The secret journal

Its been a week since Jan is taking care of the 'castle 'alone. He puts his apron on and starts mixing the salad and onion that are in the wooden bowl. He sighs the tenth time while he puts the salad on the table. He pulls the chair and sits on it with a sad face. Whit his fork he eats directly from the bowl. Why dirty a plate when he is eating alone. Less dishes to clean.

Since Sigurd and Lukas left his mood dropped dramatically. He thinks about Nissa and about his madam that is know in prison. What can he do? Nothing.

As he separated the salad from the onion with his fork, his appetite drops even more.

His ears flinch when the door opens. With his greatest speed he runs to see who is coming home.

"Waylin! Sigurd, darling! "He is extremely happy. He hugs both and rushes them to come to the kitchen.

The two are happy too. Having a proper meal in a long time is just what they need now. After searching all paths and roads in the Ring city, the smell that Waylin caught brought them back to the port.

"So, what have you guys been doing? Is Madam Yrsa and Sir Kai fine? Where is Lukas and Thyra?" His questions were endless. They take turns to explain him everything. The salad is eaten and as Jan finishes to fry the fish, all questions are answered.

"Fish! You are the best! "Sigurd munches the hot fish as he breathes to cool it down. The bones are swallowed with the meat that was cooked just right. The truth is that the bones are like melted. Jan knew how to cook them.

"So, you say that Nissa is around here? "The chef serves more fish and glances at the two from time to time.

"Yes, we are going to search in the forest. I heard from Karlen that if we cross the forest another village is there. We will search in that village too."

"You are going to the Ranch village? "He knows that is a long way to reach the village and numerous beasts lurk in the forest they will search in.

"Yes. "With a calm tone, Sigurd parts his lips that are ready to take a fork of salad.

Of course, that it will be hard and will take them longer time to uncover the forest than the Ring city. If they took a week, this time months will be need to search the deep and dangerous forest meter by meter.

"When are you leaving? "Jan sits at the table with a concern expression, they look really tired. He was afraid that they will push themselves to hard, especially Sigurd. The hand that holds the fork is thinner than before. The clothes are hanging on him. He was strong willed but his figure didn't looked to good.

"I will leave in the dawn. I will come for Sigurd in a week. " Waylin's words make Sigurd glare at him. He doesn't understand why the man couldn't just care for himself and leave him be. He felt a little tired but this will not stop him from going with Waylin. Or so he thought.

"You are right. He is skin and bones. I will bulk him up in a week. "Jan looks happy with the decision Waylin took. His hands are gripped and with a grin on his face he nods full of excitement, scrolling in his mind already what foods he will cook.

"I will come. "Sigurd growls at the two man that are calmly disusing where Thyra and Lukas are. They already assume that Sigurd will agree with Waylin. Still as he interrupts them, they properly ignore his contradictory reply.

"Hey! I said that I will go!" He tries again thinking they didn't her him.

"You are not going anywhere. Look at you. Go in your room and look in the mirror after you undress. Than come down stairs."

He can't help but feel the need to do what Waylin said so he could contradict him. With heavy steps, he mumble as he step on the stairs to his room. He undresses in from of the mirror. The image leaves him speechless. His color bones are prominent, his ribs are showing and his limbs are slimmer than before. Not a once of muscle is on him. How can that be possible? From all the fuss about finding Nissa he didn't realize he slimmed down. He was thinking that from all the effort maybe his muscles grew bigger. Why is his body so weak?

He frowns and admits defeat. He can't go like this nowhere. An amusing thought crosses his mind. The animals will avoid him if he were to go with Waylin. He smiles but soon his face is covered by a cloud. He tosses himself in the bed, naked.

'Nissa… where the fuck is she…?'The fact that she disappeared before Karlen makes him question if Karlen wasn't tangled in this. He sure was! He's guts say so.

Maybe she wasn't so far away. If he only could find a way that will give him the upper hand. Fighting in combat will not give him any chance to win. His thought are spinning around Karlen. He is the link … the link between the assassins, the madam any maybe Nissa. As he stares at the ceiling, the plan is done.

After he dresses, without rushing he gets in the kitchen. He picks a grape and leans on the chair.

"So? " Waylin smirks at him.

"I will remain home. "With a nonchalant face he responses to the boy who tries to stir him up. The plan he just made makes him feel calm as if he will not lose anything if he stays at home. The boy is a little confused. Usually, Sigurd would be more aggressive but this time he seemed unusually calm. Is it a good omen? Something feels off. He is a little worried.

