Restart

Ishigami Kurayama…a boy who got his family taken from his at the age of 13, saw his family murdered in front of him, kidnapped and experimented on for ten years, and…killed thousands to escape his torturers and set himself from the hell he lived for ten years.

Kurayama was hollow inside. He felt a gaping hole in his heart that only got wider by the second. His revenge made him feel emptier than he was.

Before, he had rage and sadness. Something that kept pushing him forward, something that fueled his energy, something that filled the emptiness inside of his heart.

Now, however, he has nothing. It was a mixed feeling of sadness and emptiness that constantly plagued his mind, which made his vision blurry and slowly fading to dark.

He was walking forwards towards somewhere because…was else can he really do? He has nothing and no one, so what can he really do except for just walk forwards and hope something might happen?

Kurayama walked from dawn till midnight until he reached a cave that he sought shelter in. He didn't enter the cave because he has to or because he was afraid of something or someone. He only did it because...what else can he do?

He entered the cave, curled up in a corner, and held his head down, staring at the ground with a blank expression. He was waiting for mercy. He was waiting for death to come and free him from this pointless life of suffering.

Kurayama, at this very moment, craved for physical pain. He didn’t care what it was, he just wanted any sort of physical pain to stop the non-stop mental torment inside of his mind.

He was a happy boy, then a broken soul, and then a monstrous killer…but what now? What has he become? A body with no soul? No emotions? No feelings? Nothing that makes him human anymore? Nothing that attests to his existence?

-----

Kurayama was still sitting in the corner, looking at the ground with an empty look. Suddenly, he started laughing. His laugh was an internal one that kept the same pace, not louder nor quieter.

"Hina, I missed how adorable you were. How you always annoyed Katsu for me, how you always drew pictures for me, and how you always praised my dream of becoming a hero. I missed it...so much. I am so sorry...Hina. Your brother isn't the hero you dreamt of him becoming." Kurayama quietly stated to himself as he continued laughing.

"Katsu...oh my god, Katsu...I miss you so much...I miss your cheery yet protective personality. I wish you could come back and show me that smile one more time...I wish you could annoy me one more time and tell me how cringy I am while talking about heroes. Oh my God...Katsu. Katsu, please come back...I swear I will give you all of my special pudding just for one more time...one more smile."

The boy's insane laughter went silent as tears started uncontrollably coming down his eyes like a waterfall. At the same time, he tightly pulled his hair from the frustration and unimaginable pain that he felt in his heart.

"Aiko...Oh, Aiko...I still remember how you woke me up every morning, how you always taunted me, how you always mocked me for dreaming of becoming a hero...yet...yet I still remember how you were always my number one supporter. You always helped me with studying, and you were always there in my aid, you were always there for me. You were always my number one support. You were the first that comforted me and the first that cried for me. I am sorry...Aiko. I am so sorry that I didn't become the hero you encouraged me to be."

The boy's cries gradually grew louder as his voice started cracking between sentences, while he was pulling his hair out more and more.

"Mother, I still remember how you always smiled at me, how you always comforted me, how you scolded me so lightly, yet laughed it off and told me to learn from my mistakes. Mother...I miss your comforting voice...I wish I can hug you again and cry on your shoulders as you're telling me that everything will be okay. Mother, I am so sorry...for turning out like this."

The boy started weeping. His cries were that of real despair as he held his head tightly and slammed his fists on the cave's wall.

"Father, I am sorry for doubting you for a single second. I am so sorry for thinking that you were the one who willingly killed your family. Father, please come back. Please talk to me again. I'll buy you as many beer cans as you want, please sit with me and talk to me again. Please talk to me, and smile again. Please, laugh at my stupid jokes again. Please...give me more life lessons. Father! I am so so sorry...I am so terribly sorry for becoming a disappointment...I am so sorry."

The boy's cries were so loud to the point where it could shatter a glass window. He rapidly started slamming his bloodied fist on the cave's ground after he knelt down and started crying louder.

"My old self, I wish you were still here. I miss how you never cared about anything, how you never cared about people's insults and mockery, and always just shrugged it off, how you had a family, a passion, a dream, a bunch of friends, and a life...worthy of living. Oh, Ishigami, what have you become? How did it turn out to be like this? What did you do in your life to get struck by a tragedy this sad? What...What have I become?"

Kurayama's gut-wrenching sobs stopped before he stated in a voice full of sadness and despair, yet so quiet, gentle, and soft.

His bloodied fists started trembling as his tears began cleaning them from the dry blood they were painted with. Kurayama looked at his fists, at himself, and released one last mocking giggle as tears raced down his cheeks.

"Ishigami...what have we become?"

-----

While Kurayama was lying down on the ground, completely broken beyond all repair, someone was looking for him.

In the forest, in front of the cave's entrance, a middle-aged man wearing a lab coat was carrying a black duffle bag and a flashlight. He had an anxious look on his face as he kept pointing his flashlight at many different parts of the forest, searching for someone.

After a few minutes of anxiously searching, his flashlight shined on the sight of a cave entrance. The man was skeptical at first but still mustered up the courage to walk towards the cave and enter it.

"Kurayama?"

The man widened his eyes in shock as he saw the young boy sitting in the corner with fists painted with dry blood and puffy red eyes with tears still running down his cheeks. His facial expression was that of...Emptiness.

"Kurayama?!" The man exclaimed as he rushed towards the boy with a panicked look.

