Side A - 2

The next day it was raining as I gazed out the classroom window. Yang won't visit the bench today and will probably choose to go straight home.

Yang has a black umbrella. I wanted to buy the same brand so we have the same kind but it was too expensive. As expected of him, only the best items for my idol God.

Speaking of which, most of his stuff was branded especially clothes but I've never seen him work part time. Was his family rich?

That was likely the case. So cool! Rich, handsome, kind and smart! You become more perfect each day Yang!

I waited by the lockers until he appeared and took out his umbrella. I saw him walk out smoothly under the patter of rain. He was like a painting coming out of the canvas and my hand had snapped his image into digital form as if it was second nature.

I stood there mesmerized until his figure disappeared behind the gate and I remembered I needed to follow him. I reached into my bag and stopped.

My umbrella wasn't there.

No! I left it at home! And Yang isn't there anymore. I'm going to lose him.

Deciding quickly, I stuffed my phone from my pocket to my bag and clutched the whole thing to my chest. Then I ran into the rain, I was drenched before I reached the gate and he was already one street away when I found him. I took refuge in alcoves, shop umbrellas and trees as I followed behind him. It was cold and I was freezing every time the wind blew. It was almost winter after all. Soon this rain would be snow.

There were people who were looking at me strangely when I passed but I ignored them as I continued following Yang.

I'll head home immediately when Yang gets back, it's sad he won't be at the bench today so I can only see him until he reaches his house.

I'll have to make sure that woman doesn't see me. I'll enter through an open window in the hall then mop it with a towel so she doesn't see the water puddles.

When Yang turned into another street, there were no more places to take cover so I just walked forward and let the rain pelt me.

My teeth were chattering when I took the turn and I saw him standing whilst facing me, his eyes narrowed.

"I knew it"

He walked forward and brought the protection of his umbrella over my head. There was too little space underneath it so part of his arm was getting wet by the rain.

"No. You'll get wet" I stepped away but he followed, stepping too far forward that my wet bag was now dripping onto his shoes

"And your drenched. Where's your umbrella?"

"I left it at home"

His eyebrows scrunched together and he lifted his free hand to his temples. His mouth set into a frown.

A new expression! Troubled with some annoyance. As if he was saying, 'This girl is an idiot'

Now I felt bad for bothering him. I should tell him I'll just rush home but he spoke before I could do so.

"You need a bath and to change out of those clothes. My apartment is closer. Let's go"

I looked at him wide eyed. Was there no limit to the kindness of my idol God?

Seeing as I wasn't moving due to the shock, he grabbed my arm and led me forward.

We reached his apartment in no time due to his quickened pace, I had to half run to keep up.

He gave me a towel, clothes then pushed me to the bathroom without missing a beat.

"Use whatever"

I heard him say before closing the door.

Ah... I stood awkwardly in the unfamiliar space then blushed crimson.

I'm in Yang's apartment again. I was in his bathroom. I'm about to take a shower and use what he uses.

Can I faint now? I should faint. Why is it that every time I interact with Yang it feels like such a wonderful dream?

Can Yang use magic? It's magic. It has to be! Yang's a magician.

I drank in every detail of the small white tiled room and also glanced at all the items he used. I reached for my phone in my pocket but realized it wasn't there as my bag was taken when I was pushed in here. Should I go out for it?

No. That's creepy. This' already creepy, Yin. Let's get this over with or he'll think I'm a pervert.

I fought through my shyness and quickly showered, not touching any of the products in case the scent lingered on me. They smelled good though. Really good. I should find these in the supermarket when I have the chance.

I dried my hair as I looked at the clothes he gave me to wear.

A shirt and shorts. The shirt wasn't too big but they were long, almost like a dress and the shorts reached pass my knees. They weren't loose around the hips though so it wasn't falling off my waist which I was thankful for.

I raised a brow at a sudden thought then experimentally took a sniff of the shirt. It smelled like mold with a hint of a flowery fragrance. It didn't smell like him. I was vaguely disappointed.

Another issue was... I wasn't wearing anything underneath them.

Can you blame me? I was soaked through even my undergarments!

Even if it was for following Yang, I had to admit to myself that running in the rain wasn't very smart of me.

I'll make sure to bring my umbrella all the time from now on.

Or maybe not. Will Yang ask me to go to his apartment again if he found me soaked in the rain again? I stored these thoughts to think about for later.

I continued to dry my hair then peaked out the door. Yang was looking through a notebook on the sofa when he looked up at hearing me open the door. His clothes were already changed

"Can I use your dryer?"

He nodded then I closed the door... then opened it up to look at him again.

"You don't know how to use it?"

My eyes sparkled at his words, "You can read minds, Yang?"

He sighed then got up. I walked out the bathroom to make room for him.

