Be Brave

Cesare moved away from me. "You will be invincible when you get older."

I wanted to be invincible now so that my father could no longer beat us. I was taller and stronger than the other kids at school, but I needed to get even stronger. I started taking off my gloves.

Cesare turned to Matteo, who was sitting on the edge of the boxing ring with his legs drawn up to his chest and his brow furrowed.

"Your turn." My brother didn't react at all, staring at nothing. I threw a boxing glove at him. He sighed heavily, scratching his head and ruffling his dark hair, and then frowned.

"Your turn," I said. He got to his feet, but I could tell he was in a shitty mood. I knew the reason, but I hoped he would hold back.

"Why aren't we at Mom's funeral?" Marianne walked towards us. I threw a second glove at him.

"Shut up!" He stamped his foot.

"No!" He jumped out of the boxing ring and headed towards the exit of the gym. What is he doing?

"Matteo!" I shouted, rushing after him.

"I want to say goodbye to her!" It's not fair that she's there alone.

"No no no!" Why does he say such a thing when we are surrounded by a bunch of strangers? I didn't look back at Marianne and Cesare, but I knew they heard every word. I quickly grabbed Matteo's hand at the exit and pulled him back into the hall. He tried to get rid of me, but I was stronger. He looked at me with eyes full of tears.

"Stop crying," I whispered sharply.

"Don't you want to say goodbye?" he croaked.

The pressure in my chest increased.

"She didn't want to say goodbye to us," I told Matteo, and he began to cry again. Marianne put her hand on his shoulder, but not on mine. She remembered. Every time she tried to console me in recent days, I pushed her away.

"It's okay to be sad."

"There is nothing normal about this," I said roughly. Doesn't she understand? If the father finds out that Matteo was crying, especially in the presence of Cesare, he will punish him. Maybe even burn out the eye, as he once threatened me. I couldn't let this happen. I looked at Cesare, who was standing a few paces behind, removing the bandages from his wrists.

"Our mother was a sinner. Suicide is a sin. She does not deserve our sadness," I repeated what the priest had told me when I came to him with my father. I did not understand his thoughts. Murder was also a sin, but the holy father never told our father about it.

Marianne shook her head and touched my shoulder, looking sadly. Why did she keep doing it?

"She shouldn't have left you boys alone."

"She's never been around before, either," I replied dryly, suppressing my emotions. Marianne nodded.

"I know. I know. Your mother…"

"…was weak," I muttered, recoiling from her touch. I didn't want to talk about her. I just wanted to forget she ever existed, I wanted Matteo to finally stop looking at that fucking knife like it could kill him too.

"Don't," whispered Marianne. "Don't become like your father, Luca."

This is what my grandmother said before she died. Grandmother looked small and thin. The skin felt big for her tiny body, as if it had been placed inside someone twice as big.

She smiled in a way no one in the whole world smiled at me, and held out her wrinkled hand. I grabbed onto her. Her skin was like paper, dry and cool.

"Don't leave me," I demanded. Her father said she would die soon. That's why he sent me to her room - so that I would understand what death is, but I already knew that.

Grandma squeezed my hand lightly. "I will watch over you from heaven."

I shook my head. "You can't protect us from up there."

Her brown eyes looked at me kindly. "Soon you won't need any protection anymore."

"I'll manage everyone," I whispered. "And then I'll kill my father so he can never do anything again."

thread pain Matteo or mom. Grandma touched my cheek.

"Your father killed your grandfather to become a Capo." My eyes widened.

"Do you hate him for it?"

"No," she replied. "His father was a cruel man. I couldn't protect Salvatore from him." Her voice became more and more hollow and quiet, so that I had to bend down to hear her. "That's why I tried to protect you from your father, but I didn't succeed." Her eyes fluttered and she let go of my hand, but I clung to it.

"Don't become like your father and grandfather." She closed her eyes.

"Grandmother?" I swallowed hard and looked back at Cesare, who was watching with his arms crossed over his chest. Did he hear what Marianne said? Her father will be angry with her. Very angry. I turned and walked towards him, stopping right in front of him and narrowing my eyes.

"You didn't hear anything." Cesare raised his eyebrows. Does he think I'm joking?

I couldn't do much. The father had all the power.

"You won't tell anyone, otherwise I'll tell my father that you are talking all sorts of garbage about him. I am his heir. He will believe me." Cesare dropped his hands.

"You don't need to threaten me, Luca. I'm on your side."

With that, he turned around and walked into the closed room. Father always says that we are surrounded by enemies. And how am I supposed to know who I can trust?

Screams tore through my nightmare, pictures of blood streams on white marble. I sat up abruptly, confused, hearing screams and gunfire. What's happening?

Lights flashed in the hallway, probably motion sensors. I was already on the edge of the bed when the door opened. A tall man I had never seen before was standing in the doorway, his gun pointed at my head. I froze.