A Holiday to forget

   The semester had finally ended and we had made it to winter break, it was tough but ultimately I was thankful. However, the holidays just made everything a thousand times worse than they had been. Over the break, I tried my best to improve myself and more positive. But as it turns out, life had other plans for me. On December 23rd, 2019 , right after I finished my shift at work. My dad picks me up delivers the news that my cousin next door to us had passed away. He was shot and killed at the apartments he lived at, and he was only 25 too. Only 5 years older than me, I'll admit that it didn't sink in right away. Eventually though, the pain and anguish got to me. It was a difficult time, and even though I'm 20 years old. I didn't know how to deal with it, I lost the one cousin in my family who was older than me. But despite that fact, when we were younger. He would play with me, and got me into skating, pokemon cards, and certain video game series.

   This was only the beginning, because two days later on the 25th. I woke up to a text from my sister at 6 am. And she let me know that our grandpa had finally passed away from bad health. Two deaths in one week, and during the week of Christmas no less. It was honestly one of the most difficult times in my life, and I had no one. I had no one to talk to, no one to lean on. It all felt completely hopeless, and I didn't know what to do. I mean, I was no stranger to seeing family die, but it all happened when I was too young to really process everything. And even though I'm in college now, I still didn't know what to do. It all felt like some endless nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. In honestly, the weight of it all was too much to bare. And I honestly wanted to just end the suffering. But as hard as it was, I eventually pulled through and managed to get things somewhat in order.

   I started off the new year with two funerals, but in the end I did learn something from the experience. I learned that I needed to have a greater appreciation for life if I was gonna have any hope of moving forward. And even if you feel alone, you have to remain strong and press on.