Void in Memories

As soon as Jian Yu reached his room, he immediately plunged himself into his bed, not before locking the door of course. 

Momentarily forgetting his wound, he had directly put pressure on it, making him winced in pain. 

"Ah ah… Ouch..." 

He clasped his hand over the wound on his bicep, it wasn't any serious but it definitely sting. Lying on the king-sized bed, he turned onto his side and curled himself up. Recalling what the house doctor had said, he shivered slightly. 

["Huang Jian Yu, is it?" 

"Yes doctor," Jian Yu answered, he was nursing his bandaged arm. 

"Do you feel uncomfortable? Try clenching and unclenching your palm," the doctor instructed. 

Jian Yu clenched his fingers tightly then released them. Seeing it, the doctor nodded, flipping through the health records he had on Jian Yu. 

Jian Yu observed the doctor. 

If he recalled, this doctor was the house doctor of the Zero family, in charge of medical emergencies. He called himself Doctor Liam, no last name. 

He carried himself like an Alpha and called himself one, but Jian Yu couldn't smell that Alpha pheromones from him. Jian Yu assumed that it was because he was a doctor and didn't want to go off intimidating his patients. 

Wavy and untamed dark brown hair, tied in a low ponytail. He had high cheekbones and a clean shaved face. His body appeared lean under the white hospital coat he was wearing. 

A pair of round glasses sat on the bridge of his nose as his eyes roamed over Jian Yu's medical reports. He seemed to be in his thirties and… 

He looked… Scruffy. 

Jian Yu concluded. 

"Oh? You are a beta?" Doctor Liam mused. 

Jian Yu nodded. 

"That's quite rare," He hummed, his eyes glinted unknowingly and it sent shivers down Jian Yu's spine. "I don't see beta much often, pardon me for being curious."

Doctor Liam chuckled, his eyes scanned over the reports. "I notice you have a slight… gap in your medical reports," He started slowly, flipping the documents. 

He waited for a response but when he received none, he turned and glanced at Jian Yu who had his head down, all the while, keeping his mouth shut. 

"Oh well, please excuse my forwardness, everyone has their secrets. I beg your forgiveness." 

Smiling, he brought his hand down and patted Jian Yu's knee as if trying to comfort him. Startled, Jian Yu looked up, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. 

"Anyway," He drawled. "You got lucky this time, the bullet merely grazed your bicep. Had it strike a millimeter higher, it would damage your nerve and impair your motor control." 

Jian Yu gulped. What would have happened if it did hit? He might lose his only job.  

"Here, off you go," Doctor Liam said, handing Jian Yu a piece of wrapped candy. 

Unsure of what to do, Jian Yu accepted the candy. "Um… Thank you very much, doctor." 

He stood up abruptly from the stool he was sitting on and bowed slightly. 

"You are a bit underweight, be sure to have more sugar in your system. It's a bit sad that I just have a small candy with me today," Doctor Liam explained cheerfully. "I will come back in some days to check in on you and change the bandages. So make sure not to move so much or do extreme lifting so it can heal faster. Don't worry and get some more rest." 

"Yes, Thank you, Doctor Liam!"]

Jian Yu took a deep breath and exhaled. 

Had it strike a millimeter higher and it would impair him. 

He shivered. What would he do if that happened? It terrified him just thinking about it. Turning on his other side, he tried to find a comfortable position to lie on. He kept rolling and rolling, wincing every once a while when he pressed on his wound. 

In the end, he wrapped himself up inside his blanket, looking like a burrito, only his head picked out of the end, then he sighed in content.

He dragged his eyes up and looked at the white ceiling. 

Just now…  

The doctor asked about that gap. 

It wasn't that he didn't want to answer. He actually did not know what had happened either, he had no recollections of what had happened during those years. 

Five years. 

Five years of blankness. 

Where there should be memories was blank space, like a soft beige wall bereft of photographs. 

He wanted to run and searched for what had happened. He wanted to know yet at the same time he didn't. What if it was filled with painful memories? What if it was horrible? Wouldn't it be better to just forget it and move on? 

But… 

What if it was not? 

What if it wasn't painful memories at all, but happy recollections instead?

What if it was filled with chirps of birds, echoes of summer days, and blooming flowers?

Then again, there must be reasons why his body decided to suppress it, packed it all and stuffed it inside a box, and threw it deep inside his head, where he himself couldn't reach. 

'Ah! Stop thinking!' He screamed internally. It was no use thinking about stuff that had already passed. Let the forgotten be forgotten, it was better not to dig up unnecessary memories. He was quite content with how he was living right now. 

Content, yes, but it seemed like he had forgotten something. 

Something he should do. 

He was on the brink of falling asleep when his eyes suddenly snapped open. 

The letter! 

He should write a letter to his father about what had taken place today.

He struggled to escape his burrito wrap and fell on the floor instead, hitting his head on the marble tile. After some time, he finally rolled out of his burrito blanket.

He walked over to the working desk, placed directly in front of the huge windows. Evening glow shone and reflected through the windows, Jian Yu took a minute to admire the sunset. He tore a piece of paper from his notepad and took the fountain pen he found in one of the drawers. 

He sat on the chair and started writing. He started by asking how his adoptive father was and explained the events today. Scribbling halfway, he popped his shoulders and stretched. Somehow he felt extremely tired. 

Trying to wake himself, he remembered that he was given candy today. Maybe that could help him replenish his strength. 

He dug his pocket and fisted out a wrapped candy. Unsealing it, he popped it into his mouth, savoring the taste, tossed the wrapper on the desk. 

'It's sweet,' He mused. Maybe he could ask where Doctor Liam bought this candy from. It didn't take long for him to finish it as he wasn't the type to suck on it and went for a bite. 

He continued scribbling, humming as he did so. 

However, his sight suddenly blurred. He shook his head when a wave of dizziness washed over him. 

He brought his index finger and thumb over his forehead and rubbed. Why was he so tired today? He sighed in frustration and glowered down at his hand, forcing it to write but it was losing its strength as well. 

He blinked his eyes a couple of times. 

One fountain pen had just turned into two fountain pens. 

Oh, wait. 

It was one again. 

Everything became fuzzy. All the feelings in his body drained away until finally, all was black.