The machine was in the bathroom next to the door and my clothes was on top of a closed clothes hamper beside it.

He was about to reach for them but I reached out to stop him, my face flushed.

"I-I can do that myself"

He ignored me and placed the 6 articles into the machine one by one. I wanted to die of embarrassment when he held my panties and bra but his expression didn't change whatsoever as he did everything mechanically.

When the machine was turned on, I wanted to jump into a hole and disappear.

He looked at my crouched form in front of the bathroom door and a hint of mirth appeared but I didn't see it since my face was in my hands. He blinked and it was gone.

"Get up. I can't go through"

I stood up and stepped away

"Can we just pretend this never happened?"

He didn't say anything as he walked past me to the kitchen counter where a kettle was boiling over.

"Chocolate or coffee?"

I answered without much thought, still cringing at myself internally, "Chocolate"

The image of him holding my unmentionables was too much for my vulnerable mind. To have sullied my idol God like this, I cried internally in anguish

"Sit on the sofa. It's uncomfortable there"

I heard him call from the living room area a minute later. I looked up at him with a glum expression where I saw 2 steaming mugs on the coffee table.

I resigned myself to my damnable fate and walked forward, planning to sit on the floor in front of the table. 1 because I couldn't bear to sit with him right now and 2, I remembered that his furry rug was very comfortable.

I had just sat down when I heard him gasp lightly.

"What happened to your face?"

Remembering the bruise, I quickly covered my left cheek with my hand but it was too late.

I saw it in the mirror when I just got out of the shower and from what I saw, it was an unsightly blue color. If Yang had seen that, it made sense that he was shocked.

"Sorry. I-uh... slammed into a wall when I was walking. It's not so bad, really" I hastitly got up and away from his outstretched hand, locating my bag and rummaging for the concealer.

"Who hit you?"

I stopped, dread pooling in my stomach but at the same time thrilled that Yang really was psychic... or just that observant.

I continued to search for the concealer, my other hand still on my face, "Noone. It was an accident, I swear. You know I space out a lot"

He continued his questioning anyway, "Was it from school?"

"No" Where is that damn concealer?!

"From home?"

I paused without meaning to then quickly spoke again, hoping he didn't catch it, "It's really an accident. You don't- Ah! Found it" I gripped the tube in hand then scurried to the bathroom quickly, avoiding his accusing eyes

I uncovered my hand as I stared at the mirror.

"You're too perceptive, Yang" I said quietly then began to apply it over the wound

When it was nicely covered, I was a little reluctant to leave the bathroom and wondered how I was going to face him.

I was shaken by such a feeling. For the 1st time, I didn't want to see Yang. Impossible! What the hell!

I glared at the covered bruise through the mirror as if it offended me. This' all your fault. You're making it awkward for Yang. My idol God shouldn't have to be disturbed by such trivial things and I shouldn't show him something so horrid.

I walked out of the bathroom, preparing to drop this entire subject and distract him if he brings it up again.

His eyes were narrowed as he looked at me emerge from the bathroom, I mentally and physically shrinked away. My resolve to distract him crumbling like a dry sand castle. He was angry. I internally cursed this bruise again.

"Do you have other ones?"

His eyes seemed to narrow even more and he sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth. He was livid and I was so frightened that I couldn't even deny it anymore, afraid to anger him more.

I shook my head, it seemed to relax him slightly.

"Does it hurt?"

I shook my head again further calming him. I could breathe again! I didn't know I was holding my breath until I let it all out.

"Sit down"

I obeyed mutely, going for the floor again.

"On the sofa, Yin"

And now I'm on the sofa. My mug in hand, there was no more steam coming from it. I stirred it quietly with the spoon.

There was silence for a few minutes as I was afraid to speak or even look at him, "If you have nowhere to run to or hide in, come here"

My eyes widened, and I turned to him to refuse, "That's not... necessary" but his eyes were still narrowed and being confronted by them so close - no matter how unworldly beautiful they were - my voice died in my throat until the last word was barely a whisper

"Do you have any objections?"

I turned away meekly, knowing that wasn't a question at all.

"No"

Then the heavy atmosphere disappeared completely. I heard a rustle of papers and saw him reading through his notebook again. Words I couldn't read clearly were written on it but it was obviously for school. Even his handwriting was pretty.

But oh my god, what was that? Was I just threatened? No, I didn't hear anything that sounded like that but it felt like that was what he was saying.

Idol God Yang, are you secretly a God that descended onto Earth? Beauty, kindness, strength, riches, intelligence and an overbearing pressure you can will forth as you please. You must be a deity right? A heavenly immortal. You have to be!

Tell me Yang. I'll keep it a secret even if it's true. Please!

Of course, I only said these things in my head as I sipped the chocolate.

