CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE

Logan's was noticeably missing for the balance of the day, but no one voiced it openly.

I looked around the bedroom I recently ran from, to retrieve my wedding band and engagement rings, but it wasn't there!

Frowning, I raised the books and papers but it wasn't there.

Logan came in before me, he must have taken it and with the mood he's probably in, I can't ask him, so I decided to wait until he's ready to return them to me.

That night was the beginning of many lonely nights that I spent.

Logan laid beside me every night but was gone before I awoke. He hasn't spoken to me since the day Jer returned from the hospital and now with me trying to run, just made matters worst. I haven't felt brave enough to make the first move, but Logan also doesn't seem interested in trying.

After missing my last doctor's appointment, I called to rescheduled another one, only to find out my husband, already took care of that, by arranging for Dr. Morris to come to the cabin instead to visit my brother and I.

DARN YOU LOGAN!

The least he could have done was inform me of his changes. I am going to call him and this call will determine whether we still have a relationship or am I just bearing the child that he supposedly wants, that everyone says is not what it seems.

For the first time in many days, I called his cell phone using the landline, crossing my fingers and hoping that he doesn't know it!

Logan: "Yeah" he answers and my heart leaps after hearing his voice in so long.

Me: "uh, yeah, can I speak to you?" I nervously stumbled through my words.

After what seems like an eternity, he answers.

Logan: "I'm busy" he says and abruptly hangs up.

The phone slowly slips down my side, but I didn't cry, because I expected this. Right? I am no longer what he wants. Jess was right, the cripple isn't who she was and now things are different. Inspite of all the changes during the past few months, even though Logan and I are married, one thing I am certain of, is that, I will never be the type of woman he needs. He's confident, rich and successful, whilst, I'm am still a struggling college dropout, trying to make a comeback.

I don't know how, but I prefer die than remain here in this prison, I once called home.

"Jamie, are you okay?" Mrs. Stanley stands a few feet behind me, watching me with a sad smile. Everyone is knows that Logan is avoiding me and they are pitying me, but I didn't need my mother, when I thought she was my mother and now I don't need the man who is too busy to talk to me, the soon to be cripple.

Nodding, I looked down at the phone I still held and hung it up.

Picking up my cell phone, I walked out, with a small nod in Mrs. Stanley direction.

I went up to Jer's room, where he sat studying. Smiling at the eyes that I can now see clearer since most of the bruises have been slowly diminishing.

I laid down on the double bed, curling myself and cradling my baby bump.

"Grey still giving you the silent treatment?" Jer asks softly, before I felt the mattress dip.

Unable to emotionally respond to that, I nod, hugging myself.

Jer pulls me into a gentle embrace, "for what it's worth, right now, he's like a demon God among the guys and he is so tough, some of them wants to quit!" Jer says and even though Logan and I are at odds, I will not engage in any conversation that will demean him, even if it is with my brother.

Jer knows me so well, that he's taken my silence about Logan to be the first stages of locking myself in. And it's the truth. I tried and Logan didn't make an attempt, now I have nothing to say to him or about him.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep in Jer's room, but woke up in room? I slowly sat up, staring at the darkness outside.

Annoyed, hoping Jer didn't hurt himself bringing me down.

I took out a change of clothes deciding to take a warm bath, because I can't see myself falling back to sleep yet.

From the clothes is the laundry basket, I know Logan came, showered and left, but it does leave me with a numb feeling.

When I am done showering, I took a blanket and strolled into the empty kitchen and picked up took a water and soda, that my body is suddenly craving along with a pack of crackers, since I'm not hungry, but it will keep me up and while I relax in front of the lake, hoping to keep myself calm.

Since I heard about Logan wanting to divorce me and keep my baby, I have been having symptoms of an anxiety attack coming on and I tried counting in my mind and doing everything I was taught to do as a child.

My thoughts started roaming back to my childhood and when my attacks started.

Mom never had patience with me and when Jer came along, even though I was less than five, mom expected me to be mature enough to babysit Jer.

When he fell, instead of helping me pick him up to sooth him, she spanked me and then shoved me out of the house, where I remained until gramps returned from their daily errands.

Gramps was so angry that he cursed her and then cursed dad for the bruises that mom inflicted on me. She never apologize, she never hugged me, she never kissed me like she did with Jer. When her brothers and sisters came over and I wandered outside to play with their kids, I would be punished and I warned that if I complained to gramps or gram, they would leave me on the streets.

I was so afraid of being alone that I endured her abuse and when gramps or grams asked about my bruises, I would say I fell among the flowers garden that was my safe haven.