"Please…just stop…" Kurayama replied in a shallow voice after he wiped his tears away.

"So, how did it go?" The man asked in curiosity.

"The plan...succeeded. The Lab is gone." Kurayama replied after he averted his eyes and went back to staring at the ground.

"Really? So, the plan did work after all." The man said in a relieved yet disappointed voice as he stared at the ground, feeling guilty about letting a young boy commit mass murder.

"Yeah...thank you…for letting this moment be possible." Kurayama shifted his gaze towards the man and gave him a sad yet grateful smile.

----

Four months ago, the man that Kurayama was sitting with was a researcher working in Lab 5. He was one of the few researchers that opposed the weapons program, yet at the same time, he never publicly addressed it or ever fought the direct orders of Katsuri. He hated working for the lab, but he didn't want to die. He was Kurayama's father's best friend.

His power enabled him to wipe out people's traumas and mental illness by altering people’s memories. Four months ago, he used his power on Kurayama and made him conscious again. He was no longer the lifeless doll that Katsuri loved torturing so much. He was finally back to being the Kurayama that he was ten years ago.

The man talked with Kurayama so many times and struggled to make him believe him. He told him about the brain chip experiment and how it was the perfect timing to initiate his revenge plot. He was the one that made this moment possible.

----

"So, Kurayama. What are you planning to do now?" After clearing his throat, the man asked Kurayama in a hesitant voice after he averted his eyes.

"I...I honestly don't know. I don't have anyone or anything. I honestly don't think I exist anymore." Kurayama closed his eyes and placed his head on his hands before he stated in a regretful voice. "I think I should kill myself. Death is the only choice right now."

"No, Kurayama. Don't break your family's heart. Don't fail them because you still have a chance, a chance to continue living a good life for the sake of you and your family." The man eyed Kurayama and spoke with confidence after he grabbed hold of the boy's shoulders.

"W-What?" Kurayama asked in confusion.

"Kurayama, I failed your father, your family, and you, for a total of ten years. But...I won't fail them again. I won't let the last Kurayama waste his life and become something that neither he nor his family wanted him to become. Kurayama, don't waste your life." The man gripped tightly onto the boy's shoulders and squeezed them.

"What do you suggest I do?" Kurayama unenthusiastically asked, still empty inside.

"Kurayama, stay alive. Stay in Japan, and try to find a purpose in your life. Find trustworthy friends, create a family, and become the hero you and your family always dreamt of becoming. If you don't find a purpose, create one. Just...never give up. That's your family's last wish." The man said in complete confidence, his words slapping some sense into Kurayama.

"O...Okay. I'll try it." Kurayama said, forced to try one final solution, forced to walk one last path in his life. One final...restart.

"Kurayama, I am so sorry that I failed you for so many years. I am sorry for being the coward that I am. I am so sorry for not helping your family ten years ago. I am truly…so sorry." After tightly hugging Kurayama, the man stated in a profoundly apologetic voice, failing to suppress the single tear that came down from his eye.

The man placed his hand on top of Kurayama's head and activated his power, messing with his memories. Kurayama felt a lot of fatigue and less mental pain after that.

"What—...what did you do?" Kurayama asked, clueless of what the man did.

"I locked the memories of pain and sadness. They're now buried deep down in your mind. You might feel some weakness, but everything will be alright. It's the least I can do for you."

The man stood up, wiped the dust off of his clothes, and opened the black duffle bag that he was carrying. He pulled out a black leather jacket, black pants, and a pair of black boots and handed them to Kurayama.

"Here, take this, and this." The man said as he pulled out a book and a ticket from the same bag.

"What is this?" Kurayama asked as he grabbed the set of clothes.

"That's a lottery ticket, try your luck and see if you can win. The book is something that I wrote for you, the world has changed in the past ten years, so I wrote some information that might help you.

These are your father's casual clothes. He left them in the lab after he rushed to save your family, the day he died, ten years ago. These are the last souvenirs that I have of the Kurayamas. Take it, wear it with pride. Wear it and hold your head up, as someone who went through hell and survived the impossible. Someone who went through hell, yet came back crawling from it. The last Kurayama." The man stated.

Kurayama looked at him and widened his eyes in shock. He gripped onto his father's clothes and tightly hugged them. He hugged them harder than he ever did.

As the man was making his way out of the cave, Kurayama called out to him.

"Old man, what is your name?" Kurayama asked him, almost pleading.

"Me?... My name is Takumi Kiomaru." The man stated in a voice filled with disappointment.

"Mr.Kiomaru...Thank you so much, Mr.Kiomaru. Thank you so very much!" After bowing his head on the cold and hard ground of the cave, Kurayama said in a genuinely grateful voice.

"Please-...lift your head, Kurayama. You must never bow your head to anyone. Especially me." The man stated in a profoundly apologetic and regretful voice before he continued walking out.

"Mr.Kiomaru! Where will you go? What will you do now?" Kurayama asked, almost pleading for him to stay beside him.

"Kurayama, I am only going to continue living my life with all the regrets that I have. I will keep living and waiting for my punishment, the punishment that I deserve. Because...after all...we always get what we deserve...Kurayama." The man stated for one last time before he continued walking out of the cave, walking towards a life that he regrets living.

Kurayama finally saw life again. He finally saw a clear path, a clear vision, something to do, something that distracted his mind from replaying the same tragic memories over and over again.

Kurayama finally had a goal, a purpose…and a proof of his existence.