It was delicious. Not too sweet or dark. It was warm too so it gave me a comfortable fuzziness as I melted onto the sofa beside him.

Yang glanced at me when I shifted but soon turned back to his notebook.

The rain continued to pour outside the windows as I savored my drink.

If Yang was a God then his apartment was heaven.

After that, I changed back to my dried uniform when the rain stopped and went back to my house.

My routine returned and the bruise disappeared without further incident.

Summer was just around the corner and soon, summer vacation will come. It's been almost a year since I started observing Yang

He continued to be my perfect idol God and graced me with his kindness like inviting me to lunch or going out to buy random things.

We never went to bookstores though and I never mentioned that book, the proof of his kindness. Honestly I wanted to think it never existed because it was too painful to remember.

It was a very good reminder though.

Of what I was, what I do and the things I'll lose if people found out or if Yang decided enough was enough.

So I did what I promised myself. I kept my distance.

Sure we got lunch sometimes or went out but I started making excuses to get out of some of them, whether it be because of class or other things.

I followed him from even farther away as well. I stopped watching his house and went home before it got dark, locking myself in my room.

I get to see him less but that was okay. I wasn't bothering him anymore and I still get to see him in school and when I follow him home or on weekends.

Maybe I should stop this?

I know this was abnormal. Stalking. It was actually against the law.

Maybe that would be best. Yang won't be bothered and nobody will find fault anymore.

I'll lose my happiness but become normal.

I don't have to live in fear anymore.

"Hey. Did you ever notice that Yang is actually kinda cool?"

I froze as I stood in the school bathroom cubicle, my hands frozen on the handle.

Yang? It's a common name. They must be talking about someone else.

But I was rooted in place, listening into the girls' conversation outside. I also knew nobody else in school had such a name since I saw the registry when I was 1st looking for him.

"Yang? From our class?"

"The quiet guy? Cool? What's with your taste?"

"But he is. He's just low profile and his head is always buried in his phone"

"Isn't he some kind of otaku or nerd?"

"Yeah, he does look like that"

Pause then said the same girl

"He is kinda mysterious though"

The coquettish tone made me ball my fist tightly, feeling a surge of anger. What. The. Hell!

"Stop it. It's weird for you guys to be interested in such a gloomy guy"

Yang is NOT gloomy! He's just aloof and liked to be by himself.

"Oh come on. Just pay attention to him. You'll see"

The topic veered off after that and they were long gone before I could move again.

I was seething yet at the same time it felt like the floor was crumbling beneath my feet.

No. No. No! NO! This can't be happening.

My head was swimming in denial. My heart ached. It hurts as if I was being stabbed.

There was also anger. Who are you blind judgemental sluts?! How dare you even think about him! You're beneath him! You don't deserve my idol God! Get your filthy paws off him!

The image of an unknown woman hanging onto him had me clutching my head tightly, my expression twisted in pain and horror.

You don't deserve him! You don't! Dammit! Get away from him! Get away!

And then a knife was in my hand, stabbing her mercilessly as Yang looked at me in horror. Blood painted the scene so vividly it hurt

I'll kill you! I'll kill you for defiling him! Slut! You cheap whore! How dare you seduce my Yang! How dare you take what is MINE!

I was standing outside his open classroom door before I could stop myself, I was also panting from running there and everyone I passed was staring at me strangely but I couldn't spare a thought for them. Yang had looked up from his phone upon noticing the commotion, seeing me there

My mind was still crazed. Looking at every girl within the room, trying to match the voices I heard to a face.

I must've looked crazy since I felt it. I couldn't grasp any sense of reason or calm and an overwhelming surge to do violence to anyone I could recognize bloomed within me until it was all consuming.

The resolution I set for myself and the fear of being pursued for my abnormality all thrown away into oblivion.

My eyes landed on a particularly attractive girl and suddenly the image of Yang staring at her appeared.

Going out with her. Smiling at her. Happily going about his day with her beside him. It tore at me like a knife wound, the psychological pain it gave so great tears threatened to fall from my eyes. The anger was forcibly washed away by these images, further increasing the torment I felt.

It hurts. It hurts so much. No. Not like this. Please Yang no. Don't do this to me.

He appeared in front of me as my sight blurred and I was carried away before I realized it. The warmth and familiar scent enveloping me as I clung to him desperately.

The tears that escaped from my eyes fell onto his shirt and stained them.

He'd brought me to the roof but didn't put me down as he sat against the door with me still nestled in his embrace.

I didn't even notice this as I was drowned in despair.

Why is it like this? I'm his stalker. A shadow. A follower.

I know I'll never be anything else to him. I was unworthy. I'm lucky he even tolerates the stupid things I do. I was lucky he hasn't avoided me yet.

But I don't want him to be with anyone else either.

