chapter 8

Evony~

Three months have passed since I declared myself as the pack's luna, not everyone was very accepting at first but I found it was because they did not want to accept Axtons death, that and my deteriorating health... But what do you expect? Most wolves die within a year of losing their mates, it was rate not to, my theory as to why Nathaniel survived so long without my mother was because of me... He may not have known I existed but the fates knew and he never got the death bond sickness...

It's considered lethal to anyone who is unfortunate enough to get it, and there's no real cure for it, it's not like your normal disease that could infect people and spread, in fact, it can't even be directed by human hospital tests, the symptoms could range to any known illness, even cancer, it's proof I the mate bond, and is something entirely different.

It's more or less as if your soul is dying.

The body begins to malfunction as if it's killing itself... I'm always dizzy and half the time I feel weak, but I don't show it... The pack is worried about me being too weak to lead them and everyone is panicking that im sick, so I usually hide my struggles so they won't worry as much.

Ethan has been constantly hounding me to go to the doctor because something is wrong with me but I refuse... Who wants to be too they're dying? I don't, I refuse to think about it, and I am constantly telling the others not to think about it either but I know it's still at the back of everyone's minds. It's taken a toll on everyone, losing axton, and now me? That's not how I want it to end, I don't want everyone to be miserable or sad, I've experienced enough to know that, that's no way to live.

I want everyone to be happy, and content, I want everyone to be safe and sound before I leave this world I want to make him proud.

Sometimes I find myself dreaming of him, in my dreams my wolf is always waiting, waiting to see him, to meet him, I can feel her sorrow as much as she can feel mine, yet she still has hope that he'll come back... I think she's in denial... I'll often find him in the strangest of places but it's always in the forest...ill see him sleeping in a tree, or in a cave, I once even found him hunting, im not sure what these dreams are but every time I try to get close or talk to him, he seems to freeze, and I've seen him look at me from time to time with a sorrowful expression, but it's always brief, he always disappears...

Nathaniel is worried about me, and despite his best efforts to try and hide it I can tell he's sad... He already lost my mother...and we've had a very short time together now he's losing me...

Everyone is miserable because of me, so I'll continue to hide it... I won't let my weakness show, and I won't drag them down.

Kate's whereabouts have been lucid he's still hiding...planing... Everyone is on edge because of it, not seeing a man who's out for blood is more worry some than knowing where he is.

Ethan's been helping me keep order in the pack along with Nathaniel, they are teaching me how to be a leader, and how to fight, for some reason I haven't been able to shift again, I think my wolf is shutting herself off in her hopes of waiting for her mate. I've tried many times to coax her to come out but she refuses. I feel bad that she never got to meet him... We were both forced into submission for so long and we both were starting to heal. I think his death may have broken her. I've heard tales of our kind going through such traumatic events that one half becomes permanently damaged.

A man could be absolutely crazy with paranoia, but his wolf will be perfectly sane and aware of everything around him. There's even been a few cases of people losing control over their wolves entirely, blacking out when they shift only to wake up covered in blood, either their own or someone else's... Sometimes they have to be put down.

I suppose im no different...my wolf is lost to me, drowning in her own pit of despair.

But as long as im still breathing I will fight to make sure my friends and family can keep their freedom and happiness.

In the past three months, we have raided the rouge camps. Driving them apart and destroying kades forces. In the process we've rescued the girls who were captured or kidnapped and reunited them with their packs. They despite all the progress we've made, we still haven't found kade's main camp or the location he has all the she-wolves trapped. Interrogating the rouges seems to be pointless considering none of them know the location, the only ones who do know are those closest to kade. Snow has also started to blanket the ground we walked on, we were expecting a blizzard to hit any day now.

Walking outside among the pack everyone bows their heads and greets me as luna. Their submission makes me uncomfortable and I always try to convince them we are equals, that there's no need for them to do such but they always argue saying it's their duty. I give a small smile and once in a while a wave to those I pass.

While walking I can see Nathaniel and Darin showing the new warrior recruits different tactics and skills for fighting or defending themselves.

My father is very skilled and fears among many wolves for his fighting skills, he's also a great teacher, and Darin being a former rouge knows many of their tricks and tactics.

I smiled seeing how far the pack had come, there were a few females also training, before Axtons arrival that would have been a forbidden taboo, now it was well praised among our pack. Im glad that people were no longer afraid, no longer confined, this was what a true pack should be.

Yet kade wants the exact opposite, he wishes to control those around him with an iron fist, to keep anyone who might not follow his command, from ever being able to fight back, this dark idea of his future pack will be nothing but a bunch of savages, ready to kill each other should a problem arise... And what of the women and children? He would use them as he wishes, locking them away only to be used for their own entertainment... All the more reason why we need to stand strong together.

