If you write harem, at least make it make sense, you fucking monkey
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Addiction literally is fixable. Like r u good?
You’re like weirdly open to criticism. Nice fella
Here I was thinking my previous comments would be debunked
Yeah, I’m sure he also has an army waiting in another far off kingdom somewhere, 20 wives, and a wolf of his own somewhere. Like you can’t just randomly say “I have this” or “I have that” out of nowhere with no context and call your fanfic decent. You should explain or at least give a vague idea to your readers on where he got the silver from, or where he got the bull and wolf from, etc etc
Also, the whole adoption thing was a little far-fetched. I mean, he gains literally nothing from this. In the original, he grew to like Uhtred, but even then, he only took him in as a slave.
Alright, I mean, this is just a little out of hand. Already unrealistic enough when he strode on the battlefield in full warlord armor and full supplies, but now it’s just like come on, man. Literally no way he just has a fully grown bull and whatever else you just said unless the starter pack gave him some kind of summoning system or something
Also, the dialogue is too long. Instead of having an absurdly long paragraph full of dialogue, space it out. An example would be, “I’m the bastard son of that lord on the cross over there,” he said, looking over towards the cross acrossed the field. And then continue the dialogue like that
They’re on a battlefield rn. A conversation in this setting isn’t very realistic
Ur dumb