I can't take it. I don't want to see that. Please don't do that. Please Yang.

But what right did I have to decide these things? I don't control him. What if he did find somebody? I can't say anything to that. I can't tell him not to be with her. I'm just his shadow.

The grief was unbearable and I felt my heart twisting and aching as I continued to weep.

My tears dried much much later. I felt empty after it and we'd ended up skipping class. I had no energy as I leaned into him and my mind was blank.

He remained silent and unmoving with his arms around me all this time and when this sunk in, my eyes widened as I jumped away.

Or tried to, as his arms automatically tightened when I shifted so I ended up bumping face 1st onto his chest again.

I blushed scarlet and he seemed to have realized what he'd just done as his arms loosened and I was able to scuttle an arm away.

His expression shifted and I was able to read it before it disappeared. Disappointment.

Was he disappointed that I cried in front of him or was it something else?

Then he blinked and it was gone.

"Are you okay?"

I stuttered, "I- Ah. Yes. I'm sorry" I cleared my throat, "I'm sorry about well.. crying like that" the blush continued to pepper my cheeks, increasing in intensity as I spoke.

Gah! I wanna dig a hole and hide in it. I just cried in front of Yang. How did I even get here? I only remember standing in the bathroom.

"Were you harmed?" there was a hard note in his question but I was too dazed to notice

"No. I'm not hurt. I just..." I trailed off.

I remembered what those girls were talking about. That flirty tone. The pain. The violence. Even now a hint of anger and grief rose within my chest but how do I explain this to him? Will he get angry at me? Won't he laugh? He might laugh. I wonder what he'll look like if he laughed?

I shook the thoughts away, "I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm fine now"

He stared at me for a long moment and I stayed still without saying anything. I didn't know what he was thinking about but I didn't want to disturb him.

"Tell me if something like this happens again"

"I-I will"

He stood up and offered his hand to me, I took it as another blush rose while he helped me to my feet. If he wasn't just hugging me a while ago, I would've fainted from holding his hand.

I gave an excuse that I wasn't feeling well which was why I skipped class and the teacher thankfully let me off.

As I followed Yang home (at a distance, of course), the problem resurfaced again. What if Yang really did find someone he liked?

What will I do? Will I just stand by? Should I get in the way? What if she was able to make Yang happy? I'd love to see Yang happy. But will I be okay with that? Should I stop them?

Will he hate me if he found I was getting in the way?

The image of that woman popped back and my mood darkened. The feeling of reason slipping away again.

I'll kill her. I can't stomach the thought of her touching him with her hands. Or any girl for that matter. Yang was a perfect God. They were all unworthy of him. Yang should stay pure and untouched by such filthy things.

They should all just disappear.

"What are you doing, Yin?"

I jumped and almost tripped over as he stood before me. I didn't realize I had already stopped walking due to my thoughts and it seems he noticed me because of it.

"I-I-I was just-"

"Let's go. The sun is setting" he cut me off as he turned, walking away again.

I followed meekly and we ended up at the park bench he usually went to.

There was silence as I sat beside him and he looked over at the setting sun.

I wondered why he always liked to go here. I always thought that it was because the scenery was pretty and because of the atmosphere. Before seeing him here, I came here from time to time and it was usually just to calm myself down or read.

This' where I 1st saw him as well. I can still remember the thoughtful look in his eyes as the sunlight shone on his hair and the breeze ruffled it lightly.

I looked over to see his expression when a thought crossed my mind. An unwanted thought.

If Yang found someone, would she sit here with him too?

My heart ached and I looked away. It felt like another torrent of tears were coming.

It hurts. Why does it hurt so much? I can't take this. I can't. I can't.

I'll kill her.

I'll kill the girl who sits here with him.

I want this spot. I was unworthy of him but I want to be the one beside him. I want to be with him. I'm the one that belongs here. It should be me. ME!

I stopped. Gasping lightly.

He seemed to have heard me as he leaned forward to place a hand on my shoulder, "Yin"

I looked back at him with wide eyes.

No. I've lost myself. I was too far gone this time.

I realized this with clarity. A sense of hopelessness seeping in.

Yang would hate me.

His blue eyes will look at me with disgust. He'll stay away.

I can't let that happen. I don't want him to hate me. I don't want him to avoid me.

I don't want people to know.

I don't want everything to happen again.

I bowed and stood up, grabbing my bag tightly until my knuckles were white, "I'm sorry. I just remembered that I needed to do something. I need to go" then I dashed off without looking back.

Yang wasn't even able to say anything as I disappeared from sight.

My happiness was gone.

I returned to my previous life. I didn't follow Yang anymore and I safely stored the notebook and bear keychain away in my room. I couldn't bring myself to delete his pictures so I stored them away in an online cloud and deleted the ones on my phone. I didn't want to see them anymore.

