Hate to Disagree

I hated to imagine that he was affecting me from far away. It was as if he left a perpetual mark on me that reminded whatever he did. I needed to do something about it but I couldn't put a finger on it. I wanted his attention somehow and for that, I needed to get in touch with him again. By his reaction at the airport, I knew getting his number would be challenging but Instagram was going to be my savior. I wouldn't know if he was active on it but I had to take a swing.

I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and opened his account to DM. Surprisingly, he had a public account. Did he know that I was going to be here?

Just then, I noticed a new photo on his feed, posted only a few hours ago. It was a picture of Swetha and him, that she showed me on the flight. He had announced their engagement to the world with a caption that quoted 'The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more; that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. '

I remembered those lines instantly. I had once given him Valentine's day card with the same lines. They were our favorite lines from "The Notebook".

And in that instant, I was sure he was provoking me for god knows what reason. I quickly checked the comments on the post and noticed a few of his friends sending him wishes while one among them stood out. Swetha had commented 'I miss you already. See you in a week, darling <3'.

Do they call themselves darling already? I cringed away.

I was glad I came across the post though. I now have information that he would be alone for a week - just enough to plant an atomic bomb and create havoc, probably sweet and memorable revenge.

Maybe I seduce him once again and let Swetha catch him cheating? Maybe I make him fall in love with me again and reject him once again?

I was tempted to do a lot of crazy things but I flipped back from stooping so low. I would have to come up with something but right now, I needed to send him a message.

Hi Noel

It was good seeing you, after so long.

I sent the message. I didn't want to look needy so I kept it short. But maybe I was already ruined in reaching out to him beyond what my pride let me. I put the phone back and crashed into the bed hoping to go back to sleep and thankfully, I did.

When I woke up the next day, it was already late but the first place my hands went to was my phone. I opened my eyes with difficulty expecting some notification from Instagram but instead, there was an SMS from Rupa.

'Hey, Anu. When are you coming home?'

I was actually relieved to have received a message from her. I became guilty that I hadn't reached out to her earlier but since she preceded me, I couldn't keep my excitement any longer and called her immediately.

"Rupaaa". That's all I could manage.

"Hey, Anu! I wanted to call you but I thought you might be sleeping. When are you coming home?"

"I'm so sorry Rupa. I was too tired yesterday and I couldn't call. I'm coming over today. That's guaranteed. Maybe I'd come a few hours early so we could catch some alone time without Pavan"

"I like that. That is a good plan. Can't wait to see you"

"Me too. I'll meet you soon"

As soon as the call ended, I rushed to get ready and head to the office. I had another day left for the presentation and today we were supposed to visit the Tesco warehouse. We were making big changes in their marketing strategies and were instructed to check out the existing processes in person. When I reached the office, a team was ready to leave immediately. So I hopped cabs and went quietly with them, snacking on some granola bars I had stuffed into my bag.

To my surprise, I found Alex greeting us when we got out of our vehicles. Only then did I remember that he was working there. I was strangely excited to see him there. Maybe I was just relieved to have a familiar face around.

Alex was fairly tall with dark and evenly shaved stubble on his face with sharp eyes. Anybody who met him for the first time would assume that he was mean and fierce. Since I've been acquainted with him, it was easier for me to slip into his office and talk to him. After we walked around the area and he showed us all that we needed to know, we went to the cafeteria to grab some coffee.

While Ben and Claire sat at the table next to us discussing prospective schools for their child, I sat with Alex to talk more about the way things worked around them. In a few minutes, Alex suggested that we go back to his office to talk with two other Tesco employees, so we left Ben and Claire behind. We didn't know how time had passed as we put our heads together.

"Anu, do you want to head out for lunch? There's a good Deli nearby"

"Yes, please. What about Ben and Claire"

"I think they have it figured out" he chuckled.

We got into his car and drove to the Deli only two blocks away. It was a tiny place with four cramped tables. I expected a much bigger place but he assured me that the looks of it would not justify its delicacies, while he ordered the best for both of us from A la carte.

"So, how's London treating you?"

"It's okay I guess"

"Are you comfortable?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"You look very distressed and I take pride in saying that I'm a good judge of people's emotions. It's all in the little things" he smiled.

He was right. However I tried to indulge myself with work and other people, but there was an unconscious nagging on one side of my brain. Whenever I wanted to smile heartily, it knocked me down like an unwanted visitor. It seemed silly to think of revenge. It felt like a waste of my energy to dwell on it anymore but it was concerning that my body wasn't letting me move on. His touch still lingered all over my body and I couldn't forgive him for using me.

"Just some things back at home" I shrugged it off. But, I'm sure he might have found out there was definitely more to the story but he did not press on it further. We spoke about India and his ever-longing wish to visit the Himalayas. Then, the food was served. It was by far the best pasta salad I ever had in my life.

Just as much as I loved food, I enjoyed watching him savor the platter like it was his last meal. His attitude towards life was very inspiring as he spoke about living in the moment with no expectations about the future. It was the first time I had had a proper conversation with him and I regretted not doing this earlier. Usually, our meetings were among a bunch of people who discussed their crazy old bar hopping stories or gossip from the office, but this was different.

Just when I began to feel a tinge of relief, I heard a ting on my phone.