Walking along I found Ethan talking to a few of the pack members in charge of the food supplies. As I approached, I caught a whiff of Axtons scent. A dull ache in my heart had me stopping in my tracks as a sense of longing washed over me. The scent was coming from Ethan though... I could feel my wolf stirring inside like a beast who just awoke from a deep slumber, she could smell it too and now she was on edge.

Once he finished talking to them they left and he turned around to face me, confused by my reaction. "You okay?"

Shaking my head I snapped out of my trance. "Y-you...smell like him..."

He seemed surprised for a moment then a bit sad. "I've been spending a lot of time doing paperwork in his office... His scent probably rubbed off on me..."

My painful reality hit me, knocking me out of my trance. Of course I was still clinging to a false hope... Even after four months I still can't get him out of my head.

Sighing I closed my eyes before opening them again ethan.

"I heard Darin talking about another camp they found.."

He nodded and looked in the direction of Darin and my father. "Yes they are planning an attack soon but kades getting trickier, he knows we're targeting his camps and he's been moving them around a lot more they are also much more aware so it's hard to plan surprise attacks..."

Of course, it was only a matter of time before they started to prepare and get more organized.

I was brought out of my thoughts as snowfall started to come down upon us. "You think it's starting?" Ethan only hummed in response as we looked up at the grey sky, blizzards were common during winter, last winter we had three pack mates die after getting lost in the brutal storms.

Everyone started to head inside to their homes as well as the recruits, I guess class was dismissed for the rest of the day.

We all decided to retreat to leiahs mothers house, or as I should call my aunt Amaya's house, it was strange having a real family now but we all enjoyed it, especially on days like these where we all would sit by the fire sharing stories with cups of hot cocoa to keep us warm while the snow blanketed the ground outside. It was days like these that I loved the most, we were one big happy family. Long after the sun goes down we retreat to the packhouse and say our goodnights.

Every time I go back to my room I have to stop and look around, wishing Axton was either in bed waiting for me or coming out of the shower ready for bed with a warm smile on his face. I missed his warmth, his kindness, everything about him... Now his room always seems empty and cold. Walking over to the closet I pull out one of his shirts, starting at the arrival of clothing like one would a precious gem. Slipping off my own clothes I dressed myself with his shirt. It was the same one I wore the first night I spent in his room.

Sighing I crossed the room and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over most of my body as I laid curled up in them.

Most nights I found it hard to sleep, sometimes tossing and turning due to nightmares or from just being restless.