I felt only emptiness as I stared at my standard phone wallpaper.

I went home without looking for him and I shot down the impulse to see him everyday.

The world became a dull gray and days passed in monotony. I cried myself to sleep every night then lifelessly stared at walls during weekends.

This went on as a week passed then another and I felt like I was starting to go back to when I 1st came here.

An empty existence.

My normal life.

I refused to think of him, refused to think of his name. It was fine this way. If I couldn't bear for him to hate and avoid me, I can just avoid him. I can just forget him slowly but surely.

There's no reason for me to cry since I was the one who never wanted to see him again but my heart ached so much that tears appeared. I couldn't hate him for not even looking for me either. It was selfish of me to even wish for that.

I'm just his stalker. What am I to him? He wouldn't care if I was gone.

This was the reality of our non existent relationship.

I walked out of school to go home for the week.

I saw Yang at the cafeteria but ignored him. He didn't approach me either. I wanted to cry. I should stop eating there.

How long ago was the last time I saw him? 2? 3 days? I wanted to say I really lost count but couldn't even admit it to myself. It was exactly 2 days, since I avoided him yesterday.

Having memorized his schedule and behavioural patterns, I knew where to go to avoid seeing him.

Wasn't this the same as stalking him? Albeit the conclusion was the opposite.

What am I doing? I told myself I was going to forget him.

Can you not do anything right, Yin?

I was deep in my thoughts when I turned a corner, almost bumping into someone.

It was Yang.

I looked at him in a panic, not expecting he would be there as my mind quickly noted that his expression was the same. Neutral. Beautiful face. Perfect dark hair. Gem-like blue eyes.

But I could sense a darkness around him that made me want to run. It made the air around him suffocating. I've never seen him like this before.

I immediately stomped down on the familiar curiosity that threatened to appear.

Lowering my head, I attempted to swerve around him but he side stepped to block my way. I was confused.

He stared at me for a few seconds, "Follow me"

I hesitated and wanted to protest but looking up at him, I immediately turned my head away, resigning my fate to follow after him.

The path we took was familiar. It was to his apartment.

When he opened the door and let me go in 1st, I hesitated again but I walked forward a second later and he closed the door.

"Sit down"

I walked further into the space, tense as I sat on one end of the sofa at the edge of the seat unable to feel comfort from sitting down on it again. His familiar room felt like foreign lands to me, I didn't belong here.

He came from the kitchen with 2 mugs on hand. He placed both on the table then sat down.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

I stiffened but was also confused, I wasn't sure why he would ask such a thing.

"You've stopped following me as well. Why is that?"

I gripped my skirt. He knew. Of course, for a long time, I know he knew I followed him but it was still discomforting for him to confirm it.

But why was he bringing this up now? I've stopped already. He should be relieved I'm not bothering him anymore

"I didn't want to bother you anymore"

He paused as he looked at his cup, "Tell me the real reason"

"I..." didn't want you to hate me. I've gone overboard. I should've stayed away and never got close to you. I should've just watched you from afar and now I'm too scared of what I'd do if I continued. I'm scared you'll tell people. I'm scared you'll take the heart I dedicated to you and crush it right in front of me without mercy. I'm scared you'll betray me.

I'm scared, Yang. I'm scared of you and myself.

I can't tell him this. Not only did it sound selfish, it will look like I was throwing away the kindness he gave me.

The fact that he was questioning me may mean he thought of me as somewhat of a friend and if I told him I didn't trust him despite how he was only good to me even if I was his stalker, wouldn't he hate me?

He will and I didn't want that.

It was better if I severe whatever we had. This vague abnormal relationship. It'll save me from losing control and he'll never have to know why I'll never trust him or anyone.

He didn't need to know.

"I can't tell you"

The atmosphere dropped a few degrees when those words left my mouth and my shoulders tensed even more.

He spoke through gritted teeth, "Did you find someone else?"

He was angry. Furious. The most intense emotion I've ever seen him express and I wasn't even looking at him. I was scared to look but I felt his glare scorching the back of my head.

I was probably scared witless - scared stupid, because I knew the thoughts that followed were the most foolish things I've ever thought of and I would later come to regret them.

His words had given me a great idea - a stupid idea.

I agreed with him. That I came to follow and stalk someone else.

I thought that with admitting that I loved someone else, it will explain why I stopped following him and why I didn't want to say it. It will also explain why I avoided him since I didn't have feelings for him anymore. He won't hate me for it either since I was just his stalker, he'd probably be thankful I was pining for someone else. I wasn't throwing his kindness away either since it would just be too awkward to hang around him since I had someone else in mind.

I was stupid.

CRASH!

I jumped at the loud sound and saw the remains of what was once a mug scattered against the far wall. Brown liquid was spilled around it's remains.

