Nakasuka
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An amazing piece of work! English isn't the author's first language and may make some grammatical mistakes, but they are willing to listen to criticism and fix said mistakes! The writing style is also knew to me, since it's written in a spanish style (This story is NOT written in spanish). This story has a lot of potential, and I can't wait for the new chapter to come out!! It's apparently going to be an amazing battle!! Keep going dear author!!!
For Hope's hair description. You can say *...ruby red...* *...fire red...* *...burning amber...* *...crimson...* *...blood red...*
*Startled* would not really fit here. trying using *In a frenzy*, *Flustered*, *Anxiously/Anxious*
To describe Tom's hair, you can say. *...rested Tom. A boy with golden hair who...* Or *...rested Tom. A boy with sun-kissed hair who...*
*Hope woke up, thinking about the dream she had. A dream of danger, of kidnappings, and of brutal beatings. All of which was nothing new in her day-to-day life.* These are just suggestions. You don't need to listen to them!
This was super interesting to read!!! I liked how the ML traveled through the road of reincarnation and met others as well. That was something completely different from how most reincarnation stories do! Your writing style is amazing, and despite the grammatical errors, this story keeps you wanting more! I also noticed how you change the paragraphs that I commented on, and I thought that was amazing! An author who is willing to listen to what their readers has to say, is an author that will surely get far in life! Just be sure to take account your own feelings as well when taking suggestions! Other than that, KEEP GOING STRONG!
Trade *were* with *was*.
Scrap *other*. Trade *walked* with *traveled*.
You have another run-on sentence here. *The very concept of time should not exist here, but for some reason, I can...*
This whole paragraph is a little iffy to read. You have a run-on sentence in the first half of it, and the rest has a bit of incorrect grammar. The concept in it is interesting though!
*I assumed that she would had killed me by now, since she fully knew that I would become a massive thorn for her if she were to let me go this time.* These are just suggestions btw. You don't need to listen to them =)!
*I assumed*
This is really interesting! I always love a good system styled novel, and this one is definitely good! The story is comprehensive and the system itself is different from what I usually read. Great job and keep up the good work!