Ain't I A Woman: The Revised Edition

The heavenly colour which seems to be a mix of ultramarine and lilac, steadily fills the dark blue sky and colours the fluffy achromic clouds. The petrichoric, loamy air had a way of cocooning the soul and inviting butterfly wings to grow, keeping it salubriously mellow. The sea was beatifically exhaling it's mist, randomly kindling it's own symphony, the horizon itself was a thin seam where the canopy of sky and the plane of marine hemmed each into a silver line.

But you know...it is like sitting in a room at night by yourself and feeling like this is eternity. It's like being in a place with a thousand people but feeling invisible to everyone of them. It's like walking on a path without any directions, without any idea when it will end. It's all about what I have experienced and learned through these 70 years I have lived.

16th May 1972:

Bronzed with elegance, enameled with grace, toasted with beauty, I was the mystique, I was the charisma, I was the aura to walk down the aisle. All presumed it was the bridal glow that made her radiate like an orb, but I knew it was "his" love and intimacy instead. With 700 loved ones facing each other in two semi circles, in a room lit by lanterns and candles, the four hands were made one. These hands were of my boon companion, the hands which would condole my little one, the hands which would care for me always, the hands which would forever cherish.

" Let only that little be left of me

Wherever I may name thee my all.

Let only that little be left of my will,

Whereby I may feel thee on every side

And come to thee in everything,

And offer to thee my love every moment ".

8th March 1974

I could feel him twist and turn, hiccup and dance in my womb, one of the most surreal experiences I ever had in my lifetime. Something magical, something idyllic, something that was beyond this physical world. This jouissance inaugurated when I heard a new life stirring inside…. when I felt a minute heartbeat for the very first time and a kittenish kick which reminisced that I was never unchaperoned.

He made his arrival in the wee hours of the morning. Daddy could not stop looking at his pulchritudinous son. Persistently asked my partner how it felt to hold him for the first time, he kept on replicating the same word over and over again, " relief ". He is not alone in that feeling though.

5th December 1992

Duvets and coat hangers and miscellaneous fancy dress items all stuffed into suitcases and bin bags. Those little palms aren't little anymore, they have grown up to accomplish new responsibilities, they are independent enough, they are unhampered now. The picture books are all put away, when my son is on his way. No longer is he at my side, his exquisite secrets to confide. I thought of haulting him but how could I forget," Selfhood begins with a walking away and that love is proved in letting the go". Fostering the pure Joy of just watching them be kids and revivifying all those first moments when they have already discovered how to do things on their own… the day streamed brooding over his father's deceased portrait. He's smile seemed like a sudden beam of sunlight illuminating the darkest corners of my room. I wish you stayed a minute more, I had so much left to say to you.

30 years passed waiting for my son's return but he did not. May be someday he'll, may be someday he'll come and say," Mommy, I urge to keep my head on your lap…. you are the world's best cook…. I am glad that you are my mom".

Every minute feels like an hour, every hour feels like a day, everyday feels like forever,

But I'll wait for you my son, I promise you, I will.

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ARHA SAHA

IX B

STADS BKP.