Yang had moved forward, one hand heavily landing on my shoulder as his other gripped my jaw so I could look up at him.

His furious voice matched his expression, "WHO IS HE?! Tell me who the scoundrel is!"

I couldn't speak. Scared out of my mind. This was the wrath of a God. I needed to escape but I couldn't get away from his grip.

"Answer me!"

I shivered, "I-I-I.. There's-" it was harder to talk since his hand was holding my jaw. My feeble attempts to set it loose was like pushing a mountain.

"Well?! Are you protecting him?!"

"No! That's not it!"

"Then who is he?! Is he from school?!"

"He..." doesn't exist. It was a lie! There's no one like that, Yang.

But I couldn't say it, afraid he'll get angrier if I say it was false.

After a few seconds of him staring me down, "So you won't tell me"

He dropped my chin roughly and I fell to the couch with a plop, breathing heavily as his knuckles had partially covered my throat making it difficult to breathe.

"Give me your phone"

I looked at him but didn't move any further.

"You always take photos of me. I know you'll have taken ones of 'him' as well. Give it to me" His tone was filled with disgust at the mention of the pronoun.

But the photos don't exist, Yang, I cried internally.

His eyes narrowed at my lack of response then he bent over to reach for my skirt pocket where it was.

I struggled to fight his grip off until we were tousling on the sofa. Him kneeling on the couch with one knee as I slid down to lie on my back, trying to avoid his strong hands.

How funny it was that if this happened a month ago, I would've fainted or had a normally impossible nosebleed.

In the end, Yang won with his strength as he held both my arms over my head with one hand and he took the phone out with his other.

He glared at the device as he searched through it, not releasing my hands. I could only stare at him in fear.

A look of confusion crossed his face, "Your gallery is empty. Where have you hid them?"

"They're-" I stopped at seeing a strange look on his face.

He was still furious with his eyes narrowed and his mouth set into a deep frown but his eyebrows were scrunched together oddly, he looked like he was in pain.

My heart leapt out to him. Wanting to comfort him and ease whatever pain it was.

I couldn't lie anymore. Not when he looked like that.

I sighed sadly, giving in, "There isn't any, Yang. He doesn't exist"

His anger lessened but his face remained hard, "What are you saying? If you're trying to protect-"

"I'm not protecting him! He doesn't exist. I don't love anyone else but you"

Surprise then suspicion, "Explain yourself"

I shook my head, "I can't"

"Why?"

"It's complicated. More complicated than saying I love someone else"

He tensed at the words then relaxed again, "You're not leaving until you tell me. The truth this time, Yin"

I stared at him. My emotions were in conflict. I was severely against being honest and wondered if I should just fall back to the lie but I didn't want to see him make such an expression again. While a small part of me wished to trust him. To tell him everything. Hoping he won't crush my heart to pieces when I said it all.

That he'll stay even when everything's been said.

"Why do you care so much, huh? Aren't you being strange? I'm your stalker"

Why are you even second guessing? Aren't you being stupid? You're a stalker. A weirdo. A creep. That's what they all said. That's what he said.

Do you want to end up like that time?

"When have I ever seen you as just my stalker? Do you think I'll just let anyone stick to me for so long?"

Instead of heart warming, I only felt uncomfortably cold and extremely sad.

"You'll run away"

"I won't"

"You'll hate me"

"I won't"

"You'll betray me"

"Who did?"

A tear slipped out, "Someone I used to love"

His grip on my hand tightened but he said nothing as I looked at the curtains on his window, reminiscing things I didn't want to remember. The tears continued to fall.

"There was this boy I grew up with. I loved him to the depths of my heart. I thought he loved me too"

I remember his name but I don't want to. He was tall and his hair was curly, I remember that I use to twirl it around my finger while feeling the breeze on my skin.

"You know I'm really strange. I followed him around, I listened to everything he said and I obeyed whatever he wanted me to do even if it was against common sense. I committed all his quirks and interest into my memory and he used to laugh at how I knew him so well. I always say the right things, he said. I'll get the things he needed before he even told me. If he had any troubles, he'll always run to me and I'll always be there for him. I'll move mountains for him, I'll swim through seas and even walk through fire. And you know what he told me in the end"

I looked back at him and he was making this pained expression again. Don't be sad, Yang. It's all in the past now.

"He told me I was a creep. That I was a psycho and a stalker. That he never wanted to see me again. That he should've never become friends with someone like me" I felt that my lips were quirked, I was probably smiling.

And I was. I was laughing at the me who had to love such a bastard. I was pitying the fool that I was.

