Chapter 4: What's in Your Pants?

I sit inside my parents room. Kneeling with a leg up to prop my arm on.

"Why dear parents, I have known you and trusted you for years." I release my hair from it's pony tail.

"A-Shen? What is this all about?" My father asks.

"Tell me, what were your plans for telling me about myself? I had to find out myself. Why did you keep such a thing from me?"

Put my arm on the thigh that is laying on the ground. My eyes first scan my mother. Her face suddenly looks old and and full of worry. My father who's never once put on a face other than his stoic one, frowns and does not look in my direct direction instead choosing to cast his sights on probably a speck of dust he could seek a distraction from the reality from.

My parents have become hollow versions of themselves, quiet watching, eyes darting and dispersing their thoughts within the space between them.

"We wanted you to be able to live with full opportunity." My father starts. "Unfortunately that opportunity didn't last long. Despite how careful, how thorough, we could never hide such a fact from you. But you were so young and we worried that it would get out and the world would know." My mother continues for him.

"We have been talking to reveal your truth because we felt you were old enough to know the chance someone might learn from your words." My mother then shakily stands up and walks to a closet space and opens it and pulls out something that has been restricted to me.

"The village doctors all predicted you were to be a girl." My father begins to speak. "But when you were born there would be so many things expected of you because...."

"It seems the problem has become worse." He says. "Also how did you manage to get Lady Pei pregnant?"

"I did nothing? What do you mean you didn't have someone do something to her?" I ask standing up on my knees quickly in shock.

"So please explain to me how this works." I say to them after observing their confused faces.

"It's not impossible, I guess, but it is unheard of. Perhaps she was attacked and quickly asked to marry you to hide it?" My mother guesses.

My father took a different approach.

"You remember when you were younger that you said you talked to a goddess who wanted to help you?"

"Perhaps that is what happened?" He proposes the idea to my mother.

She grunts and then looks at something before pulling it into view.

"Found it!" My mother calls out pulling out a lovely carved box. "The old empress had a soft spot for our family because she was related through her cousin's side of the family and knew of our pregnancy troubles. She sent this."

Inside is a decent sized robe, blue with orange and white and green embroidery matching the sky and the grass color fashioned into a scene of tigers and fish.

A wooden red hairpin, the red perhaps from vermilion or red lead.

There is also a fan with a jade pendant attached to it.

"Well, someone has to put these to use."

______________

I sit inside my parents room. Kneeling with a leg up to prop my arm on.

"Why dear parents. I have known you and trusted you for years." I release my hair from the pony tail.

"A-Shen? What is this all about?" My father asks.

"Tell me what were your plans for telling me about myself. I had to find out myself. Why did you keep such a thing from me?

I put an arm on my thigh that is laying on the ground. My eyes first scan my mother. Her face suddenly looks old and and full of worry.

My father who's never once put on a face other than his stoic one, frowns and does not look in my direct direction instead choosing to cast his sights on probably a speck of dust he could seek a distraction from the reality from.

My parents have become hollow versions of themselves, quiet watching, eyes darting and dispersing their thoughts within the space between them.

"We wanted you to be able to live with full opportunity." My father starts. "Unfortunately that opportunity didn't last long. Despite how careful, how thorough, we could never hide such a fact from you. But you were so young and we worried that it would get out and the world would know." My mother continues for him.

"We have been talking to reveal the truth to you. We felt you old enough to know without the chance someone might learn from your words." My mother then shakily stands up and walks to a closet space and opens it and pulls out something that seemingly hides a secret compartment.

"The village doctors all predicted that you were to be a girl." My father begins to speak. "But when you were born, there would be so many things expected of you because—"

"—It seems the problem has become worse." He says. "Also how did you manage to get Lady Pei pregnant?"

"I did nothing? What do you mean you didn't have someone do something to her?" I ask standing up on my knees quickly shocked.

"Please explain to me how this works." I frown at them after observing their confused faces.

"It's not impossible, I guess, but it is unheard of. Perhaps she was attacked and quickly asked to marry you to hide it?" My mother guesses.

My father took a different approach.

"You remember when you were younger that you said that you talked to a goddess who wanted to help you?" He turned to my mother.

"Perhaps that is what happened."

"Found it!" My mother calls out pulling out a lovely carved box from the secret compartment. "The old empress had a soft spot for our family because she was related through her cousin's side of the family. She sent this."

Inside is a decent sized robe, blue with orange and white and green embroidery matching the color of pale jade and the color of grass it is fashioned into a scene of bright floral patterns and fish.

A wooden orange-red hairpin and a fan with a jade pendant attached to it are in a secondary compartment.

"Well someone has to put these to use."

_____________

I take a cool bath just like my mother instructed. Then pull on my beige undergarments.

When I enter the room, I sit next to my mother. she has a comb ready in her hands, and looks proud, her face lighting up that I get to learn something feminine for once in my life.

My mother helps me apply makeup to my face and teaches me how to enhance my natural beauty.

By the end of it. I can't recognize myself. My hair tied up in a large bun and set with my lacquered red hair pin. My lips are then given a coating of pale red lip stain.

"Woah, I look..." I pause to admire myself "....beautiful."

I am also stunned that the dress fit me so well.

Standing carefully, I watch my mother teach me how to walk like a proper lady.

"I think I am going to fall over." I tell her. My hands rushing up to my tall hair and I step out awkwardly to keep myself standing.

"You can do it. You don't want to be seen as clumsy in public if you ever wish to go out."

"Go out? As a woman? What happens if someone recognizes me?" I ask practicing my straight backed posture walk.

"They won't, many people would be too confused that a beauty like you could be their He Shen of the Gao family. You would be surprised."

And surprised I was.

As soon as I walked out boys who usually ignored me seemed more curious and knowing of me rather than distant and wary.

I chuckle under my breath.

"This will be a great day." I jostle my pouch and my money jingles and I set off to the trading market.