Chapter 31: Merlin is Di*kless!

(3rd person's POV)

In a beautiful tower, was sleeping a mage.

Head was facing the beautiful garden of flowers outside the tower to witness the beauty of the scenery.

However, the mage could only admire nature upon opening the eyes while looking after humanity when the eyes were closed.

Then the mage slowly opened their eyes and see witness the reality of the garden after a long time.

"It is the time, huh…? Guess the fun begins." Mage licks its lips and smirked bitterly.

Standing up, the mage prepared itself for something or someone coming towards the 'cage'.

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(Mael's POV)

After the bright flashlight, I found myself in a different place or reality. It was another type of utopia. Wherever my eyes fell, all I could see were flowers.

"Ugh… when I am going to be used to this feeling…" I held myself not to throw since I felt a terrible headache whenever I teleported somewhere else.

Anyway, I soon found a magnificent tower floating above the garden. The tower was high and seemed to be touching both sky and earth without touching it.

I walked towards the tower when I saw an old man standing right in front of it.

He had his head covered with a hood connected with a silver beautiful robe. He was also holding a wooden staff decorated delightfully.

"What a delightful sight to see an angel with a human soul standing at this one's place. State, why are you here?" He asked with an elderly voice.

"Well you see, I was roaming heaven and my sight fell on this place and decided to greet- oh what the hell do you think I am here for if you already know it?"

"Pff!" He snickered before he coughed and continued, "Since when does God start to create such funny angels?"

"Since beings like you started to play as crossdressers, Lady Merlin," I smirked.

Merlin looked at me briefly before his lips curved turning into an evil smile.

"Guess the cat is out of the bag, huh…?"

And then the male mage engulfed in light before slowly reshaping itself into a female.

Merlin is Di*kless!

She had a hood covering her face with a similar robe his male illusion was wearing while shiny silver hair was visible.

She was a female for enchanted beauty so much that even I couldn't take my eyes from her beauty and elegance aura she was emitting.

Petals were dancing whenever she took a step while the air around me started to taste sweet for some reason.

"My name is Merlin Ambrosius, the famous mage of human history and creator of the current human magic system~."

Her voice was bewitching that could enchant anyone with just words.

She stepped forward and asked while the closing distance between our faces, "How is it? Don't you want to compliment on this big sister's beauty?~"

"Why should I?" I made a confused face while putting my whole strength to control my emotions not to blush.

She was damn CUTE!! But I obviously couldn't say that since I had to play clever to outsmart the human mage WHO IS INCREDIBLY CUTE!!!

"Because I am the most beautiful girl, you know~?"

And that hit my bottom as my expression turned grief.

"Hold on, old hag."

"Wait, what did you call me?!" And I managed to piss her off.

"First, most beautiful girl? Don't even think about it. My wife named Jeanne d'Arc is several times more beautiful than anything and anyone else in the world. Even one glance of her smile can easily outshine even the flames of the sun.

Second, why should I praise you when you should be the one to praise me? Lady, I am known as the most handsome and charming angel/ being known to his universe. Not praising me for my beauty should be a sin.

Last but not least, I was under the guidance of Gabriel, literally the second most beautiful female being in heaven.

I suppose I should repeat my question, why should I praise you?"

And that was the end of my glorious speech.

Merlin stayed that like a statue for a minute before slowly bursting into laughter.

"Oh my god… I had my guess for you to be a self-admiring person but never had thought for you to be such a big narcissist!" She wiped tears while still rolling on the ground.

"Cough* I am not a narcissist."

'I am not a narcissist and WHY THE HELL SHE LOOKS SO DAMN CUTE'

Before coming here, I had investigated quite thoroughly about this mischievous mage.

In history, she had the appearance of an old man but in actuality, she is a mischievous half succubus.

Her real identity is only known to King Arthur, God, and four great angels, and me.

For the outside world, she may appear as a profit or great sage but in reality, she screwed over for pretty big time because of her mischiefs.

She used to tease young boys and girls, especially virgins, by her beauty, and if by chance, her victims fell for her charms, which they obviously fell because she is a succubus; they were only turned down by her.