"Do you think it ended there, Yang?" I sat up, my face too close to his and he let me do so, too deep in my memories was I to have any conscious control of my body, "Of course not! He went and told everyone! Our classmates, his family, the neighbours, the store owner across the street, the old women and even the town elder. The town elder! Can you imagine that? Granted it was a small town but he told everyone I was crazy. He said my devotion to him was psychotic, that my love for him was me seducing him. The notes I painstakingly wrote about everything I know about him so I can become his perfect wife was spread like hot cakes" My voice was starting to come out faster, "When I saw them again, he was tossing them to a fire while laughing with his friends, another girl under his arm. I was cursed, beaten, ridiculed, laughed at and shamed until I couldn't even leave my house. When I reached out to him, he only spat at my face. People then started throwing stones and rotten vegetables at our house, calling me a witch and that I needed to get out of town or they'll throw me out"

I took a deep breathe, "And then we did leave. My parents couldn't take the pressure and left in the middle of the night. I didn't even bring anything with me, clothes, my old drawings, even my pet cat, Pawbells, was left behind"

I smiled at him sadly, coming to a conclusion I knew from the beginning. I looked at my idol God with tears in my eyes, at his perfection and brilliant splendour. He was too good to be true. This was too good to be true.

"In reality I never loved you, Yang. You were like a God that descended from the heavens and every girl's perfect dream. You were a distraction. My empty life that can only devote itself to somebody else needed a reprieve and you were the perfect person to fill that part"

I got off the couch, his expression neutral, watching me, "I'm sorry for everything I've done and I won't trouble you anymore. I've gone too far and started thinking my fantasies were real. That this fake love was real. I've trusted you enough to share my past mistakes to you and I'll trust you again not to share them. If ever you did, I don't even know where I'll go anymore"

I picked up my bag, wiped my tears with my sleeves and walked to the door, feeling empty but strangely light. Sharing seems to have been therapeutic but time will tell if Yang will betray me too.

Should I run away from home? I have nowhere to go though. I can't go back to that cursed town.

Should I start anew somewhere far away? Far enough from everything?

As the apartment was small, one will be able to see the sofa immediately upon entering. So it only took me 2 steps out the living room area and standing beside the bathroom door to realize the door knob on the door was different from before.

There were numbers on top of the steel piece.

I tensed, realizing my graceful exit was rendered futile. Damn.

If he had come in 1st, I would've definitely noticed.

Dammit, Yang.

"I'm not him"

My back stiffened, not willing to look back.

"Whatever he did to you, I'll never do them. And the love he threw away, I'll keep it for myself"

I sighed, "Is this pity? There's a limit to kindness, Yang"

"I was never kind. Would a kind person change his door lock and lure you here with no means of escape? Would a kind person have someone expelled from their school and humiliated for talking to you? Would a kind person place a tracking device on a keychain to make sure they knew where you were at all times?"

I turned back at this where I saw him holding up his phone towards me where a red dot was shining brightly against a simplified map. I wouldn't have believed him if I didn't see the street names or that I knew the bear was at home and not on my school bag where it used to be.

I narrowed my eyes but instead of feeling offended or creeped out, I was only suspicious, "Are you my stalker?"

"I always have been since the day you transferred" he smiled but there was a darkness to his eyes, that made him more of a Devil than a God. It dawned on me that I may have been wrong calling him a God all this time.

"I saw you sitting in a park bench overlooking the beach and sunset. Reading with a face that looked like angels were mourning the lost of the heavens"

A day popped up into my head, the day before I went to school in the middle of the semester. The bench I was sitting in at that time was right next to his usual one and I was reading the only few notes I managed to bring with me, reminiscing of such happy memories. I tore those to pieces when I got home.

"I came there everyday in hopes of seeing you again. Who knew you'd start stalking me on our second meeting?"

I smiled without humor, "It's funny how fate works like that. It'll be even funnier if it was true"

Don't make me hope, Yang. This' dangerous waters. I told you I'm already at the brink. It'll only take a small push and I'll fall into the abyss again.

And I don't know if I was already there or not.

He looked to the door behind the couch. The one he told me not to go to when he was sick, "This apartment has a bedroom. Go on"

Confused at why he would reveal this now, I walked forward and faced the door, his eyes looking at me patiently. I slid it open in one go and saw a room as large as the living area with a bed in the middle. It was dim since the lights were off except for one which was next to the left wall.

My eyes widened at the collection of pictures stuck there, spanning the entire barren wall. There were curtains on either edge as if to cover it in case he had visitors.

I was hesitant but I needed to take a closer look. I vaguely heard him get up to shadow behind me.

I looked at each one carefully, all featuring the same long white haired girl with striking red eyes. Many not facing the camera and was probably taken in secret.

I was speechless.

"It was hard to keep taking them since you started following me and so I had a professional do so. Though I did manage to sneak some shots myself"

And now that he mentioned them, many of the photos were taken in different angles, as if they were artistic photographs instead of candid ones taken without the subjects permission. I secretly wanted to meet this person and have him shoot Yang instead.