Letting the worry pass he walks in Nissa's room. The room is cleaned and smells like her. He opens the closet, parting the clothes. One time he remembered that he saw the girl hiding something in the closet. What would it be? His curiosity takes the better of him as he throws her clothes, that are on the bottom, near the closet.

He is right! A book with leather covers is in the corner. He takes it and flips through it. He realizes that he just crosses her privacy since the book is her journal. He closes it and sights.

'Should I read it?'

He lets the book down and shoves the clothes inside the closes, and closes it. He takes the book and sits on the bed.

'What if I find the reason why she left?'

If he would have known what is written on the last pages of her journal, he wouldn't have wanted to read. On these pages the girl describes what she felt when he told her that he sees her as a friend. The fact that the kiss was just an excuse for Waylin makes him frown when he reads the lowers rows in the book. She describes him as a coward. What hurts him more is the fact that she had feelings for him but he brushed her off for his own good. At the bottom of the page, the words hit him harder:

// Maybe he really doesn't like me. I was probably wrong. Well for my good, I will wipe off my feelings for him. This way both me and him will remain friends forever. Still, it will be hard to talk with him from now on. I just hope I will not end up hating him. //

The handwriting was messy, as if it hurt her to even write the word. He closes the book.

He feels pathetic. If he finds her know what will he do? She didn't seem to like his presence anymore.

What will he do with his feelings? If he wanted to truly be her lover he will need to confess and be prepared for an eventual rejection. But it will be her pay back.

He is ready to find her now. If he won't be able to confess this time, then he better prepare himself to end their relationship.

He can't separate from her! No! He will surly confess even if she will refuse him. He will make sure that he will persuade her till she becomes his lover.

He takes his stuff and gets out of the room.

'Nissa I am coming!'

"Where are you going?" Jan meets him in the hall.

"I am going! Take care of Sigurd. "He rushes out and mounts on his horse, disappearing as the houses hide his figure.

"What is wrong with this one too? "Jan sighs and closes the door, heading to the kitchen where Sigurd is grinning for some reason.

. . . . .

Karlen is brushing Moon. The tree keeps hidden from the sun who shines to brightly. He is preparing to leave as the madame instructed her. He needs to go to the 'castle', to gather more information.

Nissa approaches him from behind like a cat and jumps on his back. He started to get used to her childish behavior. Lately he started to understand Sigurd's behavior when he was the target of the girl. But he can display such harsh remarks as the boy nor try to get away from her. He could just wish she gets bored and moves to another targets. One of the targets of her love is the cat madam brought for her, at her complaining that she doesn't have with who to play. The cat saved him multiple times from the full-grown body of the girl that was behaving like younger self. His back started to hurt recently. He wondered, why?

He has the answer right on his back.

Her attention is deviated towards the cabin. The madame calls for her.

"When are you coming back, brother? "She asks in a hurry.

"In a week. "He responds calm. The girl gets off him and runs to the women waiting for her. Strangely she didn't jump on the madam. Well, the madam is a scary woman, as the girl felt she was not suppose to mess with her. She followed her orders on point, without complaining or whining.

The man mounts on his horse and with a nod towards the madam he vanishes in the forest.

"Wicka! Here drink the tea. She hand the girl the cup of tea. Nissa drinks it and follows the madam inside. It was the time for a check up, as the women called her experiments in front of the girl.

"Here a candy. " Nissa that takes the candy and puts herself on the chair in the lab. The madam takes a blood sample using a needle that she created. The hand of the girl is tied with a scarf above the point where she will sink the needle in. It sting but the candy keeps her distracted.

'Don't look here. Got it?" That's what she told the girl before the needle pierces her toned arm.

Nissa doesn't look at the blood that is flowing in the special container. Madam didn't wanted her to look so her memories will not return. That's way she changed her name to Wicka too. Eliminating anything that will trigger her memory will keep her amnesia untreatable.

"You can go eat something. I am done. "The woman takes the container and puts it on the table lab, as she turns to the girl smiling.

Nissa leaves the room and the thought of the pancakes makes her to salivate. They were good in the morning and on the plate remained few more for the lunch. Now she can finally eat them.

'Good. A week of samples. It changed a little… Nice. 'The madam seems pleased wit her results.