now and here. If Brihannala was not suspicious that Shivani's father had the evidence, she would not have killed him so brutally. And she will immediately assume that the evidence is now with Shivani. If I marry her, Brihannala will be cautious, before she tries to harm her or her sister. Right now, her safety is my priority. With me, she will be safe," he countered, going out in to the lounge of his suite.

Nandita was just bringing Shivani into the room. She was weeping profusely but Shivani was completely numb. She had not recovered from the trauma of seeing her father's body. The priest began to chant the mantras. "What a lucky couple you are! This wedding is happening at Abhijit Mahurat. The specialty of this time is, that even tasks that are sure shot failures, will succeed, if performed in this Mahurat. This marriage, I don't know what circumstances it is happening under, but it will not only last this life, but you two shall be together in your next lifetime too....."

"Shut up your lecture and start the marriage rituals," one of the men commanded, as the priest tried to explain further.