Wait. Was I seriously okay with this? There's an entire wall of it. Twice or thrice the amount of the one's I had of Yang's.

This was abnormal. Both of us should be condemned for such actions.

But I didn't feel any sense of discomfort. It was more like I was uncomfortable that this didn't bother me.

"Why did you choose me?"

"You reminded me of my little sister"

I didn't expect him to answer so quickly, so casually, "Where is she now?"

"My father killed her. When she was born he was convinced he wasn't the father since she had white hair. My frivolous mother ran away with me after the funeral and left me here to fend for myself. She sends me money though, for food and expenses" his tone was bland as if he was talking about school work and not his family situation. I didn't even know about this which explained that he never confined with anyone about it

But then I never knew he was my stalker either.

My mind latched onto a certain fact though

"Then you never loved me. Since you only see me as your sister"

He turned to me while holding a photo he took from the wall. It was a photo of me holding my notes that 1st day. It didn't have the artistic sense of the others, as if it was taken by an amateur.

"What is love, Yin?"

Too deep. Love for me was only hurt and pain. My forced rainbows and butterflies love for him was but a hoax.

I shrugged, "I don't know"

"If you saw me in the arms of another woman, what would you do?"

Familiar violence surged at the memory of the image I conjured a few weeks ago, "I'll kill her" and I questioned when my fake love turned to this. Would I really be jealous if these feelings were all fake?

He smiled again, pleased at my answer, "And I wanted to murder the man you told me didn't even exist. I also want to meet this ex of yours as well. Do you want to stay with me until we find him again?"

I smiled, it was a curious thing that I found the idea of killing that bastard enjoyable. It was even funnier that Yang had worded his question as if he was making a confession.

I would've thought he was joking too if I didn't see traces of uncertainty in his eyes. His expression was neutral but there was a vulnerable feel to them. He was serious.

Ah. This was bizarre yet refreshing.

Was it really alright to do this? Is this even all real anymore?

But would I drop the heart he offered?

"Okay. I'll stay then"

His shoulders visibly relaxed and I felt at ease at the same time. A weight falling away. The atmosphere changed as if flowers were blooming somewhere, giving everything a happier light.

I looked at the pictures again, "Can I talk to your photographer?"

He stared at me for a few seconds expressionlessly, "No"

A raised brow, "Why not?"

"He's a man"

Confusion, "I can't talk to him because he's a man?"

"If I had my way, Yin, you can't even make eye contact with any man unless it's me"

I was stunned by his honesty but also grinned widely, finding the whole thing hilarious.

When we exited the room, I was planning to leave since it was already dark but the door was still locked.

I looked at him for help, "Yang?"

"Yin" He spoke as he plopped down on the couch. His phone in hand.

"Can you open the door?"

He looked up, "Why are you leaving?"

"I need to go home"

"But you said you were staying?"

Don't tell me he wants me to live here? If I knew you were going to be this cute, Yang, I may have rethought this whole relationship thing.

"I am" I blushed, "But not in the same house. It's suspicious"

"So?"

Was Yang always this carefree? Why did I never see this before? So many new expressions. I'm ashamed to be called his stalker and never even saw this side of him. What happened to my calm aloof idol God?

I was getting a little peeved, "What's the code?"

He paused, looking at me as if he was thinking the question over, "Come here and I'll tell you"

I sat down next to him without missing a beat, waiting expectantly.

He pulled my arm forward and he was kissing me before I could wonder what he was doing.

His lips were soft and they felt good against mine. My earlier surprise fell away almost too quickly as I kissed him back. Our mouths clung together and our breaths mixed. My hands were clutching his shirt when we broke apart. My mind was floating and his half lidded eyes were dark, filled with hidden promise. It made my insides squirm strangely but not uncomfortably.

"Your name. Leave before I change my mind"

It took me a moment to understand then I was getting up on wobbly legs, entering the 3 numbers and walking out the door.

My phone rang when I was walking home in a daze, still not quite sure everything was real.

It turns out the guy I'm stalking is stalking me as well, much earlier than when I started in fact. Not only did he not hate me for telling him my abnormality, he was basically the same too. We were also now in a relationship, fueled by my desire for revenge against the ex who ruined me.

My feelings were real and they were mutual.

I pinched myself. It hurt. I wasn't dreaming.

I read the text from a number with his name on it that I don't remember putting in, 'You're not allowed to run away'

I smiled at the warning. Ominous words that made my heart feel settled. A fitting feeling for what we were. My trust had not been in vain and my fake love had become reality.

I clutched the phone to my chest, feeling an overflowing warmth within them.

I'll remember these words for the rest of my life. The proof of my idol God's love.