Such is her nature. Since she is a half succubus, she naturally had a charming effect on me since I am also a half-human.

But I am out of her league as I am a core Jeanne simp that leads me immune to other's charm unless I fell for them too.

"Hai, hai~, for your display, I am willing to admit you as my disciple but you may not like to learn if you know how I learned magic myself and what I did to the human world."

I was also curious since except for some vague information, there was not much mentioned about her in heaven library. Angels used to say that Merlin was great at hiding 'himself' from them despite being granted so many blessings from ONE and other spirits too.

"Let's hear. We have plenty of time."

"Then…"

She then began to tell her story while she led me to the tower of Avalon.

"So your magic system is based on the demonic magic system. What's more, you are the one they learned to hide from God's eyes as well as how they got a foothold in the human world, is that the gist of it?"

She told me her story.

She was born blessed as half succubus and half-human. At first, she was not very versatile in dealing with phenomenon until a devil contracted her. At first, the devil wanted to deceive her but actually, she deceived him instead after learning various magic tricks.

She invented the human magic system as well as learned how to hide from supernatural detection. She also didn't want to be looked at by Gods so she also learned to hide from them.

Everything was going well until the legend of King Arthur was born. She was like a great sage appeared in history except for the fact that devils returned the favor and she screwed over all of the original Britons leading them to their destruction. Devils were also able to learn her magic to hide from god along with various tricks ever unknown to the Devil world.

After that, she was cursed with anti-aging immortality and trapped here in Avalon. She could only watch over humanity without any way to feel life like before, even death.

"What? Don't you think I am a filthy succubus who leads to tragedy over thousands of humans?" Although her tone sounded nonchalant, I could see a little fear in her eyes.

"Not at all. Although it may seem to be your fault that my loved ones died, I have already taken the oath to slay those scums once and for all." I said and then chuckled, "Man, J-Titian really likes to make his characters' lives miserable!"

"I know right?! How could he do something like this to such a cute maiden like me?!"

"Yeah, my life is also turning Deadpool 2. I bet he is a loser virgin that's why he doesn't like his MCs to spend a quiet life."

"And also has a centimeter bud for a dick. Speaking of dick, I didn't know why but I sometimes feels like I should have given that C*nt Elaina a dick too so Arthur may not have fallen for her."

And then we chatted for a while before she led me to Avalon.

(AN: Sniff* Look just how cruel my characters are! Cough* Anyway, 4th wall will not break in the future… maybe…..)

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E&M Omake Adventures 4: Gudako is a moster

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On a bright day, a couple and a middle wheel can be seen walking on a western countryside road.

Gudako: UwU, I can't believe that this place didn't turn out to be a singularity but a place for us to relax. Sniff* Ah, the air is so refreshing, doesn't it Jeanne and Mael?

The orange head asks her two rulers who were along walking right behind her.

Both of them smiled and nodded.

Unlike Einar and Artoria, Mael and Jeanne don't show their affection 'openly' like kissing or holding hands, the latter being so lewd that even the author censors in the novel.

Jeanne: It sure looks like~.

Jeanne chuckled at the innocence of the master of humanity. Only if Ritsuka knew that it was indeed a singularity if not for Mael arriving way before, ripping apart Demon God Pillar and tor- doing something so gruesome that even she had to turn a blind eye.

He then went on and clearing the singularity and turn it into a vacation spot to surprise her master since Mael just loves humans… as an angel.

Even the clear weather and soft breeze that they are experiencing are also due to Mael's powers.

Mael: Hehe, Lady Ritsuka, I am very pleased with your remarks. If you are happy then I am happy. Your wish is my command.

Gudako blushes and grabs Mael's arm between her underdeveloped bosoms. They are not underdeveloped in actuality but just inferior to Jeanne's fine jugs.

Gudako: UwU~, I still can't believe that you show so much respect to me. Not even Dantès-chan and other spoils me now~. Jeanne, it is not a problem if I hit your husband, right? You have also lived a life.

Jeanne: (Of course, it is called cheating… of well, it's not like even a main girl like me could stop MC to get his harem, can I? Even if it is you. Sigh*) Of course not. Although we both have faith in each other, I don't mind if the agreeing parties are happy.