But as I faced the window I could see the full moon appear from behind the clouds, as it illuminated the room with its light. It brought a sense of peace over me and I couldn't hold my eyes open much longer. I soon drifted off into a deep sleep.

~~~

By morning I awoke, with my body sore, and my head pounding. Opening my eyes I could see it was still snowing outside. I felt fatigue roll over my body and simply closed my eyes.

I attempted to pull the blankets over me but soon realized I couldn't feel my fingers. Opening my eyes I attempted to sit up by my movements felt off, like I couldn't really control my own body. Looking down I noticed my hands were gone, replaced by paws, where my fingers should have been were claws. I started to hyperventilate as I stood up on all four legs, shakily. Looks at myself panicked, I no longer saw skin or hair, it was all black fur. And the shirt I was formally wearing nothing but shreds of cloth, there were even claw marks in the bedsheets. I'm not imagining this, am I?!

In a panic I mind linked Ethan, not knowing what to do. "Ethan!"

I could feel something between my legs and looked to see a big fluffy tail. My mind was reeling at what was happening. I shifted.

I shifted into my wolf form in my sleep?!

Moments later Ethan came running in when he spotted me his eyes went wide. "Evony?" He looked confused and shocked.

This wasn't some hallucination or dream, this was real.

"I don't know what's happening! I went to sleep last night, then I woke up sore a-and then I noticed my hands were gone, I think I shifted in my sleep! B-but I don't know how or why im really confused!"

He turned to look down and told the nearest person to go get alpha Nathaniel, before he turned back to me.

He carefully approached me with his hands up while speaking. "It's okay, just calm down, you gotta relax, we'll figure this out..." 

As he got closer I could feel myself shaking, and the need to back away, the feeling of uncertainty, and I trust was strong towards Ethan but I couldn't figure out why...these feelings were underlying...they weren't my own. Once he got close enough he sat on the edge of the bed, and reached out to pet me.

I couldn't even stop myself as I snapped at his hand with a warning growl. He jumped back in surprise holding his hands up.

I blinked a few times shaking off the feeling of aggression, horrified by what I just did. These feelings weren't my own!

"Ethan...im sorry...that wasn't me!" I wanted to curl up and hide as the feelings overwhelmed me, I felt like I didn't even have control over half my body or emotions.

"Evony it's okay... it's perfectly normal but you gotta relax!"

A strangled whine left me as I started to feel cornered. I noticed the open door behind Ethan and I could feel the sudden urge to run. Ethan noticed my gaze and understood my intent better than I did, but he was too late.

"Evony wait!"

Bolting past him I ran out the door, and down the hall, I didn't even bother with the stairs and just jumped over them, my motor skills, however, weren't exactly refined and I didn't stick the landing like I had hoped, hitting the ground I slid and knocked into a wall.

Standing to my feet I shook my head looking around me, there was a number of people around watching me surprised, I felt claustrophobic being surrounded by them.

Ethan called out for me from upstairs and my ears twitched in the direction of his approaching footsteps.

The scent of fresh air hit me and I turned my head in the direction to see someone walking in through the front door. He barely had the chance to look up and move out of the way as I bolted past them all out into the open world.

As soon as I was outside it felt like an enormous pressure was off my shoulders like it was my first time ever seeing the sky and trees, feeling the cold wind or the soft, snowy ground under my feet. That's when I realized. My wolf was influencing all these emotions and feelings, she was just under the surface, sharing control with me, she was experiencing everything for the first time.

I took in a deep breath, as my heart raced within my chest, the clean crisp air gave me a feeling of freedom, and deep down it felt like a part of me that had been missing for so long had finally come back to me. Flexing my claws I looked at the forest ahead of me, I could feel in my bones, the need to run, to explore, to experience... Last time we shifted she had full control, while I was unconscious. She was scared and unsure, blinded by fear, she simply ran until she couldn't run anymore. This was a completely new experience. My senses were so much stronger, I could smell everything, hear everything, and see everything in a whole new light.

I took a step forward, ready to run but Ethan called out my name and a strangely familiar scent hit my nose.

Looking back I noticed Ethan standing in the doorway worried, in front of him stood a massive familiar wolf, it only took me a moment to realize it was my father.

He stared me down for a moment before boldly approaching, I was worried my wolf might lash out at him, just like Ethan but she didn't... To my surprise she let him come close and we looked at each other, not lashing out, not showing fear, submission, or aggression.

I found myself finally moving as my ears folded back and I nuzzled the side of my father's face in an act of compassion. He closed his eyes and did the same back, licking the top of my head.

I could feel my tail wagging as my previous confusion and fear turned to excitement and playfulness.

He seemed to notice my wolf's urge to want to run, and nipped at her back leg encouraging her to do so. She happily did so, sprinting off into the woods as fast as we could go, with alpha Nathaniel close behind, he was encouraging our excitement with a chase, despite the fact he could easily catch up and catch us he let us stay just ahead of him, I knew he was mostly there to make sure we wouldnt get hurt, so I trusted our safety with him and enjoyed the feelings my wolf was experiencing.

We ran and ran, eventually coming to a stop in a field of snow, which we gladly jumped in before rolling around, like a puppy. When I sat back up, there was snow in my fur, and on top my head which I quickly shook off as we stood. My tail continued to wag as Nathaniel sat and watched from a few feet away.

A bark of excitement came from my mouth and I found myself jumping trying to convince him to play with me. Instead, he looked to the side where three wolves stood by in the treeline, they slowly approach us causing my wolf to fault in her excitement, she was wary of strangers but once they got closer we could recognize the three wolves, ethan with his dark brown wolf, Darin with his rust-colored wolf and Leiah with her golden brown wolf.

Leiah was the first to come up to me with her head slightly lowered. She sniffed my neck before looking me in the eyes, both of our tails started to wag and I found myself tipping before jumping around. She joined in and we both started to play in the snow, much like two young pups. Leiah was like a sister to me and my wolf quickly accepted her.

After we played, my wolf got acquainted with both Ethan and Darin's wolf. We didn't all play but we did go for a run through the forest together, in a game of chase. At some point we had ourselves a small hunt and my father decided to teach us how to sneak up on prey, we were quick to learn, after two failed attempts, we finally caught a snow hare.

It was like a right of passage for wolves when they go on their first hunt and I was happy to know my wolf was happy. We all ate the rabbits we caught and lounged around in the forest as snow continued to lightly fall.

We were both happy and everyone was having a great time, I also think we were Ll a bit worn out, the others more than me, my wolf had a lot more energy than any of us guessed.

Despite feeling content, as we rested I could feel her sadness, we were staring off into the forest just like we did in my dream.

Waiting for a man who would never come.

Everyone was laying down, curled up in a group together to keep warm. Nathaniel was the closest, curled up around us like a father would his pup.

Resting our head on our paws we continued to stare out into the forest, hope still tugging at the back of our mind that one day we could meet again...

Closing my eyes I drifted off into sleep feeling free for the first time in my life.