Me too. It was a DM from Noel.

My heart skipped a beat and my fingers itched to text him back immediately before he could go back offline. But, I felt gross in doing that in front of Alex who was looking at me keenly. I excused myself to send back a reply.

Do you want to meet sometime?

I typed the words on my phone but on second thought, I erased them and placed the phone back in its place.

"I'm so sorry. I had to"

"That's alright" he smiled and went back to eat.

"Have you ever been in love, Alex?"

He was stunned for a moment but then he smiled. "Yes, I did. I only ever liked one girl in my life but she left the country, and that was 15 years ago"

"Whoops! Sorry about that. Do you ever miss her?"

"I still think about her sometimes. It happened so long ago and I barely remember her face now. I've never even professed my love to her. She's just a sweet memory to me now"

"How cute!"

"Cute? You don't call a man cute", he pointed his finger at me. Then we laughed.

"What about you?", he asked.

I told him everything - from my love story to the incident on the plane. I wouldn't usually tell this to anyone but it felt easy to talk to him. As I kept narrating every incident with utmost detail, he listened quietly nodding his head and asking the right questions. By the end, he looked aghast too.

"I want to help you. But, I don't think revenge is going to help you. You would get stuck in a vicious cycle of tit-for-tat"

"I know. But I couldn't just do nothing"

"Alright. If that is how you feel, let's do something about it"

"Really?" I was elated.

"No harm in trying, isn't it? What do you want to do to him? Throw him in jail for a week?"

"That's just too much"

"Umm... What about a prank call?" he chuckled. "Or catfish him?"

"He's not that dumb"

"How about we embarrass him in public?"

"How?" I asked leaning over the table and resting my chin on my hand.

"No clue. But, we'll figure something out"

"I don't think that's a good idea"

"Why don't we break his marriage?"

"I wouldn't do that to him," I said backing away into the chair.

He smiled sheepishly.

"What?"

"Nothing" he shrugged but kept his grin wide.

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No. I just think you still love him"

"What? No, I don't"

"Yes, you do. Love isn't always what you think it is. You can love a person without telling them you love them. You can love them from far away just as much as you loved them from up close. It's the same love that is stopping you from hurting him"

I wanted to disagree but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. What if he was right? What if my hatred was love too?

"But I hate him and I wanted to smack his face"

He couldn't control his laughter this time. "I think you should. He deserves that"

I couldn't resist but smiled.

"I'm not great at advice but I've read that the best revenge is to ignore, get a revenge bod, live successfully, and stick it in his face"

We laughed again.

"Thanks for that wonderful piece of advice. I will remember it" I snickered.

"Honestly Anu, you shouldn't waste your time around pricks who hurt you"

"You're right but I want to meet him before I leave. I just have to resolve this with him"

"Hmm" That's all he managed to say. I could guess from the sound of his voice that he wasn't convinced but I wasn't trying to humor him. Noel and I deserved the talk we should have had all those years ago. I had to finish what I started on that phone call.

Alex looked helpless but he tried his best to lighten the mood as we drove back to the office. We got back into work mode and didn't talk about Noel after that. As I wrapped up my work there, I hugged him goodbye in the uncertainty of meeting him again before I left. Then, I hailed a cab to meet Rupa.

Rupa was overjoyed when she saw me and dragged me into her house in such a hurry. The entire house was quiet and empty except for Aira's jangle with her toys. Aira was an infant when I last saw her and now she had grown a few inches taller babbling a few words only Pavan and Rupa would understand. But, Rupa still seemed to look the same as I last saw her. Though, I wasn't sure about it because I have been video calling her since then.

"You look flushed," she said leading us into her living room.

"Do I?" I said touching my cheeks.

"Is there something you haven't told me?"

"Aren't you nosy?" I poked her.

"I had a good teacher" she grinned. "So, what is it?"

I sat down on the sofa beside the fireplace while she walked toward the kitchen.

"Do you remember Noel, the ex I told you about? I met him on the flight"

"What?" she called out from inside the kitchen. She ran immediately and peeked out.

I told her everything about the encounter. I was tired of repeating the same story yet I left no detail. She got furious instantly and banged the counter beside her.

"What are you going to do about it?"

I laughed at the question. I was clueless but it reminded me of my conversation with Alex.

"Maybe nothing"

"Why?"

"Because" I wondered. "I don't think it's worth my effort"

"Are you just going to ignore what he's done?"

"No, but he was just angry and didn't know what to do about it"

"He clearly said he takes pleasure in hurting you"

"I'm sure he didn't mean that. He was trying to trigger me"

"Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not!" I burst out before I could realize it. Why was I defending him? Why did I change my mind about him?

Rupa smiled and walked toward me to sit next to me on the sofa. "You clearly have some leftover feelings"

Was it that obvious? Alex and Rupa were technically saying the same things. Maybe revenge would make me feel good for a while but it's not going to let me move on. I have to talk to him. Whatever he did was because he was angry with me for leaving him. I can't justify his actions or his cruelty. He made a mistake that he needs to apologize for. But, I couldn't bring myself to punish him.

"I want him to realize what he's done Rupa. He needs to apologize for treating me like that"

"What did I do now?" heard a voice from the door that had opened a few seconds ago.