Gudako: Yay~, say Mael-chan, shall we go on a date? What about booking a hotel, one room and me?

Mael: Of course I am happy to oblige your request but then you have to pray, remove dirty thoughts and if you die at some point, I will take your soul and clean it for 500 years then I will fulfill your request~.

Gudako: Eiii! Why do I feel like it was sarcasm and not sarcasm at the same time?

Mael: Hehe, because it is true. Angels don't lie, right?

Gudako lets go of angel and starts walking from the front. A problem with divine servants is that you cant pass their emotional barrier.

Though these kinds of servants are hard to cop up with, Mael is a different case. He is extremely kind to all servants and doesn't discriminate based on their evil or good alignments.

Unknown to Ritsuka, she has already forgotten that some of her demonic servants have already gone missing.

Anyway, she decided to walk front to enjoy cozy breezes.

Mael: She is so strong. If I was in her place, I would have given up. I wish I could take her soul from this universe.

Jeanne smiles wryly.

Jeanne: Ah yes… But you can see her real strength on some occasions.

Jeanne: Ritsuka Fujimaru is called Master for a reason. Why do you think she was able to tame so many servants?

Mael: True but I still didn't get your point.

Jeanne: Everyone has one switch that could trigger their inner monster right? In Sir Einar's case, it is my friend Artoria and in your case, it is me and… demons.

Mael: Hmmm, I agree to some extent. Does that mean this child could also become a monster?

It is hard for Mael to imagine a sweet-looking girl act anything like that. She is just an average mage with average magic circuits without having any kind of Longinus sacred gear.

Jeanne: Oh boy, you have no idea…!

Jeanne shakes her head and then her eyes fall on dark clouds.

She immediately stops her husband to clear the weather since she wanted to show something to Mael.

Jeanne: Hurry up and hide us in the mirror world!

Mael confusingly nods and casts a mirror world, similar to illusion but on a whole different level.

Mael (whisper): My child will be worried.

Jeanne (whisper): Don't worry much, you will see.

Gudako then feels oddly quiet. She turns around and finds no one but a letter.

[Sorry my cute master but I have a job to do. Please head straight and enter the Inn. I will be waiting there.

Regards;

World most handsome prince an angel of beauty and elegance-]

Gudako immediately throws away the letter as she knows who the narcissist was in the latter.

Then it starts raining.

To avoid getting wet, she rushes towards the nearest inn but luck is not her side as Saint Quartz falls and rolls to the drain pipe.

Gudako: Aaaa! My civilization!!

She rushes towards the drain opening but she can't see anything.

It is then a pair of eyes emerges inside the dark opening.

???: Hello, child~.

Gudako: Eeh? Who the hell are you?

???: I am Pennywise, kekeke.

Gudako: Oh, so what?

Pennywise: Wait, you are not scared?

Gudako: Chaldea is filled with scarier crowns like you. You do remind me of Mephistopheles, I think I burned him a long time ago.

Pennywise: Cough* anyway, how about you come down here? I have the thing you are looking for~.

Pennywise shows a Saint Quartz.

Gudako: Eh, really?! Give it to me!

Pennywise: ah ah un~! You have to come down here. Look there is more!

Pennywise shows her QPs, mats, and much Saint Quartz.

Pennywise smirks as he sees the orange head girl extending her hand towards him when something very powerful suddenly gripped his neck.

Pennywise: Wait, what are you doing?

He sees not a girl but an orange head field whose eyes were devoid of any life just like an endless pit.

Gudako: I sAid GiVe mE sAiNt QuArTz, he he hee….

Pennywise: Wait, wait, WAITTTTT-

He was pulled out from his own hideout.

Crack* Splash* Brrrrrrr*

Pennywise meets a bitter end from the hands of a more gruesome enemy and enters Throne of Heroes.

Gudako then jumps down on the draining opening to gather (rob) as many resources as she can especially SQs.

Jeanne: See?

Mael: Lets… not talk here.

Then decide to retire and leaving their master fulfill her fetishes.

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There are more omake for my pat buddies.

Just throw all the stones on my face and help me write exciting content.

Lets set a goal: 1k for the end of this week.

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